Boys Don't Wear Dresses

by keisan

Notes: Yay! She finally posted! Lol… I haven't really gone over this but enjoy and if I spot any major problems, I'll repost. Also, thank you guys so much for the comments, kudos, and support! I'm happy to be writing this and I'm glad you're enjoying it. Here comes the next chapter! I think (but please don't quote me because srsly this story took me places I hadn't planned to go), this will be the second last chapter. Then there'll be an epilogue and I've got an idea for a little PruCan side story.

p.s. my apologies for the delay, I do actually write for a living so that usually takes precedence. Now I'll get back to watching re-runs of The L Word for more inspiration, yes it does help.

"Feliciano?"

I took a deep breath and looked up to meet my grandfather's eyes. His eyes were dark, disapproving and a little shiny and drooped from the excess alcohol. If his state wasn't obvious through his eyes, it certainly was through the smell oozing out of his pores. In that moment, I felt a drop of compassion fall into the pit of fear radiating from me. Before everything, we were close. I was his favourite. Lovino knew and told me so, I told him otherwise, but in truth, I could see that he paid Lovi far less attention than he did me. The guilt ate at me and resentment for the way he favoured me over my brother (who would do anything for me) built up, making a horrible combination that I held inside for years.

My hands were shaking from fear and anger. How dare he? I thought. How dare he treat Lovi so poorly, then throw him out, then throw me out, and now threaten me?! I was furious and that overtook my fear.

"Nonno, what do you want?" I hissed out.

He glared and pushed me against the wall, gripping my upper arms hard. I knew there would be bruises there but I didn't care right then, I was too angry.

I looked at him and spat right in his eye. Lovi would have been proud. He didn't see that coming and threw his head back in surprise.

"Why you little—" he said as he shoved me into the wall again, knocking the back of my head against it. It hurt and not just physically, this was my grandpa, my nonno.

"Leave me alone! You're not in my life anymore, Nonno! I don't want to ever speak to you again!" I told him viciously. I was so sick of feeling bad over everything that had happened when it wasn't even my fault! Ludwig and I had talked at length about this and he made me realise it wasn't my job to make him change his views on my sexuality and the way I felt most comfortable dressing.

I lifted my right leg and jammed my wedge shoe down on his toe. He cried out and moved his arm up, pressing his forearm against my throat cutting off my air supply. I gasped helplessly and struggled against his hold, eyes widening. He used his leg and other hand to keep me from struggling.

"Now you're going to listen, and you're going to listen good, Feli. I know you're angry and I'm still disappointed that you turned out this way, I don't know what caused this—it must have been your brother's influence. But until I'm dead in the grave, I will have my say and you will listen to me whether you like it or not. I'm willing to let you come home, to leave this lifestyle of sin, if you come with me, quietly. If not, there will be consequences and not just for you," he threatened, but something about the way he said it made it sound like a promise. "You have 24 hours to decide what's really important to you. I expect you'll make the right choice."

I couldn't breathe, my breaths were becoming more and more shallow. The spots were dancing over my eyes and my eyes slid closed and everything went black.

Someone was shaking me, calling my name, "Feli? Feli! Wake up, Liebling!"

I breathed in deeply, thanking whatever higher power out there for saving my life. I forced my eyes opened, wincing against the bright florescent lights of the bathroom. Someone was holding me in their arms. I tilted my head up to see who. A pair of worried blue eyes gazed down at me, I could see a flash of fear sitting behind that worry and even a little anger. Was he angry at me?

"L-Luddy?" I croaked out. I choked and my breath hitched my throat felt like it was on fire.

"Feli, I've got you. Don't try to talk. We're going to the hospital to get you checked out," he said as he picked me up bridal style.

I struggled uselessly, my brain still fuzzy from the oxygen deprivation. Did Nonno really do that? Did he really try to choke me to death? But he was gone now. Ludwig was here now. Everything would be okay. I think. Didn't Nonno say something? I think he threatened me.

I reached up and touched Ludwig's shoulder. "Luddy?" I whispered.

