Contacts
I never knew my own phone number until Kairi asked for it.
She was baffled when I told her I didn't know. She gave me her digits and told me to call once I got home. Her caller ID would record my number for her.
The phone was forbidden to me. My caretakers couldn't have me "wasting time and money" on the line. I was only allowed to answer it. My best chance to call was when my caretakers weren't there, but it always seemed like one of them was home.
I waited, and waited, until one day, I found the chance. That was the first time I called another person, and the funny thing? Kairi wasn't even there to receive it.
When Kairi called back thirty minutes later, my caretakers had returned, answered it, said I wasn't here, and locked me in the closet for two hours. I knew I'd broken the rules, but if it was for Kairi, I'd do anything.
As I sat in the musty, enclosed space, I devised a system to get around the rules. Contact outside of school became a game of cat and mouse. I told her that the only time we could talk was when I called her. If she had something important to tell me, she could call, but speak only when I was the one answered. If she heard my caretakers' voice, she should hang up and try again later.
They were odd rules, but I told her I wasn't allowed to use the phone. It was a legitimate excuse, but one that sounded sillier the older we got. It wasn't a problem in elementary since we saw each other every day, but coordinating our meetings at the Secret Place during middle school was difficult. Miscommunication occurred often. On some days, I missed her messages and ended up waiting by myself for the whole afternoon. I never told her about these occasions, and lied about receiving her messages when we met again. On those days she didn't come, I sat quietly and sipped my water until curfew was up.
It was on a day when she said she wouldn't come that I met Riku again.
I missed a message from Kairi telling me that she was going to hang out with her friends instead of coming over. I waited in the usual spot like always. She hadn't arrived in over twenty minutes, and that was when I knew she wasn't coming. Whenever this happened, I would just spin my clock and watch time tick by.
I was still struggling with my feelings for her at the time. I told myself that it wasn't love, but something else. There were plenty of excuses to choose from. I was only twelve—that itself was already a good reason. How could I possibly grasp an emotion at such a young age? Love was just a delusion of youth. I was thinking like a doe-eyed, hopeless romantic, middle-school girl. I only thought I was in love. I was mistaking my feelings for something else. I looked in the dictionary and found the words "crush" and "infatuation." I felt they were more appropriate. I was just in a state of temporary obsession.
I learned about hormones from school. They were chemicals the body produced during puberty that was responsible for many important changes, both physically and mentally. I felt relieved after reading about it. It explained the reasons for my crush on her. I'd grow out of it soon enough.
Everyday, my stance on her changed. If it wasn't hormones, than it was loneliness. She was my one connection to the outside world. Everyone else had drifted away or disappeared. The idea of losing her to some outside force like a "boyfriend" scared me.
If it wasn't fear, then it was jealousy. I wanted Kairi to myself. She was my only friend. If she found a boyfriend, then I'd lose everything.
The four words that summed up seventh grade for me: fear, jealousy, loneliness, and confusion.
The stall I was occupying felt lonely. It was big enough for ten people. When Kairi was here, she filled it up with her presence.
The waitress approached me. "She's not coming today?"
I shook my head. "It doesn't look like it."
"I'll bring you a lemonade on the house," she offered.
"Thanks."
The waitress was familiar with my routine. She felt bad whenever she saw me sitting alone. She'd offer a drink on the house and make idle chit chat to make sure I wasn't feeling lonely. I appreciated her thoughtfulness, even though I wasn't really a paying customer.
"The boss says its fine. You're loyal, and loyal customers are better than paying customers."
I crossed my hands beneath my chin and stared out the window. The street outside was bustling with life. I pondered on the lives that passed by. Did the little child with an ice cream in his hand have any worries? What was on the mind of the rushing mother? What was the man with the tie thinking as he jogged across the street, swinging his suitcase beside him? Were there people like me, who suffered silently in their own homes, walking outside as if they had no care in the world?
I might've given up long ago if it wasn't for Kairi. She gave me the strength to endure. There was a light at the end of the tunnel, and I just had to hold out for a couple more years until I reached it.
