It'd been three days since she'd walked out on Joel in the middle of tutoring, blushing and trying to avoid the inevitable show of her feelings for him. She turned the corner of the hall, his notebook in hand that she had accidentally grabbed in her haste. He'd texted her about it (and the events of that night) twice, but she hadn't worked up the nerve to answer him. Instead, she found herself bracing for an awkward conversation face-to-face, which was arguably worse, but less drawn out and more direct. Best to get it over with quickly, she reasoned. Still, her knees knocked and her hands shook and she suddenly felt dizzy.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she knocked twice on his door and waited. The sounds of shuffling and something falling over inside reached her, muffled from her place outside of the room. "I'm comin'!" he called. She hoped she hadn't woken him. It was nearly midnight, and he had calculus first thing in the morning the next day.
He opened the door, wearing nothing but an undershirt and boxers. His hair was more disheveled than she'd ever seen it before, and he had a look of overall disorientation about him. Still, his eyes lit up the moment he registered that it was his friend.
"Heeeeey, pretty Tessa," he grinned, swinging an arm from the doorway to push a chunk of hair behind her ear. The motion sent her stomach into a burst of butterflies, still blushing from the way he'd called her pretty. It was also in that moment that she realized he was very drunk. "What'cha doin' here so late?"
"I have your calc notebook," she said, smiling slightly, but still concerned that he'd been drinking the night before an early class. He took it from her and tossed it carelessly to his desk just behind him. She smirked, one eyebrow raised as he turned back to her in all his drunken smoothness.
"So how's your day goin'? I've been thinkin' about ya." He drew out his syllables, wobbling a little as he hiccupped. She almost laughed.
"Yeah?" She steadied him with one hand, patting his arm as he found balance with the doorframe. "How's that going, Rico Suave?"
"Hmmm, pretty good, actually. You're here now." His smile was just a little too sweet.
She pursed her lips, trying to ignore the millions of butterflies unshelling themselves from their cocoons and flying up through her chest. "You always this confident with a little Cap'n in you?"
He folded his arms in mock-defense, frowning. "So what if I am?" A smirk touched his lips as he leaned forward. She could smell the alcohol on his breath, which was the only reason she leaned away. That, and her nerves.
She reached up and patted his chest, taking a small step forward despite his breath and the stale smell of sweat left over from the party he'd briefly attended. From the look of his room, his roommate was still there. A laugh escaped her lips as he swayed slightly. "You've got calc in the morning. You might want to consider getting some sleep, big guy."
His eyes widened slightly, sobered by the reminder of math in just a few short hours and by the sudden warmth of her hand on his chest. The thin layer of cotton between their skin only added to the closeness. He stared at her, words lost from his mouth, trying to get his wits back about him so he could respond to her advice. "I have class…"
"You do. C'mon, let's get you into bed." She took him by the arm, trying to make sure he kept his balance. If he went down, they were both going to end up on the floor, and she didn't think her nerves could handle a shock like that with the condition she was already in. She helped him into his bed, where he crawled under the covers and lazily shut his eyes. "What, I'm gonna tuck you in, too?" He was more drunk than she'd initially realized.
"Mmmmhm, if ya please."
She rolled her eyes, tucking the blankets around his shoulders. "Goodnight, Texas. Try not to be too hungover in calc tomorrow, you're only making more work for me."
"Mmm, I'll try," he grinned, eyes still shut. "C'mon, Tessa, won't ya stay?" She turned to leave, but felt a strong arm snaking around her lower back. She yelped, startled by his touch, and stumbled as she turned back to him. In one swift movement, she found herself nearly halfway into his bed, her face right above his and his arm wrapped tightly around her waist.
He laughed first, amused at the look of sheer horror on her face. Her nervousness was getting the better of her, but she couldn't help but acknowledge the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. "Well well, Tess, if ya wanted t'cuddle with me, you coulda just asked."
"I—I—" she was searching for words, but couldn't seem to come up with any sort of response to his drunken teasing. The closeness of his body against hers was driving her absolutely wild. Remembering the fact that he was pretty drunk, and hoping he wouldn't have any recollection of the interaction in the morning, she put a hand on his chest once more and swallowed down her nervousness. "In your dreams, Joel," she smirked, trying to hide the insane hammering of her heart.
"Such a tease," he murmured, his face so close to hers she thought she might burst. The booze on his breath mattered less than the actual physical proximity between them. "Always teasin' me. When are ya gonna come around, Tessa?"
"Ask me tomorrow," she tried to say with confidence, but her voice shook. She felt his arm loosen around her waist, but it was her turn to linger for an extra second, taking in the blissful, intoxicated smile on his lips. "Maybe you'll get a straight answer."
"You don't know what a straight answer is."
She pulled away from him, straightening her clothes and tucking his arm back into his covers. "I tutor you in calculus. I always have a straight answer. I'm just waiting for the question." This silenced him, and a relieved smile touched her lips. "Goodnight, Joel. Text me when you're done being hungover tomorrow."
"Yes ma'am," he murmured sleepily, a small tone of questioning in his voice.
. . .
"Hey, Tess." Joel's voice startled her up from her book, her knee jolting upward and nearly knocking the table hard enough to spill her coffee. She'd been sitting in the corner of the campus coffee shop for a solid half hour, nerves buzzing as she waited for him to get out of class. He laughed, steadying her with a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Easy there, it's just me."
