A/N: Glad you've all been enjoying the story so far! I'm also at AO3 as gxldentrio! If you prefer that platform, Talk Me Down and other fics of mine have also been posted over there. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own the world, and these characters are not my own - I'm simply borrowing them from JKR.
Chapter Three
or
Differences and Impulses
Only a few students noticed when the clock ticked nine and the professor was not yet in the room. Five minutes passed and still McGonagall was nowhere to be seen. Five more minutes, nothing. Ten more. There was chatter. The students whispered, theories were born. Where was Professor McGonagall? The class was in turmoil.
"Where is McGonagall?"
"What happened?"
"Haven't you heard?"
"Heard what?"
Lily Evans stood up. "Calm down, everyone. McGonagall will be here soon and if the class is a mess when she does, we'll be in a heap of trouble, so let's just quieten down and wait for her. I'm sure she'll have a completely valid reason, as she always does-"
"Thank you, Miss Evans." The professor entered the classroom with a sour expression on her face. Then, in her usual no-nonsense tone, she said, "Black, my office. The rest of you are dismissed." Professor McGonagall then turned around and left again.
"What did you do, Padfoot?" whispered James, but Sirius did not respond, opting instead for following the Deputy Headmistress.
(In the dungeons)
"What is going on here?" Professor McGonagall's ankle boots clicked against the stone cold floor as she moved towards him and she did not look pleased in the slightest. "Black, back to class now." It would have been exceptionally foolish of Sirius to do otherwise.
Professor McGonagall was born to be a teacher. But at the moment, she wished that she was not. (Almost.)
(The Quiet)
The classroom was mostly empty now, and James wanted to follow suit and maybe pass out on his bed for the next hour or so, but upon noticing that Lily Evans was still sitting at her desk, her eyes closed as if she were asleep, he stopped and nudged her shoulder.
"Are you coming?" he asked in hushed tones.
"You go ahead, I might stop by the Hospital Wing to get some headache potion or something." She replied dismissively, as though she wanted nothing more than to be left alone, which wasn't that far from the truth.
"Are you alright, Evans?"
"Yeah," she yawned. "Just a bit tired, I reckon."
"All right then. I'll see you later."
James left, and after a while, so did Lily. She made her way to the first floor and knocked on the door to the Hospital Wing.
"Excuse me? Madam Pomfrey?"
"Yes, dear?"
"I was wondering if I could have some headache potion…" It was only then that Lily noticed the bed on the far left side of the room, curtains drawn and all. "Who is that over there?"
The matron sighed before speaking. "Severus Snape."
(Toujours Pur)
"Take a seat, Mr. Black." Sirius did as he was told in silence. He shouldn't have done it, he knew that, but for some reason he didn't have it in him to regret it. "Explain yourself."
"I can't explain myself. You already know what happened. If you didn't, I wouldn't be sitting here." Snarky responses would get him nowhere. So why was he pushing it?
"The thing is, Mr. Black," the Transfiguration professor said, removing her glasses and carefully placing them on top of the cherry wood desk, "it's only your second day back at Hogwarts and you've already gotten into, not one, but two fights."
"I'm sorry, Professor - two?"
"Two, Mr. Black. Or is it not true that you had a… disagreement with Miss Mckinnon last night?"
"That wasn't a fight." Sirius dismissed the idea as though it were ridiculous. "Mckinnon and I are cool."
"Nevertheless, after what happened last year, you're on probation. I've just come back from a meeting with Professor Slughorn and, as I know he is somewhat… lenient with his students, I was hoping that I could hear your side of the story. Unless you'd prefer for me to take this to the Headmaster, that is."
"I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry, but I can't… I can't explain it. I'm sorry-"
"I'll have to write to your parents too, I'm sure you know that."
"No!" McGonagall seemed surprised by the sudden outburst. "You can't write to my parents."
"And why is that?"
"I've… sort of, you know..."
"No, I'm afraid I don't know, Mr. Black." A humourless laugh escaped Sirius' lips.
"I've run away. Last month, actually. I'm staying at the Potters', but you can't write to them either! They've been nothing but kind to me and, well, I don't want to disappoint them." Once Sirius started talking, he couldn't seem to stop himself. He had been bottling everything up for far too long. It was like shaking a can of a carbonated soda, and now it was spilling everywhere.
"I couldn't take it anymore, you know? And then Regulus, of all people, had to come and talk to me and I just exploded. I'm so sorry, I am." He was shaking now and McGonagall's features softened.
