Part 4: Old sins have long shadows
There was a traumatic feel in the common room as everyone stared at Lily and the Marauders waiting for James to kill Sirius. James was frozen in his seat un-able to take his eyes off of her, his mind incapable to wrap it's self around the idea of Sirius's betrayal.
Next to him Remus and Frank sat both had their mouth's hanging opened and Alice had clapped a hand to her mouth staring horrified at her best friend. Sirius was still, his jaw clenched, his gray eyes looking straight at Lily's with something close to regret. It was impossible not to sense the thickness in the air and she shifted uncomfortably wondering what it was she had done wrong. At the other end of the room someone had the sense to turn of the Muggle rock music that had been blasting seconds before.
"What's the matter?" she whispered staring at Remus waiting for an explanation.
Remus blinked stupidly and dropped his gaze, seeming unable to meet her green eyes. He turned to James and Sirius who were now staring at each other, James with something close to hate and Sirius showing no emotion at all, his gray eyes guarded and un-telling.
"You slept with Lily?" asked James in as even a voice as he could muster glaring un-believingly at Sirius. Lily gasped her eyes wide, a small blush forming on her cheeks; it was confirmed in her reaction. Sirius didn't hesitate as he nodded but his eyes did drop just like Remus's no longer able to stand the intense brown stare.
James blinked and a few tears came out of his eyes and just like that he lunged at Sirius knocking him to the ground painfully, wands forgotten, his fist hitting Sirius's as hard as he could. Sirius didn't fight on the contrary he stayed still his eyes closed feeling blood gushing out of his nose and mouth as James continued to hit him.
The whole common room awoke; people started rushing over to them attempting to get him off of Sirius. The younger students hurried to their dormitories not wanting to get in the way of James's wrath. Remus jumped up trying his best to grab James and pull him off but James knocked him down accidently not letting go of Sirius. Frank moved over and grabbed James up by his waist, holding him tightly so that his arms would stop punching and his legs stop kicking.
"What is the matter with you?" said Lily as she ran over, knelling down and making sure that Sirius was alright. James stopped moving and Frank thought it was safe to let go of him, the dark haired boy panted there for a second, tears still falling from his eyes before turning around and running out of the dormitory.
"Go! Everybody leave, now!" commanded Frank as he started pushing people towards the dormitory doors. They left reluctantly, turning back to stare at Frank, Remus, Lily, Alice and Remus who were the only once left in the previously filled common room.
Lily was touching Sirius's cheek and staring down at him with concern. He seemed paralyzed, unable to move. In truth he wasn't very hurt, his nose was broken, his lower lip had been split by James's watch, and he was clutching his side were James had pushed him. "Are you alright?" she asked pushing back his dark hair.
He nodded mutely, not too far away from them Remus stirred. He stood up off the ground and stared from Lily to Sirius. Suddenly Sirius moved away from her, hand touching his lip. She stood up looking at all of them with impatience, "What's happening?" she asked.
"Alice can you explain it to her, I need to talk to Sirius" said Remus as he walked over to where Sirius was sitting. Remus helped him up and together they made their way to the dormitories Sirius leaning in to Remus's thin frame as they walked up the stairs.
Sirius collapsed in to a bed knowing that Remus was watching him. Remus sat down there too, looking at his boyfriend. He pulled out his wand and for a moment Sirius felt afraid, he would never forget the hurt look in Moony's eyes or how tightly his mouth was sealed, he had never been this angry before not even when the Snape incident had happened.
Remus didn't curse him; he simply mended his broken nose and split lip. He had learned how to cure minor injuries like that from his mom who was a Healer. When he was done, he felt a heaviness fill him. He felt heavy with doubts, is it possible that Sirius has been seeing her all this time, he pondered as the silence lengthened.
Sirius sat up against the headboard, his eyes turning towards Moony, "It happened this summer"
Remus blinked and relaxed they hadn't been together then, "Was it just once"
Padfoot gulped, his gray eyes filling with guilt "No, we actually dated for like two months"
"What! How did you even see her last summer?"