"Sorry, I was just—" she stammered, closing her book and raising her eyes to meet his. She found herself once again caught in his gaze. "Reading."
"I can see that," he laughed, taking his seat across from her. "You got me coffee?" He picked up the second cup, surprised. "You didn't have to."
"Figured I'd save you the time. Still hungover?"
He chuckled once more. "Only a little. Calc was a bit of a struggle, more than usual. You were right, last night."
She tried not to choke on the sip of coffee she'd been taking. "Last night?"
"I wasn't dreaming, was I? Did I sleepwalk to your dorm to get my notes back?" he asked, patting his notebook. "Besides, I think you owe me a straight answer, Miss Calculus."
Her cheeks flushed so red, they felt hotter than her coffee. "I was hoping you were too drunk to remember that."
"It would take a couple more shots before I forget you fallin' halfway into my bed, Tess." He leaned back in his chair, waiting for her to respond. She folded her hands in her lap, half-burrowing into her too-big sweater as if it could swallow her up and help her to avoid the topic altogether. "Which is what I'm assumin' you brought me here to address?"
"You were drunk and I tucked you in. No big deal, Texas."
He scoffed. "Oh, please. You told me you were waitin' for a question, so I'm askin' it now." He swallowed, staring at her until she raised her eyes to his. His voice was hushed, but still strong. "What did you bring me here for?"
"I don't—" She considered chickening out, or just walking away. She swallowed hard. His eyes lingered on hers, only slightly moving to look at her lips. She'd had enough. "What are we doing, Joel?"
His look softened. "What d'ya mean?"
"What is this? I'm not just tutoring you anymore. And don't you dare bullshit yourself into thinkin' that I am."
"Well, we're friends, Tessa, it was bound to happen…"
"Oh, stop with the bullshit," she shook her head, shooting him a serious look. At the same time, her stomach sunk. Had she misread the signals entirely? But no, she felt a second wind of equal parts confidence and anger enter her throat and push her words forward. "You've been flirting with me like the world's comin' to an end, Joel. What am I supposed to think? What's really going on?"
He thought about her words for a moment, taking a long sip of coffee that made her patience start to run out even faster. Her insides buzzed with the adrenaline of putting all of her nervousness and frustration out in the open between them. It was terrifying and relieving all at once. He glanced at the table, down at his coffee, and then back up to her. Small pauses of his mouth opening and closing preceded his actual response.
"I dunno. You're smart, you're funny as hell, and you're pretty, Tess. I… I dunno. I like you a lot."
A quiet sigh of relief exited her mouth. Yet, she still found herself nervously stammering. "I… You're pretty… nice too, Tex."
He chuckled. "Well, I never heard that one before, but thank you all the same."
There was a tense silence before she gathered the courage to follow up. "So what does that mean? For us?"
"What do you want it to mean?" She couldn't bear to look him in the eyes, nor say what her heart was begging her to say as it pounded violently against her ribcage. He noted this as he watched her; he reached out and took her hand that had come to rest on the table into the palm of his own. A small round of goosebumps touched her skin as she got used to the contact.
"I don't know," she said softly, bashfully, as his thumb stroked her skin. His touch alone calmed her considerably.
"Well, I'll tell ya what. How about you come to the game tonight?" he offered, squeezing her hand. "A bunch of us are getting' together after. I'd like ya to come." She said nothing, only focused on the rip in the knee of her jeans under the table. Her hair hung slightly over her face, just enough so she didn't have to look right at him. "With me. Hmm?" Her mouth felt dry. "Please, Tess?"
She swallowed, regaining some confidence at the thought that he was honestly pursuing the idea of spending time with her. Spending time with her around his friends, or alone. Either way… It was something. "Simple as that?"
"Huh?"
"A date?" She pondered lacing her fingers with his, but decided against it.
"No!" Her heart sank at his immediate response. "I mean—I… no, not unless you want it to be." Just like that, her spirits rose again. He had her on a rollercoaster from just one conversation. He sipped his coffee with his free hand, obviously regretting his jump to the word 'no'. She raised her eyes and met his gaze once again. "So what do ya say, Tessa?"
She paused. "I guess I'll see you there."
"Good." His grin was so wide. She'd never seen him smile like that in her life. "I'll see you then. Meet me down by the tunnel when then game's over, alright?"
"Alright." She let go of his hand and he got up to leave. He said nothing more, only fumbling with his things with clumsy hands. He was still smiling when he turned to go.
She watched him go, the almost-skip in his step apparent as he left. She grinned, her stomach still full of fire and tingling and a thousand homeless butterflies that wouldn't seem to leave her alone. She could tell that he wanted to holler or skip away, and he was holding it in at least until he was out of sight. The thought made her feel better. He was just as, if not more excited to have put those feelings out on the table than she was. But at the same time, the nervousness was slowly taking her over once again. They'd agreed to a not-date date, but they still hadn't defined what they were. Or what they wanted. Or what they were doing.
She finished off her coffee, her head spinning faster than it had been before their conversation. With a sigh, she stood up and returned the two mugs to the counter, gathered her things, and headed for the only place she could go where she knew she could calm her raging thoughts: the studio.