After dinner, Thorin announced that he was going to the store for some groceries, and to pick up some meds for Kili, no doubt. Kili didn't eat much at dinner, practically nothing, but still, he was there.

Now, Kili and I sat in the living room, watching a movie. Kili in the recliner, wrapped in a couple of blankets and with his feet propped up in front of him. I on the couch with my laptop, as the name implies, on my lap.

The movie we're watching is one of our favorites, The Avengers. My favorite is Iron Man. Kili prefers Captain America. He won't admit it, but I'm pretty sure it's because Steve Rogers was the small, bullied kid before he got the injection and became the superhero. Kili sees himself as pre-injection Steve Rogers.

Kili puts the foot rest down on the recliner and stands up, wrapping himself in the blankets tighter. "I'm going to get a drink. Do you want anything?"

"No, I'm good." I want to offer to get his drink, but I know he will refuse. "Do you want me to pause it?"

"Don't bother." Kili says and exits the room. Well, then.

As I sit here wondering what it must be like to turn green every time someone or something makes me angry, I am startled out of my thoughts by a crash from the kitchen.

I throw my laptop to the side and race down the hall to the kitchen. When I don't immediately see Kili, I begin to panic. Then, as I come around the end of the island in the middle of the kitchen, I stop and fall to my knees. Kili has fallen, breaking the glass he was apparently holding, and is bleeding from multiple lacerations.

"Oh my word, KILI! What happened!?" I demand from him, as I try to stop the bleeding with a towel.

"I-I don' kno… jus got diz-zy 'n fell…" Kili tells me, gasping for breath and gritting his teeth against the pain.

"Kee, I've got to get some alcohol to clean these and some bandages. I'll be right back, ok? Do not move from this floor. Got it?" I say all this with my best over-protective big brother voice.

"Yeah… got it." Kili grabs his arm and holds it against his stomach.

I run down the hall to the bathroom, and grab my supplies. When I return to the kitchen, to my surprise, Kili hasn't moved an inch. I set the supplies on the table and make my way over to Kili. I help him stand and walk him over to one of the chairs at the table, making him sit.

I grab his arm and look him directly in the eyes. "This is going to hurt like crazy. I'm so sorry, but I have to clean these. If they get infected, Thorin will kill us both. Understand?"

"Get on with it." Kili says. I know he's trying to be tough, but I can easily see past that and know that he really is nervous.

"Ok, on three. One… two… three." I soak part of a wash cloth in the alcohol and grab Kili's arm with the other. Then, I begin to clean the cuts. Kili flinches and shakes and hisses through his clenched teeth. I am constantly apologizing as I continue to make his pain worse. Finally, the cuts are all cleaned. After this, I grab the gauze and a few bandages and wrap his arm accordingly.

"Thanks, Fee." Kili sounds absolutely exhausted.

"Not a problem. Do you want me to get you that water now?"

"If you wouldn't mind…"

I smile. "Not at all."

I get Kili his water and he slowly begins to drink it down. When he finishes, he says that he is going to go ahead and go to bed.

I walk Kili up the stairs and to his room, just making sure nothing happens again. When he is settled safely in bed, I go to my room across the hall and grab my phone.

I dial Thorin's number and wait for him to answer finally I hear, "Fili, is everything ok? What about Kili? How's Kili?"

"Uh, that's what I was calling to tell you. He had an accident in the kitchen…" I pause.

"Tell me everything, now."

I tell Thorin about the incident in the kitchen and wait for a reply when I finish. Finally, Thorin asks me if I was aware of Kili's dizzy spells. I want to say no, but I know my uncle can tell when I'm lying. I am forced to tell him about the first incident, when I found Kili in his room the other day. Immediately, I know Thorin is not happy.

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes. I have to check out and then I'm coming home. And Fili? We're having a talk."

I'm dead. I know it.

Thorin runs in through the front door, throws me the keys, and tells me to get the groceries. I do as he says, not hesitating a second.

After about ten minutes, I have successfully carried in all the groceries and put them in their rightful places. I haven't heard anything from upstairs and am starting to get worried, when finally Thorin walks into the kitchen. Before he even asks, I hand him the medicine that he has bought for Kili. Wordlessly. Thorin takes it and leaves me there once again.

As much as I want to help right now, I know my place is really anywhere but with them at the moment. So, I wait.

Five minutes later, Thorin walks in and takes the chair across from me at the kitchen table. I want to say I'm sorry, but I know that will not suffice, so I wait for the oncoming storm.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I'm afraid to look up. I know he's glaring at me, with that same exasperated anger that he always has when someone does something to greatly upset him.

