AN: Well... this is really late... haha... well I really have no excuse so... yeah. Either way, i hope all you readers enjoy it, because I really did try hard to make it flow and make Ash act like a normal person/trainer.
Run
The attacks collided in an explosion. The smoke cloud that bloomed from the impact of lightning against shadow suffused the room for a moment. For a moment, all was silent as both trainer and gym leader regarded the situation, analyzing and processing. That silence was broken by two simultaneous calls.
"Pikachu, Agility!" It was a tactical choice. Blindly attacking ghost Pokémon wasn't advisable due to their tendency to phase in and out of existence. He would wait until she made the first move and then respond accordingly. Ash carefully noted the rubble strewn across the ground from the initial attacks. The assorted debris would serve to mitigate Pikachu's increased speed. Instead of heading straight for Mismagius Pikachu would instead have to dart around the obstacles.
Fantina regarded the situation with no little amusement. "Does zhe little boy think that will help? Mismagius, Psychic!"
Mismagius' eyes glowed blue, and various pieces of rubble proceeded to rise of the ground and hurtled at blinding speed toward Pikachu. The sheer amount of debris being fired would basically ensure a hit.
"Pikachu! Iron tail." He decided. Pikachu's tail glowed a lethal white, before Pikachu handily smashed the flying rubble with contemptuous flicks of his tail. It was like a deadly dance, pirouetting and twisting the glowing tail like a ribbon. The salvo of debris halted, and Ash looked, quickly assessing the situation.
This wasn't good; Pikachu had expended far too much energy defending, he decided then to wait. Waiting for Pikachu to recuperate was the best and most logical move, attacking at this point was pointless.
"Ma Cherie, confuse ray sil te plait." Fantina uttered flourishing her hand as she did so.
A glowing beam of light emanated from Mismagius's eyes and impacted Pikachu. Suddenly, Pikachu looked like his brain had turned to mush. The little electric mouse was flailing his arms around wildly, and the thunderbolt shaped tail whipped back and forth in agitation.
Ash grit his teeth. Of course, if he didn't do anything then Fantina would take advantage of the break in action to attack. It was foolish of him to think anything else, and now his Pikachu was suffering for it. All he ever did was cause unnecessary pain to his Pokémon, with nothing to show for that pain.
"Pikachu! I'm pulling you out!" He decided, walking over and yanking Pikachu out of the stage and onto the side lines. After shrugging off the minor thunderbolts to the face, he settled his Pokémon on the ground. He had after all, broken the electric mouse's Pokéball long ago. Half of the ball still hung from his neck, attached to a black cord.
Ash sighed and quickly analyzed the rest of his options. Feebas wasn't an option. There was no water here for one, so even moving would be a challenge. His only other option was Umbreon... Tactically, he knew it was the best choice. Umbreon was a dark type Pokémon and Fantina primarily used ghost and psychic types, so it was an ideal matchup. However, Umbreon had quite simply, refused to listen to him last battle, or rather had lost control.
Ash cursed silently under his breath. I have no choice… He thought resignedly, tossing out Umbreon's Pokéball. Click.
"Eon." Umbreon purred softly, landing neatly on her four legs. The yellow circles on the moon light Pokémon's legs gleamed once before Umbreon stood at attention, awaiting her trainer's orders. Ash looked over at Fantina.
Looking every bit like a character from an elaborate opera, the Hearthome city gym leader still looked as poised and calm as ever. Ash gritted his teeth. She looked so calm, standing there, like she hadn't a care in the world. Was he really that pathetic? He decided he wasn't going to answer that question.
"Umbreon! Nightslash!" He said.
Umbreon's muscles flexed and tensed, before that ugly black energy flickered around her paw again. Like a streak of black lightning, Umbreon lunged at Mismagius, her hind legs sending her flying through the air. With an elegant twirl, Mismagius dodged the first blow.
Fantina smirked, opening her mouth to make a petty comment. It was a pity that she had forgotten one thing; Umbreon did have more than one paw to strike with. Umbreon's left paw followed after the first missed strike and smacked Mismagius to the ground.
