Love Lost
Chapter four
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It was Sunday night, only a few days after Brooke had seen Lucas and he had told her that he would not give up. She couldn't believe that he was willing to fight for her. She wanted him to do so, she knew he was the type of guy who would do anything for her, but she never expected him to say it the way he had.
She was walking towards his house, well the house were they lived anyways. She could feel her hands begin to sweat and the nerves build up inside her. Brooke knew she had to do this. Lucas had proven that he would do anything for her, and she was about to do the same.
It wasn't that Brooke didn't want to be with him, but she just didn't want to end up heart broken. Even if the first time she was the one who had said that it would be best to end it, she had been heartbroken. It had been one of the worse moments of her life when she called him and told him. She understood that it wasn't the best thing to end a relationship over a phone, but it was the only way she could really do it.
Now standing in front of his house she was about to give him one of the things that would answer all his questions. She was about to give him her heart in a way, and it was not easy for her to do so. Brooke walked through the house and finally knocked on the door.
Seen Lucas on the other side of the door she smiled weakly. "Hi" she breathed.
Lucas could not believe what he was seen. Just a few days ago he had told her that he missed her and that he would fight for her, that he would not give up. He wasn't expecting her to show up at his doorstep, and definitively not this soon.
"Hey" he said, a little surprised.
Brooke looked at the floor and eventually lifted her head to look at him. She held her bag tightly as she began to shift on her feet. "Lucas, I-"
"Do you want to come in?" he asked, still standing by the door. He had been so surprised to see her standing there that he had completely forgotten to ask her to go inside.
Brooke shook her head slightly, "No, I'm fine." She waited a few seconds before she continued, "I just came by to give you something…" she began to look through her bag.
Lucas felt his stomach knot at her words. What could she possibly need to give him? Maybe it was something he had given her, but he couldn't really remember of a time when he gave her something. He looked at her and saw her pull out a notebook from her bag.
Brooke placed it in his hands, "I'm sorry for what happened between us" she said, trying to hold back the tears that were forming in her eyes. "I got your letter, but I couldn't answer it. At least I couldn't send you the answer. But… here" she pointed to the notebook now in his hands, "…you will find the answers. It might not have been the best way, but in there you will see what I felt and how I felt and still feel about you."
"Brooke, I don't need this" he told her, handing it back to her.
Brooke shook her head and did not receive the notebook, "please, just read it" she said, with that she turned around and left. She let the tears slip down her cheeks now that he was out of sight and ran out the door of the house and towards her dorm room.
Lucas was left with a green notebook in his hands. He wanted to look inside, but something was stopping him. He felt that if he read it, it would be like he was reading her diary. Maybe it wasn't the same thing, but he still didn't have it in him to open it. He walked back inside and placed it in a drawer next to his bed. He lay back on his bed and stared at the ceiling trying to make sense of everything that had just happened.
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Nathan had many things on his mind, and he needed to get rid of some of them. He remembered seen her that day and Haley saying it wasn't her decision to break up, but he also remembered never getting an answer. Brooke was the one person who knew Haley and would not lie to him, he knew he could always count on his sister.
He walked over to her dorm and opened the door with the key Brooke had given him. He walked inside and saw one of the beds still made and across from it someone sleeping in the other bed. He remembered helping Brooke move in, but now he was a little lost, his sister had turned the room around and he wasn't sure he would be able to tell which one was her bed, they both looked the same.
Nathan walked a little closer to see and saw her hair. He let out a breath, feeling his heart speed up. It wasn't his sister, but the girl who he had fallen in love with once, the girl he still did love. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to talk to her, but he also wanted her to be awake.
He stopped debating with himself and took a seat on Brooke's bed. He saw Haley stir a little and she flipped to her side. She was now facing him and he could see her features. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness and he could make out every part of her face.
Nathan smiled at the sight of her and let out another deep breath. "I'm sorry" he said, softly. There were many things he was sorry, but the main one was that he let the fact that she needed to end their relationship end their friendship.