The door rang when a group of new customers walked in. My eyes veered towards the entrance and widened when I spotted Kairi. She wasn't supposed to show up today.
There were seven of them in total, four girls, including Kairi, and three boys. I recognized one of the girls, a brunette by the name of Selphie who was an old friend from elementary school. The rest were either strangers or had their backs turned to me.
Kairi instinctively looked to my stall and noticed me. Her mouth opened in surprise. She exchanged a few words with Selphie and excused herself from the group. She ducked into my stall and hunched over as if to hide.
"What are you doing here? Didn't you get my message?" she whispered.
"I like to come here by myself too sometimes," I said coolly. It wasn't hard finding an excuse that worked. "But if you told me you weren't going to be here, then why are you here?" I asked, turning the tables on her.
She frowned, having been caught red-handed. "I wasn't expecting to be here either. When we were deciding where to go, one of the girls suggested the Secret Place."
The two of us weren't supposed to be here, but we were. It wasn't like we were doing anything wrong behind each other's backs; it was just an unexpected situation. "So what now?"
"I don't know. What do you do here when you're alone?" she asked.
"Eat?" I said tentatively.
"Are you telling me you eat when I'm not around?" she said, scoffing. "That's rude. You'll make a girl feel guilty about eating alone."
"Sorry," I apologized dishonestly. "I just hang around here and think. I'm a loyal customer, so I get some free drinks out of it."
"Loyal customer? You never buy anything," she pointed out.
I smiled at her reaction. "Loyalty isn't measured in money. Anyways, shouldn't you be going back to your merry band of friends?" Her group seemed to be waiting for a stall to free up.
She smiled weakly. "I don't even know half of them. Selphie set the whole thing up, a sort of end-of-the-year celebration."
We were nearing the end of seventh grade. The school year was going to end next week.
Selphie broke off from the group and approached curiously, probably wondering where Kairi disappeared to. Her eyes found me and grew wider the closer she got.
"Sora? Is that you?" She closed the distance between us and took the seat beside Kairi. "So this is where you go after school," she remarked to Kairi. Selphie returned her attention to me. "I haven't seen you in such a long time. How's it going?"
Kairi shot me a nervous glance. She didn't plan for my appearance.
I glanced at her reassuringly and put out a disarming smile for Selphie. I was a little rusty, but with Kairi here, I was confident in my routine, even if I hadn't done this since elementary school. "It's been going good, thanks for asking—but wow, look at you, the boys must be all over you, huh?"
She giggled cutely. "I'm so glad you haven't changed one bit! I heard you and Kairi still stayed in touch. Looks like she's been keeping you all to herself," she joked.
If Kairi was the tomboy, then Selphie was the girly girl. She was always wearing skirts and dresses and never dared touched anything that could compromise her femininity. Even when she was young, she didn't see boys as an icky pack of pigs like the other girls, she was already planning out romantic adventures in her head. She became an avid participant in our games of tag since she loved to chase boys.
"Why didn't you introduce us earlier, weren't we all friends back then?" she asked Kairi.
"Uh, well…" the redhead stammered out.
"My time is very valuable. If you want in, you're gonna have to pay up," I cut in, saving Kairi the effort of coming up with an excuse.
Selphie was amused by my antics. "You know, we were waiting for one of the stalls to clear up since the big ones are all taken. Do you mind if we move in here?"
The stall was arranged in the shape of a "U." If everybody squeezed in and around, it was doable.
"You don't have to," Kairi qualified.
"What are you talking about? This is your last chance with Riku. You should grab it! You'll help, right Sora?"
I shot her a confused look.
Selphie's mouth opened in recognition. "Oh, that's right, you don't know. Well, one of the boys here is Kairi's crush," she whispered conspiratorially.
"Riku's here?" I replied.
Kairi elbowed her friend. "Selphie!"
"What? It's true."
I glanced at the group again and spotted a spiky mop of silver hair. It had been a long time so I couldn't recognize him, but I could see it now. "Yeah, it's fine," I said to Selphie. "Invite them all over."
"Great! Just gimme a sec." The bouncy girl got up and hopped over to her friends.