"Have a biscuit, Black."
"Have a- what?"
"Have a biscuit. Start from the beginning."
(Rationality)
Lily should have known.
She was… upset. Was upset the right word? She wasn't quite sure. But she most certainly wasn't happy. No, Lily Evans was… cross. She was cross.
All Lily wanted was a few moments of peace and quiet. She should have known better than to get caught up in wishful thinking.
When she left the Hospital Wing, having completely forgotten to actually drink the potion, she was confused. Well, not exactly confused per se (the dots were easy enough to connect), but disappointed. He had apologised. Potter had apologised and she had believed him.
He had been grinning, for Merlin's sake! He'd had that glint in his eyes that fifth-year Lily Evans certainly wouldn't have trusted.
But she wasn't fifth-year Lily Evans anymore, was she? No, sixth year Lily Evans was quite different. For one, she was a best friend shorter. It wouldn't do to think about Severus, Lily decided at once. Nostalgia would get her nowhere.
But she had trusted him! He'd seemed so genuine, so mature. She should have known. Lily really should have known.
Lily wasn't sure how to feel, so she allowed herself to be angry. And angry she was. Lily wasn't up for being rational. She felt betrayed and she simply did not feel like calming down and she'd be damned if she let James Potter take away her right to be irrational.
Rationality was overrated.
For, you see, in cases such as this one, being irrational could be a good thing. It helped her keep her priorities straight. Something a few people have trouble with, Lily thought bitterly to herself.
She really, really should have known.
Such was the case, Lily retreated to the common room (or attempted to, at any rate... but more on that later) in order to enjoy her free period (which would not have existed had Sirius Black not gotten into whatever mess it was that he had got himself into). See? Irrationality could work to one's advantage.
So it was a good thing, really. It was a good thing that Sirius Black seemed to attract trouble and it was a good thing that Sirius had chosen to get into said trouble that particular September 2nd, because otherwise she would not have missed Transfiguration and then proceeded to visit the Infirmary, where she had found none other than Severus Snape, after Potter had apologised for upsetting her.
Had Sirius Black not gotten into trouble, Lily Evans would have remained blissfully oblivious to the fact that James Potter was a lying git.
Fortunately, the lying git was probably off to Arithmancy with Elizabeth and David, so she could enjoy the quiet for a little while. Her friends, of course, had made other plans.
"It's such a nice day, isn't it?" chirped Mary Macdonald. "The sun is shining, it's still warm outside… they write songs about days like these, you know."
"Mary, honey, it's way too early for this." They were outside, sitting under the beech tree. It was a nice day, Lily agreed. The air was crisp and the grounds smelled fresh – it was the perfect day for murdering James Potter. Lily doubted anyone would miss him. She'd start with that hair, plucking each strand one by one. Then, she'd snap his neck, slowly, so she could listen to his bones cracking…
"Are you all right, Lily?" Marlene Mckinnon asked her, sporting the same odd, concerned look as her best friend, Mary. "You seem… distracted."
"I'm just tired, don't worry about it." She assured her friends and secretly hoped they'd just drop the subject.
"Have you been to the Hospital Wing? Maybe Madam Pomfrey could give you something?"
"I've been there. Thanks." Noticing the change of tone in Lily's voice, Marlene finally caught on and decided to change the subject.
"Well, thanks for putting up with me last night. Both of you." Marlene brushed a stray lock of her blonde hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear.
"It was no problem, Mar! That's what friends are for, right?" Mary gave her best friend a broad smile.
"Men are rubbish anyway."
"Not all of them, Lily. You just have incredibly bad taste," said Mary, throwing the other two into fits of hysterics.
(The Aftermath)
It was almost lunchtime when Sirius finally left the Gryffindor Head of House's office. While it felt good to get everything off his chest, Sirius had never been one to particularly enjoy showing his weaknesses, and talking about his brother almost always brought his out.
He enjoyed the lonely walk to his dormitory, where he would certainly find his friends, who would undoubtedly have pressing questions to ask him. He opened the wooden door, carefully and silently, only to find an empty room (or nearly empty, anyway). The atmosphere of the room was quiet enough, and Sirius' best mate, James Potter, sat static in his four-poster. Sirius cleared his throat, thus snapping James out of his reverie.
"Sirius. What happened?"
"It's nothing." He didn't feel like talking anymore.
