Chapter 4

Big realizations are way less dramatic in real life. There is no music playing in the background as you walk to school, there are no declarations of love in front of all your peers, in the end big realizations are just festering thoughts, what if scenarios and omg what did I do moments all in your own. Well at least that is what they were for me.

So after a weekend of hiding in my room, not managing to get out of my head I wake up on Monday with some clarity. See I know that the one thing I absolutely have to do is break up with Lucas. I mean there's the gut wrenching guilt every time he messaged over the weekend with a "hi" or "miss you" but also there's the whole I'm in love with my best friend thing. And no I will not be telling Julian this. After the 'incident' we had a magical few hours of just being in each other's arms. See the thing with me and Julz is that we never really needed to fill in the silences. There was something comforting about that and in that moment it was perfect. And I drifted off to probably the most peaceful sleep I've had since I was removed forcefully from my mother's womb. And when I woke up well you know how the story goes, he was gone. And I can make 100000 excuses about how he was also feeling guilty and confused and unsure but at the end of the day he left me alone and didn't contact me the whole weekend so as much as I've had this big realization about Julian Baker I also have to come to terms with that sometimes after a few drinks things get out of hand. And I'm fine though I remember someone once told me FINE stands for Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional so I am most definitely FINE!

So as I walk to school, refusing my usual ride from Beaven the only thing I know for sure is that I need to end things with Luke. And I have this brilliant speech in my head and you might be wondering why wouldn't I just tell him the truth and why would I need to prepare something. I am not a coward firstly but I can't break up with him and end his friendship with Julian. That is not my place. Or maybe I am a coward trying to wear a hero's coat. Either way I just wanted to have a clean break for everyone's sake.
"Brooke hold up, Broooooooooke" yells out Luke.
I turn around my heart beating so fast I'm sure I'm a hummingbird and of course as luck would have it, he is with Julian. I almost look at the sky and give God a thumbs up because that is some wicked sense of humor.
"Hi guys" I say surprised at the steadiness in my own voice.
Julian I notice has not made any eye contact with me and once again my inner self starts to make up excuses for him but finally my brain overpowers her and I snap out of it. He left I keep repeating in my head.

Luke kisses me on the cheek and I swear I flinch but not before I notice Julian's eyes darken.
"So our boy here has some big news he wants to share with you. I mean honestly the fact that he told me before you is a bit wtf but you know what they say bro's before…beautiful angelic girls" says Luke excitingly.
"Good save" I reply sarcastically
"So what's the news?" I continue
"Well Brooke, I um well the thing is, I really should've." Julian stutters.
"Oh come on mate just say it. She'll be delighted for you. My girl has a heart of gold" says Luke.
"I'm leaving, I got the Archibald scholarship for Track and you know how my parents would've struggled to pay for college so this is amazing and I mean London…"and he said more things but at this point I couldn't hear anything. I was trying to concentrate on breathing because well apparently breathing is important.
"Brooke? You okay Brookie" questions Luke.
Julian is trying to find a lolly or anything sweet in his bag because apparently I look like Casper who as I recall is a ghost of some sort.
"I'm FINE guys sorry I'm fine. Just a bit shocked is all obviously. Congrats Julz really happy for you. Your folks must be so proud of you. Listen though I have that Trig test and you know Mr. Peaker is just nuts about when he sets test. See you both later?" I say once again surprised at how upbeat my voice sounds.

As I walk away I can hear Luke telling Julian that he was worried for no reason. And how everything went well. Yup it went well that's for sure I mean he left my bed, he's leaving the country and all that is going through my head is this quote I once saw in a movie or maybe I read it I don't know,

'People ALWAYS Leave'

Reviews please? Bit of a shorter chapter. This is a rather large story in my head but it didn't seem to attract a lot of attention so not sure if I should continue. I wanted to humanize the loved characters a bit more. Thank you to LiteratureSoccerEnthusiast for your review. It definitely put a smile on my face.