This was my chance to prove that my feelings for Kairi were nothing more than platonic.
"What are you doing?" she asked. It looked like she was sweating bullets.
"Relax. What are you so worried about? Are you that embarrassed about me?"
"Of course not!" she protested, slightly outraged by the suggestion. "Why would you even think that? It's just—the one I'm embarrassed about is me..."
"You're so stupid."
"W-What?"
I smiled. It was because of these brief outbursts that I knew that the old Kairi was still lurking underneath her new glossy exterior. "All you have to do is be yourself."
In retrospect, that was probably the worst advice I could give. She was still in the middle of changing herself. I probably confused her more than anything else.
"Hey!" Selphie shouted, catching my attention. "Allow me to give you a quick introduction. This is Tidus, you remember him, don't ya?"
She pointed to a blond boy with a carefree expression. It was hard for me to forget that baby face since I'd seen it crying many times. Selphie always targeted him during our games of tag, and it really ticked him off. He would whine about how unfair it was.
"Oh man, it's been a long time. Glad to see your hair's still crazy as ever," he greeted.
Kairi and I exchanged knowing glances. "I know, right? It's my trademark," I chuckled, running a hand through my spikes.
A small laughter rang through the group.
"This sweet little girl right here is Olette," Selphie introduced next.
The girl stepped forward and smiled pleasantly. Her hair was short and fluffy, stopping above the neck, with two tendrils snaking down her shoulders. She made a slight bow. "Nice to meet you, Sora."
"Oh, you're pretty cute."
Her face flushed slightly.
"Still got the moves, eh?" Selphie giggled. "Don't mind him, he's like that with every girl."
"Don't give her the wrong idea. You make it sound like I'm a player," I protested.
"You should've seen him in elementary, he broke all the girls' hearts," Selphie joked.
"And you were always chasing the boys. I still got the bruises to prove it."
Her friends snickered.
"What?" she gasped scandalously.
I stuck my tongue out, having pulled one over her.
"L—Let's move on. This is Hayner. He's kind of like you, but without the charm."
"Hey!" cried another boy. He was thinner than Tidus with a wiry frame. Strands of blond hair were greased back but the gel didn't hold the entire way, causing the ends to split wildly. He looked like the type that was easily strung along. He planted his palms on his hips and gave a wide grin. "Don't believe her lies. I'm much cooler than she thinks."
"What kind of guy says that about himself?" Olette interjected.
"It's true!" he argued.
"I believe it," I stated bluntly. "I can tell you're a good guy."
His face colored from the unexpected compliment. "S-See! This guy knows what's up."
"Settle down, I still haven't finished the introductions!" Selphie yelped. "Ahem, anyways, here's another girl—wait, where is she? Step up, don't be shy!"
I tilted my head, trying to catch a glimpse of a nervous blonde standing behind Olette. Selphie grabbed her arm and pulled her into the spotlight.
"This is Naminé, and she's a great artist. You should see her pictures, they look amazing."
"H-Hi…" she squeaked. She fumbled with her hands and avoided direct eye contact. Strands of blonde hair covered her face.
"Hey Naminé, can you look at me for a second?" I urged.
"Huh?" She lifted her head and our eyes met for a brief moment. She averted them quickly afterward.
"There you go. Don't be shy. You look beautiful."
"Damn Sora, you just can't help yourself, can you?" Tidus teased.
"You hear that, Naminé? Have some more confidence," Olette told the shy girl.
"Th-Thank you."
"It's nothing."
I was using the lessons I learned from Kairi. I could never forget how she swept others into her pace, tugging them into our games of tag. No stragglers were left behind. It was easier back then. Friendship was born from an outstretched hand. There was no need for proper introductions, good first impressions, or any of the other bizarre social rituals that prevent us from what we really wanted to do: be with others.
Read the expressions, say the right words, and never stop smiling—that's what I learned from Kairi. I wanted to show the girl who saved me my appreciation by continuing her legacy and make others feel good about themselves.
I gave Kairi a sidelong glance and she nodded back hesitantly. She had been unnaturally silent, and the reason why was about to be introduced.