"I'm trying really hard not to jump to conclusions here-"
"Don't worry about it. I spoke to McGonagall, it's fine." Sirius assauged his best friend's doubts. They stood in silence for a couple of seconds, but eventually James decided to give Sirius some time; not indefinitely, of course, but pushing and prodding would do more harm than good.
"You'll tell us if you need anything?"
"Yeah." And after a while, he added, "Thanks, Prongs."
"Well, I'm starved. Lunch?"
"Yes, please."
A couple of hours passed by, during which nothing of much importance occured; Lily and her friends went to lunch, despite the former's lack of appetite and, after that, she headed off to her Ancient Runes class. The teacher assigned the students a reasonable amount of homework for a N.E.W.T. level class, although Lily would have much preferred if he had refrained from doing so, as it was only the second day back.
It was just after supper, and so far, Lily had done a pretty good job at hiding - she preferred the term 'selective placement' – in the library. After being deserted by her two closest friends (Mary, who had Muggle Studies with Sirius and Peter, and Marlene, who had tutoring), the probability of running into the remaining half of the Marauders was simply too high to ignore. She wasn't hiding, though. Lily just wanted to get her Runes homework done. Thus, her selective placement.
When the novelty of translating paragraphs on end passed, Lily finally retreated to the Gryffindor common room. She opened her novel and curled up in a particularly comfortable armchair, starting to read.
"Evans."
"Go away, Potter!" she snapped at him. "And don't sit-" he plopped himself down onto the armrest, "- down."
"Are you feeling better?" Potter inquired, his voice concerned.
"I was until you got here." Lily did not bother looking up from the yellowing pages of her book.
"What's got your wand in a knot?"
Lily closed the book and placed it on a nearby coffee table, throwing him a pointed look.
"Severus Snape was in the Hospital Wing," she started, attempting, although in vain, to moderate her tone. "Care to explain?"
"It wouldn't have anything to do with that grease stain he calls his hair, would it?" Oh, how she'd love to wipe that smirk off his face! He was absolutely ridiculous.
"You promised! Why did you have to-"
"I didn't do anything!"
"Oh quit lying, Potter!" She stood up. Perhaps a few hours on from that moment, she'd regret her behaviour, but for the time being, she simply didn't care. "You and I both know you can never waste an opportunity to mess with him!"
"What are you talking about? We never actualy hurt him-"
"I didn't know getting hung upside down by the ankles was your definition of fun." That seemed to quiet him down, and for a moment, Lily did not know whether she'd rather he stayed that way or said something.
"Is that honestly what you think of me?" Potter pressed, his tone growing colder with each word. "That I'm just a–bullying toerag, was it?"
Lily looked as though she had been slapped. "I- I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to. If you pulled your head out of your self righteous arse every one in a while, you'd see that some of us have actually grown up. Enjoy your book." At once, Potter stormed out of the room. Lily then decided that she would have much preferred if he had stayed silent.
For the rest of the week, their relationship remained a wreck as James was too proud and Lily too stubborn to make amends. After a couple of days though, the complaining on James' part had gotten too bothersome to bear, and Sirius finally decided to take matters into his own hands. He decided to come clean to Lily, who listened intently as he told her about his misadventures. She asked him where she could find James, and Sirius happily obliged, directing her to the Owlery. It was a foul spot, way too noisy and malodorous, but its privacy usually brought James some peace.
It was Sunday, and James was drunk. Not drunk enough to slur his words, but drunk enough to lose his filter. He did not care about the overwhelming hangover he'd have to endure the next day. All he cared was about the paper, which had arrived that morning, bearing the news of yet another attack. This time, it had been a Muggle village, and no survivers had been found. He felt useless, impotent, and it was hardly a pleasent sensation. He wanted to do something, but instead he felt confined in the castle. Never had activities like Charms lessons seemed so frivolous to him when, outside Hogwarts, people were dying every day.
He saw Lily Evans approaching his spot on the map, but he did not have it in him to avoid her anymore. Quicker than he'd expected, she finally appeared next to him.
"I'm sorry I attacked you." Her voice was so soft and she was so quiet that James very nearly forgave her then and there. "I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions."
"No, you bloody shouldn't have." His temper was flaring up, and he had no idea why.
"At any rate, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."
"That's just it, isn't it, Evans? You did mean it." So now he was picking a fight with her? He could have just forgiven her; she looked apologetic enough.
"Why didn't you tell me Sirius did it?"
"It wouldn't have changed anything. At the end of the day, that's still the opinion you have of me, isn't it?"
