Hey, everyone! Thanks for all the reviews, and here's the next chapter you asked for! These things seem to keep getting longer. This one has Yuan, and the next probably-not-so-stunning revelation, as well as some discussion on the nature of Exspheres.
I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my sisters, the two of them who will likely be reading this. You know who you are, and I thank both of you from the bottom of my heart for supporting my fangirlishness even when I go completely silly. I love you both!
Now, read on, and enjoy!
Chapter 3: Growing Feelings and an Awkward Moment
Days of traveling stretched into weeks. They went all around the continent, gathering Exspheres from every city, town and village along the way. And as they traveled, they fell into routines, finding their roles within the group. Kratos watched out for everyone's health, made sure they had supplies, and managed the money; Lloyd and Colette were the heart and soul of the group, their reason for being there, the true heroes of the world; and Zelos looked out for them all emotionally, defusing potential arguments, providing comic relief, and indicating to Kratos when they needed to go off and have another 'sparring session'.
Zelos was beginning to greatly look forward to the times he spent with Kratos, not just because of what he had to admit was a growing crush on the elder swordsman, but for the reasons which had triggered the crush in the first place. Kratos was quiet and intelligent, extremely gorgeous, and he actually listened to Zelos. Zelos knew that it was probably only because Kratos felt bad about what Cruxis had done to the Chosen Ones, at least at first, but it felt good to have someone who would honestly consider what he said before making a decision to believe it or disregard it. Sometimes the decision didn't take long, when Zelos was being silly, but he could tell that Kratos was honestly paying attention to Zelos himself, and that was a feeling he still couldn't get enough of. Well, that and the older man's occasional smiles.
Not only did Kratos listen, but it seemed that he actually considered Zelos' conversation and his opinions to be worthwhile. They would sometimes get into long discussions about various things, and as time progressed, Zelos noticed that Kratos was initiating these discussions as often as Zelos himself was. When Zelos realized this, he vowed that he would never act upon the feelings he had for the other man. Having Kratos consider him as a friend, a worthy companion, was too precious a thing to risk on something like that.
So they finished with the central continent this way, and eventually headed back to where they'd moored their ship, loaded down with sacks of Exspheres. Lloyd and Colette were gradually growing closer, all thanks to Zelos' idea of 'sparring sessions', while Zelos and Kratos themselves formed a comfortable companionship during those same times, whether they actually spent any time sparring, or simply sat and talked, or went their own ways entirely for those hours that they were gone from the camp. The only problem that Zelos could see, as they sat around the campfire one night, was his persistent feelings toward Kratos. He'd sworn not to do anything about them, but he couldn't help his occasional reactions – like blushing when the man leaned too close, or the way a smile sometimes made his heart skip a beat – and he was worried that the others might notice.
He glanced at Lloyd out of the corner of his eye. Okay, so he was worried that Colette or – Martel forbid – Kratos might notice. He didn't think he'd have much problem with Lloyd, and even if the boy did notice something, he'd believe pretty much any excuse Zelos could come up with. Colette was more observant than she seemed, though, at least in some ways…but he could probably convince her to keep quiet. He refused to even think about what would happen if Kratos found out. He'd probably have to hitchhike his way back to Meltokio…
He shook his head. Tomorrow, they'd be back on the boat, and headed toward Flanoir. Kratos had mentioned something about going to visit Yuan while they were in the area, as the other Seraph had offered the Renegades' storerooms for holding the Exspheres they acquired until they decided what should be done with them, so they planned to stop off at the base before going to the city itself. Besides, Zelos knew that as much as Kratos might enjoy his company, he surely missed the presence of the man who had been pretty much his only friend for four thousand years. There wasn't much that could compete with a bond like that.
Zelos rubbed his eyes; it was getting late. Climbing into his bedroll, he told Kratos to be sure to wake him for his watch, then rolled over and went to sleep, trying to focus his thoughts on something other than the auburn-haired swordsman before he fell asleep. Dreaming about Kratos while said swordsman was on watch…was another thing that didn't bear thinking about. Instead, he focused on the thought that they'd all have to get used to being back on the boat starting tomorrow.
When Zelos finally fell asleep, he dreamed their boat was being tossed about in a deadly storm, until Kratos woke him from his nightmare. Declaring that he wouldn't be able to sleep any more that night, Zelos insisted on taking over the watch early, and ignoring Kratos' look of concern, he stayed up guarding the camp all night instead. He spent the hours brooding over the effect that unrequited emotions were having on every aspect of his life, and wondering how long it would take before he snapped and did something incredibly stupid. Their journey was beginning to look intolerably long once again, though for a completely different reason than it had at first.
They arrived at the old base without incident, and were promptly let in by a subordinate, who told them that "Lord Yuan" would be there to welcome them shortly, and showed them their rooms before leaving them in a study-like area. A few minutes later, the subordinate returned, followed by a familiar irritable blunette.
"Here they are, Lord Yuan. Did you need anything else?" the man asked.
Yuan sighed exasperatedly, "I keep telling everyone to stop calling me that. 'Sir' is fine, but I'd really rather leave behind the part of my life that involved my being 'Lord Yuan' all the time."
"Sorry, sir. I'm sure it'll take, eventually."