"Umbreon, Curse." Ash ordered, watching Umbreon closely as she landed neatly on the ground. Umbreon's rings shone gold for a moment, before something dark wreathed around the moonlight Pokémon's body. Curse was a move that raised the attack and defense of a Pokémon by basically offering up their energy in return for power, albeit at the cost of lowering the Pokémon's speed.
It was a gamble, but Ash reasoned that a stronger offense and defense would compensate for the lack of mobility that curse inflicted. "Umbreon, Nightslash!"
A crater appeared in the center of the floor as Umbreon pounced on Mismagius.
"Mismagius, thunder wave!" Fantina cried as Umbreon descended upon Mismagius. A strong jolt of electricity shot from Mismagius' body and encircled Umbreon's. Umbreon winced and collapsed to the ground midleap as her joints stiffened from the electrical pulse.
Fantina smirked again, obviously the boy was inexperienced. No trainer would allow their Pokémon to get paralyzed so easily, paralysis was a crippling status condition that basically ensured that the Pokémon could not dodge for the duration of the battle.
Mismagius escaped unscathed, floating serenely away. Fantina smirked, "Eet was a good try, but leetle boy, you will have to try harder next time. Ma Cherie, Shadow ball!"
A writhing mass of shadow appeared in front of Mismagius, primed and ready to fire. Suddenly, Mismagius collapsed to the ground in a similar manner to Umbreon. The mass of shadows dissipated into the air as its user collapsed in a stiffened heap on the ground. An electrical shock flickered briefly around Mismagius' body before disappearing. Ash felt a smile curling his lips.
"But how, c'est Impossible!" Fantina cried, looking at Ash incredulously.
Ash shrugged, "Umbreon has the ability synchronize. If she is inflicted with a status condition, the attacker is inflicted with the same condition. Tough Luck." He said, "Umbreon, lets wrap this up! Night slash!"
Umbreon nodded and pounced on Mismagius. The dark energy wrapped around her paw, before plunging her paw into Mismagius. It was a morbid display. Umbreon continuously raked paw after paw of dark scything energy into Mismagius, the heavy salvo of attacks and Mismagius' unfortunate position on the ground ensured that Mismagius could not dodge nor issue a return attack.
At the end of the display, Mismagius laid in a crumpled heap on the floor, long claw marks streaking down its side and across the majority of the Pokémon's body. Fantina glared at Ash, her façade cracking as her annoyance began to shine through. "C'est une blague." She muttered, throwing her second Pokéball high into the air after returning her Mismagius.
A smirking figure appeared out of the ray of red light. A short menacing laugh escaped from the newly released Haunter as it appraised its opponents with narrowed eyes. Fantina smirked and looked at Ash, "C'est Finit."
Ash responded to that with one short command, "Night Slash!" He said, letting Umbreon lunge for the floating ghost's throat, dark energy pulsing around the moonlight Pokémon's paws. The dodge was almost expected, especially with thunder wave wreaking havoc on Umbreon's speed.
Like he predicted, Haunter dodged.
Fantina smiled and looked over at Ash, "It's been fun leetle boy. Haunter, Curse!" Fantina said with a smile, as both Pokémon suddenly seemed to be tied together by an invisible thread. Both of them collapsed to the ground, Haunter getting up on shaky ground. Umbreon on the other hand was still collapsed on the ground, convulsing in pain. As Umbreon attempted to stagger to her feet, a jolt of electricity sent her reeling back to the floor.
A cold weight was sinking in his gut. This was bad.
Ash could do nothing but watch, as Fantina issued one simple command. "Haunter, Shadow Ball ma Cherie."
A rain of shadow peppered his Umbreon's collapsed body, obscuring the moonlight Pokémon's body as shot after shot thudded into the surrounding ground. Ash watched on with a sort of muted horror. I'm a coward… he thought. He wanted nothing more than to rush in and save his Pokémon from that ugly barrage of attacks, but the thought of rushing in, of taking those hits for his Pokémon… They had his legs frozen in place.
He waited. And waited.