"No!"
"It is! Of course you assumed it was me who put Snape in the infirmary! Merlin, you should have seen your face. You looked so bloody relieved to have an excuse to get pissed off at me. I'm not falling for it again, Evans, I'm not-"
"Well, I wasn't! I'm not the same girl I was last year!"
"And I'm not the same guy I was last year either!"
"I know that. Do you think I'd even be here if I didn't?"
"I can't jump through every single hoop you throw my way. Neither of us deserve that."
"I don't want you to!"
"Don't you? Admit it, Evans. The moment something happens, you just go back to pointing your finger at me. You don't really want to be friends - you just pretend you do so you can keep me on a tight enough leash. And I won't let you." He clenched his jaw and his fist, so hard that his knuckles turned white.
"That's not what this is at all!" And then, Lily added in a much more quiet voice. "If we manage to argue so viciously over something like this, perhaps we shouldn't try to be friends at all."
"Yeah, maybe we shouldn't. Honestly, you're the one who wanted this, Evans. I couldn't care less." With that, he slipped past her out of the doorway. Lily Evans was going to be the death of him.
(The Beginning)
"Sirius!" He turned around.
"Regulus. What do you want?"
"I just want to talk to you."
"What is there to talk about?"
Regulus didn't exactly know how to put it, so he said it as simply as he knew how. "Come home."
"Never. I don't ever want to go back to that blasted house. And even if I wanted to, we both know I couldn't."
There was silence; then Regulus Black suddenly asked him, just a mere whisper, if he was happier now.
"What's it to you?" Sirius turned around, every bone in his body aching to leave. "I'm not doing this. I'm not talking to you."
"We're supposed to be family." Sirius wheeled around to face his younger brother.
"Are we?" His voice was ice cold and Merlin, if looks could kill, Regulus would be dead three times over.
"Of course we are. How can you say that?"
"How can I say that? Save for a few decent relatives, our family is made up of prejudiced cowards, who are now all rushing off to join Voldemort! All they do is torture and murder people, about something as stupid and frivolous as their blood status. People are just people, Reg. Lily Evans, Mary Macdonald, Remus Lupin... they're all better people than any of you will ever hope to be."
"I didn't say anything."
"Oh, I know you didn't. But why do you think I left? You're a coward, you can't even stand up to Mother-"
"You broke her heart!" Regulus raised his voice.
"She doesn't have a heart to break!" roared Sirius.
"You left, Sirius. You didn't even bother to say goodbye... you just left."
"I didn't know you wanted me to."
"I didn't. I don't."And then, Regulus' voice cracked. "But you're my brother, and you're going to get yourself killed."
With a sad sort of smile on his face, and with a look in his eyes that screamed disappointment, Sirius finally broke the silence. "I'm not your brother, Regulus."
"What's going on here?"said Severus Snape. Of bloody course.
"Nothing at all," Regulus replied easily. Sirius couldn't help but notice the way Regulus' voice chad hanged, how it suddenly became clipped and significantly colder. "There was just something that needed to be discussed."
"Begging to go back home, Black? How does it feel to be an insignificant piece of-"
"I realise it's quite difficult for you, Snivellus, but I'd advise that, for once, you keep that abnormally large nose of yours out of other people's business."
"Sirius…"
"Shut up, Regulus," Sirius scolded him. "This is between me and Snape. Get out of here."
At last, they raised their wands, and then all hell broke loose. Hexes and jinxes, and perhaps even some more dangerous curses - Sirius was both too exhausted and energized to try to discern - were thrown about, carelessly, but purposefully directed towards their opponent. None of them thought of the possible collateral damage that they could inflict on the corridor's walls. When Sirius finally managed to freeze Snape on the ground and attempted to flee the scene, he heard the sound of footsteps approaching, and by then it was too late.
"Not as brave when it's one on one, are you Black?" Severus said from his spot on the floor.
"What is going on here?" Professor McGonagall's ankle boots clicked against the stone cold floor as she moved towards him and she did not look pleased in the slightest. "Black, back to class now." It would have been, as we settled before, exceptionally foolish of Sirius to do otherwise.
Professor McGonagall was born to be a teacher, no doubt. But at the moment, she wished that she was not. (Almost.)
A/N: Please don't forget to let me know what you thought of it! Shoutout to anonymous reviewers Clary Fray, Tarryn Leigh and Guest to whom I couldn't respond privately! Thank you so much for your support! x