::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Bubble Butt
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"Hellooo?"
"Sakura? This is Gai. I need to have a word with you about Neji and Tenten."
"Shit."
*Dial tone*
"Ino."
"lolwhat?"
"Lock the doors."
"I already did!"
"THEN PUT THE FUCKING BOOKCASE IN FRONT OF IT."
-o-
Shikamaru
-o-
"Hello?"
"Hi Shika!"
"Sakura...it's five in the morning."
"I KNOW RIGHT? I just wanted to tell you that your hair resembles a pineapple!"
"...why did you wake me up at five a.m. to tell me this?"
"Cuz Imma nice person." (A/N: Thanks to Because I Never Got Over It for that one!)
"Call me when you're sober."
"It's gonna be a long wait!"
-o-
Kankuro
-o-
"Hello?"
"QUITE PAINTING YOUR FACE, YOU LITTLE BUBBLE BUTT FUCK!"
"MOM?"
-o-
Naruto
-o-
"Hello?"
"NARUTOOOO!"
"SAKURA-CHAN! I GOT THE COFFEE!"
"Knowing you, you'll just spill it on yourself! Don't forget the ketchup!"
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, SAKURA-CHAN?"
"You're nosy...no wonder Kakashi-sensei liked me more!"
"HE LOVES ME!"
"He said I was teacher's pet!"
"HE SAID HE LOVED ME!"
"He even got me a cage to sleep in!"
"..."
"...!"
"HOLY SHIT-"
*Dial tone*
"Sakura?"
"He was botherin' me, Ino-kun."
"Okay!"
-o-
Pein
(Thanks to Because I Never Got Over It for this one, too! She left this in a review and I was all lyke "holy shiz, I GOTTA USE DIS SHIT!")
-o-
"Evil Organization Hotline, how may I help you?"
"Are you, lyke, related to Orobitch?"
"How in the name of Kami did you come to that conclusion?"
"You have a snake-bite."
"Hello? Orobitch II?"
*Dial tone*
"DID YOU HANG UP ON ME?"
-o-
Konan
-o-
"Hello?"
"Hi!"
"...?"
"Girl, blue is not your color."
"WHAT WAS THAT, BITCH?"
"DON'T GO HULK ON ME BOO! I'm just tellin' you dis cuz imma nice person."
"Oh, okay. By the way..."
"Yessssss?"
"Pink makes you look like a fat flamingo. HA."
"OH SNAP! AM I GONNA HAVE TO TEACH YOU A LESSON?"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
-o-
Sasori
(HUGE thanks to Yin-Yan-Yum-Yum for this little jewel ;)
-o-
"What now?"
"THERE'S A GIANT WHALE SIGHTING AROUND YOUR HOTEL! GET THE LIFE GUARD! YUR GUNNA DIEEEE!"
"...da fuck? I'm gatherin' my poisin and I'm coming over there, Sakura."
"IMMA FIRIN' MAH LAZER!"
"That's nice. Don't move, okay?"
"That sounds like something a rapist would say."
"Orochimaru taught me how to creep."
"...Orochimaru taught me how to dougie."
"..."
"..."
"THAT'S FUCKING SICK!"
-o-
Sasuke
-o-
"Ino."
"Whaaaaat?"
"I'm being called."
"Pick up the damn phone, bitch."
"That's LORD Bitch to you."
"JUST DO IT!"
"FINE!"
...
"Hello?"
"Sakura."
"Sasuke!"
"You didn't show up."
"Wha-? OH! YOU MEAN FOR THAT! I still have fifteen more days, you silly duck."
"..."
"...!"
"I'm going to pretend you didn't call me that. And I meant fifteen minutes, Sakura."
"FIFTEEN MINUTES TILL WHAT, SASU-CHAN?"
"I'm coming over there."
"Uh huh. That's what they all say."
"..."
"...?"
"Sasuke?"
"Saaaaaasuke?"
"SASUKE?"
"DID YOU HANG UP ON ME?"
-o-
Hidan
-o-
"HIYA! 'member me?"