"Last, but not least, here's Riku, the star of our blitzball team!" presented Selphie with a flourish.
There he was, a far cry from the childish mental image I held in my head. He was tall, a lot taller than all of us. Kairi was right; he made all of us look like kids. He possessed an authoritative air, exuded charm, and radiated charisma. He was the one who led our adventures when we were young, a fearless leader who would charge into anything without question. He hadn't changed one bit.
He smiled at me curiously. "When I was young, I once knew a kid named Sora." He was testing the waters, letting me know that he remembered.
"Really?" I said, feigning surprise. "When I was young, I once knew a kid named Riku too." There was no doubt anymore. He was the last remnant of a past that felt more like a dream than a memory.
Selphie's eyes darted between us until she put the two pieces puzzle together. "Wait, you guys know each other?"
"Not really, but we used to be friends," explained Riku. "It's very nice to see you again, after all these years." He extended his hand for me to shake.
His grip was tight.
"It's the same over here," I replied in kind.
It wasn't a grand reunion between long lost friends; it was a meeting between two strangers trying to confirm their suspicions about the other. Our pleasantries were forced, a show for our audience. I had no idea what was going on in his head. He was the same as ever, cool and confident without conscience. He was indeed worthy of Kairi's affections. Anyone would be taken in by him.
"Let's all take a seat," Selphie ordered.
They packed themselves in, squeezing me and Kairi together in the middle. All the girls sat on the left side and all the boys sat on the right. It was a new scene for me, but one that I was oddly comfortable in. I was surrounded by my peers, but with Kairi by my side, I let myself loose.
The boys and girls exchanged jokes, told stories, and laughed with each other. It was easy for me to join in and heighten the mood. I had the special talent of latching on to the right words and spinning them to greater effect.
"I wish Naminé brought some of her pictures to show off. If you saw them, you'd say wow! They're amazingly beautiful. She's really talented!" Selphie gushed.
"She must do a lot of self-portraits then, huh?" I spun.
The crowd laughed at my well-aimed comment and Naminé ears burned with embarrassment.
"I'm just kidding, but I'm pretty curious about your paintings now. Are they really that good?" I try to level out the jokes with some curiosity and concern. I wanted her to feel comfortable.
"I don't know. Everybody tells me they're good, but I just paint without really thinking about it," she answered quietly.
"You don't have to be modest," Olette encouraged.
I opened the channel and allowed the other boys to chime in. I manipulated the flow and ebb of the conversation and made sure that no stone was left unturned.
"It's gonna be sad when the year's over," Tidus remarked. "Our captain's leaving for greener pastures." He patted Riku on the back. "Can't you stay behind a year and help us win another championship?"
"C'mon captain, whaddya say?" Hayner pitched in for extra persuasion.
"Sorry, but life moves on," Riku answered back, shrugging off his juniors' attempts.
Blitzball was the most popular sport on the island, and the three of them, Riku, Tidus, and Hayner, were all on the blitzball team. Riku, the current captain, was getting ready for high school while the others were preparing to take up his mantle.
"That's right, you're a year ahead of us," I said idly.
"Yeah, I'm going to Destiny High. Now I'm gonna be a small fish in a big pond, just like you guys."
"High school's a big step, isn't it?" Selphie said wistfully. "I can't wait."
"But I'm kind of worried," Riku revealed. "Everybody's a lot bigger than me. I'll probably be stuck in JV for awhile."
"I don't think you got anything to worry about. You practically look the part already," I assured.
Everybody agreed with me.
"Don't you think so, Kairi?" I was trying to give her an opportunity to talk with Riku. I noticed that she hadn't been participating very much. She simply said "Yes" or "No" when prompted, but other than that, she seemed to be lost.
"Oh…yeah," she admitted weakly.
"People grow up. It happens to everyone sooner or later," Riku told us wisely. He trained his eyes on me. "The last time I saw you, we were little kids. I'm surprised at how much you changed. You used to follow me around like a little puppy."
"A puppy? Hahaha," laughed Selphie. "Didn't he follow you around like a puppy too, Kairi?"
