Meredith said something incoherent with a mouth full of toothpaste.
Cristina opened the shower door.
"What?"
Meredith rinsed her mouth. "Do you want to come over again tonight and study?"
Cristina closed the shower door again. "I can't. I have the thing with Owen." She raised her voice a little so that Meredith could hear her over the running water.
"Oh, right." She leaned her back against the sink, studying Cristina's movements through the fogged door. "And how do you feel about the thing?" She tried to sound nonchalant.
"I don't know, honestly."
"You could always chicken out? You could come and live with me. We could drive Derek crazy together. I mean, I've literally lived with everyone except you. Even Callie at one point."
Cristina thought about it. "True."
They were silent for a moment.
"But i'm not running, Mer."
"That's good."
Meredith opened the shower door and Cristina instinctively covered her breasts.
"I'm proud of you, Cristina Yang." Meredith smiled and so did Cristina.
"Thanks. Now go away." Cristina closed the door.
"It's not like i haven't seen it all before." Meredith said over her shoulder as she walked out.
"You're welcome." Cristina yelled before Meredith shut the bathroom door.
Cristina allowed the water to run over her head. She loved showers. It helped clear her head.
She thought about how supportive Meredith was being. She was grateful for that. She wondered if not running was the right thing to do. Maybe she could live here. But she knew she would miss Owen and that stupid firehouse she had learned to love.
Would he miss her?
She removed that thought from her mind.
She looked down at her belly , picturing it swollen and a life growing inside.
Would she be here right now if she had kept the baby? Would Owen have stayed faithful? She wondered if he was thinking about her at that moment. He probably was. She missed him. She missed the way things used to be before Henry died. Would things ever be like that again? Would they ever be that happy?
She couldn't answer that question because Derek was violently knocking against the bathroom door and ruined her train of thought.
"Yang! Get out of the damn shower! I had two hours of sleep and I need to take a shower!" He yelled through the door.
She rolled her eyes. She turned off the water and wrapped a towel around herself.
He banged on the door again. "Yang!"
She opened the door. "Would you keep your panties on?"
"About damn time." He mumbled as he walked past her.
"Mcgrumpy." She commented.
He gave her dirty look as he closed the door.
She laughed as she walked into Meredith's room and sat down on the bed.
"I like cranky Derek." She said as Meredith rushed back and forth in front of her, shoving baby clothes and diapers into a bag.
"I'll send him over to your house next time and let you enjoy him."
"Nah. You keep him. I already have Owen."
Meredith stopped and sat down next to Cristina.
"You good?"
Cristina gave her a small smile. "I'm good."
"Okay." Meredith smiled back. "Now get off your.." she looked at Zola in her crib. "Behind and get dressed. We're going to be late."
"Yes, Mommy." Cristina said as she stepped into Meredith's en suite and got ready for work.
\
"Ready to go?" Owen walked up beside her.
She was about to answer when she heard Meredith call her name.
"Yes. Just give me a minute." Cristina walked the short distance to the front of the hospital.
"Are you guys leaving to go do the thing?" Meredith kept her voice low.
"Yeah, we are."
"Okay." She was still in her scrubs and the cold night was starting to affect her. She hugged her arms over her chest, trying her best to fight off the cold. "Are you sure you want to do this? My offer to come and live with me still stands."
Cristina turned around and glanced at Owen who gave her a hint of a smile.
"Yes, i'm sure."
Meredith nodded.
"Now go inside, Mrs Over-Protective, before you freeze your butt off."
"Okay." Meredith looked Owen in the eye from where she stood and raised her voice to make sure he heard her. "But if you need me for anything, call me. I'll be over there in a second. I'll run if i have to." Her words were intended for Cristina but she directed them at Owen as a warning. She looked at Cristina and lowered her voice. "Okay?"
"Okay." Cristina nodded.
She watched Meredith walk back inside and hoped she could still shack up at her place if things didnt go well. She felt Owen place his jacket around her shoulders, surprising her, considering what they were about to go and do.
She looked up at him and hoped to God that they could work things out.
\
Cristina dropped her bag on the floor as she reached the top of the stairs and threw her jacket, as well as Owen's, on the chair.
It was weird being this uncomfortable in your own home. But that's what she felt. Uncomfortable.
"Are you hungry?" She heard Owen ask.
She shook her head.
"Want something to drink?"
"No, thank you."
Owen nodded.
Cristina sat down on the bed.
She'd been gone 24 hours but things felt so different.
Owen shifted around awkwardly. "Any good surgeries today?"
"That GSW to the chest was pretty exciting."
"That's good."
Cristina nodded. "Yeah."
They sat in silence for a while, both unsure where to start.
Finally, Cristina spoke. "Just start at the beginning." Her voice was soft.
Owen threw their jackets onto the bed and then pulled the chair, where they had been on, closer. "Okay."
