AN: Hey guys :) sorry about the wait school got in the way. I actually wrote this chapter waiting for class to start so it's short and kind of a filler. But it does leave off on a good note, I'm done with classes next Wednesday so there will be so much more to come. Angst, fluff, smut and all that good stuff
The song is by needtobreathe it's called "something beautiful"
Please leave me comments or ask me questions on karynwest dot tumblr dot com
enjoy :)
Chapter 4 Something Beautiful
Rachel's POV
In your ocean, I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin' on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown
Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh,Oh,Oh something beautiful
Rachel lay in her bed staring at the ceiling as tears streamed down her face. She couldn't fathom having something so awful, as what happened to Quinn, happen to her and she coil into herself without seeking comfort from a familiar place. Quinn, a name that has been on Rachel's mind since Santana mentioned Quinn making the permanent move to the city. Rachel thought of nothing but Quinn up until her arrival she thought to herself. So many emotions overwhelming her at once and she not understanding any of them. Finally she had time to verbally explain some of her emotions to the blonde and what does she do? Come of judgmental and overly self-righteous. Why had Quinn's lying and cheating affected her so, why did Quinn becoming consumed with Amber make her heart clinch and hurt at the same time. Rachel had so many questions and no answers regarding her feelings toward Quinn. Hearing Quinn retail the night she was hurt made Rachel want to do any and everything to make the other girl never feel pain or suffering. Rachel wanted to protect Quinn from all the evil in the world so that she could recover from whatever trauma that night had induced. If anything she wanted nothing more than to love Quinn. Properly.
Rachel wiped the tears from her face while exhaling a tear-filled cough. Staring into the darkness of her room allowed her to come to one solid conclusion. Quinn was hurting and now she understood why, she understood the shift in Quinn's character. That night took a vital piece from Quinn. Quinn trusted Jen enough to expose herself intimately. Quinn mustered whatever amount of confidence it took to reveal what made her different from other women. Quinn was in such a vulnerable position only to be rejected in the worse possible way. Then the events that took place after revealing herself, Rachel couldn't believe she had been so dense. Quinn was so complex; it took patience to understand how to blonde ticked. Rachel finally understood the deep bond between the blonde and Santana. All three of the girls knew that Quinn was different but the only one Quinn let deep into her space and mind was Santana. She trusted Santana, which was something she had such trouble doing with anyone even those that were so close to her. Coming to all these conclusions led Rachel to one answer, that she would be anything and everything Quinn needed no matter how far Quinn pushed her away. She wouldn't abandon the other girl because she knew how lost and alone Quinn really was now.
Xxxx
Rachel couldn't remember when she fell asleep last night but she could remember the thoughts that consumed her mind throughout the night. Today she could only pray that Quinn would give her a chance to prove herself. She hoped Quinn wouldn't be so closed off that she would write the brunette off completely.
Rachel climbed out of her ridiculously tall bed and dragged herself into the bathroom to start her morning routine. It would be hard enough to show up to the blonde's door. Hopefully a fresh face and the right casual but carefully thought out outfit would allow an easy transition into a conversation.
Xxx
Standing outside of Quinn's door Rachel didn't expect to be so nervous. She could perform in front of hundreds of people, probably in her underwear but the thought of knocking on a door left her nervous. Rachel raised her hand and hesitated for the third time "knock on the damn door" she said to herself. She raised her hand again and before her hand could reach the wood of the door, it swung open. Rachel's eyebrows shot up and she jumped back. " S..Santana" Rachel said hesitantly.
"Rach, you're the last person I expected to see at this door." Rachel winced at that statement. Did that mean they discussed what happened last night? Of course they did, they discuss everything. Maybe if they discussed what happened then Quinn would have calmed down and actually having a normal conversation wouldn't be as if they were pulling teeth.
"Yea…me and Quinn left off on a bad note last night I just wanted to see if she was ok." Rachel hoped Santana could confirm that the other girl was in fact ok, well as ok as Quinn could be.
Santana exhaled a breath and rubbed her palm across her eyebrows. Rachel thought this couldn't be a good sign. "She's not mad at you." Rachel thought she heard incorrectly. "Well she's upset, but she understood where you were coming from. You didn't know what happened, so as an outsider Quinn does come off as a bit of a whore." Rachel loved the way her friend told things straight, she didn't sugarcoat situations to leave it up for interpretation.
"San how could you keep Quinn's secret. Why didn't you say something?" Rachel looked up at the other girl doing the best she could to hold back tears.