"YOU'RE THAT BITCH WHO PRANK CALLED ME!"
"Bingo! So, hows the wife?"
"I'M GONNA FUCKING RIP YOU TO SHREDS, BITCH!"
"You're still abusing her? I'm telling you, Shelly, you can't do that to people. They've got cops and shit on their side."
"I GOT MAH MOTHERFUCKIN' SCYTHE, AND MAH MOTHERFUCKIN' ADRESS BOOK-"
"OMFG I GOT A CALL WAITIN'! TTYL, HON!"
"YOU STUPID BITCH! DON'T YOU DARE HANG UP ON-"
*Dial tone*
"Where da fuck did my scythe go?
-o-
Anko
-o-
"Yo."
"Heyyyyy, girlfriend! How's it goin'?"
"It's goin' good. Like, I got my acceptance letter to Hogwarts and all that shit."
"WHAT? THEY LET A BITCH LIKE YOU GO TO HOGWARTS?"
"Hellz yeah. Don't hate."
"WHERE'S MY LETTER?"
"Lining the bottom of some parakeet's cage."
"NOOO! I BELIEVE IN MAGIK!"
"Orochimaru? Are you okay?"
"..."
"...?"
"Dude. Anko. Crazy mofo. Ugly whore."
"lolwhat?"
"...THIS IS SAKURA."
"...holy shit dude."
-o-
Sasuke (;)
-o-
"SASUKE YOU STALKER, STOP. CALLING. ME."
"I'm waiting."
"In line at the free clinic?"
"Open the door."
"And why would I do that? You could be standing out there with a knife!"
"I could."
"..."
"But I'm not. I brought candy."
"...What kind of candy?"
"The good kind."
"Liek, gummy bears and Skittles?"
"Like gummy bears and skittles."
"...And chocolate?"
"Especially chocolate."
"And no knife?"
"I promise."
"Pinky promise."
"I pinky promise."
"Okay. I'm coming."
"Kukukuku..."
"...?"
-o-
"Sakura. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING?"
"Chillax, Ino, Sasuke's waitin' for me outside with candy."
"DON'T YOU WATCH MOVIES? The guys with candy are always the creepers!"
"Sasuke ain't no creeper."
"Oh yes he is."
"Nuh uh."
"Yuh huh. I can't allow you to leave, Sakura."
"But I want candyyyyyyy..."
"I have candy."
"Really?"
"Yeah...it's in that closet over there."
"CANDEH!"
-o-
Ino is prank callin' Sasu-cakes :O
-o-
"Sakura?"
"QUITE TRYIN' TA RAPE MAH SAKURA, MANBITCH!"
"Good morning, Ino."
"FUCK YOU!"
-o-
"There was no candy in that closet."
"Suck it up and prank call Naruto. I just saved your life."
-o-
Naruto
(P.S. Song is 'Everybody Loves Me' by OneRepublic)
-o-
"HELLO?"
"Ino just saved my life."
"...how?"
"Sasuke was creepin' on me."
"Oh yeah, he learned that from Orochimaru."
"..."
"..."
"...OH MY! FEELS JUST LIKE I DON'T TRY!"
"LOOK SO GOOD I MIGHT DIE!"
"ALL I KNOW IS EVERYBODY LOVES ME!"
"Sakura-chan..."
"Yeahhh?"
"...I-I love you!"
*Dial tone*
"DAMMIT!"
-o-
Neji
-o-
"WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW? MY MONEY, MY GOOD LOOKS, MY VIRGINITY?"
"...Uh, no. You can keep all that shit."
"THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"I want your body, Hyuuga."
"...what?"
"That's right, Neji-kun. This is Orochimaru, and I'mma creepin' on you. Better put shades on you're windows, whoremuffin, because I'm watching."
*Dial tone*
"...MOMMY!"
-o-
Ya'll now the drill; review, leave me some more awesome ideas for next chapter :)
Peace out, homeboyz.
(and girlz)
Review!
(P.S. I'm naming next chapter 'Neji's Revenge' whether you like it or not :p)