"Would you believe me if I said I was truly sorry and that it will never happen again?" It's a long shot, but I have to take it.

"No, absolutely not. Fili, explain yourself!" I flinch as Thorin's fist hits the table.

"I-I don't know. I didn't thin-," I begin, only to be cut off by Thorin's temper.

"Exactly! That is your problem, Fili! You never think! What? Did you just think it was nothing? That Kili saying he was dizzy was just a coincidence? What. Did. You. Think! NOTHING! Nothing- that is exactly what you thought! You just thought this would all blow over, and he would be ok. What about the things that have been happening the past few days, Fili? What about those other times where Kili has just collapsed? Didn't you think those would have been a part of something bigger? Have you looked at him lately? I mean really looked at him? He's sick, Fili! Very, ver-"

"Shut up!"

Thorin and I snap our heads to the doorway. There stands Kili, shaking and tears streaming down his face.

"Kili, get back to bed." Thorin says sternly, standing.

"No! I will not! Just stop yelling!" Kili's voice is getting stronger.

"Kili, get back upstairs, NOW!" Thorin is seriously getting angry now.

"NO!" Kili yells and then continues, "Fili didn't tell you because I told him not to. I didn't want you to find out because I knew this would happen!"

"Kee, no-"

"Shut up, Fili! Thorin, don't be angry at Fili. Please. It's my fault. It's all my fault!"

And with that, Kili collapses to the floor.

Everything until this moment is a blur. I'm sitting here in the emergency room waiting area at the local hospital wondering how I even got here.

Thorin paces across the room from me talking to someone on his phone. He runs a hand through his hair and turns around to face the wall. His shoulders begin to shake. I can only assume, however bizarre it is, that he is crying.

I tear my gaze away from him and look around the room. Everything is blinding white and smells sterile. Then it finally clicks: Kili.

I somewhat remember Kili's collapse in the kitchen, the frantic yelling for him to wake up, the phone call, the ambulance arriving, the paramedics trying to get him to breathe, the terrifying ride to the hospital in the ambulance, screaming for my little brother to fight.

Thorin throwing his keys to someone and asking them to park his car and then him running through the hospital doors.

The doors to the emergency room slamming in our face.

Not knowing if Kili was alive.

Not knowing if we would see him again.

I remember someone screaming and yelling and crying and crumbling to the floor.

I remember strong arms surrounding that person.

Now, I remember that that person was me. And those arms holding me were Thorin's.

That was an hour ago. We are still anxiously awaiting news of Kili.

Thorin hangs up from his phone conversation and sits down beside me. His eyes are red and he quickly wipes away all traces of tears from his face.

"I tried to call Oin, but he wouldn't answer. So, I kept calling. I got a hold of Balin. He said he'd be here as soon as possible." Thorin is nervous, won't stop fidgeting. But, who can blame him? When your nephew, who you have raised as your own son, just collapses in your kitchen floor, it isn't something you just get over.

I just look at him, not giving an answer. I know my expression says it all.

We sit there a while longer, when finally, "Kili Durin family?"

I snap my head up. Thorin stands as if the chair he was sitting in has suddenly burst into flames. "Yes, I am his uncle, Thorin Oakenshield. This is his brother, Fili." He points to me as I stand.

"Hello, I am Doctor Baggins. Please, call me Bilbo." He held out his hand to each of us, and wasn't too surprised when neither of us offered to shake his hand. So, he put it back down to his side, and continued, "I came out here to let you know that Kili is okay. Currently he is in recovery. We didn't do surgery, but we performed a scan of his brain. We had to give him a mild sedative because he was so nervous. He should be waking soon, then we are moving him to the fourth floor where he will be staying for a few days."

"There's something else." Thorin speaks my thoughts.

"Yes, there is." The doctor shifts uncomfortably on his feet before looking Thorin in the eye. "I don't know how much you know, but Kili has a tumor on his cerebellum. He has known for a few weeks now."

"HE WHAT!?" Thorin yells. His face is an unhealthy shade of purple. I don't blame him though. My knees weaken and I collapse into the chair.

I should've known. I should've asked. No, I should've demanded that Kili tell me what was wrong.