After at least a minute, after the dust from the barrage of attacks had settled, his poor poor Umbreon laid in a battered heap on the ground. He walked forwards, and gently returned Umbreon to her Pokéball. He lost. At a much greater cost than he had imagined.
Had he really been expecting anything else?
Fantina did nothing but watch, a parting, "Good luck next time leetle boy." Was issued as Ash's hands rested on the door way and the trainer made his way out.
Ash was greeted by a two familiar figures as he stepped outside the gym door.
"HEEEEY DUDE! How did your match go!" Travis bellowed, rushing up with the energy and patience of a kitten. "Did ya win?! Well, did ya?"
Ash looked blankly at Travis. Right. This was the kid who had said that he was his idol. Might as well let the kid see what a failure I am now… He thought bitterly as he gently brushed past Travis with no response. Travis quieted as Ash swept by.
"Oh." Travis muttered, stepping aside.
The other figure, a man that carried the scent of flour and berries with him, stepped forward with a smile on his face. "Well Ash, I did tell you I would see you again. Except it looks like this time, our roles are switched." He said.
Ash paused at that, a familiar Pachurisu worriedly hopped up onto its trainer's shoulder. "Pachu…. Chu-Pa." It chattered, tugging at its trainer lightly. Ash nodded and looked tiredly up at the sky, "Our roles are switched indeed." He said quietly, stepping past Morris. "I need to get to the Pokémon Center." He said simply.
He walked quickly past Morris. It was as if someone had shot him at point blank, everything was turning numb, all he cared about was getting Umbreon to the Pokémon center, and then sitting up in his room, replaying the battle over and over and over….
He walked toward the red sign of the Pokémon center, it was his beacon right now, and it was the only thing that mattered to him. He barely registered the automatic doors sliding open as he walked into the Pokémon Center. Worst case scenario, at the dead of night, no one would be awake, and all he could do was wait.
Arceus must have taken pity on him, because Nurse Joy was toiling away at the desk, fingers tapping away at a keyboard as he entered the Pokémon Center. She looked up as he walked in, saying her usual kindhearted greeting to visitors to the Pokémon center.
The words flew past his head, the only thing he said was. "Help Umbreon Nurse Joy. Please."
Without a word Nurse Joy rushed Umbreon off into the recovery room, several Chansey and Blissey bustling over with motherly concern shining in their eyes. Ash quietly settled down to wait. His head was bowed forward, all he could do was replay the moments at the end of the battle, what was his mistake?
He issued an attack, even though he knew that there was a high probability of failure. He hadn't trained his Umbreon at all. He hadn't thought ahead. He wasn't good enough.
"I'm a failure." He whispered, Pikachu sitting rock steady on his lap. For once, Pikachu didn't agree.
For the first time, he felt responsible for all of this. He had raised Umbreon from an Eevee, even now he could still remember the Bebe, that bubbly girl entrusting to him the white and brown bundle of joy that was his Eevee. He had promised to take good care of her, he remembered.
He had failed that one. In the past, his Pokémon had wanted to battle, craved it like how an addict craved drugs. If they failed, the pure effort that they tried had been enough. They strived for battle. Umbreon wasn't like that… she was sweet only ever wanting to sit in his lap and get petted.
He sighed softly.
The hem of a black jacket caught his attention from the corner of his eye. He blearily stared upwards. His mind registered that it was morning and that he had spent the whole night ruminating about his failure. Cynthia stood before him with her usual contemptuous look on her face, "You look like shit." She stated.
Ash didn't bother to reply, instead picked himself out of the chair he had been sitting in. "Probably…" he muttered standing up. He stared directly into her silver eyes, noting the precise shape and color of her incandescent eyes, alight with passion, excitement, all the things that a trainer should be.
Everything that he was not.
Cynthia stood there silently, as he brushed past her and exited out the door.
"What happened to him?" She asked blankly to no one in particular. The look in his eyes, the flat expression on his face, they all spoke of something. Then she glanced off handedly to the side, coincidentally in the direction of the operating room. A black shape, with golden rings studding its body, was curled up on crisp white sheets. Even from there, she could see the ugly marks peppering the usually pristine black fur.
