Chapter Four – Learning Problems

Anna and I weren't allowed to have chocolate at home, even before the incident, because our parents said it made us hyper, so when I found two chocolate bars in the cupboard, I instantly tore the wrapping off one and took a big bite. Even my tutor was instructed not to give me chocolate. Mr. Xavier was perhaps my favorite person in the world right now. I had just finished the first chocolate bar when I heard the door to the kitchen squeak open. I shoved the other chocolate bar in my pocket and turned to see Hank walk in. I frowned at him when he took one look at me and let out a chuckle.

"You have some chocolate right here," he said, brushing a finger over his lips. I dropped my gaze and swiped a hand across my mouth. When I saw the chocolate smeared on my fingers I wiped it on my skirt. When I finally turned my gaze back to Hank he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry that I hurt you a few weeks ago. It was an accident and I hope we can move past it."

I crossed my arms. "Fine."

"Despite what it must have looked like when you first came, I'm glad you're here, Elsa. Charles has isolated himself for far too long. I believe you can help him just as much as he can help you."

I felt something stir deep within me. Of course I would do all I could to help Mr. Xavier. He was going to help me learn to control my powers. If I could do anything for him, I would. I gave a nod of agreement. We stood there staring at each other for a few moments, until he finally looked away. "Okay…well, that's all I wanted to say."

I watched as he walked away. I agreed with him, and I could even forgive him for hurting me, but not my papa. He had tried to kill my papa, and nothing could change my opinion of him. Suddenly the door squeaked open again and I thought for a moment it was Hank again, but Mr. Engebretsen walked in and smiled at me.

"Ready for your lessons?" he asked, not giving me a chance to respond before leading the way to his classroom upstairs. He had been given the room especially for our lessons by Mr. Xavier. He sat down at the great oak desk he brought with him from Norway and I took my seat in front of my small one. Adjusting his glasses, he opened the old algebra book in front of him.

"All right, take out your notebook," he said as he turned around and picked up a piece of chalk. He started to write notes down as he spoke, never once slowing down while I struggled to keep up. When we got to the end of the lesson I raised my hand to ask a question. He always hated it when I interrupted his lessons to ask a question.

"Yes, Elsa?" he asked, placing the chalk on the ledge of the board.

"Um, near the middle you said…" I paused to flip back through the pages of my notes, "That I have to divide to solve for x, but I don't understand where some of these numbers come from…" I turned my notebook around and pointed at the numbers that had seemingly popped in out of nowhere.

Mr. Engebretsen let out a barely tolerant sigh and turned back to the board. "Honestly, Elsa, you need to pay more attention. Do I always have to explain everything five times before you get it?"

I felt my face heat up. I never asked him to explain anything five times, but if I asked once, it was always like this. I should be able to understand it, I knew that. Mr. Engebretsen said all his other students understood it after only explaining it once, so why couldn't I?

I tried to pay attention while Mr. Engebretsen talked, but I still didn't understand where the numbers had come from. Asking him to slow down or explain again would only make him more irritated, so I kept my mouth closed. When he was done he turned to me.

"Do you understand now?"

No, I thought to myself, but knew that if I said that, he'd be angry with me. "Yes. Thank you for explaining it again."

He gave a nod and walked over to his desk, shifting through a stack of papers. Finally he pulled five pages out and handed them to me. "This is your math homework. Complete it by tomorrow morning. Now, please clear off your desk and take out a pencil."

I did as he said and sat up straighter. I knew there was supposed to be a biology test today, but with all the moving and unpacking I'd completely forgotten to study. As he handed me the test and I stared down at the questions I knew I didn't know the answers to, I could only hope a hole would open up beneath me and swallow me whole.

I scanned my algebra book for answers or explanations on how to solve the problems in my homework, but there was nothing. I let out a huff and shoved the book off my desk in frustration, letting it fall to the floor with a thud.

Suddenly there was a knock on my door, and I jumped out of my chair. "Who is it?"

