Chapter 4
The MacMillans were getting out of the car when they saw Lee drop the cup and ran up the steps to him. Lee stood motionless staring out to nothingness until he was shaken to awareness and hearing a concerned female voice calling his name.
"Lee, Lee, dear, what's wrong? Can you hear me? Mac, help me get him inside, then call Dr. Jamison."
Becoming aware of his surroundings, Lee shook off the helping hands.
"It's okay, I'm okay." He shook his head as if to clear the memory from it. "Sorry if I scared you."
Peggy wasn't having any of it and she firmly took his arm and let him back into the house, almost pushing him down onto the couch. Without a word she went to the bar and poured a small amount of brandy into a glass.
"Here, drink this while I make a fresh pot of coffee. Mac, why don't you get a fire going, it's kind of chilly in here. It will make the room more cheerful."
She was soon back with the coffee and a plate full of brownies. She poured out three cups and handed one to both men. Going back over to the bar she returned with the bottle of brandy and put a bit in her cup.
"All this cold rain is getting to me; I can use a little something to warm me up." She offered the liquor to the others and they both happily accepted. "You've just been working yourself a little hard the last few days, dear." She picked up his feet and before Lee could protest set them on top of the hassock. "It's left over Irish Stew for us tonight so there's no rush, we can sit back and relax for a little while."
Lee understood what she was doing and was grateful for them not asking what happened. He finished off his coffee and then refilled the cup and took a brownie. Chewing it slowly he stared off into the crackling flames. As he sorted out his feelings, he was surprised to realize that although he was concerned about having the flashback, the actual events portrayed were not nearly as upsetting as he had experienced before.
"I appreciate you not prying into what happened out there on the porch," he said quietly, explaining about the teenagers and the horseplay, and how the screaming had affected him.
"I was fine until I heard those two teenage girls screaming and… well… I was back in a very bad place."
Mac nodded over his cup, staring down into the dark liquid. "I've had moments like that myself, Lee. A sweatshop factory burnt to the ground. We lost two of our men and fifteen young illegal girls burnt to death. I had nightmares quite a while after that."
Neither man offered any further information. Peggy sat there for a few moments and then left the room. He could hear her sweeping and figured she was picking up the remnants of the broken coffee mug. Turning towards the kitchen, he saw her putting away the groceries and then place something into the oven.
Mac was the first to stir himself. Putting down his coffee mug, he leaned forward and made a move on the chessboard.
"Check mate in three."
Lee finished his brownie as he studied the board, considering his next move. He'd get out of this yet.
That night as promised he called Jamie and gave him an update. At first he was reluctant to recount the incident but knew if he didn't, Mac would. When he first arrived he wasn't sure how much they had been told about the reason he was there, but it was obvious from what he'd overhead that they had been warned about what symptoms he might exhibit.
"Did you get the fish okay, Jamie?"
"Yes, I did. Harry was over and we grilled them on my patio. In fact he just left. How are things going at Hotel Nelson? Have you decided to shave yet?"
"They put me to work today scrubbing down walls and moving furniture. Guess they were afraid I wasn't going to pay my bill." Lee rubbed a hand across his rapidly growing facial hair. "And no, I told you as long as I'm on vacation, so is my razor. I think I look quite sexy with a beard," Lee joked, then went on in a more serious tone. "It's been raining all day so it kept me out of trouble. And it worked pretty well until…"
"What happened, Lee?"
Reluctantly he related the flashback incident but hurried on with his assessment of his reaction to it. He did not want Jamie making a house call, or even worse having to come back to the Med Center.
"Any dizziness, headache or any other physical reactions to it?"
"No no, I just froze. It took less than a minute with Peggy and Mac calling me to snap me out of it but I was fine after that. Did you instruct them how to handle me if something like that happened?"
"No. I don't want you be upset with us but, both Harry and I agreed they had to be aware of what to be on the lookout for, without going into all the details. I hope they weren't too intrusive about anything. I can talk to them you want."
"You don't have to, Jamie. To be honest I don't think I could be in better hands. It's probably one of the reasons I'm telling you about it." He swallowed, and carefully said, "So, are you coming out here?
