Part IV – Girl Talk

AN: Apologies in advance to any male readers out there.

Kensi and Deeks were lying on the couch, splayed over each other, doing little more than vegging while the TV played some inane cop show. Monty was on the floor between them and the coffee table, chasing baddies of his own in his dreams, no doubt. As much as Kensi loved her job, the thrill of the chase, the adrenaline rush of a gunfight or hand-to-hand combat, the pride in knowing she was part of something important, she loved these times just as much.

When her phone alerted an incoming text, Kensi considered ignoring it. She was so comfortable she really didn't want to untangle from Deeks to pick it up from its place on the coffee table. But then she remembered that she had reached out to Kamran a few hours ago and hadn't heard back from her yet. Hopeful the girl had been out having an "okay" day with friends and she simply forgot to reply earlier, Kensi stretched for the phone and managed to grab it without landing the two of them on top of Monty.

"Nice trick there, Houdini." Deeks drawled, having enjoyed the view the exercise provided.

"Don't want to get up," she mumbled back. Swiping the screen and reading the message, Kensi quickly bolted upright, nearly knocking Deeks in the chin with her head.

"What the – what happened to not getting up?" Deeks complained.

"I...uh…" Kensi looked down, "I think Monty needs to go out." Upon hearing some of his favorite words, the canine in question got up and started doing an excited trot between Kensi and the front door. "Yup, he's definitely ready for a walk. I'll take him, you stay put. Be right back," Kensi rambled as she pulled on her sneakers, tucked her phone in her back pocket, and gave Deeks a quick peck on the lips before she left the house, grabbing the dog's leash on the way out.

She was back in five minutes. "I need to go out for a little while," she announced as she walked in the door.

"You forget to pee too while you were out there?"

"What?" Kensi was clearly distracted by whatever she was looking at on her phone.

"Before, you said Monty needed – you know what, forget it." He ran a hand through his hair. "Where are we going?"

"Oh, you don't have to come. I got it, thanks. Don't worry."

"Because that's not suspicious at all," Deeks joked. Glancing up at him from her phone, she seemed unsure, which made Deeks nervous. "Seriously Kens, what's going on?"

"Listen, I promise I'll fill you in when I get back, but it's kind of important that I leave now." She pulled out the cash in her pocket, counted it, and shoved it back in. Once more she gave him a quick kiss, "Love you, I'll text if I'm going to be long."

Before she could get too far away, Deeks reached for and held onto her hand until she stopped and turned back toward him. "No secrets, remember?"

Kensi blew out a mildly frustrated breath. "This isn't my secret, Deeks."

"So it's someone else's but you're willing to tell me about it later?" His voice was doubtful.

When Kensi's phone beeped again, she checked out the text and smiled a little. "Babe, it's not like that." At a loss for what to do to assuage her fiancé's curiosity and obvious wariness, inspiration finally struck. "You know what – why don't you come? In fact, you can drive while I do some research."

"Research into what?" he asked as Kensi started pulling him toward the door.

"Uh-uh, no questions until later. Otherwise you stay home. But I need to go now." Looking Deeks in the eye to show him how important this was, Kensi asked, "Deal?"

He smiled and nodded quickly, "Let's go."

"Are you pregnant? I mean, do you think you might be pregnant, Kens? Is that why we're going to a pharmacy in the middle of the night?"

"Deeks, it's not even eleven o'clock. And I said you didn't have to come with me."

"That's not a no."

Kensi held his eyes after they pulled into a parking spot outside a 24-hour drug store chain. "No. I do not think I'm pregnant. We are not here to buy a home pregnancy test."

"Then what are we here for?"

"I'm not going to answer that. At least not right now." She put NPR on the radio and opened the door, "You stay here like a good boy and I'll buy you a treat."

"We really need to work on your sense of humor," he called out after her as Kensi walked toward the store. Appreciating the view once again as he watched her go, Deeks pondered what he'd learned on the way here. Ever the detective, he couldn't help but want to detect, especially when his ladybird refused to tell him anything.