"Oh." She said softly.
Ash sat on a bench, absently tossing poffins to his Feebas as she swam in the fountain. Another Poffin, another toss. Plunk. Feebas swam up and grabbed the delectable cake. Ash sighed tiredly and looked down at Pikachu.
Pikachu was looking blankly ahead. Ash sighed and looked at Pikachu. "Am I a bad trainer?" He asked. "Do you wish Professor Oak had given you to someone else?"
It was the question he had wanted to ask since day one, the question he had asked himself every time he caught a new Pokémon. Pikachu looked up at his trainer seriously, amber eyes burning strongly. "Pika. Pika pi. Pika." Pikachu said simply.
Ash sighed, he couldn't understand Pokéspeech any better than the next trainer. What he did understand was the expression on Pikachu's face, the broken bitter look of a Pokémon that had tried his best at everything, tried to make the best of his circumstances, but failed. No. That was Pikachu's answer. It was at odds with everything Pikachu should have felt.
Pikachu looked at him.. "Pika Pi.". Pikachu said simply, before strolling of to Amity Park, looking to play with other Pokémon. Ash watched Pikachu. The electric mouse had been with him since the very beginning, when he was still a child with dreams. You never gave up on me, did you?
Ash turned to look at his Feebas, swimming casually in the fountain. "Do you still have some dreams locked up in there?" He asked. Feebas gave him a pointed look before slowly poking her head out of the water. You already know my dream. At least, that's what he thought she was trying to say.
Ash knelt down and sighed. "I lost my dream a long time ago. The least I can do, is help you achieve yours." He said. He owed it to his Pokémon, like Pikachu, like Feebas, that believed in him. In the past, he was often scorned by his own Pokémon for being weak, for their losses. He gritted his teeth, Umbreon had been wounded for a half hearted attempt at his dream. He was once again reminded of the fact that Pokémon battles weren't some little game.
It was the equivalent of making a bet. A bet with the welfare of his Pokémon on the line.
He had always wanted his Pokémon to be happy. He quite simply, had just wanted to raise them kindly, make them strong, and along the way become the champion. He had failed at tha-
"Here you are." A strong feminine voice said coolly.
He looked up; Cynthia was standing before him with an unusual look in her eyes.
Ash looked up at her tiredly. "What do you want Cynthia?" he asked, absently watching Pikachu frolic in the distance. The electric mouse seemed to have found a Pluse to play with.
Cynthia placed her hands on her hips, "What happened?" She asked flatly. It wasn't a question. It was a demand to divulge the information.
Ash shrugged, "I lost to Fantina." He said simply. The words felt like acid on his tongue. Usually, it wouldn't have bothered him in the slightest if he had lost. This time… it was different.
"So?"
His head snapped around at that.
"So what if you lost?" Cynthia continued irritably, "Just get up, try again, and beat her. Not that hard."
He shot her an amused glance. "Tell me Cynthia. How many times have you lost?" He asked quietly.
"From the top of my head, around 10 times. Why?" Cynthia said.
Ash smiled at her. "I've lost over two thousand times." He said. "After the hundredth one, I think I stopped trying to get back up."
Cynthia froze at that. Her mind was trying to process the number. 2000? It was a astronomical number. Considering the average trainer only had around 3000 battles in their whole career… it was a shocking amount. She regarded the man in front of her with new eyes.
"Did you ever think it was because you never tried to train your Pokémon?" Cynthia snapped harshly.
Ash shrugged. "I did train actually. Back in Kanto, and up until Johto." He said simply. "No matter how many hours I put in… it seems like it wasn't enough."
Cynthia glared at him. He didn't mind. He knew he was a pathetic trainer already. Anything else she could say wouldn't do any more harm.
"A true trainer wouldn't have given up like you did." She said calmly. "A true trainer wouldn't give up on their dream."
Ash flinched at that. "And what makes you think you know my dream?" he retorted.
"All trainers have the same dream in some form or another. To become strong. To be the best." Cynthia replied.