"Not unless you want a fishing buddy. You may experience a couple more flashbacks in the coming month or so, but that's to be expected. This was your first one; it's usually the most severe. I also don't want you to worry if you have a nightmare tonight about your experience, that's quite common. Don't forget I gave you a couple sleeping pills if you feel you need them. Just be careful not to take them if you had more than a couple drinks."
Lee could hear Jamie's chair creak as he shifted his weight and spoke again.
"I want you to think about what you told me. You are more upset about relieving the tragic events. That shows that you're coming to terms with all of it. I want you to call me in the morning, just to let me know how you're doing and then later in the evening again. I'm not overly concerned, you know I'm a worry wart about my favorite patient."
Lee's grin was huge this time. "Good night, doctor. I still have to call my other mother hen. I'll even be good and call the admiral sometime tomorrow so everyone will be happy."
Jamie was right. In the middle of the night Lee woke up in a cold sweat from his nightmare. Going into the bathroom he splashed water on his face and neck and then filled a cup and drank it. Drying himself off, he returned to the bedroom and grabbed his robe, knowing it'd be a while before he would fall back to sleep. Coffee was out of the question but maybe Peggy had the fixings for a hot cup of cocoa. That and an hour or so of reading would do the trick.
As he reached the ground floor he noticed there was a light on in the living room. Curious, he forgot about his drink and turned the other way. Sitting curled up in the leather chair was Peggy, with half a glass of wine on the table and a book that had fallen onto the floor. Debating whether he should wake her or not, she made the decision for him as she jumped up, startled someone was in the room.
"I think I should report you to babysitters international for falling asleep on the job," Lee joked as he reached down to pick up the book. "You didn't have to stay up, nightmares and I are old friends."
"I don't know what you're talking about, Lee. I was just enjoying a glass of wine and a book. I must have fallen asleep. But since you're up, is there anything I can do for you?"
"I was going to raid the kitchen to make a cup of cocoa."
"You sit down, I'll get it, I don't like people messing around in my kitchen. I could just imagine what the stove would look like after you let the milk boil over. You want a sandwich or maybe a slice of pie?"
"No, just the hot cocoa. You don't mind if I watch you? Somehow mine never comes out as good as when Chip makes it."
"You two are pretty close, aren't you? You've been friends for a long time?"
"We've roomed together since first day at the Academy. He took me under his wing, and has been playing mother hen ever since then."
Her motherly smile was telling. "I could tell he was worried about you. You did call tonight, didn't you?"
"I called Dr. Jamieson first, to let him know I was alright, and then got hold of Chip. He wanted to make sure I thank you again for all the cooking. I think he was hoping you'd sent home another pie with me. And you're right, he does worry about me. I'm just afraid one of these days he'll get fed up with all my shenanigans and tell me to… um... well you know what I mean."
Peggy placed two mugs on the table and then reached up above the refrigerator and pulled down a small canister marked 'Flour.' "You want two or three?"
Lee looked at her in confusion until he saw the marshmallows in her hand. "Three please. You got trouble with pests?"
"Only the two legged kind. Mac would eat the whole bag if I didn't hide 'em. I have to do the same at our place. Most of the time Harry's guests are pretty informal, like you and Chip, so we end up some nights playing poker or chess. Neither of us are big drinkers so it's cocoa for us." She dropped the marshmallows in his cup. "Do you have any plans for tomorrow? The rain's stopped and the weather forecast calls for sunshine. The fish should be really biting after a day of rain."
"I thought I'd help your husband clean up the yard, and then just take a nice long walk."
"I was going to say you're a guest and shouldn't work, but I'd be wasting my breath. I admit I worry sometimes when Mac has to get out that chainsaw. As for walking, since it's all private property around here, the only 'trail' is out the front of the house and down the street, but since there's not much traffic it's good enough for exercise. Now, would you like another cup before I toddle off to bed?
"I'm fine, Peggy. I think I'll sleep fine now." He got up and washed out his cup. As he placed it in the dish strainer he turned to her with his little boy expression. "Do you think maybe we can have French toast for breakfast?"
"I think that can be arranged. Now get, you need your sleep. Get up when you feel like it, I'll have everything ready and it only takes a few minutes to cook. You like that with cinnamon and banana?"
Lee was already heading for the stairs. "Yes ma'am! I'll see you in the morning!"