I took their comments in stride. "Even puppies become dogs."
"A mangy one," Kairi quipped.
"Ooh, looks like someone's jealous," Tidus joked. "But I can't deny that you've learned some new tricks."
"Come on guys, you're making me blush," I said disarmingly.
"No, it's really great through," Riku interrupted. "I was really worried about you. It was like you couldn't do anything without me, but I guess I was wrong. You dropped out of my life for no reason, left me wondering what you've been up to all these years, and it turns out you've been doing just fine. I can relax now. You've got all these great friends and everybody likes you. You're just the life of the party, aren't you?"
"Speak for yourself. You're the captain of the blitzball team, and I hear you're popular with the girls. Am I wrong?"
"You've hit the nail on the head," Hayner confirmed. "This dude's locker is filled with love letters. It pisses me off actually."
"Is one of you girls pining for him at this very moment?" I teased.
They became silent.
"Don't put us on the spot like that," Olette shouted.
I raised my hands in a show of peace. "Sorry, I'm just messing around."
"What about you?" Riku asked me. "With your personality, you must've had a girlfriend or two already."
"Please. I'm still not over my cooties phase yet."
"I agree. Middle school girls are icky. I prefer a mature girl, like a high schooler," Hayner announced proudly.
"Then why are you hanging out with us?" Olette said angrily.
"Hey! Take a joke—damn, this is why high school girls are way better." He was just digging his grave deeper.
"You might wanna shut up now," advised Tidus.
"This is what I get for being honest?"
"No, it's what you get for being a jerk," Olette corrected.
"So there's no one you like?" Riku pushed, resuming the topic of my personal love life.
Kairi stared at me expectantly. She was curious about this too.
"Even if there was, there are issues preventing me from pursuing a relationship," I disclosed.
"Issues?" Riku echoed.
"Time and money."
The boys laughed at my answer.
But the biggest reason was that I couldn't make her happy. I was trapped in my circumstances. I couldn't take her out on dates, I couldn't give her any gifts, and I could barely make time to talk to her on the phone. What kind of lousy relationship was that? She deserved better. The thought made my stomach sink. Even if she shared my feelings, nothing would change between us. We were still limited to our meetings at the Secret Place.
"I'm on the track team, and I'm a pretty stingy guy. Kairi can back me up on that, right?" I added.
"Y-Yeah. Every time we go out to eat, he never buys anything. I have to buy something for him sometimes," she put together hastily.
"You guys go out?" Riku asked her.
"Sora and Kairi are best friends. They're pretty much tied to the hip. They've been together since they first met in elementary school," Selphie explained.
"Is that true?" Riku wondered. I wasn't sure if he was asking me or Kairi.
"Yeah, that's right. I'd be helpless without her. I owe her my life," I declared.
"You don't have to exaggerate so much," she muttered.
But I wasn't exaggerating. She had saved me and given me hope, but if I had it my way, she would never learn the extent of her saving grace.
"No exaggeration. I can say, without a doubt, that without Kairi, I wouldn't be who I am today. She's a great girl. She's funny, smart, and extremely kind. What more can you ask for? Just look at her, she's so pretty!"
She shrank behind my shower of compliments, but the boys agreed with me whole-heartedly.
"Now that you mention it, she does have a mature air around her…" Hayner commented.
"I always thought she was mature," Tidus said, nodding his head like he knew it all along.
Riku smiled at her. "Sora speaks highly of you. You must mean a lot to him."
"It's nothing," she said quietly.
"Why you acting so meek?" I said to her.
"Sh-Shut up!" She covered her mouth when she realized what she said. "I-I mean, isn't it time for you to go now?"
"Time for me to go?" I had completely forgotten about my curfew. I dug out my keychain and looked at the time. "Crap."
"Is that a moogle? It's so cute!" Selphie gushed.
I made a nervous smile. "Yeah, it is. Sorry guys, but I gotta jet or I'm gonna be late. I promised to be somewhere so if you guys don't mind moving out of the way," I hastily explained.
"It's no problem," Tidus answered. "Let's get out of the way, guys." They all shuffled out for me.