"Mr. Xavier."

"Come in."

The door opened and Mr. Xavier walked in wearing a ridiculous yellow and blue suit that made him look like he'd just escaped from prison. The top was yellow with black stripes that reminded me of a bumblebee, while the tight pants were blue with strips of leather around the knees. Despite how silly it seemed, he looked sharp in the strange clothes. Much less like a professor.

"What is that?" I asked with a smile, pointing at his funny looking clothes.

"Oh, this is a suit that can withstand ice and freezing cold temperatures." He smiled back at me. "You won't have to worry about hurting me while we're training."

A suit that could withstand ice? Maybe that would control my powers! Why hadn't anyone thought of that before? The gloves may not have held my powers in, but surely this suit could.

"Are you ready for your training lesson?" he asked, walking over to me and holding out a hand. I felt myself jerk back as a reflex, but then remembered that his suit would protect him. At least, it should. He said it would, but as I stared at his outstretched hand, I imagined all the things that could go wrong and started to doubt. Papa told me I could learn to control my powers. He told me the gloves would conceal them. None of those things turned out true. What if Mr. Xavier was wrong?

"Elsa, you have to trust me."

When I looked into his kind, open eyes my doubts slowly started to disappear, one by one. I reached a tentative hand out towards his, letting our fingers brush together for a second, just to make sure nothing would happen. After a couple seconds without incident I reached forward and let him hold my hand. As I wrapped my fingers around his gloved hand, I saw that nothing was happening. His hand didn't freeze, he didn't turn to ice, and he wasn't hurt by my powers. It was the first time I touched someone without worrying that I might hurt them; I had to admit, it felt amazing. I let out a laugh of happiness as he pulled me from my room and led me down a flight of stairs to the basement.

When he opened a huge metal door I sucked in a deep breath. I followed him inside a metal room with faint burn marks all along the walls. It wasn't very big, and at the far end of the room was a mannequin set up with a black X taped to its chest.

"All right, I just want you to try to hit that target right there."

All of the glee and excitement at the small accomplishment of holding his hand suddenly vanished and I pulled away. I felt fear seize my body, freezing me in place. Finally, I turned to look at him in shock. "You want me to...to use my powers?"

He looked confused by my question. "Of course."

I shook my head. "But you're supposed to help me learn to control them."

"That's what I'm doing. You can't control something you don't know how to use."

"But...I'm not supposed to use them."

He furrowed his eyebrows in thought. "What have you been doing before this?"

"Hiding it. My parents say, 'Conceal it, don't feel it. Don't let it show'."

He shook his head. "That's why you can't control it—because it controls you. That's why you're here." He turned and gestured to the mannequin. "That's why we're doing this."

"I don't know if I can." I looked down at my hands. So small and seemingly harmless, yet so dangerous and deadly.

"All I want you to do is try," he said, bending down to my level. "I saw what you did to the foyer when you first came here. You have such extraordinary powers, Elsa, and I can teach you how to control them, you just have to trust me."

It had been so long since I trusted anyone. My parents told me there were only two types of people in the world: those who would fear me because of my powers, and those who would want to control me because of my powers. They had never mentioned there would be someone who would want to help me.

I raised both hands and aimed them at the mannequin. The power welled up inside, bubbling up like water from a fountain. My hands shook as I concentrated and shot a blast of ice at the target. I felt a familiar sense of failure when the bolt of ice missed and froze the wall behind the mannequin. I let out a groan and crossed my arms.

"See? I can't do it."

"Elsa, you have a younger sister, correct?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yes."

"Do you remember when she first started to learn how to walk?" I thought back, and finally nodded. I had been only five at the time, but I had bits of memories of mama and papa encouraging her to walk as they held on to her hands. "Did she succeed her first time?"

I frowned, seeing where this was headed. "No."

"And why do you think that is?"

"Because she didn't know how."