\
"And then what happened?" Cristina was lying horizontally across the bed, covering her face with her hands as tears flowed down her cheeks.
"I don't see what good this is doing."
"Of course it's not doing any good. What good could this possibly bring?" She raised herself a little to look at him, anger visible in her tear-filled eyes.
"Then why am I doing this?" He raised his voice a bit.
She suddenly sat up. "Because i want to know!" She was yelling. "I want to know how and why this happened! How you managed to have sex with another woman! You want to fix this? I want to know!"
"I can't do this. You're asking me to hurt you , Cristina!"
"I'm already hurt, Owen!" She stood up. "Look at me!" She gestured at herself. "Can it really get any worse than this?"
He looked up at her and his heart twisted for all the pain he had caused her.
She laid down again. "I need to know." She paused. "Just please," she was no longer yelling. "tell me what happened next."
\
"What was her name?" Cristina asked as she poured sugar into her tea. It wasnt her usual choice for a beverage but it felt like tea fitted the occasion.
Owen had agreed to discuss the intimate details of his infidelity if it meant that it could possibly save their marriage and after an hour, she had decided she needed a break.
Now, he had his back turned to her as he dried off the dishes left from the night before.
"To be honest, i dont remember. But i didn't want to remember her. I chose to forget."
She nodded even though he couldn't see her.
"You were drunk?" He had already told her he was but she needed him to say it again.
"I was drunk."
"How many times?"
"Once?"
"Did you think about me?"
He paused and turned to look at her. She carried on. "You know, during?"
He looked down, thinking. "No." He shook his head. "No, i didnt." He looked back up at her.
If that had hurt her in any way, she didn't show it.
"I was drunk, Cristina. I was barely thinking at all."
She didnt reply. She just nodded and silently sipped her tea.
\
"You think it was easy for me? You think it was easy for me to abort a baby i knew my husband wanted? It was not easy for me , Owen!"
"And yet, you still went ahead with it!" He shot back.
"Yes, while you sat beside me, holding my hand, telling me that's fine. That everything's going to be okay!"
He was quiet.
She walked back to the bed and sat down. She was exhausted. It was hour four and the last hour had been nothing but yelling.
"I thought..." he spoke up again , his voice was soft. "I thought we'd be okay. I thought I'd be okay."
"But you're not."
"I'm not."
She laid back against the mattress, looking up at the ceiling. "Just carry on. I need this to be over soon."
"What happens after?"
She raised herself on her elbows. "We figure things out."
"And if we don't?"
She thought about it. "I honestly don't know."
He nodded and sat down again. He continued. "She convinced me stay for another drink and-"
\
Her phone rang and Owen paused.
"Do you want to get that? It might be Meredith." Owen offered.
He looked over at Critstina seated on the kitchen counter. It's something she always used to do when he would cook or when they had their long talks. She would sit up there and he would stand between her legs, offering her tiny tastes of whatever he was cooking or he would lie on the floor, looking up at her and she would look down at him and they would laugh and talk for hours. But today, he sensed that it was her way of keeping her distance from him.
"Yeah." She said softly.
She hopped down from the counter and got her phone from her jacket pocket.
"Mer."
"How's it going?"
She had her back turned to him so he couldn't see her shut her eyes as she silently fought back the tears provoked from that question.
"Fine."
"Do you want me to come and get you?"
"No. I'm fine. Besides, it's like 2am."
"I don't care. I've mastered that car seat and i can get Zola strapped in and be at your door in less than a minute."
"Mer, i'm fine. Just stay home. I'll call you later."
"Okay."
A moment of silence passed between them.
"Cristina?"
"Yeah?"
"I want to kick his ass."
"That makes two of us."
Cristina hung up the phone.
"Did she want to come and get you?"
She turned around, staring down at her phone as she fidgeted with it. "Yes, she did."
"Do you want her to?"
She looked up at him. "No."
She walked over to her side of the bed. She placed her phone on the nightstand and made herself comfortable on the bed again.
"Continue, please."
\
"I told her i was married. I did. But she told me to kiss her anyway and-" He couldn't carry on because Cristina's sobs worstened behind him and he didn't want to be the cause of them anymore.
He stood up from where he sat at the edge of the bed and walked over to her.
He stood watching her. He watched her as her cries overtook her entire body. She was in pain. Her heart was broken and it was his fault.
He had to hold her. He needed to comfort her even if she didn't want him to.
He laid down behind her and took her body into his arms.
She fought him, pushing his arms off of her.
"I can't believe you!" She yelled between sobs. "I can't believe-" Her cries were cloaked by her tears.
"Don't!" She pushed him away but he held on tighter.
She let go of a frustrated scream, her pillow muffling it, and then she was quiet.
He wrapped his arms around her even more and she allowed him to.