After devouring his special breakfast and helping Mac chop up the branches for firewood he took off to explore the neighborhood. Peggy was right, although it was a paved road only two cars passed him as he headed down the street, past the gates of other properties. A few minutes' walk brought him to a large open piece of land filled with boulders, which tapered off to a good-sized chunk of lakefront. Signs indicated the space was for local property owners, so he sized up the nearest boulder and determined to make a run for the top. There were plenty of footholds so he knew it would be an easy climb.
Once on top, Lee sat down and looked around. The lake was quiet, the breeze barely riffling the surface. A pair of ducks gamboled by, their wake forming in the familiar v-shape. He throw his head back, enjoying the sunlight reflecting off his face, and played over last night's phone conversations with both Jamie and Chip. Chip had readily agreed with the doctor's assessment. He even acknowledged he was happy it took place now and not at some critical point on Seaview. Lee knew he was right. A flashback during a command situation could cost lives; something for which he would not ever be able to forgive himself. And the nightmare last night was from the gun battle where those innocent girls were mowed down, and not his battle with Drake. He needed to finally come to terms with what had happened in those final moments with his former friend. His intellect and emotions were still warring with other each other on that score. Now that he was physically fit, maybe he could make peace within himself.
A slight rustle from a nearby bush disturbed his thoughts. As he watched, two large rabbits emerged, stopped, looked at him and thump their paws before retreating to the bush. Excuse me for trespassing, I'm leaving.
He got up and carefully began his descent. He had done enough hiking and thinking for the moment. Tonight after dinner, he would go and explore that gazebo again.
As Lee made his way into the house, it was strangely quiet. He soon had an explanation, for there on the kitchen table was a note.
Lee, there is chicken dumpling soup on the stove to be warmed plus a fruit and cheese platter in the fridge. This is my afternoon to volunteer at the hospital so dinner will be later than usual. I'm bringing home barbecue ribs. If you need him Mac is down at the boat. Peggy
He turned up the heat of the pot and then washed his hands in the kitchen sink before setting the table. A short time later he was amazed how much he had eaten. Exercise and fresh air had greatly increased his appetite. After washing up the dishes he realized he was in need of some washing himself, and soon found himself in a shower.
After drying off and putting on clean underwear he grabbed his robe off the hook, putting it on as he walked over to the bed. Glancing at the clock, which read 2 PM, he realized he had not yet placed a promised call to Admiral Nelson. He made himself comfortable sitting against the headboard, waiting for someone to pick up the phone.
"Admiral Nelson's office."
"Angie, it's Lee. How's my girlfriend?"
"In your dreams, sailor. Chip'stoldme how you've fallen for a pretty redhead. You men are so fickle."
"Peggy might have my stomach, but you always are first in my heart, Angie," Lee teased. "Is the admiral around?"
"Sorry Lee, he just got on a conference call with Senator Carter and some other bigwigs. I'm afraid he's going to be a while. Do you want me to have him return your call?"
"No, I'll try calling back this evening. But you can tell him I'm doing great and can't wait to get back to work. And that his friends are treating me like a king."
"I'll pass that on, Lee. I'm glad the vacation is doing its job, just be careful with that redhead. We both know, shall we say, how high strung they can be." They shared the laugh as Lee hung up the phone.
After he replaced the headset, a huge yawn escaped. I guess the outdoors exercise did more than just increased my appetite. Nap now and then a visit to the gazebo before dinner.
The thoughts were barely out of his mind when he felt his eyelids closing as he settled down to a more comfortable position. Within minutes, he was sound asleep.
Completely refreshed and now dressed in blue jeans and the maroon long sleeved shirt Mrs. Morton had gave him for Christmas, Lee walked down the seldom used path to the granite fixture. He would have to remember to ask Harry why such an unusual thing was built. He figured if he got the truth, it would be very interesting story.
Once he reached his destination he was again struck by the beauty of the shelter with the multi-tinted gingko leaves adding a burst of color to the gray white stone. He was now thankful for his decision to revisit this place in the daylight, to enjoy the beautiful scenery the arched openings allowed. He availed himself of the thick wall that easily served as a bench. Looking out over the sun kissed water with the green forest backdrop he knew he had come to the right place.