"Exactly. She needed to practice and learn how to control the muscles in her legs before she could walk." Charles reached forward and pointed at my hands. "Your powers are like any other muscle in your body: you can learn to control it, you just need to practice."

I looked down at the ground. It made sense, but he didn't understand how hard it was. If I failed, there were worse consequences than just falling down. People could get hurt. People might die if I failed.

"It's not that simple," I said.

"You know, I once knew a man who couldn't fully master his powers, and I'm going to tell you the same thing I told him—I believe that true focus lies somewhere between rage and serenity. It's not about covering up your powers or trying to control them with emotions. It's about finding a balance. There is so much more to life than pain and loneliness."

I thought about his words—the balance between rage and serenity. So…love? Turning to him, I asked, "Love is the answer?"

He smiled and gave a nod. "Access the happiest memory you can find and let it fill you."

I raised my hands and closed my eyes, thinking back to the few happy memories I had. Suddenly, one came to me—a time when my powers were just developing and I didn't fear them. Papa, mama, Anna, and I went to the mountains and found a grassy hillside to have a picnic. The servants had packed it that morning, and we had the whole day free from the duties and rules of royal life. After the picnic Anna begged me to use my magic, so I covered the hillside with a light dusting of snow. Anna and I found a long piece of bark and we slid down the hill on our makeshift sled. Eventually mama and papa joined us sledding, and afterwards we all built a snowman together.

I concentrated on the moment where we all lay in the snow after falling off the sled. Mama's hair had come out of its usually neat bun and was a mess around her face, but she was laughing. Papa's cheeks were red from both the cold and his laughing as he scooped up a snowball and threw it at mama. Anna had laid there in the snow, giggling at our parents antics with a sparkle in her eyes. In that moment, I was the happiest I can ever remember and I was filled with such a love for my family.

I could feel my powers buzzing within me, but this time it was different. The powers felt controlled, like a wild dog that had been tamed. I let out a laugh at the newfound control and opened my eyes, releasing a bolt of ice at the mannequin. This time, I decapitated the head. Still, I felt a small sense of accomplishment that I'd actually managed to hit the target, even if I'd missed the mark.

"I did it!" I whispered, a smile blooming across my face.

"You're almost there," Mr. Xavier. My smile slipped away, remembering how Mr. Engebretsen always expected precision and perfection in everything. I would make Mr. Xavier proud of me. I wouldn't let him down like I sometimes did with Mr. Engebretsen.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I'll get it right this time."

"Just do your best," Mr. Xavier said, but I knew he was secretly thinking what Mr. Engebretsen always said. He had to be. I could already imagine the disappointed look on Mr. Xavier's face when I failed.

"I have an idea," he said when I didn't move. My eyes widened when he stepped forward and walked over to the mannequin, standing right beside it.

"What are you doing?" I asked, a quiver in my voice. I could hear the slight cracking of ice as it froze the ground around my feet.

"I'm giving you an extra incentive not to miss," he said with a smile.

I shook my head. "No, I can't. I might hurt you."

"Don't worry, Elsa. I trust you."

Looking into his eyes, I could see he was telling the truth…but that didn't mean he was right. My hand began to shake and the happy memory slowly faded away. I could feel my powers slipping out of my control, like water through my fingers. Think happy thoughts! I told myself, but they were just out of my reach. Fear held me in its icy grip. I bit down on my lip and shot out a blast of ice…straight towards Mr. Xavier.

He ducked just in time to avoid the blast, the blue energy hitting the wall where his head had been only half a second before. A memory flashed across my mind—my deadly beam of ice striking Anna's head. Her crumpled body lying on the floor, ice cold. I let out a cry and yanked my hands away, holding them close to my chest.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I cried, bringing my hands up to my face.

Mr. Xavier straightened himself and held out his hands. "It's all right, Elsa. I'm fine."

"I could have killed you!" I cried, balling my hands into fists. "You could have died because of me!"

Snow started whipping around me. Mr. Xavier took a step forward. "Elsa, just calm your mind."