Sirius closed his eyes. "I was visiting Andy for a couple of weeks and she lives in a Muggle neighborhood and well we bumped in to Lily" Remus was silently urging him to continue, "So we started talking a lot. We spent four days together
just talking and I really came to like her. Then we started kissing and well we went all the way" he sighed opening his eyes to see Remus's reaction.
"I felt really bad about it. I tried not to see her again, but we continued talking and well kissing and doing other stuff and I really like her a lot more than I've ever like anybody except you"
"So you kept on seeing her? For two months?"
"Yeah, it felt strange like it wasn't even me, like it wasn't her, like it wasn't us, it just felt as if we were other people in another world. Usually summer means having to face the war, having to read the news really hearing what he's really doing but that summer was different. I don't know how to explain it Monny. It felt so surreal. I liked her more every day we were spending 18 hours a day together, walking, talking, kissing it was just like nothing else was happening like the world halted. When I was with her, it didn't feel like there was a war, it didn't feel like he was out there. Nothing else was happening it was just the two of us" he felt silent, his voice breaking. He had a lot more to say about her, how he came to love the way she laughed, the way she carelessly pushed her red hair out of her eyes, the way she kissed him her green eyes filling with excitement, the way after they slept together she would always put her head on his chest as if listening in to his heart beat.
Remus was still looking down at him. He understood what Sirius meant and now he found himself wondering if perhaps Sirius loved her more than he loved him. Or had he ever loved her, he had never said that word "Do you love her?"
Sirius sat up, wincing and once again touching his bruised side. "I did, but when summer ended it was like we were dropped back in to the real word and we both realized we had to stop seeing each other. And that summer we were both different, we weren't who we truly are. It was like being alone with each other changed us or something"
"So you're not still in love with her?"
Sirius shook his head his arm going around Moony's neck, "No, I love you, I swear I do. I like her but I've never loved anyone like I love you". They carefully leaned forward kissing as softly as was physically possible. Both felt that their relationship had changed somehow becoming deeper more powerful if that was possible.
They pulled apart smiling, "So do you think that James is going to forgive me?"
Remus was about to speak when the dormitory door opened and Lily stepped inside, "Can I talk to you?" she whispered her eyes on her former boyfriend. Sirius hesitated for a second looking at Remus wondering if he would mind. Remus meets
his eyes as if giving him permission to leave and Sirius stood up walking towards her.
As Sirius walked towards her Remus meet her vivid green eyes for a moment, a second an instant, a million he wasn't sure. She seemed so beautiful standing there her soft red hair loose gently caressing her hip, her angelic face as innocent as ever her full sensuous lips parted showing her straight white teeth. He had never thought a girl beautiful before, so it took him un-expectantly. It wasn't just her face, or just her stunning figure most of all it was her eyes. They were so full of life and yet so aware of the immortal breath of death, they seemed ever-wise, ever-knowing.
It was only then that he truly understood Sirius's words; it was only then that he truly understood the relationship they would have had. It would be Sirius's cool calmness and Lily's truth, her wisdom and her natural everlasting beauty mixed together creating exactly what Sirius had described something completely surreal, something tentatively, impossible powerful. Something that no matter how wrong was intense enough that you lost the edge of reality.
It was so different from the relationship that he and Sirius had. Their relationship was all trust, devotion, friendship, compatibility and through it all no matter how much society might frown down on them a steady un-yielding love. It was a lightness, a simple joy, steady, unchanging but lovely in its childish simplicity.
It was the difference between lightness and heaviness, between light and darkness, between love and desire, between friendship and romance.
A/N: Wow… that was not how this chapter was supposed to come out. I had been planning a really funny light chapter but when I sat down to write this was what came out. Now I promise my paring are not changing, Remus and Sirius are still together as will James and Lily (eventually). Sirius is also not going to cheat on Remus with Lily I promise. Also I must say the idea of the heaviness vs. Lightness comes from my favored book The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera so I can't take credit for that. I know this chapter was different from everything else, but I hoped you like it. Please tell me what you think.