AN: My, I've been getting a lot of writing done lately... must be because I don't have a life... :) Oh, and I don't own F.M.A...
"Could you repeat the question?" Asked Hawkeye in a strained voice. The team shared yet another glance and decided to keep going. Falman thought about it and figured that if he was going to be shot, he might as well die laughing.
"How much do you like the Colonel?" He asked. Hawkeye stared into the distance. She thought about what she was going to say.
He's the only family I have left, and anything between myself and him is strictly personal. Take it further than that and you'll regret it." She said absentmindedly.
The men looked at each other. Since they now had proof there was no need to keep going, besides, they liked their faces the way they were. "Hawkeye, your turn." Al pointed out.
"Very well then." She replied. "Havoc, you seem to be the brains of the operation, truth or dare?" She asked coldly. "Ummm, dare, I guess?" He said warily.
Hawkeye smirked. "Excellent, I dare you to go for two months without a cigarette." Havoc got really, really pale. He looked around for help but none was coming.
He looked at Hawkeye, but she just leaned back with an unusually happy smile, considering that she may have just hammered the last nail into Havoc's coffin.
Mustang was glad that the subject was away from him. This was a new experience for him and he still wasn't used to it. He then decided that it was time for something new. Then, he had an idea (Uh oh.)
"How about we go for a hike? I hear it's good for you!" Was the brilliant idea Mustang had. Or, maybe not so brilliant. In fact, Fullmetal looked at Mustang like he had just grown a second head.
Hawkeye had gone hiking a lot when she was little, actually, about half the team had. It was the other half that she was worried about. Fuery, Falman, Mustang, Ed and Al were the ones who were doomed.
Taking this information in stride, Hawkeye ran a brief hiking Q&A to answer their questions. "So, if you step on a snake, do you apologize or do you just run away?"
Al asked naively. Havoc could be seen in the back of the shot, banging his head against the wall.
Hawkeye breathed deeply and said "Watch out for snakes and don't step on them." "But what if you do step on-" "JUST DON'T, okay?" This was how the exchange went.
After answering a few more (ridiculous) questions, they set out on their hike. Little did the poor, beleaguered team now, but Hawkeye had purposefully picked the only trail that took four hours.
Two Hours After Departure...
Everyone was getting pretty tired (except Hawkeye) and by now, they were all whining. "I'm tired, can we go back?" or "Are we there yet?" Were the common complaints. Hawkeye rolled her eyes and forged on.
"Take a look around, take in the beauty, look at the wildlife." Hawkeye answered, every time. They looked, they got over it. They started stomping on the flowers on purpose.
Four Hours After Departure...
By now, everyone had lost all sense of self. They put one foot forward. Step on flower. One foot forward. Step on a squirrel. Another foot forward... (you get the idea.)
And then they finally got back and, well, how to put this so as to save everyone's manly pride. There is no good way of putting this. They all swooned. Every single one of them except Hawkeye, of course. Not just that, but Breda and Havoc even put their hands on their brows dramatically.
They stayed like that for a bit. But just when you thought it was going to be boring, the author had an epiphany. So, the homunculus suddenly appeared in front of the so called 'Best of Eastern HQ.'
Envy glanced around and muttered 'pansies' under his breath. Ed came to just so he could take offence at this. He even went so far as to say "We're the pansies? You're to one in the belly top and the skirt!" Ed yelled. Envy's grin faded for a bit but after a second, it came back full force.
"Edward, brother, you are a pansy, because if I'm not much mistaken, you're going to be wearing a dress tomorrow, aren't you?" Drawled the Palm-Tree of the Fullmetal Alchemist universe.
"And now." Declared Pride, "We are going to defeat you!" Everyone snickered. Please keep in mind that this is the manga and so they were just threatened by a seven year-old-boy.
"Hey! President Bradley! You're a homunculus?" Everyone yelled in unison. Now it was Greed's turn to bang his head against the wall.
Hawkeye and Mustang looked at each other, they looked at the homunculus and then back at each other. Mustang grinned and pulled a mysterious-horn-of-some-kind out nowhere. Still smiling, he tossed said horn to Hawkeye, who blew into in.
Almost immediately the ground began to rumble. All but Mustang and Hawkeye scanned the immediate area for threats. The threat was not long in coming. From around the corner a group of homunculus fan girls appeared.
The homunculus were quickly overwhelmed by the swarm of fans. They were put on the shoulders of the fans and were quickly carried away. Their epic powers were no match for the obsessive power of the fans.
The Team of Eastern HQ stared at Hawkeye and Mustang. "What is THAT? And where can I get one?" Asked Ed. Hawkeye just shrugged and started making dinner.
The men turned to the Col but he just mouthed 'She won't tell me where she found it.' So they were left in the endless torment of not knowing where the formidable weapon was found.
So, since all the interesting stuff had already passed, they brought out the arts and crafts that Hawkeye had prepared. Thus it came to pass that the manly men of the Amestris military (and the Elrics) decorated their own t-shirts.
Hawkeye had purposefully packed only a few colours so the team was stuck with some lovely pink and purple shirts. They were quite adorable. Ed transmuted his into sword.
Hawkeye gave them all their dinner and thought about whether she would tell them about the fan-horn.
AN: Hmmm, not sure what I think of this chapter... oh... and where do you think the horn came from? Reviews are the Watson to my Sherlock so keep reviewing!