When he took another two steps, I jerked back. "No, don't come any closer!"

"Elsa, you won't hurt me."

I held out a hand, to warn him to stay away, but a bolt of ice shot out instead, freezing the floor beneath him. Mr. Xavier jumped back just in time but lost his balance, his feet sliding out from under him. He slipped and there was a sickening crack as his head hit the ice. Then silence. My heart froze for a split second as I waited for Mr. Xavier to move. The wind and snow stopped, and I held my breath.

"Mr. Xavier?" I called out weakly when he didn't move. My legs shook, threatening to give out at any moment, as I took a step forward. "Are you all right?"

When I came closer I noticed a small pool of bright red liquid seeping out from under his head. My hands flew to my mouth and I held back a scream. The blood spread out and I could feel the whole room crack as ice covered it. I turned and ran screaming for Hank. He must have heard my cries, because he came rushing downstairs. When he saw my tear-streaked face his eyes widened.

"What's wrong?"

I pointed to the stairs leading down to the training room. "Mr. Xavier slipped and hit his head and now he's bleeding!" A sob escaped my throat and I curled my hands into fists, bringing them up to my eyes. "It's all my fault!"

Hank ran down the stairs and I followed, watching from the door as he bent down next to Mr. Xavier. Mr. Engebretsen suddenly appeared next to my in the doorway.

"What is going on down here? I could hear yelling all the way up in my study…" His voice trailed off when his eyes landed on Mr. Xavier lying on the ground, a pool of blood around his head. He walked over and knelt down next to him.

"Help me move him to his room," Hank said, grabbing Mr. Xavier under his arms while supporting his head. Mr. Engebretsen nodded and let out a grunt as he grabbed his feet and stood.

"What can I do?" I asked as they carried Mr. Xavier's body out of the room.

"Go get some clean gauze from—" Hank stared to say, but Mr. Engebretsen interrupted with a sharp look.

"I think you've done more than enough today, Elsa," he said, his voice clipped. When I met his eyes I could see the disapproving look in them, mixed with anger. I looked down at Mr. Xavier's body between them. His face was pale, and blood seeped out from the back of his head, already soaking though the jacket Hank had put under it. His body hung limp and lifeless. I was a monster.

I could feel tears slipping down my cheeks as I turned and ran all the way up to my room, closing the door behind me and locking it. Mr. Engebretsen was right, I'd caused more than enough damage for today. No matter what I did, or how hard I tried, all I ever ended up doing was hurting people or letting them down. Well, I wouldn't hurt anyone anymore. I'd stay locked up in my room—just like in the castle. At least in here I couldn't hurt anyone.

Later on, about an hour after the accident, there was a knock on my door. I sat with my back against the door, knees drawn to my chest and my face buried in my knees.

"Elsa?" It was Hank's voice. "I just came to tell you that Charles is fine. It was just a small wound, nothing too alarming."

"It could have been worse," I said, raising my head.

"But it wasn't."

I didn't have an answer. Why was he trying to excuse what happened? Only Mr. Engebretsen seemed to understand the severity of the situation. I deserved to be yelled at. Yes, nothing had happened, but what if it had? I couldn't afford to make mistakes, that's what Mr. Engebretsen always told me. He said it in reference to not only my studies, but my powers as well.

"Elsa?" Hank asked when I didn't respond.

"Go away, Hank!" I snapped, dropping my head back into knees. There was silence for a few moments, but finally I heard the rustle of clothes, and then his footsteps receding down the hall.

The silence didn't last long. Half an hour later I heard footsteps walking down the hall. My room was at the end of the hall, so I knew it must be Hank or Mr. Engebretsen when they came to a halt outside my door. The doorknob gave a jiggle as the person outside tried to open the locked door.

"Elsa, please unlock the door." I was surprised to hear Mr. Xavier's voice outside my room.

"Mr. Xavier?" I asked, the surprise clear in my voice.

