Death by a Beauty Contest

Disclaimer: I do not own Legend of Zelda: OoT, but I do own…I do own…ummm…what do I own? Maybe I should ask SoC… HEY, SOC? WHAT DO I OWN EXACTLY?

Cherry-sama: Hi! And welcome back to DbaBC!

Link: (points upwards) What did SoC reply?

Cherry-sama: I dunno. I didn't ask her.

Link: O.o But you just did!

Cherry-sama: Oh yeah…

Navi: Who's SoC?

Cherry-sama: My sister. SoC stands for Sister-of-Cherry-sama.

Navi: Wouldn't that be SoCs?

Cherry-sama: No. In other fanfics, I call myself Cherria.

Navi: I needed to know that because?

Cherry-sama: …I'm not sure…

Zelda: -.- Please read the story.

Link sighed as he entered Kokiri Village. He had just walked through the door and had some trouble deciding something. He was not riding Talon's horse.

"Why, oh, why do all horses, which are invincible to almost everything, protest whenever I try to ride them over a tree root?" Link sighed, for apparently Link had tried to make the horse walk over a plant cell (of the tree root) and the horse revved up and threw Link off, knocking him out for at least two hours.

"Because they must be naturally afraid of trees, for some unknown reason." Navi told Link.

But the answer is explained right here! Ahem. Horses—

"Hey, Cherry-sama?" asked a random person off set, for most of my stories happen at studios.

—Oh, what?

"(Whispers something in Cherry-sama's ear, for she's usually narrator)" the person whispered.

EHHH? We don't have any time on the fic's schedule to explain why horses are afraid of tree roots?

"(Nods)" the person nodded.

Dang it! CURSES! Ahem. Maybe later.

Anyways… On that note, Link walked to his house, not horse, for he was quite fed up with those creatures at the moment and currently wanted nothing to do with them.

But Link walked to his house… Or almost did. Halfway there, Kokiri reporters mobbed him.

"Is it true that you are going to vote for Saria?" asked a Kokiri reporter.

"O.o Saria?" Link asked.

"Since when do the Kokiris have reporters?" Navi asked.

Ever since Mido died.

"I'M NOT DEAD!!!" Mido protested, for he was the newspaper writer.

…Whoops. Wrong Zelda fic.

"Is it true that you are going to choose the only girl from the forest?" asked another reporter.

"…What do you mean…?" Link asked.

Little did Link know, but Saria told the Kokiris that she was in the contest too, when she really wasn't.

"Is it true that you'll pick Saria over the other three girls?" asked yet another reporter, thus my using the word 'mobbed'.

"Umm… Please…" Navi told the reporters, but she wasn't heard over all the questions asked.

"EXCUSE ME!" Link yelled, managing to get all the reporters attention at the same time. "I'M A VERY BUSY PERSON! I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO BE ATTACKED BY RABID FAN GIRLS!"

"O.o We aren't rabid fan girls…" protested all the guy reporters.

"BUT WE ARE!" all the girl reporters exclaimed.

Then Link got mobbed once again, only this time, by half the population. Link by this time was very ticked.

"GET BACK OR I'LL CHOP YOUR HEADS OFF!" Link hissed, drawing his sword.

Link moved his pencil rapidly on his sketch pad (which he secretly carried around). Not only did he draw his sword, but he also drew a stick picture of him holding the sword and a few headless Kokiris. He showed his 'magnificent' drawing to the other Kokiri, who automatically stepped aside so Link could finally get to his house. Navi stayed awhile longer only to ask one question.

"I thought you said this isn't your other Zelda fic, 'Totally Messed'." Navi told the authoress. "Why on Hyrule do you use jokes from there?"

Because they're funny!!!

"-.-" Navi looked.

And with that, Navi flew off into (guess what)…the sunset. Wait… The sun just rose… Not set… Ummm… So Navi flew off into the sunrise? Whatever, you get my drift.

Navi then realized Link's house wasn't that way so she flew to his house. Navi found that inside, Link was washing his face, which was a rare sight considering Link's poor hygiene. Or he was sort of washing it… He only grabbed a handful of water and splashed it on his face. Either way, he washed it. Navi took out her digital camera.

"…" Link paused while looking over at Navi. "How did you get that? They aren't invented yet!"

"Oh yeah…" Navi paused while looking at the camera and then throwing it out the window.

There was a loud bonk.

"OW!!! HEY! WATCH IT! LITTERER!" yelled a random Kokiri boy (the shop owner) outside, who had got hit on the head.

"…Sorry…" Navi whimpered, for she had flown over to the window and glanced down at the evil looking Kokiri.

Link sighed, then he heard a voice.