"Hey Sora, this isn't going to be the last time we see each other, is it? Are you going to Destiny High?" Riku asked.
There were no district lines for high schools.
"I will."
"Good." He stuck out his hand for one last shake. His grip was tighter than before.
I ran out and didn't see him again for another year.
I was able to get home on time. As soon as I entered, I was ordered to cook dinner. I drudged over to the kitchen and started working.
My chores had grown more complex at home. They only trusted me to clean the floor when I first arrived, but I moved on to cooking and maintenance as I grew older. They didn't even teach me how. It was like they expected me to just know. I was forced to learn on my own and if I messed up, I was punished. I was a quick learner.
A couple days went by before Kairi and I met again at the Secret Place. She was depressed.
"What's wrong?" I asked her.
She glared at me, but it soon turned into self-pity. "I'm such a loser," she moaned. "Sorry I wasted the chances you gave me. I knew it was my last shot before he moved to high school and yet…I couldn't even say anything." Her eyes were a little red. She'd been beating herself up over it.
"It's not like he's gone forever. You'll just have to wait another year before you make your move. You're going to Destiny High, right?"
She smiled. "Yeah. That means we'll finally be going to the same school again." She perked up at that.
I was really excited about it too. "Just one more year…I'm looking forward to it."
"Do you think that Riku will find a girlfriend by the time we get there?" She looked at me seriously, as if my answer controlled the outcome.
I shrugged. "He didn't seem interested in girls if you ask me."
"Maybe because none of the girls at school interested him?" she let out thoughtfully. The wheels in her head were spinning. She was hoping to turn into someone interesting enough for Riku to notice.
"You've been working hard, haven't you?"
"Not really. I still feel like there's a lot more I need to learn." She touched her hair and frowned. "My hair's barely grown."
"Just give it time. You've got a whole year in front of you. That's still plenty of time to change." And plenty of time for me to crush my feelings for her.
She grinned at me. "I feel really dumb for worrying about you earlier."
"What do you mean?"
"I can sort of understand what Riku said. I didn't know if you were going to be okay without me, but it looks like it was the opposite. I'm hopeless without you," she laughed.
Would it make her feel better if I told her it was all an illusion made possible by her presence?
Probably not.
That was our last meeting before summer vacation.
Summer was hell for me. I no longer had to attend school, which meant my caretakers had me all to themselves. This was when they would start experimenting, throwing me into new tasks until I mastered them. I never learned correctly the first time.
To Kairi, summer was when I disappeared into a black hole. I always had to remind her that her summer plans couldn't include me. I cycled through many different explanations: camp for one summer, visiting relatives the next, an overseas trip, anything really.
It was during this summer that I thoroughly convinced myself that my infatuation with her had ended. Spending time away from her made it easier to delude myself.
Since Riku was no longer attending Kairi's school, our conversations settled back into our usual topics. She was reverting to her old self, but she kept growing her hair, "just in case." But that wasn't her most prominent change. That award would have to go to her chest, which filled out beautifully.
Things almost returned to normal. My chest would experience sharp pangs from time to time, but I managed to turn it into a dull throb. I ignored it most days.
Near the end of eighth grade, Kairi called me out to the Secret Place.
"I have something I want to show you." She reached into her purse and pulled out a cell phone. "Ta-da! My parents finally caved in and bought me a cell."
I noticed something familiar dangling off the corner. "Is that a moogle?"
"It's cute, isn't it? It looks just like yours."
I pulled out my keychain to compare. The only difference was that her keychain wasn't a clock, not that it needed to be, it was attached to a cell phone after all.
"You should get one too, so we can talk without having to go through your house phone," she explained happily. "It's just soo convenient."
I gave her a disappointed smile. "My parents are strict. I probably won't get a cell phone until after I graduate," I lied.
"That's a shame." She took out a piece of paper and pen from her purse and scribbled on it. "Here's my new phone number. Call me maybe?"
I laughed and looked it over, memorizing it instantly. The only other number in my head was her home phone.
"Sure."
AN: Any and all comments are greatly appreciated.
Thank you for reading.