He stopped and gazed down at me as he walked out of the restaurant. I don't know if other people were watching or what happened after I passed out but the edges of my vision were still blurry so I focused on Ludwig's eyes.

"What is it, Feli?"

"You're not safe, I don't think Lovi is either," I whispered, my throat still not working properly.

He nodded, "We'll figure it out, Feli. Let's just get you fixed up, schatz."

He drove me to the hospital, it turned out everyone had already left and Ludwig started getting worried since I'd been in the bathroom for at least 15 minutes. He came in to check on me after calling my name and knocking on the door. When he arrived I was on the floor with bruises on my neck, my arms, and a bump on the back of my head. He told me all this once the doctors had finished examining me. They asked me what happened and I wasn't sure what to say so I told them I couldn't remember who, but someone had attacked me. They wanted to make sure I didn't have a concussion so they told Ludwig someone would have to watch over me tonight and wake me every couple of hours. He nodded solemnly his jaw clenching as each injury was unveiled to his eyes.

When we were finally able to leave, he led me from the wheelchair out to the car, carefully helping me in to the passenger seat. He started the car and drove, never going past the speed limit. I laid my head back occasionally touching my throat and my mind flashing over the events of the evening. Everything was going so well, and then, it just fell apart. Why did that always seem to happen?

The door opened for me and I blinked when I saw Ludwig's hand in front of me to help me out. I stood, leaning into my boyfriend's body, letting him take most of my weight. I just wanted to feel safe for a little while. He pulled me close and kissed my forehead and lifted me up again. I was exhausted.

He carried me to my bedroom, laid me down gently and carefully removed my shoes and coat. Ludwig got up a moment later and came back with a couple of ice packs for me to put on my arms and neck. I blinked and my eyes found the clock 9:45pm. We had gone to the hospital at around 9 so Nonno probably attacked me around 8:45. He said I had 24 hours to make my choice.

I shifted and looked up at Ludwig, a thought coming to mind. "Luddy? Did you tell Lovi?"

He shook his head, "I called but no one picked up. I left a message."

As if on cue, my cell phone rang. Ludwig reached for my coat and took out to phone to hand to me.

"Pronto."

"Feli! What the fuck! What the hell was the potato bastard talking about? He said you were in the hospital? Is this true?! I will fucking slit his throat!"

I winced and opened my mouth to speak, but I heard another voice on the line, a calming Spanish voice. "Lovi, Lovi mi tomate. I know you're worried but let him speak. Feli? Are you still there?"

"Si," I croaked out.

"What the fuck happened, Feli? You scared me half to death. The tomato bastard distracted me earlier and I was so fucking pissed that the potato eater called to bug me but then I heard the message and… Fuck. What did he do to you?!"

"Lovi," I said hoarsely. "He didn't do anything. He helped me. It was—it…it was Nonno."

"Che? Che cazzo?! He hurt you bad enough to go to the fucking hospital? Oh, he has crossed a fucking line!" Lovino shouted in outrage.

"Lovi, por favor, mi amor. Let Feli explain," Antonio's voice said to Lovi.

"Shut up, bastard. You have no idea how this feels. I will fucking kill him, family or not."

"Lovi!" I said to stop the arguing on the other line.

"Fine, tell me what happened," he said crossly.

"Um…he cornered me in the bathroom," I said slowly, my eyes looking up at Ludwig's face. A myriad of emotions crossed his features, anger was the most prominent. I bit my lip, looked down at the fibres in the blanket, and continued my story. "I yelled at him and told him to leave me alone and then he shoved me. I hit my head and he grabbed my arms really hard. I spit in his eye and he tried to choke me. Then he told me that I could come home but I had to leave my 'lifestyle of sin' behind. And if I didn't come home, there would be consequences and not just for me. Then I blacked out and the next thing I knew, Ludwig was there telling me to wake up. We went straight to the hospital."

Ludwig brought one hand around me, soothing me as he touched my back. I rested my head against him still holding the phone.

"How long did he say you had to decide?" my brother asked after a beat.