The gods must have been smiling down on him. There was nothing to disturb his solitude except for the occasional bird briefly stopping by. The sunlight reflecting off the lake created a hypnotic effect on the water, and Lee found himself reliving that eventful day. Everything seemed to unfold in slow motion, from the first bullet fired, then the dark-haired girl's surprised look as a slug tore through her, the bloodied knife in his hands and finally the loud thumping noise as a chopper flew the survivors to safety.
Lee forced himself not to pull out of the trance like state. He willed himself to view the scene as an outside observer. How had he missed something as obvious as Drake's treachery? Had there been signs? Who had known there would be civilians in the area? Drake, perhaps, who obviously hadn't cared. And who had acted the same as always, the quiet, efficient American agent - now with a secret. Were the military policemen experienced or untested rookies? He thought about that, too, and concluded it wouldn't have mattered - everything had happened so fast. He checked off one question after another as he truthfully answered them. Unless he counted himself an omniscient god, and that was one thing, even at his most egotistical, never believed, there wasn't a damn thing he could have done to change the outcome.
Lee felt a great burden lift off his chest. There would always be some regret and sorrow over the loss of lives, but Peter Drake would answer for all of it. And what about his feeling towards his friend? Could he fondly remember all the good times they had, or would he simply be a traitor to his country always? For now, the bad over weighed the good memories, but Lee thought that might fade in time.
He took a final look out over the water and was surprised to see the sun was close to setting. He was reluctant to leave this place, afraid to break the spell of solitude and serenity. He reached up and broke off one of the smaller red colored leaves and placed it inside his wallet as a link and then started his way back.
The next day Lee insisted that the McMillans join him on the sailboat where they spent several hours just enjoying doing nothing. That evening he treated them both to dinner at a cozy Italian restaurant to thank them for their many kindnesses. When they returned home no one wanted the day to end. A game of poker was quickly started and a couple hours later both Mac and Lee were several dollars poorer.
"You two may be able to sleep in, but I've got to get up and make a special goodbye breakfast. Don't go stomping around when you come to bed, Mac. Thanks again for dinner, Lee. I'm going to be very sorry to see you go tomorrow."
"I hate to leave too, but I'm just afraid what kind of trouble the admiral and Chip will get into without my steadying influence." It was easy to joke around with Peggy, but he also wanted her to know how he truly felt. "Without getting all mushy, I want to thank you for all that you did for me and I'm not talking about the food. You were there when I needed some support but he didn't pry or push and for that I will always be grateful. Harry's got a couple of valuable friends who I hope I can also call mine."
Speechless, Peggy just reached up on her tiptoes, kissed Lee's cheek, and then impishly pinched his butt. Just a little playfulness between friends.
The next morning, as Lee stood drying himself off after a shower he took a good look at himself in the mirror. Not only was his too long hair a wavy mess and in desperate need of a military trim, it was time for the beard to go also. He remembered seeing a barbershop on the way to dinner last night. Correction - a men's hair salon. It would probably cost a lot more than he was used to but it would be worth it. After breakfast, he would ask to borrow the car and take care of it.
Peggy outdid herself that morning. Sitting down, he contemplated a cup of fresh fruit, banana nut pancakes, a three egg omelette and home fries, all accompanied by her delicious coffee. Pouring himself a cup, he broached the idea of getting a haircut. His plan of driving himself was quickly, and for Peggy's part quite vocally, shot down.
"Not while you're still under my care, Lee Crane. We were given specific orders you were not to drive until cleared by the doctor. Just give me five minutes to finish clearing up and I'll take you. I need to pick up a few things at the pharmacy so I'll drop you off. When you are finished you can meet me across the street at the coffee shop."
After spending these last days with her, Lee knew better than to argue. A half-hour later, he was sitting in a chair carefully explaining to the stylist the meaning of a military haircut.
"But, but..." the stylist argued. "Okay, I can see getting rid of the beard, but your hair ... you look so good, and to chop it off down to almost nothing ..."
Lee laughed at her protests. "You don't know my boss. It's got to go."
With a sigh of resignation, she picked up her scissors.
When the cape was removed and his chair spun around Lee had to admit he enjoyed being pampered just a little. As he looked into the mirror, the face of the old Lee Crane smiled back at him, with amber eyes bright and eager to face the next challenge without hesitation.