"You mean he didn't mention any of this to you?" Doctor Baggins' eyes nearly pop out of his head. The silence following that question is the answer he needs to continue with this tragic story. "Yes, Kili came in a few weeks ago saying that something wasn't normal about his head. Dizziness, confusion, rapid loss of energy, powerful headaches, and occasional numbness: he said he had been experiencing all of these and it was far from normal for him. I made orders for him to have a CT scan done. The results came back positive. He panicked and nearly pleaded with me not to tell word of this to anyone. He said that he would handle it. I just thought he would go home and tell his family and friends in a way that would be easy for him. I never imagined he would completely ignore it all. If I had known, I would have gotten contact information and notified you myself. Yes, it is my duty to follow the requests of my patients, but family is important to Kili. You needed to know. I am so sorry that it had to be this way. But, now we can all work together to help him fight this."

Doctor Baggins seems to be finished for the moment. As I sit here trying to absorb everything that has just been said, I can't hold back the tears. Thorin seems to be as angry as he was, but now he's fighting to keep his composure.

Thorin's voice is nearly a whisper. "How do we help him?"

Doctor Baggins pulls up a chair and sits in front of Thorin and me. "The tumor appears to have been in Kili's brain since he was born. Over a period of seventeen years, it has slowly grown. Unfortunately, now it has grown to such a large size that it is causing major problems within Kili's body. At the moment, it is not cancerous. But, because the cells in the tumor are beginning to move into neighboring tissue, it is possible that it could become cancerous in the future. If the tumor would be removed with surgery, there is a chance that the tumor could return at a higher grade. Radiation is also another form of treatment that Kili would be offered. As of now, Kili's tumor is at a grade level two. This means that we will be closely monitoring the tumor's growth. If it were to grow rapidly and into the surrounding tissue, surgery or radiation would be the best decision."

Not cancerous. Yet. "My brother is not going to let one little tumor turn into cancer and ruin his life. He won't allow it, and I definitely will not." I raise my head and look Thorin and Doctor Baggins' in the eye.

"And I don't expect less from either of you," the doctor offers a kind smile. "But, if you would like, I can give you Kili's things and the two of you can take them to the room he will be moved to soon."

"Ok. And thank you, Doctor." I say, just wanting to see my brother.

"It's my pleasure. Please, just call me Bilbo," he chuckles. "I will see you both upstairs."

And with that, he leaves Thorin and me alone in the waiting area. Again.

Thorin and I turn left right off the elevator when it reaches the fourth floor. The entire floor of the hospital is dedicated to neurology, which explains why Kili will be staying here. We make our way down the hall, following the directory arrows and room numbers until we reach Room 412.

Two beds are in the room, and both of them are empty since Kili hasn't arrived yet and he doesn't have a roommate. I take Kili's bag of belongings and place them in the too small closet on his half of the room. The nurse at the desk outside told us Kili would be having the bed beside the window.

Thorin opens the blinds to look out. Sadly, there isn't much a view. Just another building full of windows. Some of them have the blinds open, allowing us to see small movements inside. One patient is watching a movie. In another window, two people stand talking. The blinds of one window suddenly close. This hospital stay is going to be boring.

After another five minutes of silence and people watching, the door to the room opens and two nurses roll in a bed, with Kili on top.

When Kili is successfully transferred to his new bed, the two nurses who have brought him in, begin to hook him up to different machines. After this, they wish us the best of luck, and leave.

The incessant beeping of the heart monitor fills the room. Kili groans a little, still not quite waking up.

There is a knock at the door, and Doctor Bag- er, Bilbo, walks in.

"I see our patient has finally arrived." Bilbo was almost too polite and smiley. But maybe I was just too stressed.

"Yes, they brought him in a few minutes ago." Thorin tells the doctor.

"He should be waking soon enough. Has he showed any signs of coming around?"

"He groans every now and then, and occasionally moves a limb." I inform him.

"That's good. When he wakes up, he will be a little delirious. Press this button here-" he shows us the red button on a remote attached to Kili's bed, "and his nurse, Tauriel, will answer. Tell her Kili is waking and she will call me. I'll come back around and give him a little check-up and then we will decide what to do from there. Can I answer any questions?"

"No, I think that will be all." Thorin answers for the both of us.

"All right. I will see you guys soon." With what he thought was a reassuring smile, Bilbo turns and leaves to visit his other patients.

Thorin sits down in a chair beside Kili's bed. He puts his elbows on his knees and runs his hands through his hair. Then releases a heavy sigh.

I walk over to the window and hop up onto the windowsill. It is a nice, clear night. The pumpkin fall moon is high in the sky and lights up the night. The beautiful night does little to make me happy. Instead, my world feels cold, dark, and confused. No happiness. Just cold.