Ash shrugged, "Well then… I'm not a true trainer then." He said. "I gave up on my dream, a long time ago."
He stood up and walked past Cynthia. "I know I shouldn't have given up. But it's hopeless. Getting beaten down time and time again… No one can carry on their dream when it's been denied so many times."
Cynthia stood aside quietly. She had nothing more to say to him. If he wanted to give up, then that was that. Cynthia turned around and returned back to the Pokémon center. She had some training to do.
Cynthia pushed the door to her room aside. Something had disturbed her sleep. Whatever that something was would have a very irritated trainer on their hands soon. Cynthia stalked through the hallways in a night black set of bedclothes.
A whisper.
It was barely audible , and it was a persistent whine, a never ending repetition of the same syllables. It grated on her nerves. Tracking the noise posed a much greater challenge than hearing it however. After stalking through half of the rooms in the Pokémon center (most of which were empty bedrooms), Cynthia came to a broad silver door.
The volume of the whispers were substantially louder here than before. She could almost make out the words that were being spoken. Placing a palm against the door, she gently pushed the door open.
"-ry."
A figure slumped in one of the chairs next to large broad white beds. She leaned her head into the door way, taking in the distinct cap and defeated posture that could have only belonged to one trainer.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
Ash Ketchum was sitting beside the white bed, his severely wounded Umbreon sitting there quietly on the bed sheets. He was defeated in every sense of the word. The paltry amount of drive that he had before had dissolved into nothing. The little piece of hope that had kept him on this path was gone.
"I'm so so sorry." Ash whispered softly.
The moonlight Pokémon was unresponsive, but Cynthia made out the slight rise and fall of the Pokémon's chest, weak but still there.
Cynthia shook her head and turned away, there was nothing more she needed to see. He was weak. He couldn't push himself to accept failure, to grow from his past mistakes. Someone like him, who only waded through a sea of his own regret could never be anything but a failure.
She turned to leave.
"I failed."
A pause.
"I tried you know. I tried. I wanted you to be happy."
Cynthia froze.
"But I also failed at that didn't I?"
"It's my fault. A fool like me should have given up long ago on his dream."
Ash took a ragged breath, unaware of his silent spectator. "But I can't." He finally admitted bitterly. "No matter how many times I tell myself that I have, I can't. It took you being wounded to realize that."
"If I give that up," he paused almost choking on his own self-loathing, "I don't think I can live with myself. So I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. Umbreon."
There was silence for a moment, nothing but Cynthia's barely audible breath and the gentle hum of healing machines operating on Umbreon.
"I hope one day, that you'll forgive me."
The chair scrapped against the cold tile floor.
Ash swept by Cynthia's motionless form without a word. If he had noticed her, he gave no indication of it. The sound of his retreating footsteps echoed throughout the night. Cynthia gentle let out a breath she didn't realize she had been holding.
With a shove, Cynthia entered the operating room. She knelt down next to the Umbreon that lay quietly in the sheets, noting that even battered and bruised, the Pokémon was still beautiful, like a shard of the night given sentience. She cautiously brushed a finger over the velvet fur.
She quietly stood up and went back to her room, collapsing tiredly into the white linen sheets. He loved his Pokémon too much, he didn't want them to gain false hope by thinking they were the best, and he didn't want them to be crushed after every defeat like he was until the weight of failure left them as dried out husks.
She breathed quietly
The hours she had spent training her Pokémon, building them up to be the best, controlling them with an iron fist to become the efficient battling machines that they were today, flashed through her mind. Had she truly never thought about what they were feeling? She rolled her eyes. What was she thinking? She had a fundamentally different dream that him. She wanted to win above all else. To show the world her worth. He wanted to ensure that he won with love, with friends who he cared for at his side. So she was not wrong.
I'm not wrong. I can't be. Cynthia thought.
With that in her mind, she gently stood up and returned back to her room and wearily reclined in her bed. Sleep claimed her the moment her head touched the pillow.