"Haley, I was hurt. It wasn't your fault, and I am sorry for shutting you out." He took a deep breath and let out a sigh. "I got your letters, every single one of them…. I read the first few… You have to know that I was hurt. I loved you… I still love you." He shook his head. He felt so dumb talking to a person who was sleeping, someone who probably didn't hear anything he said, or that in her case didn't want to hear what she had to say.
He stood up and ran his hand softly down her hair; he leaned down towards her and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. He missed that, just being able to kiss her. Sometimes it was the smallest things that they did together that he missed the most, and just being able to touch her or kiss her was enough for him to want her again.
Nathan stood up straight again and began to walk towards the door. He had gone into the room to talk to Brooke, but ended up finding Haley. Maybe it was god's way of telling him that he needed to make things right with her, maybe not. Whatever it was he felt good telling her about the letters, even if she didn't hear it.
She hadn't had the crazies of days, but Haley was always the type to be excited for the first day of school. She had done everything that she needed to get done early in the day and now she was in bed and out like a light. The next morning would be the beginning of her college life and she was excited for that to happen, so she had gone to be early that night.
Haley wasn't expecting anyone, but when he had begun to speak she knew who it was. She wanted to open her eyes and tell him to just go, but a part of her wanted to know what he wanted to say. It was amazing how his words made her world spin, just having him say a few words made her go crazy. But when he touched her and kissed her everything was shot to hell. Haley needed to open her eyes and tell him how she felt, she needed to get the things out of her chest.
She slowly sat up on her bed and saw him opening the door. It's now or never, she told her self. Taking a breath she opened her mouth hoping for the words to come out. "I love you, too" she whispered. She wanted to say it loudly, but she couldn't.
Nathan heard it, even though it was soft he heard her voice. He didn't think she would be listening, but she had heard it all. He turned around and saw her sitting on the bed staring at him. He let out a sigh and walked back to her. This time he didn't hold it, he was going for it. She had said she loved him, and those words were making him do it.
He walked back to her so fast that Haley felt the wind blow her hair a little when he reached her. She didn't have much time to see him or say something. He had reached her and kissed her, and she had returned it. She was still in bed and Nathan had kissed her so quickly that she was now lying down with him on top.
Haley felt his hands run up and down her side, and she could feel his tongue battling with hers. Her hands were tangled through his hair and every now and then she would let a moan escape her mouth. Just the fact that hew as there with her was driving her crazy. Feeling his hands on her made her want to do things she had never thought she would want to do with someone before until she met him.
He had missed being with her just like she missed him, and just being with each other was making them go crazy. He kissed her with passion and so much love. He had missed her kisses and now he didn't want to pull away. She pulled away slowly needing some air, but Nathan continued. He began to place soft kisses on her neck and he felt her pull her head back to give him better access. He soon returned to her mouth and continued to kiss her, Haley returning every single one of his kisses.
"I missed you" he said, between kisses.
Haley nodded, but continued to kiss him. It had been a long time since she had kissed someone, actually Nathan had been the last person she had kissed. She then realized that she needed to stop, she couldn't let things just slip like that. She placed her palms on his chest and pulled him back a little.
Nathan felt her push back and he stopped kissing her, he looked down at her. He loved just watching her. She looked so cute in her pajamas and her hair all messy. "What's wrong?" he asked her, noticing her face. He knew there was something bothering her, and she would not let it go.
"I can't do this"
"Do what?"
"This" she said, pointing to them. "Nathan, we need to talk."
"Okay" he said slowly, "what do you want to talk about" he said, placing a soft kiss on her lips.
"The letters… you said... You said you got them, why-"
He shook his head and got up, taking a seat next to her on the bed he looked into her eyes. "I was hurt, Haley. I read the first few letter, but stopped after the one where you said that you were trying to move on."
"That's not what I meant"
"I know" he admitted, "but I couldn't help but think that some other guy would be with you, someone else touching you-"
"I meant with my life, Nathan, not with a guy."
"Did you?" he asked. Just saying the questioned killed him, and if the answer was yes he didn't know what he would do. Just the thought of her with another guy killed him, but more than that it made him want to kill whoever the guy was.
