More craziness ensues!

Chapter 4: Little Red Riding Xiaoqiao

On a long long time ago, there lived a little girl named Little Red Riding Xiaoqiao. Gee, what a long-ass name. Oh well. One day, she wanted to visit her sick grandma, who for some fucking reason lives in a deep, secluded forest full of pedophilic wolves. Nice.

Xiaoqiao: Lalalalala~, today I'm going to visit my sick grandma, who lives in a deep, secluded forest full of pedophilic wolves! What could possibly go wrong?

And so she went. Little did she know that one of those pedophilic wolves named Zhou Yu, were following her.

Zhou Yu: Hey! Narrator, what the hell do you mean?! Me? Pedophilic wolf?! I'm not a pedophile!

Then why in the hell did you marry her, anyway? There are a lot of prettier girls out there!

Zhou Yu: Well, it's not my fault! I'll let you know that I intended to marry Daqiao, but my best friend Sun Ce took her from me! And now I'm stuck with this clingy, annoying-ass loli! She invades my personal space! I feel violated!

Pfft. Poor you. Well, just get in on the role already! You'll get your revenge, okay?

Zhou Yu: But I don't want to violate a loli! I'll be accused as a pedophile!

Well, that's your problem. Now get moving on the story already!

Zhou Yu: Why can't I ever win! Oh well. Mmm, I'm very hungry right now, but luckily there's a loli that has just passed me! I guess I could eat her. But as a loli, she couldn't possibly satisfy me…maybe only as an appetizer. Hmmm….choices, choices….

And so the Big Bad Wolf Zhou Yu chose to go to the house of Xiaoqiao's grandma first, because he thought that if he decided to just strike Xiaoqiao here and there while she was on her way to her grandma's house, she'll accuse him of raping her and being a pedophile. Not wanting to risk that, Zhou Yu chose the safe, alternate route. He barged in Xiaoqiao's grandma's house.

Zhou Yu: Ha! Gotcha!

Xiaoqiao's Grandma: Aaaahhh! Who are you?!

Zhou Yu: Haha! I am the Big Bad Wolf, Zhou Yu!

Xiaoqiao's Grandma: Aaaahhh! …m-my…you're….actually…pretty hot.

Zhou Yu: What?! Quit with the flirting, you disgusting old woman! I could tear you to pieces with these claws!

Xiaoqiao's Grandma: Ohoho…come on now, don't be so shy. I'll let you use those claws to good use on me…ohohooo…

Zhou Yu: Dear god, so it IS hereditary. Bah, whatever!

And so Zhou Yu disposed of Xiaoqiao's grandma, though she seems to be enjoying it, but never mind. He then stripped her, thrown up a bit upon seeing her naked, and put on her clothes to disguise himself as Xiaoqiao's grandma. Soon after Xiaoqiao herself arrived.

Xiaoqiao: Lalalalaaaa~ grandma, I'm here- OHMYGOD, GRANDMA!

Zhou Yu: Hmm? What is it, my sweetie?

Xiaoqiao: Grandma, what a pale skin you have!

Zhou Yu: Umm…yes! It's because I'm so sick and stayed in this house for so long that I haven't got any sunlight! Yeah…shit.

Xiaoqiao: Oh, I think it's because you turned into a vampire, and…whoa! Grandma, what a HANDSOME face you have!

Zhou Yu: Ergh! Umm…that's because I took a reverse-aging drug so that you will be more comfortable looking at my face, my dear.

Xiaoqiao: Oh, I see. And…grandma, what big fangs and claws you have!

Zhou Yu: Oh, you know what? Fuck it. blows up his disguise

Xiaoqiao: AAAAHHH! IT'S A WEREWOLF! A PEDOPHILE WEREWOLF!

Zhou Yu: I'm not a pedophile, and not a werewolf!

Xiaoqiao: Oh, really?

Zhou Yu: Mother of god. facepalm

Xiaoqiao: But still, you're actually kinda hot yourself!

Zhou Yu: What? Hot? You're not scared of me?

Xiaoqiao: Nope! I love you! Please come with me!

Zhou Yu: What?! Tch, look kid, I'm not coming with you! I will eat you!

Xiaoqiao: Eat me?! Kyaaaahhh! You're a predator!

Zhou Yu: Of course I am! I am a wolf! Prepare to die!

Xiaoqiao: Kyaaahh! You're a predator, which means you're a pedophile! I will call FBI! Kyaaaaaahhhh!

Zhou Yu: What?! When I said I'm a predator, that means I am going to EAT you, not 'eat' you! Argh, seriously, FBI?!

However, suddenly Xiaoqiao's grandma popped out of the window, holding a shotgun.

Xiaoqiao's grandma: Away from her, you sexy beast! shoots web at Zhou Yu

Zhou Yu: Wha-? Gakh! Akh! Let me go!

Xiaoqiao's grandma: Woohoo! I finally got you! This must be the luckiest day in my life! I get to capture the sexiest werewolf that ever existed! You're mine now! drags Zhou Yu

Zhou Yu: NOOOOO! Argh, ever since that goddamn disaster that brought taint at the world of vampires and werewolves that would make Bram Stoker roll in his grave, pretty much EVERYONE started to make vampires and werewolves look sexy! Including me and Jia Chong! AAAARRRRGHHHH!

Xiaoqiao: Umm…grandma? You okay?

Xiaoqiao's grandma: Hm? Oh! My sweetie Xiaoqiao! Of course I'm alright, my dear. If my beloved werewolf is around, no disease can touch me! We will eat some delicious cookies, but before that, would you mind to wait a bit? I'd like to have some fun with my new pet of mine~

Zhou Yu: GAAAAAAAHHHH! SAVE ME, XIAOQIAO!

Xiaoqiao: Umm…okay….nope! I guess I'll leave you with a MUCH more mature woman, hehe!

Zhou Yu: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

And so the Big Bad Wolf Zhou Yu failed to eat Little Red Riding Xiaoqiao, and he and Xiaoqiao's grandma lived (not quite) happily ever after. The End….or is it?

I suppose not. Leave a review and stay tuned for more chapters! Good day!