"24 hours," I replied.

"Let me deal with this," he said harshly through the phone.

"But Lovi!"

"No, this won't stand. I won't let it," he said firmly.

"Lovi. Per favore, I don't want anyone to get hurt," I said, tears flooding my eyes.

"Like he already hurt you?! This wasn't the first time, Feli," Lovi growled.

"Can we just—can we just talk about this in the morning? Just promise me you won't do anything before then," I pleaded. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe we could still mend this relationship. It was Nonno!

Lovi let out an irritable sigh, "Fine. We'll talk about it tomorrow morning."

"Grazie, fratello," I said relieved. "I just—I think it might be a misunderstanding. It's Nonno."

"Si, I know it's fucking Nonno. That's the problem. You let your feelings cloud your judgement. I know you loved the guy but he fucking threw you out for something you couldn't control. He threw me out for the same fucking thing. Blood doesn't always mean family," he said.

I sighed, "Can we just—can we talk about it tomorrow? I'm tired, Ludwig is watching over me in case I have a concussion, and I need to think on this. I promise I'll call you early."

"Fuck!" Lovi growled out. "A fucking concussion. That bastard. Fine. Put the phone on speaker."

I blinked and pressed the speaker button, "Potato bastard if anything happens to my little brother tonight, I will fucking cut you. Capisce?"

Ludwig's eyes narrowed and he shook his head, "Ja, nothing will. I'll take care of him."

"Good. Talk to you tomorrow, Feli," Lovi said finally and he cut off the line.

I nibbled my lip and ended the call. What if Nonno had bugged my phone or something? Was I being overly paranoid? A throbbing pain lanced through my head and I winced and dropped the phone.

"Come here, Feli," Ludwig said in his deep voice and gathered me in his arms. "Want me to get this dress off of you?"

I nodded and lifted my arms as he undid the zipper and pulled the garment over my head. He pulled off the leotards, careful not to rip it. His cheeks reddened when he saw the black panties I had on. He cleared his throat and pulled those off too. Then he laid me on my side, folded up my clothes, quickly undressed himself and tucked us both under the blankets pulling me close to his chest.

"Luddy?"

"Hm?"

"I love you. Will you always be here?" I asked, my voice sounding loud in the quiet room.

"Ja, you know I will," he said in my ear.

"Promise?"

"Ja, of course, why?"

"Well… I know this is bad timing but I was thinking, would you want to move in with me?"

He stopped behind me and I turned my head to catch his gaze. His cheeks were red but I could see a hint of joy in his eyes. "You're not just asking because you hit your head?"

I stuck my tongue out at him and replied cheekily, "No! I was thinking about it earlier before we went into the restaurant. I would understand if you didn't want to though, I don't know what's going to happen with this whole thing with Nonno…" I lowered my eyes, fear was moving through my veins slowly.

"Feli?" he said and cupped my cheek leaning over me.

I looked up and met his gaze, "I don't care what your grandfather says or what kinds of threats he makes to me. I know you're worried but we'll figure this out. I'm sure your brother is thinking up a hundred different ways to deal with this situation as we speak. I can't say that I'm not. But to answer your question: yes. I would love to."

I smiled widely and pulled his face down to me kissing his lips happily and sliding my tongue into his mouth. He kissed me back with equal passion but still more carefully than usual. I knew he was worried about what happened to me even if he didn't say so. As if he had read my thoughts he pulled away and breathed in the scent of my hair.

"I was worried about you today, that scared me more than anything has in a long time," he said lowly and kissed my head. He eyed the bruising, his eyes narrowing, and bent down to kiss it gently. He pulled me close and I relaxed in his arms.

"Ti amo, Luddy," I said into his chest.

"Ja, I love you too. Sleep now, I'll be waking you up in a couple of hours. I set an alarm," he said.

I drifted off, my dreams were restless but I couldn't remember them. Ludwig shook me awake seemingly minutes later, "Feli? Are you still with me?"

"Hmm? Luddy, I'm tired," I whined. "I don't like it when you wake me from my siesta."