But that wasn't the only way to gather information. Since it was nighttime, Deeks could see the reflection of Kensi's phone screen off her window when she had the device angled just right. Unfortunately, he'd nearly run them off the road trying to sneak a peek at whatever websites she was perusing.

So instead, he glanced over at Kensi more frequently than usual while he drove, finding the expressions on her face priceless as she surfed the net. In those moments, a great deal was revealed. Deeks saw confusion, horror, relief, and happiness play across her lovely features, and that was what he was able to glean in the random and brief moments he could steal a glimpse at her. He didn't have a clue what it meant yet, but he didn't mind a little mystery every now and again.

Speaking of clues, he was sitting outside a big one right now. The problem was you could get so much more at these large chain drug stores that were open all night than the small mom-and-pop businesses that really did sell mostly pharmaceuticals. For all Deeks knew, Kensi got an alert that her favorite flavor of Häagen-Dazs was just delivered here. Even if his Kensalina wasn't pregnant, not much would stand between her and a pint of her latest obsession, Espresso Chocolate Cookie Crumble.

Ten minutes later, Deeks had exhausted his current investigative avenues and was deep into a game of Shape Fix on his phone when Kensi pulled on the back-door handle, startling him. She tucked a few bags into the space behind her seat and slid into the front next to him.

Deeks regarded her now empty hands. Eyebrows up, he asked, "Where's my treat?"

"How do I know you didn't make a mess in the cargo area while I was gone?"

He opened his mouth to return the snark, then thought better of it. "You know, that wasn't bad. Touché."

Kensi smiled as she lifted her butt off the seat and dug into her front pocket for something. She handed him a tube of Chapstick.

"Sweet Watermelon! The best of the summer flavors." His eyes narrowed. "Uh, the Sealed for Protection wrap is missing." He pulled off the cap, "Ew, did you use it?"

"We're getting married, Deeks. You can't share lip balm with me?"

His hand went through his hair and stopped at the back of his head, where he scratched a bit and continued to look uncomfortably at the object in his hand. "No, it's not that…it's just…I mean, obviously our lips touch the same stuff a lot, even each other's lips…and other body parts….so I…in a way this is like kissing you by proxy, I guess…and I…nope, I just can't do it, sorry." He passed it back to her.

Kensi shrugged, unfazed, then leaned in and kissed him long enough to be sure his tongue would peek out and take a taste. "There, now we're both happy."

Deeks smacked his lips together a few times, trying to figure out if he was in fact happy with the arrangement. While he didn't have the Chapstick, the combination of Kensi and the now transferred and therefore subtle Sweet Watermelon flavoring could become his new favorite. His lips and tongue still pondering that, Deeks asked, "Back home?"

"Sam's house," was Kensi's firm reply.

Deeks was surprised. "Is everything all right there? Is someone sick?"

"I'm sure everyone is fine."

"Which is why we'll be showing up there way after what is considered polite," he groused as he pulled out of the spot and headed toward the parking lot exit.

"It's not showing up when you're invited."

"Sam asked you to come? Is Kam having a really bad day or something?"

"Can we have this discussion later, Deeks? I need to do a little more research. Drive," Kensi commanded, reaching for the phone in her back pocket.

"What are you guys doing here?" Sam asked when he opened his front door to find Kensi and Deeks.

"Kam needs a little Kensi time. Okay if I go up? Thanks," she said with a too-big smile as she walked past their teammate, bags in hand, not waiting for a reply.

It was obvious that Sam had no idea what was going on either. "May as well come on in, Deeks." The former SEAL turned and walked further into the house. "Get you a beer? I keep some in the fridge for G. Or I can make you a protein shake."

"Yeah, sure. A smoothie sounds great, actually." Deeks followed the man into the kitchen and studied him as he gathered the ingredients for their drinks. He thought Sam looked a little better since the last time he and Kensi had been here about a month ago. He'd put back on some of the weight he'd lost, and Deeks guessed he'd returned to his workout routine. "So, uh, is Kam okay?"

