Hi. Sorry. I am a terrible human. I have not updated this in ages, so sorry. Anyway, I hope this chapter makes up for it.
"Is this ever going to end?" Athena asked.
"Probably not." Aphrodite answered.
Dear Gods
DEFINITELY NOT! HAHAHAHA!
Hades
Dear Apollo
Please come meet us!(+5000 more exclamation marks). I mean, there's hair, and sungoddedness (It is a word, Deedee, how many times do I have to tell you?). And tell Demeter that cereal is stupid.
Your Fangirls
"Why do I keep getting asked to try and pwn other-"
"And cleverer?" Artemis put in.
"Other gods?" Apollo finished, glaring at his sister. "OK, Demeter, cereal is stupid."
A bunch of wheat hit him in the face. "Owww!"
"Cereal-" Demeter stood up, hands on her hips. "Is so much better than poetry or that dumb mini harp."
"It's a LYRE!" Apollo shouted.
"Calm down, guys." Zeus said.
"NO!" They continued screaming insults about the mini harp and the stupidity of wheat.
"No one listens to me. Ever."
Dear Gods
I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you!
The PYROMANIAC!
Dear Zeus
Enjoying this? By the way, I put a new announcement on the Percy Jackson Intercom. People who didn't know about this before now know. Have a good life.
Haha. Kidding. Actually, I hope that everyone turns against you because you kept sleeping with their significant others/sisters/friends, helps me take over Olympus and then stick you in Tartarus.
Hades (again)
P.S: But, seriously, dude, stop sleeping with so many women.
Dear Hera
By the way, are you wearing cowskin right now?
Bethany U. Suckham
P.S: BTW, any advice on serial cheater husbands who won't stop sleeping with random women?
Dear Gods
You know what? Nucleara is almost ready to go. All we have to do is (Ok, sure Keyboarde, I won't tell them). Actually, I'm not gonna tell you. Anyways, soon we'll just (OK, Snowus. You're right, I nearly did it again.)
(OK, thanks, Kittius, I didn't think it was the smoothest letter)
(Yes, iTunesa, I have heard of sarcasm.)
(OK, shut up all of you, I'm not an idiot.)
(I don't appreciate your input, Pencilla!)
Morpheus, Honourable and Respected CEO of the Minor Gods
(In your dreams)
GET OUT OF MY LETTER, SNOWUS! AND YOU KEYBOARDE! OH YEAH, YOU TOO, PENCILLA, AND KITTIUS, AND iTUNESA! (BTW, you're still not respected.)RIGHT, THAT'S IT! I'M LOWERING YOUR SALARIES TO 14 DRACHMAS A WEEK! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! SECRETARIA, GET ME SOME BLOODY COFFEE!
Wait, there was a talk-and–write quill here as well? Shoot. That's it, 13 drachmas.
Dear Hephaestus
Mark reeeaaaalllly needs your help. And so do I (Delphina, from a trashed Italigreek Villa). So do I. (Pierre, the dude in the stereotypical beret). And me! (Valerie, the- actually, what can I define myself as?)
Deb the broke failure at fixing lightbulbs.
P.S: By the way, Mark didn't want to pay, so of course we had to find a way around it!
P.P.S. BTW, how much money does he have to pay?
Dear Athena
BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW BTW!
The BTW girl (the PWN guy's wife.)
P.S: BTW!
"I had no idea that there were so many idiots around the mortal world!" Athena mused.
"At least I didn't get another letter from that Random Guy." Aphrodite said.
"Oh, by the way, I've got you your toga." Ares said.
"Thanks, babe. HEEEEYYYYY! THIS ISN'T AZURE, IT'S ROYAL! ROYAL BLUE? REALLY, YOU PRAT? HOW HARD IS IT TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE?"
"Actually, it is pretty hard." Ares muttered, then scarpered.
"How does he put up with her?" Artemis mused.
"I HEARD THAT?"
"I finished with her millenia ago. She was too annoying. Best decision of my life." Hephaestus said.
"I think a good decision would be to do that thing of writing back." Apollo said.
"Go." Artemis said
Dear Fangirls
I CAN'T COME MEET YOU! JEEZ! But, you're totally right about Demeter. Cereal sucks. And tell that to the Cereal Enthusiasts.
Apollo the Awesome (Like the alliteration, hey?)
Dear the PYROMANIAC!
How many times do I fricking have to tell you? You cannot set Olympus on fire with mortal fire!
Artemis (who has to do it today, because she didn't get a letter from someone else)
Dear Hades
I do not sleep with that many women! I mean there was only Alina, and Carmen, and Freya-fine and Annabelisalia the Cereal Enthusiast.
No, Hera, it wasn't all from last week!
Fine, it was!
DAMN IT! A TALK-AND-WRITE QUILL? I AM GOING TO HAVE A SERIOUS TALK WITH QUILLA! MORPHEUS SHOULD HAVE NEVER ACTIVATED HER BROTHER!
Zeus
Dear Bethany U. Suckham
I sympathise with you greatly. You know, we have soooo much in common, and you are one of the less annoying mortals. I think we should be penfriends. And BTW, that will only work if you stop asking me questions about what I'm wearing.
(I am wearing cowskin though. What do you like to wear?)
Hera, your new BFF.
Dear Morpheus
SERIOUSLY! Your little 'nuclear weapons' thing will never work. And that was the klutziest letter in the world.
However, I agree with you on the point that talk-and-writes suck.
And what is a CEO? Maybe I can be one!
Zeus
Dear Deb (too lazy to do the rest)
I will not help your friends. If I get one more letter from Delphina, Valerie, Pierre, or Mark, I will personally- you don't want to know!
Hephaestus
P.S.: HA! I pwned your way out!
P.P.S.: You know perfectly well what kind of pay I mean.
"That is totally sad." Apollo laughed. "Trying to be like a minor god."
"Right, that's it. MASTER BOLT TIME!"
Crackle. Fizzle. Hiss. Dead Master Bolt.
"HEPHAESTUS! WHAT DID YOU DO? FIX THIS!"
"Yessir!" Hephaestus grinned.
"Apollo, stop annoying me!"
"Yessir!"
"Aphrodite, put the weapons down!"
"Yessir!"
"Athena, call Meditatea. I think Aphrodite here needs another session."
"Yessi- Hey wait, I'm not your secretary."
"Yeah well, now you are."
"Not."
"MASTER BOLT T-HANG ON, THE POWER'S OUT! COME ON!"
Dear BTW girl
STOP IT! AND TELL YOUR HUSBAND TO F*** OFF? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? OH WAIT, I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE YOUR PROBLEMS? HOLY ZEUS!
Athena.
"OK, everyone, I am the CEO of the gods." Zeus announced.
"What the hell is a CEO?" asked Aphrodite.
"Something Morpheus is to the minor Gods." Apollo smirked.
"Ha! Zeus is like obsessed with Morpheus." Aphrodite cackled.
"Oh gosh, this is going to be an in-joke for the next few millenia, isn't it?" Zeus sighed.
"Yes." said everyone else in unison.