Haley slowly shook her head.
"Thank god" he said, leaning over to kiss her again. It was a selfish thing to say, but he didn't want anyone with her that wasn't him.
"Nate."
"Baby, I don't care what happened. I love you, I want to be with you, I need to be with you."
She shook her head one more time, "I can't" she whispered.
"Why not?" he asked, hurt at the sound of her words.
"I can't talk about it" she said. Seen his head drop she continued, "but I can say that maybe sometime in the future... I do love you, I just can't do this."
"Why not, Haley? You said it yourself, you love me. I love you. So why can't we be together?"
"Because" she said, looking down at her hands. She felt his hand take a hold of hers and she turned to look at him. "… seeing you is hard enough, but seeing you now and knowing you didn't care enough to fight for me hurts so much more. I wrote you, I wrote every day and got nothing in return" she let the tears slide down her cheeks, she didn't care that he was there, he had seen her cry before. "… I was hurting and you never called, you never wrote, you completely disappeared, and I can't be with someone like that. I can't be with someone who might just disappear at any point in time, I just can't."
"I won't go, Haley. I'll always be here for you" he assured her.
She licked her lips and nodded, "I know. I just need time… But we can be friends."
Nathan nodded. He wanted to say no. he wanted to say that what he wanted was for Haley to be with him again, for her to be his girlfriend, and for them to be how they were during the summer, but he knew that would not happened. Being her friend was the best he was going to get, and he was going to take it. If being her friends was the only way for him to be close to her, than it was good enough. For now.
He leaned closer to her and placed a kiss on her cheek, "I'll wait as long as you need. Just know that I won't stop loving you" he said. He stood up and walked to the door, soon enough he was out of the room. He was hurt that Haley didn't want him, but he wasn't going to be giving up. He wanted her, but knew it would take a while and hard work.
Haley saw him walk out and was left alone in her room. She could not believe what had just happened. Her, Nathan, them, so many things. They had talked, they had kissed, they had admitted they were in love. She wanted to tell him that she was so crazy in love with him, and even if it had been over nine months she couldn't get over him. She wanted him to know that she wanted to be with him, but she needed to trust him again, she needed to know that he would be there for her no matter what before she gave her heart out again.
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The events of the previous night were still in her mind and Haley thought she would never be able to let them go. Nathan had told her everything. He had told her he loved her, he still loves her, and he said he would not give up. He said he would give her all the time she needed. Haley couldn't stop thinking about those words; I'll wait for you as long as you need. Just know I'll never stop loving you. She would never stop loving him either. Nathan had been the first guy to actually treat her how she deserved and he was nice, and careful with her. All Haley wanted was to say they could be a couple again, but she couldn't. She needed to know that she could trust him again, that he would be there even when the worse of the stormed was hitting. She needed to know that he wouldn't give up on her when she needed him the most.
"Haley? Haley?" Brooke continued to say. Her friend seemed to be out in space, she kept calling her but Haley wouldn't even flinch. She finally touched her shoulder lightly to wake her from her daydream, "Hales."
Haley shook her head and saw Brooke looking confused across from her.
"What's going on with you?" Brooke asked, a little worried about her friend.
Haley shook her head, "it's nothing. What were you talking about?"
Brooke gave her a skeptical look, but still continued. "Cheer! Are you in or not?"
"Brooke, I-"
"You can sign up for a cheer scholarship, Hales. Think about it, you might not have to pay for anything."
Haley looked at Brooke and acted like she was thinking. She already knew her answer. Haley had been thinking about it ever since Brooke had first asked her, but after last night her answer decision was made. She was going to do it. Nathan was going to be there and she would get to spend more time with him, and she actually wanted that. Nathan was going to give her time, but she wanted to be around him to make the time shorter.
She slowly nodded, "I'll do it"
"Really?" Brooke asked, causing everyone around them to turn and see them.
Haley nodded, "yeah. But not for the scholarship."