"I have to, Liebling. You can go back to sleep now though," he said and kissed my forehead.

I hummed in agreement. "We can have pasta tomorrow, Luddy."

I heard him huff out a laugh with his 'yes' and then I slipped back into sleep.

The morning startled me awake with its unusually cool, stark light. Ludwig had woken me up a few more times throughout the night and I was sad to have to finally get up for real. Ludwig must have made something for breakfast. It smelt a little sweet, I was excited, he knew how much I loved sweet breakfasts with my cappuccino. I sat up, my bruises were bothering me a little and my head was throbbing a bit. I examined my arms and saw the black and blue bruises were already fading to a purple and green colour. I looked up and saw a trey filled with fruit, yoghurt, and two pieces of toast with jam next to my bed sitting on my night table. My boyfriend had made me breakfast in bed!

I smiled and reached for the trey. Ludwig came in a moment later with a cup of cappuccino and grabbed the trey before I could. He placed it on my lap and carefully handed me my drink.

"Good morning, Feli," he said, he glanced at my arms and throat and clenched his fist in the blanket. He sighed deeply and shook his head but set his jaw like he'd decided something.

I took the cappuccino and blew on it and took a sip. "Perfetto, Luddy! Grazie!" I pursed my lips and he kissed me. My grip loosened on the cappuccino mug and Ludwig must have figured that was going to happen because he plucked it from my hand and put it on the night table. He slid his fingers through my hair and kissed me a little more desperately. I sighed and kissed him back just as fiercely.

He pulled away finally and tapped my trey, "You need to eat, get your strength back, ja?"

"Okay," I murmured and I got right to the yummy but simple meal he'd prepared for me.

He shook his head when I tried to feed him a grape, "Nein, I had an egg earlier. This is for you."

I pouted so he took the grape between his fingers and pressed it to my lips. I pulled it into my mouth and chewed. It was sweet and perfect but the peel was a little bitter. It reminded me that with the sweets comes the sour. They're two sides of the same coin. And as I chewed it slowly, sucking away the flavours and finally swallowed, it made me think that these things always have an ending; whether they're good or bad, they always eventually end. I did the same with the next grape.

The bed shifted slightly and I looked up at my blue-eyed boyfriend. He handed me my cellphone said, "Feli, I'm going to call Gilbert to walk the dogs for me. I'll just be in the other room. Here's your phone, I know you wanted to talk to you brother too."

I took the phone and put it next to me before leaning up to kiss him, mindful of the breakfast trey. He cupped my cheek running his thumb along my jawline soothingly and kissed me back. We kissed for several long moments until he gently pulled away and kissed my forehead so sweetly. He raised a brow and handed me the phone again.

I stuck my tongue out at him and dialled Lovino's number. Ludwig gave me one of his little smiles and left me to my call.

"Pronto!"

"Buongiorno, Lovi!" I said brightly.

"Finally," he said.

"Well, I had to have breakfast and Luddy and I were talking..."

"I don't need to hear about the potato bastard right now."

I pouted and sighed, "Fine. So... I don't want to fight with Nonno but I'm not giving up after all of this."

"Si, I figured that. I'll come with you when you go see the bastard. I'm arranging someone else to back us up in case things get out of hand though."

I worried my lip, "Do you really think we'll need that?"

"Considering you had to go to the fucking hospital yesterday, I fucking think so," he growled.

I sighed, "Ve, I just want to make peace and maybe make him understand."

He sighed, "I know you do Feli, but if he can't be reasoned with, we'll have to take action and that's why I'm preparing."

I nodded, "Si, okay."

Tonight we'd figure this out and my stomach was tied in knots. I felt sick to my stomach and a little lightheaded. I breathed in slowly.

"Feli, I know you're worried but it'll be okay. I'll make sure he doesn't try anything. Try not to think about it too much. I'll pick you up at 6 and we'll drive over and have this out once and for all."

I swallowed. "Okay."