Cynthia awoke the following morning at 6 A.M sharp and started her usual morning routine. Comb out the inevitable tangles that occurred whenever she slept, get dressed, brush her teeth, and start a quick series of warm ups for her Pokémon while she ate breakfast. It was a fairly simple routine, nice and straight forward.
As she was walking through the halls of the Pokémon center a jug of milk in hand, she encountered a unusual sight. It was Umbreon. The moonlight Pokémon was up and awake now, that wasn't what was unusual however. Umbreon was forlornly pawing at the door to one of the rooms, the poor thing's paws weren't built to turn door knobs.
Cynthia sighed and opened the door, she really didn't expect Ash to be up at this time.
The door slid open and she was confronted with a sight she didn't expect to see.
An empty, well made bed was in the center of the room. The dressers and shelves were barren and nowhere did she spy the usual mess of traveling supplies, food, and chaos that accompanied the trainer. It was like he had erased himself from the room.
Cynthia shot out the door, heading for Nurse Joy, jug of milk forgotten as she went to the reception desk.
"Nurse Joy, did Ash Ketchum leave the Pokémon center yet?"
The pink haired nurse smiled kindly and said, "Why yes he did. He left early this morning. Which was surprising, no one's usually up before you Cynthia."
Something ugly and hot was flaring inside her stomach.
"Did he take his Pokémon with him?" She asked quietly.
"I'd assume so… I didn't bother to check. What trainer leaves without his Pokémon?" Nurse Joy asked curiously.
"What Trainer would indeed." Cynthia muttered as she raced out the door.
She immediately stopped her Gabite and Spiritomb in the middle of their practice session. A dark pulse fizzled out of existence as they both stood raptly at attention. Cynthia addressed them both curtly, "You two, we've got a trainer to track down."
Umbreon looked up at her curiously. "Eon?"
Cynthia didn't bother returning the gaze. "And when I find him, he better have a good explanation for this."
He kept on walking, his worn tennis shoes thudding against the battered dirt road as he walked back towards the massive mountain that loomed in the distance. Ash Ketchum kept his eyes fixed tiredly on the road ahead of him.
He hadn't given up on his dream. He had accepted that last night. But he hadn't fully committed to it either. Becoming the best trainer that ever was. It was a childlike dream. He hadn't realized what it entailed when he had made that promise to himself. It was the sort of dream that little boys told their parents, "Mommy, I'm going to become a hero someday!" "That's nice dear, now go play with your brother."
To truly pursue that dream… Ash tiredly kept his eyes on the road. Left foot forward, right foot forward. Who was he? Was he a trainer? Or was he a breeder? Did he want to taste victory? Or did he want his Pokémon to be happy? That was his question.
No matter what, he couldn't have both.
And he didn't know if he could live with that.
Somewhere along the way, the smooth dirt road had turned into stone and rugged mountain paths. After another hour of mind numbing silence he found himself in a small hamlet that he vaguely recognized. A memory of racing through the darkness with Umbreon's golden rings lighting the path flashed through his mind.
Celestic Town.
Ash kept on walking. He found himself in front of a small shrine. Upon it was a carving of the origin trio and in front of the shrine was someone praying. The figure was knelt there, dressed in a simple white and blue sundress. He moved quietly over next to the praying woman who seemed to have her eyes closed, and looked at the inscription upon the shrine.
Knowledge, Will, and Emotion.
We three walk the silent path,
Guardians of those who have forged the world.
In Space and Time,
In a world not of our own,
Of those whom we have sworn to protect,
We shall guide thee,
To this dream.
He sat there quietly. He had heard the story before. Mesprit, Uxie, and Azelf. They were often called the guardians of humanity. They gave Knowledge, Will, and Emotion to the world, so it was no surprise that even in this small hamlet, there was a shrine to these Pokémon.
"Fancy seeing you here." A voice said amused.
It was the woman, directly to the left of him, who had spoke. Her lively, jovial eyes flashed at him kindly and a smile adorned her face. Apparently she was done praying.
A smile tugged at his lips, "I didn't think that you were the religious type, Rhea."
AN: Read and Review! I need to know what I can do better next chapter... this chapter especially has me worried.