He gave thanks for the help he had received from Peggy and Mac this past week. If it wasn't for their quiet support along with Jamie's common sense advice he knew things could have turned out very differently. And Chip, rock solid Chip who took the brunt of the abuse during his many rants and raves. Chip never wavered in his friendship and encouragement. He would not disappoint them.
Leaving the salon, Lee crossed the street and spied Peggy sitting with her back to the window of the coffee shop. As the door shut behind him, Lee saw she was deeply engrossed in a magazine. With a devilish grin on his face, he quickly walked to the table, spun a chair around and sat down. In his best Cary Grant impersonation he spoke.
"Hello beautiful, where have you been all my life?"
Peggy slapped down the magazine and turned to tell the jerk to go away. "Mister, you need to work… Oh, dear!" Peggy laughed. "My goodness, don't you look very handsome, Lee Crane. I will miss those dark curls though, reminded me of Lord Byron."
Women did say the craziest things about his hair... "Well, it wouldn't do for the captain of Seaview, I'm afraid," Lee said, laughing. " Unfortunately, we'd better head back. Chip should be arriving very soon." Always a gentleman, Lee pulled back her chair and then opened the shop door as they left. He couldn't help but be a little envious of Mac as Peggy walked in front of him towards the car.
Because of a snafu with some replacement parts, Chip was unable to retrieve Lee from the cabin, sending Patterson in his place. Still under orders not to set foot on the boat or visit his office, Lee was forced to wait for his friend to show up at his place. Chip arrived with a large pizza and a six-pack of beer for dinner and the latest news.
"Your desk is clear, Lee. There's no reason to overtax yourself your first day back."
"Just how many extra hours did you spend accomplishing that task?"
"Well, Angie helped."
"And did most of the work, I'll bet." Lee couldn't help but joke, happy with the thought of being back in the saddle.
"Hey, whatever it takes. I just know I don't want to play captain for our next project. That's your gig, I'm the stern but compassionate first officer."
"Mr. Morton, I believe you've been watching too many old war movies. Anyway, thanks, buddy, you made these past weeks bearable. We did manage to pull it off without Jamie knowing you kept me up to speed with your daily reports." Lee quit speaking when he looked at Chip's face. "Wait a minute, why are you grinning like a maniac? Give!"
"Sorry, Captain, for a spy you're slow at spotting a scam. Who do you think gave me the go-ahead to update you? Jamie figured you'd try and sneak into the office when you were still in town or come back early from your vacation. We all know what a control freak you are. This way, you got your rest and peace of mind at the same time."
"That old fraud! Telling me to keep my nose out of the Institute affairs, all the while he was plotting with you! So much for that 'brother' stuff. I'm never trusting you again."
The two men laughed over how the wily doctor had gotten his way without engaging his sometime mule-headed patient in a battle of wills. Chip left early, happy to turn the reins over to Lee. After a brief but refreshing stroll on the beach, Lee hit the sack. Tomorrow was the big day, his final checkup with the doctor.
"Well, Captain, in the last 72 hours you have reported no headaches, dizziness or any other complaints, even the depression is gone. So, Skipper, to your unasked question, all restrictions have been lifted, you're fit for the next mission. But Lee, please, no more knocks on the head. I still would feel more comfortable if you didn't take the flying sub out on any joyrides for another week. Just humor this old man."
"Anything you say, Doc. Um, about the flying sub, you mean just piloting it? No problems being a passenger? The admiral has been working on-"
"You're impossible, Skipper. Yes, you can go on the test ride - as an observer only! Now get out of here, I have sick people to see."
Lee hurried from the doctor's office almost afraid Jamie would change his mind. As he made his way to the hangar to check on the upgrades for the flying sub he once more contemplated all that had occurred in the last month. He had come to terms with his actions concerning Drake, no longer feeling guilty or even angry. But what about the next time? Could he pull the trigger? Or would he hesitate for just a second too long and cost an innocent being their life?
Would there be a next time?
Reaching the hangar, he pushed back the door and couldn't help smiling. There sat his baby, all spick and span and ready for her flight. As he walked around the outside, checking every inch, he heard one of the mechanics answer the ringing phone.
"Yes, sir. Commander Crane has just arrived. One moment, please." The young man motioned Lee forward, holding out the receiver. "Sir, it's for you."
"Lee Crane here."
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