We sit there in silence for another fifteen minutes, the only sounds coming from Kili's heart monitor and the squeaking of shoes against the hallway floor outside, accompanied by the voices of the hospital staff. Then there is a rustling of sheets from Kili's bed and a loud groan.

"Kili?" Thorin whispers, reaching for Kili's left hand.

"Whaaa?" Kili takes his other hand and rubs his eyes.

"Is the light bothering you?" I ask concerned. Kili nods his head. I reach behind his bed and flip the light switch off. I then move back to the window and lower the blinds, shutting them partway. "Better?"

"Yeah," Kili mumbles. "Where am I?"

"Kee, you're in the hospital. You collapsed in the kitchen floor and when you wouldn't wake up, we called for an ambulance. Do you remember any of this?" Thorin inquires.

Kili is silent for a moment, refusing to answer Thorin's real question: Why didn't you tell us? "I guess you know now, huh?"

"What were you thinking? Why didn't you tell us anything? Really, Kili, we could have prevented all of this from even happening today. Didn't you want us to help?" Thorin is trying hard to not let his anger get the best of him again. It isn't working.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't want to be a burden."

"A burden? Kili, you will never be a burden. You're sick. Things like this happen when you're sick and don't have help. Is this really what you wanted?"

"I don't want to be sick!" Kili finally snaps. "I never chose this! I never wanted this and I still don't! I don't want this- I don't want to suffer from this freaking tumor- but I definitely don't want you to suffer with me! That's why I didn't tell you. I didn't want to drag you away from your busy lives. I didn't want to be a burden!"

I jump down from my place on the windowsill.

"Kee," I cut in before Thorin can tell him how stupid he is, no matter how true it may be. "We're family. We care about you and love you. That's why you should have told us. We want to help, and we will help, whether you like it or not. So, get used to it. We aren't going anywhere until you beat this tumor. Never, EVER, EVER, do something this stupid again. I mean it, or so help me, I will kill you, and Thorin here will have to come visit me in jail once a month."

"Why do you think I'd visit you?" Thorin asks with a sneaky smile.

"Because you can't live without me," I say, as if it is the most obvious thing.

Thorin snorts and says, "Whatever you think."

Kili coughs, trying to hide the fact that he is crying. It doesn't work. In a rare showing of affection, Thorin climbs onto the bed beside Kili, carefully avoiding all of the lines and tubes connected to Kili. Then, he wraps him in his arms, and pulls him against his chest as Kili sobs.

I sit on the other side of the bed, and rub soothing circles across Kili's back. After a while, Kili's tears stop. My eyes meet Thorin's and he nods. I move off the bed and our uncle lays Kili back down on the bed, covering him with a blanket and positioning his head on the pillow until he looks comfortable.

A thought occurs to me. "Didn't you say Balin was coming over?"

"Oh, yeah. He should have been here by now." Thorin begins searching his pockets for his phone. "Do you have my phone?" he asks me.

"No. The last time I saw it was in the waiting area outside the emergency room."

"Must've left it. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"No, that's ok. You stay. I can get it. I was thinking about getting some coffee anyway. Want anything?" Really, I just need a walk, but coffee sounds good, too.

"No, I'm good. Thanks."

"All right. Be back in a few."

As I exit the elevator doors to the first floor, I hear a familiar voice coming from around the corner.

"Kili Durin. Yes, he was admitted a few of hours ago."

Balin.

"Oh, here it is. He has been moved to the neurology floor. Room 412." A male voice answers.

"Neurology? That concerns the brain, correct?"

"You would be correct. Just take that elevator to the fourth floor, and you should find your young friend."

"Thank you for your help." Balin says, and soon he walks around the corner, spotting me. "Fili! I would have been here sooner, but there was a car accident on the highway."

"I understand. I just came down here to find Thorin's phone."

"Yes, I tried calling and didn't get an answer. I thought he may have turned it off for hospital policy or something of the sort… How is he?"

I know who the he implies. "I was going to get some coffee after getting the phone before making my way back upstairs. You can go on up and Thorin will fill you in, if you don't mind. Would you like some coffee, too?"

Balin thinks for a moment and then answers me, "Yes, I would appreciate some. Thank you, Fili. Room 412, correct?"

I nod my head. Balin can see right through me. He always has. He was Thorin's mentor growing up and had basically raised him. Because of this, Balin has played a rather large role in the upbringing of Kili and me. We love Balin, as if he were our grandfather. He is old and wise, and always knows what to say to make everything seem better than it really is.

Balin gives me a pat on my back and looks me in the eye. "Young Kili will be back to causing trouble in no time. Just you wait and see."

I smile. Balin is the best.