"It wasn't my secret to tell and it wasn't much of a secret. You know Quinn isn't the type to divulge personal information, especially something like that." Santana could tell the smaller girl was still having trouble with how to approach Quinn after they left on such bad terms last night. "Listen, all I'm going to say is that Quinn is just as confused about you as you are with her. What you discussed is and will always be difficult for Quinn to talk about but now that you know, I'm sure you have a better understanding of her. What you choose to do with that is up to you." With that Santana gave Rachel a light reassuring squeeze to her arm and headed to their apartment.
Rachel stepped into Quinn's loft. She let out a breath that she was holding since Santana opened the door. She hoped Quinn didn't mind her showing up unannounced, although she didn't impose a call before you come policy. Rachel opened her mouth to call out Quinn's name but before anything could come out of her mouth, Quinn came stomping down the stairs.
"Rach I didn't know you were here." Rachel was relieved due to the upbeat tone of Quinn's voice. Quinn closed to space between the two girls so that they wouldn't be shouting across the room. The lack of Quinn's shirt distracted Rachel, however she was relieved to see a bra on the blonde. She could imagine the difficulty of having a serious conversation if Quinn greeted her the way she did the previous morning.
"Q..Quinn I came to talk about last night and hopefully we could work past that and further our friendship..if that what you want." Rachel said while rubbing the webbing between her index finger and thumb. Rachel could feel Quinn's eyes piercing through every inch of her body and she was on fire. How could a glance from Quinn ignite so many emotions at once.
"Yea, about that I'm sorry for yelling at you Rachel you have been really confusing lately and I didn't expect to tell you that story last night. I don't want things to continue to be difficult between us especially with me just arriving."
Rachel watched all those words come out of Quinn's mouth but somehow she knew the other girl wanted to say more, she needed to say more. "Quinn just say it." Rachel surprised herself at how loud she just spoke to Quinn but she needed the other girl to understand that she could trust her. Right Quinn needs to trust me, I don't need to yell at her. "What I meant to say is…that I just want you to know that you can talk to me Quinn, although our conversation didn't go over well last night, I appreciate that your were able to tell me that at all." That came out nice and calm.
"Can we just start over." Quinn said in one rushed out sentence. Starting over. That was like music to Rachel's ears she didn't want to erase what happened last night but starting over could mean showing Quinn how she could be able to show herself to the brunette.
"Quinn I'd like nothing more than to start over but can we please briefly discuss our conversation last night? I have a few questions then we could move forward." Rachel watched Quinn mull the idea over in her head and wished Quinn would oblige her request.
Quinn laughed to herself, she knew a few questions to Rachel might as well have been the Spanish inquisition. "Fine a few questions."
"Do you trust me Quinn." Rachel thought this was an easy enough question to start with. She waited nervously for a reply. How could she develop a close friendship with someone if she is the only one open and willing?
Rachel watched Quinn struggle with an answer, she was sure that Quinn was looking for the easiest way to say no to her. "Of course I trust you Rachel."
"Quinn I know that since your arrival I have been rather difficult but if you tried to trust in me that I wont…" The words that came out of Quinn's mouth finally registered in the brunettes mind. Did Quinn just say what I think she said. "Quinn I..I don't know what to say. I prepared a whole rebuttal to your argument of why you don't and can't trust me." Rachel was suddently silenced by the feeling of strong arms being wrapped around her tiny torso. Rachel couldn't ignore how perfectly she fit within Quinn's arms. She returned the embrace while inhaling the flowery vanilla scent that was Quinn.
"Rachel I said I wanted to start over. You have never given me a reason to deem you untrustworthy. If anyone couldn't be trusted between the two of us it would be me." Rachel's heart dropped at that last statement, she hated that Quinn constantly doubted herself. Rachel vowed to be the person that would make Quinn see how amazing she was. How Quinn deserved to be loved and cared for. The embrace between the two girls meant more than the simple contact that they were sharing. This was starting over, beginning a friendship that high school and outside factors never allowed them to have.
"This was the way I thought I would greet you the moment you walked through my door the day I arrived." Rachel looked up at Quinn upon hearing those words and immediately got lost in hazel eyes. Quinn's eyes said so much and nothing at all. Quinn was so strong to deal with everything life dealt her. She coped with life's struggles to her best ability and Rachel couldn't help but think that everything about Quinn, the good the bad, everything was something beautiful.
And the water is risin' quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side
Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh,Oh,Oh Something Beautiful
Oh,Oh,Oh Something Beautiful