"Good. Now that potato bastard had better be sticking around today. I have to deal with some things so I can't be at your apartment today but Antonio is off today if you want company," he said.

"Hola, Feli!" called the Spaniard's familiar voice from the background.

"Shut up, bastard!" Lovino groused. I could practically see the eye roll as Toni latched on to my brother. "Listen, I have to go, so just stay aware today and I'll see you tonight."

"Okay, Lovi. Ciao!"

"Si, ciao."

"Adios, Feli!" called Toni.

The phone clicked off and I pulled it away and gazed down at it deep in thought. I had to figure out what I wanted to say to Nonno. I wasn't sure what. He'd made his opinion fairly clear and I disagreed with him on it, but I wanted to have some sort of peace with him…and I didn't want him to hurt me anymore. I sighed frustrated and put my food aside, I wasn't in the mood to finish eating now. The fluttering in my stomach was making me ill. I did pick up my cappuccino however. I stood and walked over to my easel. I put on my painting apron and changed my shirt into an old stained one used only for painting. I took out a new canvas and squeezed out the primary colours on my palette. I poured some bottled water in my small glass jar and took out my brushed. The canvas had already been primed so I didn't have to worry about that. The background was a faint sepia colour. I blended my colours and started swiping my canvas with my larger brush, thinking about the vineyards in Italy.

The feeling of loss chewed up my throat and made my heart ache inside. I missed my home and I had this feeling that whatever happened today, I may never have the chance to experience it again with my family. Well Lovino, sure, but not with Nonno. I got lost in the lines, shapes, and the textures I made with the acrylic paint and soon the scene of my home formed. It was like I was there just looking at it and it wasn't thousands of kilometres away.

It wasn't until I heard footsteps behind me that I noticed how much my arm was aching. The bruises needed ice again, I figured, and I needed to drink some water.

I blinked when Ludwig cleared his throat, "Feli? Is everything okay?"

I nodded slowly, "Si. I just wanted to paint."

He stood behind me, pressed a hand to my lower back, and handed me a glass of lemon ice water. "What did your brother say?"

Feeling out of it still, I shook my head in attempt to focus, "Hmm? He said he's going with me to talk to Nonno and he's going to have someone else there to make sure nothing happens. I'm guessing it'll be someone undercover."

Ludwig looked down at me making eye contact, "What like some mafia guy or something?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. Probably. He has a lot of contacts."

The tall blond shook his head, "I guess he likes me then."

I smiled up at my boyfriend, "Of course he does. Otherwise you wouldn't be here anymore."

He looked bewildered and said, "He has a strange way of showing it. Do you want more ice?"

"Si, my arms hurt," I complained and gestured to the purple bruises on my arms.

"C'mere then," he said and brought me to the couch to clean me up and get me some ice. It was nice that he always took such good care of me. Not that I couldn't do it myself, I certainly could, but it was a nice feeling being looked after so tenderly.

"How is Gilbert?" I asked thinking about how Ludwig had his call as well.

Ludwig sighed. "He seems okay. At least he walked the dogs. And now I think he's stalking that boy from the restaurant last night."

I smiled. Gilbert wasn't the sort of man to take no for an answer and while his appearance was quite unnerving when you first met him, he had a very spontaneous and outgoing personality with some odd quirks that made him likeable on the whole. I wondered if this boy knew what he got himself into when he and Gilbert had crossed paths. It would be nice for Gilbert to have someone though.

"I think it's nice," I said finally.

"Stalking is not nice," Ludwig said flatly.

"No but Gilbert is that persistent guy. He might get along well with that boy who always seems to disappear."

Ludwig shrugged, "Ja, maybe. Maybe it'll stop him from taunting Roderich and Elizabeta."

I nodded and smiled.

"Ow! The ice is starting to burn," I hissed when I realised it was starting to hurt.

Ludwig blinked and pulled the towel-wrapped ice packs away from my arms. He gently ran his hands over the cold areas, not pressing but warming them a little. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head, "It's alright, I'm okay."

He looked at me in the eye and pressed his thumb to the side of my jaw just under my ear. "Are you sure, Feli?"