"Yes, it's me. Will you please let me in?"

I sniffled, wiping away the tears that had dried on my cheeks. "I can't. I don't want to hurt you."

"I know you wouldn't hurt me." When I didn't answer I heard him sit down outside my door. "Elsa, what happened today wasn't your fault. You weren't ready and I pushed you. If there's anyone to blame, it's me."

I felt my hands curl into fists. At the small gesture snow began falling in my room. "No, stop it! Stop trying to make me feel better! I shot the blast of ice, not you. This was my fault."

"No, you told me you weren't comfortable with me standing next to the target. I should have listened. I just…you're different than the others mutants I've trained in the past. I could push them to their limits, but you've been sheltered your whole life. I keep forgetting you're still so young. Most mutant's powers don't even show up until they start puberty. It's a rare thing for a mutant to have their powers show up as a child." I didn't answer him, so he went on. "I was like you, Elsa. My powers came in when I was nine."

"What powers?" I asked quietly. The snow stopped falling around me and settled on the floor.

"I started hearing voices in my head, and at first I thought I was going crazy. I felt so isolated and scared because I didn't understand what was happening to me. There was no one to tell me what I was, or to help me control my powers. It wasn't until I was twelve that I realized there must be others like me out there—other mutants with powers."

"So, you can hear people's thoughts?"

"Yes, among other things."

"Why can't you do that anymore?"

I heard him draw in a breath. "It's…it's complicated. Let's just say that I lost my powers."

"You're lucky."

He let out a soft sigh. "Elsa, I can help you control your powers. I taught myself to control mine, and I can teach you to control yours as well."

"You don't understand. Your powers didn't hurt people. All I ever do is hurt the people I care about—Anna, mama, papa, and now you." Ice spread out beneath me, creeping across my room. Swiping a hand across my eyes, I gathered my senses. "None of this matters. In the end, I'm just a ticking time bomb, and when I blow up, I only hope that no one else is hurt because of me."

"You only think that because you can't control it, but you will. You just have to keep trying."

I let out a cry of frustration, and felt the ice spread further. "Why don't you get it? You gave me the answer—love and joy. For the first time I felt control! But I couldn't even do that right!"

"Love and joy isn't the only answer. Emotion is how you channel your powers, but bending it to your will takes lots and lots of practice. I don't expect you to get it right the first time."

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, because for a minute, it sounded like he was telling the truth. Why didn't he expect excellence and perfection? That's what everyone expected of me, so why not Mr. Xavier? "You…you don't?"

He let out a small laugh. "No, of course not. You'll make mistakes—lots of them. You've been compressing it all these years, so of course it will be weak, but you will get strong if you continue to practice, I can promise you that."

I wanted to trust him. I wanted to surrender all the fears and doubts that had been plaguing me the past five years, but it was all too much.

"I…I want to trust you." I swallowed a lump in my throat. "But I'm scared."

"It's all right to be scared, but you can't let it stop you."

I wiped away the remaining tears and turned, reaching up to unlock the door. I scooted back and pulled the door open. It was the first time I'd opened the door—the first time I let someone in. Mr. Xavier was sitting on the ground like me, still wearing the blue and yellow suit from before. I felt a pang of guilt when I saw the white bandage wrapped around his head. When our eyes met, he smiled, showing me that he wasn't mad at me for what I'd done. I crawled forward and wrapped my arms around him, knowing the suit would protect him from any of my ice. There was no hesitation when he wrapped an arm around me in comfort, then ran a gloved hand over my hair, smoothing it down.

"Everything will be all right, Elsa."

I know this chapter was a long time in coming, so thank you for your patience with this.

To answer the anonymous reviewer who asked if there will be any ships: yes, there will, but not for several more chapters. Elsa's only thirteen, but this story will cover her life until she's 21, and then go into events past the point where the movie Frozen left off. I won't tell you what the pairings will be though, you'll just have to wait and see. ;)