Sam slowly put the container of protein powder back on the counter. He looked at Deeks and shook his head. "I don't know man. I mean, I thought she was doing better. Not great. Hell, not even good, but better. Kensi's been a godsend for her. I swear, the only thing she seems to look forward to are their get-togethers every week. And I know Kensi checks-in with her almost daily. Kam usually tells me what she texts Kensi, about how she's doing that day. So it helps me keep up with her too. But she's been up in her room all day today, and barely answers when I try to talk to her. I'm glad she at least reached out to Kensi tonight."

"Whatever it is, Kens will do everything she can to help." Deeks wasn't sure he should mention their stop at the drug store, presumably after hearing from Kamran. Despite what his detective senses were telling him, it was possible it had nothing to do with the girl, and Deeks didn't want to worry the father for no reason.

He fell silent as Sam resumed work on the drinks. When they had their smoothies in hand, both men raised their glasses to one another before sipping. "Aiden been keeping busy?" Deeks asked after his first taste.

"Always," Sam said. "He's learning a lot at the NOSC, and doing good work there. And they're keeping him hopping at the soup kitchen. Miss Ernestine, as Aiden call her, adores him."

"He told you that?"

"No, Ernestine did. Kam and I pitched in during a dinner shift and when they were short-staffed last week. She's a nice woman, and a good person."

"That she is."

"She can't say enough about you and Kensi either. I really appreciate you hooking Aiden up with that opportunity, Deeks. You two have done a lot for my family this summer, and I won't forget it."

Deeks was relieved that Sam didn't appear to blame them in any way for Michelle's death. He and Kensi continued to struggle with it some. They still felt terrible about her loss, but they were gradually feeling less guilty and responsible for it. Knowing that Sam didn't hold them accountable would go a long way toward helping them accept their inability to find her sooner or save her life once they finally had. "No need to keep score, man. We're glad to be there for the kids. If there's anything we can do for you too, we will. You know that, right?"

Sam didn't speak, but simply nodded his acceptance of the other man's offer.

"So Kens and shouldn't take it personally that you haven't called us back once in the past month?" Deeks ribbed.

"You guys are helping my kids, you are helping me. They're my life. Always have been, but now they're all I have left. And I can't thank you enough."

Kensi knocked lightly on Kamran's door. "Kam? It's Kensi. Can I come in?"

"Yes," she heard faintly.

Entering the room, Kensi found it shrouded in darkness, save the area at the head of the girl's bed. The glow from a small lamp made it possible for Kensi to discern that the tween was laying on her side in a fetal position. Familiar enough with the room from her visit last month, Kensi was able to make her way to the edge of the bed easily despite the gloom. She put her purchases on the floor and knelt beside the bed so they were at the same level.

"I brought a whole bunch of things with me, so you'll have plenty of options. But since it's late, I think you're better off using overnights with wings for right now." She rummaged through one of the bags, pulled out a specific box, and presented it to the young woman. "You know what to do with these?"

Kamran sat up, "Yeah."

"You sure? It's okay if you don't. There are plenty of websites that have diagrams, pictures, and even videos. I know this because I spent some time looking at them while Deeks drove us here."

"Deeks knows?!" She seemed appalled at the thought.

"No, I watched a few of the videos when I was in the drug store. And while he thinks I didn't know he was trying to sneak a peek while he was supposed to be keeping his eyes on the road, he couldn't see anything I was looking at."

Kamran's relief at that news was palpable. Standing, she took the proffered box, went to her dresser for what Kensi assumed was a clean pair of underwear, and left the room. While she was gone, Kensi removed another important item from a bag and started getting it ready.

Kensi's nerves began to settle a little as she got an idea of what she was in for tonight. Kam hadn't been so calm earlier, but she seemed much less upset now. She hadn't known what to expect when Kam texted, asking her to call her back when Kensi was alone. When the girl told her she'd just gotten her first period, had no supplies, and steadfastly refused to ask her father to run to the store for her, Kensi's anxiety ramped into overdrive. She didn't know what Kamran had been taught in school or by her mother, or had heard from her friends. She was terrified at the prospect of having to explain everything to her. She was just finishing her task when Kamran returned.

