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Chapter 4

Harry was so tired; he was hurting badly. It hurt to stay awake, he was dulling the pain with alcohol. He knew it was wrong but he just wanted to sleep without nightmares. Every night he saw their faces; mocking faces. He saw his mum, James, Sirius, Remus and Tonks. They blamed him for their deaths and they were right. Other nights, the worst nights, he dreamed about having a family. Mum would be there and James; but suddenly James yelled at him, "you're not my son." Snape would laugh and reject him all over again. "Do you really think I could love you? Pathetic. You're worthless no one has ever truly loved you."

He was going to the Burrow today. Mione and Ron came back last week. Hermione's parents were safe and sound, after spending a week with their daughter in Australia they were ready to go back home. According to Hermione her parents were trying to make sense out of her tales about Voldemort. They were extremely happy to know that she was safe but terribly confused and somewhat hurt.

He was supposed to get ready. Get a shower and show up at the Burrow. He went trough the motions without really paying attention, he shaved, tried to eat something for breakfast. He filled and took a bottle of vodka and left for the Burrow.

This house was always so noisy; he felt a little better when he noticed that it was still noisy as ever. As Harry was walking he saw Luna, Dean and Neville talking by the pond. They were laughing at some joke Seamus just told.

"Harry, good to see you mate!" Dean came up and hugged him.

"Where have you been, we've missed you at these meetings." Dean said. Harry was aware that the Burrow had become the place to be every Sunday. Molly and Arthur were trying to deal with their grief and discovered that having people over distracted them and made life easier. Molly and George were doing so much better now.

"I was busy but now I'm here that's what matters." Harry said with a small smile. He made small talk with his friends until he was ready to go inside.

As he walked inside the house he saw Mrs. Weasley softly singing and making lunch for her guests.

"Harry dear, didn't see you there." She hugged him and the young man hugged her back fiercely. He missed these hugs; they always made him feel better.

"I meant to come earlier but I didn't know if you wanted me here." Harry said into her hair.

"Nonsense, you are always welcome here love. How are you doing? You are very thin Harry." Molly said as she looked at him.

"I'm fine Mrs. Weasley seriously." Molly scowled a little but changed the topic.

"Hermione and Ron are about to get here, they went to get the Grangers."

"Oh, that's right. I was looking for them earlier." Harry looked down at his feet

"George and Percy are outside with Angelina if you want to talk to them." That was really the last thing Harry wanted to do. He felt guilty about Fred's death and seeing George wouldn't make it any better.

"That's alright Mrs. Weasley I'll wait for Ron in his room." He said with a frown.

"Harry are you all right?" she came close to him and patted his cheek. He didn't deserve all of this, the affection, the smiles and admiration. Couldn't they see? This was his entire fault.

"I'll go lay down." he practically ran up the stairs. On his way up he bumped into Ginny.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't see you Harry."

"Don't be I shouldn't be in the way."

"Aren't you going downstairs to the party?" Ginny asked, never once did she look into his eyes. For Harry it was clear that any romantic relationship with Ginny was over. They were too uncomfortable with each other.

"I guess all see you later, " Ginny ran back downstairs.

Harry entered his best mate's room and opened his vodka bottle. He drank it all; when he was finished he went back downstairs to face the music.

The garden was crowded; there were people talking and some people were even dancing. He saw Ron talking to an older man who seemed to be Hermione's father.

"Harry mate, you're here." Ron happily approached him, he smiled it was good to see a happy Ron.

"I got here earlier but wasn't feeling too well."

"You're here, come here. This is Edward, he is Hermione's dad and this is Helen, Hermione's mum."

"Very nice to meet you. Your daughter is brilliant." Harry smiled, he was a little tipsy and it felt good to interact with people and feel happy again. These people didn't really know him so he felt at ease talking to them.

He spent half an hour chatting with the Grangers and answering Ron's questions about the muggle life.

"Harry!" Hermione approached him and hugged him.

"It is so good to see you, I missed you. Why didn't you write more? We have to get you an owl. I now you loved Hedwig but it's time to reconnect with the world. Are you going back to Hogwarts? Ron and I are going. We'll have to commute because the castle is still very damaged but Professor McGonagall assured me that there will regular classes starting September 1st. Oh, I'm so happy to see you." Hermione said all of this while smiling and hugging him.

"Bloody hell Mione, let him breathe, and I said I'm just taking the N.E.W.T.S." Ron said.

Hermione turned on him and said "We going through our seventh year. How are we going to get jobs and a flat if you don't finish your schooling." She glared at him; Ron smiled and pecked her on the mouth.

"Fine, love. We'll do whatever you want." He said while lovingly looking at her.

"He's a fast learner. It took you four years to accept my every order and command." Helen said while looking at Edward who pinched her side.

"Well Helen, Ron has had seven years of training." Harry said smiling when Ron scowled at him.

"Oi Harry, that's not funny mate." But Harry and the Grangers were laughing and soon Ron and Hermione were laughing too.

Harry spent a couple of hours talking to people and drinking; as the day wore on he kept on drinking. It was harder for the Weasleys and the Grangers to not notice Harry's drunken behavior.

"Mate, I think you've had enough." Ron tried to take a bottle of firewhisky away from him but Harry was strong enough to move away.

"Now, now Ronniekins, let me finish my bottle." Slurred Harry, he saw the blood drain off his best mate's face. He then remembered that the twins used to call him that.

Harry looked directly at him, "you have every right. I reckon it is my fault he's dead."

"Harry, don't. It wasn't your fault." Ron said tiredly.

"But it is, don't you see?" Harry raised his voice, he saw George approaching him.

"Not you. Please not you." The boy who lived whispered. Suddenly George was there, right by them.

"Harry, are you feeling well mate?" Harry saw his opportunity; surely George would see it his way.

"George, great to see you. You'll see it my way. Ron doesn't want to listen, he's trying to spare my feelings but we all know that Fred's death is my fault." Harry laughed mirthlessly.

George shook his head, "mate, it is no one's fault. We all knew there was a battle going on. We all wanted to fight, we wanted to get rid of You Know Who and we did mate. I know this is hard, I miss him every day but he'd want us to move on."

"This is rubbish, stop sugar coating things. I do not need your pity, people are dead and it is all my doing." Harry yelled this. Everyone was looking at him right now, the Grangers were perplexed, and Hermione had tears in her eyes. The rest of the Weasleys looked sadly at the scene. Arthur walked toward them.

"Harry, son you've had a lot to drink. Calm down, let's give you a sober up po…"

"Oh, shut it. You're not my father." He angrily interrupted.

"My father doesn't care about me. He's probably taking care of Malfoy. I suppose is better that way."

At this point harry had taken out his wand. He was about to dissaparate and an army of Weasley's took out their wands to stop him.

Harry laughed at seeing them draw out their wands.

"Seriously, you think you can stop me." Harry hissed; he scowled and silently disarmed all of them, he dissaparated immediately.

Everyone stared blankly at the space where he'd been. "I really could not believe he was related to him, until now. Did you see his face, that was all Snape, and the signature magic trail left behind, that's clearly Snape's" Bill said.

"Bill, that's not important now. We have to look for him, he's drunk, and he could do something stupid." Molly said.

"Right mum, he's probably back at Grimmauld Place." Percy interjected and took Hermione and Ron with him.

Arthur walked to his wife and hugged her, "he'll be fine. The boys and Hermione will find him and bring him here. We'll take care of him sweetheart."

Arthur didn't know it but he was wrong, they would never see Harry Potter again.