He thought she had given up , that she had given him permission to hold her and he was glad. But suddenly, she jumped up, walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.
He waited a few minutes before he went to the door.
"Cristina?"
She didn't answer. She was holding onto the sink, staring into the mirror, wondering how she had gotten there.
"Cristina, are you okay?" He knocked lightly.
She sighed and wiped away her tears.
"Please open the door." He begged.
She contemplated it and after a moment, she walked over to the door and opened it.
He started to speak but she held her hand up and he stopped.
"I am Cristina Yang." She started. "I've got an MD and a PhD." Her voice was calm. "I'm a freakin' cardiotheracic surgeon." She laughed a little as she said those words. "I don't cry over boys. It's not what I do."
Owen didn't say a word.
She went on. "I cried when my dad died. But that was acceptable."
Her hand still held the door and the other hand supported her against the door frame. "I dont cry over boys, Owen."
He nodded.
She straightened up. "And you know what's funny? In a few weeks, i'm writing the most important exam of my entire life and what am i doing? I'm sitting in a bathroom, crying because of a boy!" She began to laugh like it was the most hilarious thing she had ever heard.
"Cristina." Owen was frightened at her sudden laughter and calmness but she kept on laughing.
"Cristina, I'm sorry." He tried again.
Her laughter died down and she looked at him for a moment and then walked into the bedroom but instead of going to the bed again, she sat against the wall.
Owen followed her but he decided to keep his distance and sat at the edge of the bed.
She looked at him. "I thought that I could forgive you. I thought that maybe if I heard the exact story, i could work through it and forgive you but-"
"You can't." He finnished for her.
"I can't." She looked down. "Not yet."
"So what happens now?"
"I'm going to go stay at Meredith's for a while."
"No. I'll leave. It's your house."
"Owen..."
"No. You stay." He looked at her. "You stay."
She nodded.
She remained on the floor, knees pulled up, silently watching him throw things into a bag.
She wondered if her marriage was over. It sure felt like it.
When he was done, he came to stand infront of her.
"Okay, i guess that's it." He looked around at his home, wondering when he'd get to see it again.
She nodded.
He crouched down to her level and she looked up at him.
She could see the tears that were going to fall any minute. "I love you, Cristina. You're the love of my life. I'll never love another woman."
For the hundreth time that day, tears welled up in her eyes and flowed down her cheeks.
"Okay?" He needed her to understand the importance of his words.
"Okay." She whispered.
He stood up and walked towards the stairs but turned around again before he descended them. He didn't attempt to hide his tears. "Please take care of yourself." He looked at her one last time and then left.
She remained on the floor for a long time. She simply couldn't move.
Once she gained her mobility back, she stood up and looked around at her dimly lit home. It looked so empty.
She looked at the living room.
There wasn't any music playing with a goofy Owen dancing, trying to make her laugh which he always managed to do.
She looked over at the kitchen.
Owen wasn't there either. He wasn't stirring three pots at the same time while simultaneously taking a bread out of the oven because he was so excited that he found a new recipe and he couldn't wait for her to try it.
She turned and looked at the stairs. Her husband wasn't climbing them with flowers in his hand and a big smile on his face, even though he knew she didn't like flowers, he still bought them for her and she secretly enjoyed it when he did.
She turned even further and looked at their bedroom.
There weren't blue eyes constantly looking at her with nothing but love in them.
His ginger hair wasn't there to run her hands through.
She wrapped her arms around herself.
She already missed him.
She needed to get away.
There were too many memories in this house and she couldn't be around them any longer. She ran over to her closet, grabbed a suitcase and filled it with whatever she thought she might need.
The longer she stayed away from this place, the better.
\
Derek woke up to a loud banging on their front door.
He looked over at Meredith who was still asleep.
He got up and walked towards the source of the noise.
When he turned on the porch light, he found Cristina on the other side of the door.
He looked at the wall clock in the living room. Five AM.
He unlocked and opened the door.
"Cristina."
"I, uh, i forgot my key."
He looked down at the suitcase in her hand and the situation became clear to him.
He opened the door further and stepped aside.
"Come on in. Mer's upstairs."
He locked the door again once she was inside and when he got to the bedroom, Meredith was already awake and Cristina was holding Zola.
He looked at Meredith with questioning eyes.
"It's what she needs right now." Meredith simply said.
"Okay. Well, i'm going to go sleep in the guest room. You girls talk it out or dance it out or do whatever it is you do. I'm off to bed. Goodnight."
He closed the door and went over to the closet and grabbed a blanket.
Once he was settled into bed, he thought about how Cristina must be feeling right now. He knew that feeling all too well.
He started to drift and the last thing he thought about was how lucky he was to have found have Meredith even after what he'd been through and to actually be married to her after what he'd put her through.
/
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