"Everything go okay?"

The girl nodded as she plopped down on her bed, "My mom showed me how to use pads a while ago, even the ones with the wings."

Thank you, Michelle, Kensi thought, rolling her eyes heavenward. She sat next to Kamran. "How's the pain?"

The teen made a face, "The cramps are awful. Women actually go through this every month?"

"I brought you something that might help," she said soothingly. "One of the things that works for me when my cramps are really annoying is a heating pad." Kensi handed over the already warming cloth-covered device, which Kamran took and placed against her abdomen. "That one's good for sleeping with, since it shuts off automatically after two hours. I also got you some of the little one-time use heat wraps for when you're out and about." She stage-whispered, "They work best if you're wearing granny panties, as Deeks calls them." Kensi was gratified to hear the girl's giggle.

"Thanks, Kensi."

"You're welcome, sweetheart. I'm glad you contacted me."

"I was having cramps on and off all day, and I thought maybe my period was coming, but when I went into my parents' bathroom to get the pads Mom told me she kept there, they were gone. Dad probably threw them out. I guess he didn't realize they were there for me too. And I couldn't ask him to bring me to the store, because I didn't want to tell him why, and then I just got upset and cried for a long time. Before I could figure out how to tell him, the bleeding started, and I texted you."

"So your dad doesn't know yet?"

"No. My mom and I had a long talk a couple of years ago, and she told me all about periods, and pads, and tampons, and…other stuff, and I didn't even want him to know we talked about it, you know?"

"I get it. I've told you what a tomboy I was – I didn't even want my dad to think of me as a girl. So I was mortified that he would find out when I started getting my period. To this day I don't know when my mother told him, because he never treated me any differently. And guess what he confided in me a few years later, when it was just the two of us after my parents' divorce." Kensi's voice softened, "He said he'd been scared too, but he worried that as I became a woman I would outgrow him and wouldn't need him anymore."

"But he was your dad."

"Right? You and I both lucked out in the dad department, how could we not need them? Between you and me, Kam, I think this is going to be a little difficult for your father, because it means that you're growing up. And for both of you, it'll probably be yet another reminder of what your mom isn't here to help you with. So take it easy on him, okay? Don't shut him out of this too much." She gave the tween a few moments to consider her comments.

When Kamran looked to her again, Kensi lightened the mood a little. "Besides, after living with your mom as long as he did, I'm sure Sam Hanna knows all about women and their periods. In fact, he might be able to share some details about your mom's cycle that could be useful for you to know."

"Ew! Like what?"

"Like if there were any signs in the days before that it was coming. Or how bad her cramps were and what she did to relieve them. If she got particularly moody. That sort of thing."

"Does Deeks knows those things about you?"

"Yup. Sometimes he knows before I do that my period is about to start."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I don't pay attention to the calendar all that much, but he does. Even without that, I sometimes get sort of…snippy a few days before. Or snippier, he would probably say."

"What does he do?"

"He steers clear when he can," Kensi laughed. "He doesn't take it personally. He keeps an emergency stash of chocolate in his desk at work for when I go through mine too quickly."

Kensi didn't miss the gleam in Kamran's eyes at the mention of chocolate. "Speaking of," Kensi pulled a bag onto her lap and found another within it. "You said you loved Snickers, so I got you a small stockpile of minis."

Kam smiled gratefully while she opened the package of bite-sized candy bars. She took two for herself and offered them to Kensi. "Don't mind if I do, thanks," the agent said as she took a couple.

They munched quietly for a few minutes before Kamran said, "You should take the rest home. Mom and Dad don't really let us keep junk food in the house."

"I happen to know your mother had a strong desire for Kit Kat bars when she had her period. And I also know where she hid them so your father didn't come across them and throw them away."

"How'd you find that out?"

"It was my time of the month that Christmas we were here, and I was craving chocolate something fierce. Your mom was gracious enough to help me out. She told me it was one of the little 'secrets' she and your dad had. She pretended that she didn't keep junk food in the house and he pretended not to know it was around somewhere. I have a feeling your secret will be safe with him too."