I bit my lip and nodded, "Hey, it's nothing I can't handle."

Ludwig leaned forward and kissed me so gently. "You shouldn't have to."

I could safely say I knew Ludwig pretty well and his nature, he wasn't a violent guy. He was controlled and steady. I wondered if he'd ever acted any differently, but he'd never really shown that side. Sure, sometimes he yelled a bit when he was really irritated with his brother or I got myself into trouble, but he was pretty much the most non-violent guy ever. Of course, it was entirely possible that he did have things he hadn't told me about but we all have our things that we keep from others and even ourselves. Still, the thought chose that moment to cross my mind that if I was going to choose someone to be in my life forever, it would be Ludwig.

I wrapped my fingers around the back of his neck and ran them through his hair pulling him closer to me letting him know I wanted him right now. He moved his lips to my neck kissing under my ear and gently over the bruises before sucking on my collarbone. I just wanted him.

"Luddy," I moaned out. "Want you, amore."

"Ja," he groaned out. "Gott, you're something, Feli. I want you too."

He pulled me to him and picked me up like I weighed nothing. He pulled my hips close to his and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I felt his hands pulling at the apron and helped him get everything off me; I undid his shirt buttons and tore it back away from his pale muscular chest. He pushed his black slacks and boxers boxers. I threw my head back when he bit the base of my neck soothing the little love bite with his tongue. Before I knew it, he was pressing me against the wall in the kitchen and I moaned when he trailed a hand down the sides of my body, capturing each nipple between his fingers knowing they were a weak spot for me. He lowered his mouth to lick each nub and the sensations he awoke within me drove me wild. My eyes fluttered and I tilted my head back half-mindless. He quickly brought one hand up to hold the back of my head before I could slam it into the wall.

He looked up at me, "Careful, Feli."

"Please," I whined. "Please fuck me."

His eyes caught mine and dilated, I wasn't much for cursing but because I didn't do it much, it had a stronger effect on Ludwig when I did. He kissed me hard and pressed his hand down my chest, moving past my belly button and reaching my dick, hard and leaking.

I gasped out as he took it firmly in his hold and stroked it slowly. He kept moving his hand for a few more moments til I was moaning so loud, it must have been disturbing the neighbours. I gripped his head, pulling at his short hair as little tears gathered at the corners of my eyes, the pleasure was so intense.

And a second before I was about to come, he stopped. I moaned, "Luddy! Please!"

I pulled his hips closer to mine, encouraging him to press his hardness against me. His eyes closed briefly and he had this look in his eyes like he couldn't get enough. He exhaled a shuddery breath and thrust his hips against mine, his hardness moving against mine. I desperately reached my hand down and held both of our dicks in my hand, doing everything I could to get my hand around both of them. He ground his hips against mine harder and used his hand to help me keep us connected that way. We stroked together faster and faster feeling the pleasure build up, I never wanted it to end.

"Oh dio, Luddy! I'm going to—" I felt the pressure built up and everything that had built up inside me slid down from my belly, exploding out of me.

Ludwig groaned and came not a second later. He breathed, somehow still managing to hold me up. A moment later he was dropping me somewhat less gracefully than usual on my bed and collapsing down beside me. He breathed against my neck as he gathered me from behind, totally spent. For now.

I turned my head to catch his eyes, he was giving me that sleepy smile and I grinned back at him.

"Kiss?" I asked making eyes at him.

He caught my lips in his and kissed me passionately yet a bit tiredly now. I laughed and kissed him back.

He held me there and just breathed against the back of my neck. "I'm going to fill up the bath. Do you want one?"

"Si, I'd love it," I sighed, the thought of being cocooned in warm water sounded like heaven. When he helped me into the warm bubbly water a few minutes later, the last bit of tension I'd had about everything happening just drained out. He washed me and kissed me. He wasn't a fan of taking baths but today he indulged me by joining me.

"We'll figure out, Feli," he said into my hair.

My eyes were closed and I nodded against him, "Si, I know."

TBC!