Brooke was confused. She didn't think there was any other reason for Haley to want to join, but whatever her reasons were she was glad her friend had said yes. Brooke knew Haley was a klutz, but she also knew that Haley had been ice skating for years. She actually didn't know why Haley had never gone to the Olympics.
"This is going to be awesome" Brooke clapped her hands, "try outs are tomorrow morning" she announced.
Both girls continued to eat their breakfast. They had to get to class soon, but they still wanted to have their little time together. They knew that with classes starting it would be hard to actually see each other, even more since they would both be taking different classes. So even if it was a simple muffin they were going to enjoy it together.
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Haley was glad her first day was finally over. She had a load of work to do, but wanted to spend some time with her brother. She was waiting for him at the same café she had been having breakfast with Brooke. He had called her and told her to wait there that they would be having dinner.
"Hey" he said, noticing his sister alone.
Haley smiled, "hey. How were your classes?"
"Exhausting" he admitted, "I can't believe they're giving me that much work."
"Tell me about it" she said.
They both continued to talk about school. Jake told her about the team and how they wouldn't know who would be starting until Thursday, which will also be their first practice. They order their food and waited while the talked some more. Their food had arrived just a few seconds ago and Haley was smiling like a child on Christmas morning.
"You'll never give that up" Jake joked.
Haley shook her head, "I love it."
"Hales, Mac and Cheese is not a meal."
She looked at him shocked that he had actually said those words to her, "Shut up, it's the best meal ever. You get grains, and fiber, and dairy, it's a complete meal."
He shook his head and continued to eat his turkey sandwich.
"I actually wanted to talk to you about something" she said.
"Are you okay? Did something happen to you? Haley-"
"I'm fine" she assured him. "I was thinking about you… and Peyton." Haley saw his head drop and she continued, she knew this was something Jake didn't like to talk about, but he needed to. "Jake, you need to talk to her. I know she hurt you-"
"Me? Haley, what about you. She treated you like shit and you still want me to talk to her."
"I think she deserves a second chance… I know I shouldn't, but I forgive her. She did hurt me, but she also made you happy, and you made her happy. If I could be the way I use to be with Nathan I would, but it takes time. Trust me, you need to talk to her, you need to get things out in the open."
Jake didn't want to admit that Haley was right. He didn't want to hurt again, the way he had after finding out what Peyton had done. He loved her, he still did, but everyday that love was smaller and smaller. But having his sister tell him that Peyton deserved a second chance was only confusing him. What was he to do?
"I'll think about it" he said.
Haley nodded, accepting his answer and continued to eat her favorite food. She knew she wouldn't get Jake to say yes, he had always been hard headed, but she just wanted him to know that she had forgiven Peyton and that he should too. She only wanted to see her brother happy again, she didn't care what it took for that to happen.
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A/N- thanks to all the review guys. It was the most reviewed chapter and I'm so glad you all like the story enough to tell me. I also wanted to thank you for helping me with the couples for the story I'm writing. I do have one more question, thought. I got many of them done, but I still needed your help. I have four people who need to have someone, please tell me who you want them to end with. We have PEYTON, JULIAN, JAKE, AND LINDSEY. Tell me who you want with who, please.
I also wanted to apologize for taking so long to update. I've actually wanted to get this up all week, but hadn't really had the time to type it. I will try to type up as much as I can this week so I have a few chapters saved when I don't have time to write.
Jess- thanks so much for your review, and I hope you liked this chapter. Also thanks for helping me out with the couples thing. Many people had couples that don't ever really get together on the show, like you did with Peyton and Clay, and Brooke and Jake, etc… but I will have people mix with other like the ones you said at some point on my story. Thanks again.
Othgirlie- thanks so much for the couples. And I am SOOOO sorry for not sending you the preview, I thought you didn't have an account and I just remembered that you do and just don't log in. I will try to remember for next chapter, but if you could just remind me on your review that you do have an account so I can look you up, that would help me a ton. Thanks again.
Mazzy - Everything will come together soon, but they did talk here, and I hope you liked it, even if they didn't end up getting back together.
Thanks again, and don't forget to tell me what you think. ;)