"Where are they?"

"You know the small cabinet right above the microwave?"

"The one all the travel mugs are in?"

"That's it. All the way in the back is a coffee tin, and there's even a bunch of old coffee filters on top of it. She put her stash in there."

"You think there's still some there?" Kam's eyes widened in excitement.

"I wouldn't be surprised. Want to go take a look? Maybe we can tuck your Snickers away for the next time you need a fix." Kensi understood the tween's enthusiasm wasn't about the candy, but the prospect of finding something her mother left behind. A treat she probably would have shared with her daughter today had she been here.

Kamran reluctantly agreed. "Dad and Deeks are down there."

"You've got to see your father again sometime, Kam. But how about if I text Deeks and tell the men to make themselves scarce for a few minutes?"

The girl nodded eagerly and Kensi sent the message. "While we wait to hear back from him, why don't I show you what else I picked up during my little shopping spree?" Grabbing the packages from the floor, Kensi started tossing items at Kamran. "Let's see, we've got regular and heavy pads, both with wings, for teens and tweens. You're going to want to try one of those during the day tomorrow. Panty liners, which are good for the days before, like if you think your period is coming but you're not sure. Umm, some regular, non-teen pads without wings, so you can see what works better for you."

"Good news is I won't have to worry about buying supplies for a while," Kamran said lightly.

"Yeah…I didn't know what you'd need or want. And it's not like these things go bad. I also bought a box of tampons made for tweens and teens, which are thinner, and have plastic applicators." Kensi paused, a little uncomfortable again. "Did your mom show you how to use them?"

"Kind of. She took one out of the wrapper and showed me what to do with it, without, uh, actually doing it. But she said she'd talk me through it if I wanted to use them when the time came." The tears welled in Kamran's eyes.

"They're really great if you're going swimming during your period. You don't want to wear a pad into a pool if you can help it. I remember my mother told me it feels like wearing a full diaper."

Kamran smiled. "Mom said I might want to wait until I've gotten my period a few times before trying them."

"That's a good idea. Or you don't have to try them at all if you don't want to. Plenty of women don't use tampons. But if you decide you want to and the directions in the package aren't all that helpful, there are a ton of videos and guides online for that too." At the girl's surprised look Kensi assured her, "Don't worry, the ones I saw weren't graphic, but they got the point across. One important thing, if you do use a tampon make sure you don't leave the same one in for more than eight hours. It says that on the insert too, so you don't have to remember everything I'm telling you now."

Kam just nodded, seeming a little overwhelmed.

Kensi took a breath and debated mentioning another option. She figured the conversation was already awkward enough and decided to save the description of a menstrual cup for another time. Hell, maybe she'd just email Sam an article about it and let him share it with his daughter.

Finding the last of the purchases at the bottom of the bag, Kensi said, "Oh, I bought these but I don't want give them to you without your dad's permission: individual packets of Tylenol, Advil, and Midol. I'm sure he'll tell you this if he wants you to try them, but make sure you follow the instructions for how often you can take more; they're not all the same."

Kensi tucked the medication in her pocket and picked up her phone, having ignored the alert in the middle of her tampon tutorial. "Coast is clear, they'll hang out in the garage until we let them know it's safe to come out. Ready?"

Minutes later, Kensi had her hand on Kamran's back as the girl stood on a step-ladder and moved a half dozen plastic and stainless-steel travel mugs out of the way to reach the back of the cabinet. "Got it!" Climbing down, Kamran opened the canister. Her tears came as quickly as her smile when she discovered it half full of snack-sized Kit Kats. She placed the tin on the counter and was about to add in her own candy when she noticed something green poking up from the pile of red wrappers. Kamran gasped as she immediately recognized it as her mother's stationery. She had found many of these notes packed with her lunch over the years, usually with words of encouragement before an important test, try-out, or presentation. Her name was written on the front of the envelope in her mother's pretty script. She showed it to Kensi.

Tears filled the agent's eyes as well. "Looks like your mom planned on showing you her stash one day."