"Pssst!" it pssted in a whisper-ish voice. "Hey mister, over here!"

Link paused. Where was that coming from? He looked at his sink (Link has a sink? Since when? Ahem). There, he saw, a Zora leap out of the water that was draining from the sink.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Link screamed, for this was something he really didn't expect.

The reporters had a sudden, violent urge to mob Link again, but they thought of Link's 'artistic' stick picture.

"O.O" Navi looked.

"Shush!" the Zora hissed. "Don't alert the other people!"

"Too late." Navi told the Zora, pointing to the curious Kokiris outside, who had just ran over to Link's tree house.

"How did you get here?" Link asked.

"In a Zelda comic (the authoress read on Zelda Universe, thought Zelda Infinite has more) it says that Zoras can transport anywhere there's water." The Zora explained; the Zora actually looked like a Zora and not some crappy fish thingy as shown in the comic.

"Oh." Link paused.

"Why are you here?" Navi asked.

"The King Zora sent me with a message, addressed to Link." The Zora told Link.

"What is it?" Link asked.

"Well…" the Zora paused, not sure how to put the message.

"Yes?" Navi asked.

"The King Zora is a man of few words. How much will it cost to make Ruto win?" the Zora asked.

"O.O" Navi looked.

"O.o He's trying to bribe a judge!" Link exclaimed.

"…No! No. No. No…" the Zora told Link in an over joyous voice, making Navi able to tell that he was lying. "He was just testing your honesty, and you came through with flying colours!"

"Oh. Okay." Link smirked.

"What's your speech?" Navi asked, for too many people had given her and Link too many speeches so she knew when they were going to start rambling.

"Well… A woman's most prized possession is her pride (AN: O.O WHAAAAAATTTT!!! IT IS NOT! At least I don't think it is…or maybe it is…I dunno. Maybe I'd better shut up before all the people in the world think I'm stupid… x.x)." The Zora started, getting out of the sink and sitting on Link's bed, making what the Zora touched, wet. "Now Ruto competing in a regular contest like this. It isn't fair! It isn't democratic! Let's say your own mother was competing on American Idol."

"O.o What's American Idol?" Navi asked, for this was Hyrule.

"And my mom's dead." Link told the Zora, Link not sure that he even had a mother (he still thinks he's a Kokiri).

"Whatever. Who would you vote for?" the Zora asked.

"I'd choose mom! I'd choose mom!" Gilligan—err…Link exclaimed.

"And a vote for Ruto is not like a vote for the other girls!" Mr. Howell—erm… the Zora exclaimed, bringing a big commotion inside the household and making the reporters desperate.

"Yes sir!" Link told the Zora, standing in an army like way and saluting the Zora with two fingers.

"Isn't it three?" Navi asked Link.

"I'm not sure. I'm still stuck on square 'American Idol'." Link told Navi as the Zora vanished.

Meanwhile… The Forest…

Malon walked into the Forest.

Malon by this time was just in time to see insomnia Zelda and sleeping Ruto, fighting in white outfits and black belts. Impa and a few other animals from the Lost Wood's wildlife, were sitting nearby, either munching on food or betting which Princess would win. Ruto did a high kick. Zelda blocked it with her one hand and pushed Ruto's stomach with the other, thus making her fall to the ground.

I'm glad I bet on Zelda! n.n

"What happened?" Malon asked, who had just got in.

"It all started with me whistling 'Zelda's Lullaby'…" Impa told Malon.

Malon was very confused. Malon ended up walking up to the fighting, grabbing one of both the girl's arms, lifting them above the ground, doing a fancy stunt by twirling them around in the air a couple times, and let go of both of them at the right moment thus making the girls fall on their backs.

Dang… I bet on Zelda…

"Who would have thought of betting for Malon?" Impa asked, not realizing that Ruto had just woken up, with a bad headache.

"MEEEE!!!" exclaimed a random evil chipmunk, who grabbed all the money and ran away cackling.

Good thing I only spent two dollars! n.n

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the chipmunk cackled as he came back and took the narrator's money.

…THAT BLOODY CHIPMUNK STOLE MY MONEY! COME BACK HERE YOU SWINE!

Link: Chapter four!

Cherry-sama: (runs around with a net chasing a furry thing) CURSES, CHIPMUNK! CURSES!

Chipmunk: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—

Navi: That's getting repetitive.

Chipmunk: (is about to say something before dodges Cherry-sama's net)

Cherry-sama: HISS! (hisses insanely like an angry cat high on caffeine)

Zelda: O.o How does that work?

Navi: Simple. You mix a bunch of coffee in a kitty's food and pull it's tail. It's that simple.

Zelda: I meant how Cherry-sama hissed.

Link: Whatever. Please review.