"What do I do? Should I read it now?"

Kensi thought a moment. She recalled when Granger handed over her father's sniper journal. Her first instinct had been to tear it open as soon as she got to her car in the mission's parking lot. She'd decided to drive to the beach first. Had the woods been closer or had it been earlier in the day, she would have gone there instead. But she hadn't wanted to wait until the next day, so she'd reasoned that any venue in nature would do, as long as she felt close to her dad there.

"You can if you want. But you've had a rough day today, and I think no matter what that says, it'll be very emotional for you. You might want to wait until you're feeling better. Maybe in the morning, read it someplace where you like to remember your mom. Just make sure your dad is home when you do, okay? You'll probably need him after."

Kamran stared at the unexpected message from her mother and ran her thumb over the letters of her own name. She took a slow breath and said, "I think I'll read it tomorrow." Kamran carefully laid the note on the counter, poured her own candy into the container, closed it, and returned it to the cabinet. Feet once more on the floor, she turned to Kensi and frowned. "I'm really tired. Do you think you could…"

"You want me to tell your dad you got your period?" When Kamran only nodded, Kensi assured her, "Of course. I'll also school him a little on what he needs to know about buying pads." Kensi smiled when Kamran did, "But the two of you are going to have to actually discuss this at some point, you know."

"We will, I promise. Probably tomorrow. Just not tonight. Oh, and can you tell him I really think I'm going to need to try some of those pills? I hate feeling like this."

"You got it. Do you mind if Deeks sits in too? I think your father might need a guy friend around to support him."

"I guess," she shrugged. "If anyone can help my dad see the humor in this, it's Deeks."

Kensi smiled, "Good point, he'll be happy you think so. Go ahead up to bed. Don't forget, you can sleep with the heating pad on if it helps at all."

Kamran wrapped her arms around Kensi's middle. "Thanks, Kensi. For everything, not just tonight."

Kensi hugged her back and kissed the top of her head. "You're welcome. Any time, Kamran."

The girl rested her hand on the envelope for a moment before picking it up and leaving the kitchen. Kensi took a few deep breaths to keep her own tears at bay. Less than a minute later she walked to the garage, where she was unsurprised to find Sam and Deeks cleaning the senior agent's guns again. Both men looked at her expectantly.

"What's going on, Kensi? How's Kamran?" Sam asked anxiously

"Let's go into the living room. You're going to want to be comfortable for this conversation, Sam. And I'm going to need a beer," she said with a smile.

Bright and early the next morning, Kamran sat on the porch swing on the back patio. It was one of the places where she felt closest to her mother. She used to lay with her head on her mom's lap after school, the woman's fingers lightly tickling her scalp, while they talked about their days. Kamran held the envelope for what seemed like a long time, and only opened it after she laid down and could imagine her mother there with her.

April 3, 2015

My darling Kamran,

Today we had The Talk. Believe it or not, I was probably more nervous than you were. But oh, so proud of you as well. You're such a smart, talented, funny, kind, beautiful (inside and out), and overall amazing girl, and it's my privilege to watch you continue to grow into the wonderful young woman I know you'll be soon. I'm writing this because I want us both to remember the discussion we shared today, what will be the first of many "Girl Talks" we'll have.

There are so many more conversations I look forward to having with you: your first period (when I'll show you where my not-so-secret candy is hidden and you'll probably read this note), your first crush, first boyfriend, first kiss (you'd better not kiss a boy before he's properly your boyfriend!), first love, first heartbreak.

I must be getting my period soon myself, because I'm getting all sentimental now. I plan to be there for all those talks, baby. But if something happens and I'm not physically able to be there with you, know that I'll be there in spirit because a piece of me is always with you. The best piece of me: my heart. (Remind me to tell you about how weepy I get with my period some months; damned fool McDonald's commercials can even set me off! I'm sure that's to blame for these tears right now.)

Enough of the sappiness, time to tuck this note away where we'll find when we have our next big Girl Talk. And maybe I'll just sneak a Kit Kat out while I'm at it.

Love you forever and always, my baby girl.

Mom