"You clearly have more faith than I do, Derick. You're dismissed; I'll call for someone if I think of anything else." As Derick bowed once and left, Yuan turned to face the rest of them. His gaze scanned over all their faces, until it came to rest on Kratos, and he gave his friend a warm smile in greeting. "So, how goes the journey?" he asked them.
"It's going well," Lloyd answered, "We've already got a lot of Exspheres stored up, just from the one continent; our hold's almost full. It was sure nice of you to offer us your storage space for them. I didn't even think of what we were going to do with them all."
Yuan snorted, "I know you didn't." His expression turned businesslike, "The best idea, eventually, would probably be to destroy them, so that they'll never hurt anyone else. We should work on gathering them all into one place first, though, it'll be easier that way."
Colette looked troubled, "Um, mister Yuan? I, um…" She trailed off uncertainly.
"What is it?" he asked her, not unkindly, "And just Yuan will be fine."
"It's just that…Exspheres are alive too, aren't they? I understand about freeing the people inside of them, but the ones that don't have souls inside…it's not the Exspheres' fault that they do that to people. It…it seems wrong, to kill them all for doing something that they can't even control. I know that if they still exist, they can still hurt people, but…" Colette wrung her hands a bit, not knowing what to do, and Zelos' heart went out to the gentle girl.
Yuan's gaze softened. "You have a kind heart, Colette," he murmured, "…To tell the truth, I hadn't thought about it that way. I'm not sure what the proper course of action is, in this case; but we have plenty of time to decide. So far, you've only collected a fraction of the remaining Exspheres in this world, and there's still Derris-Kharlan to deal with, as well…although I suppose we can just jettison those into space."
"Yuan is right," Kratos said, "We should all think carefully about this, and perhaps consult the others as well. This isn't a decision that one person can make, but we have time before the final choice is made." The others nodded solemnly.
"You're right," Colette said, "We don't need to worry about it right now. I'm just glad to be here with all of you!" She was clearly trying to lighten the mood, so Zelos decided to help her out.
"Aw, you're so sweet, Colette! Tell you what, why don't we head for the cafeteria? I think we could use some lunch, and it'll be nice for us to not have to cook while we're here," he said in his normal tones. At Lloyd and Colette's nods, he grinned, "Great, then, follow me!"
Kratos cleared his throat, "I'll stay here. I'm not hungry, and I'd like to talk to Yuan some more, assuming my presence won't be terribly missed."
Zelos nodded, "Sure, you two spend some time catching up, then, and us younger folks who actually need to eat will get some lunch. Come on, you two!" The three trooped down to the Renegades' cafeteria, one of the places in the base that Zelos was most familiar with.
That evening, Zelos was bored. He decided to spend some time fixing up his gear, which had begun to get rather weathered after so much traveling. So he got out his sword, and his sharpening/cleaning kit…only to find that his whetstone had gone missing. "Man…" he groaned. He'd have to get a new one soon; in the meantime, he would go and borrow Kratos'. He knew it was just an excuse to go see the older swordsman, however briefly, but as long as he had a legitimate excuse, he felt he could safely indulge his feelings that much. And if he didn't make some small concessions like this, he felt, he'd end up going crazy.
So he made his way down the hall to Kratos' bedroom. When he reached the door, he gave a cursory knock before simply entering. "Hey Kratos, can-" he began, then cut off, feeling his cheeks flush bright red even as the rest of his face paled.
Kratos was sitting on the bed, but he wasn't alone; he was leaning backward under Yuan's weight, his arms wrapped quite intimately around the other man, who had at least one hand underneath Kratos' shirt. Both Seraphim were blushing bright red at being caught, and from the way that Yuan was glaring, and his hair beginning to lift and frizz as though the air around him was charged with static electricity, Zelos decided he'd seen enough. "Sorry!" he called out, cringing as he backed out of the room, "I'm so sorry, I didn't…sorry!" The door slid shut in front of him, and Zelos stood there stunned for a moment, before high-tailing it back to his own room, all thoughts of whetstones long gone from his mind.
Kratos…and Yuan…so they…but I thought… He shook his head to clear his thoughts. The motion seemed to dislodge another thought, which had previously been stuck in a lower level of consciousness, and which floated to the top now that its path was clear.
But damn, that was hot.
Reassured a little by the relative coherency of that statement, at least, Zelos began piecing together other complete thoughts. So, Kratos isn't quite as straight as I thought. That's a good thing, right?
But he's with Yuan. I mean, why the hell would he want me instead of the one person in the world who knows everything that he's been through? And hell, he probably wouldn't want me that way even if he and Yuan weren't together. So either way, all I really have is the illusion of a chance, which is sort of worse than before. Zelos lay back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. I don't suppose he'd let me pretend this never even happened.
Zelos was right. The next afternoon, while Zelos sat and moped, there was a careful knock on his door. "Come in," he called.
The door slid open to reveal Kratos, who looked somewhat uncomfortable. He stepped into the room, not quite meeting Zelos' eyes. "I…wanted to talk to you. About what you saw yesterday…" he trailed off, sounding uncharacteristically nervous.
Dear Goddess, he's actually scared! Zelos thought. "Dude, I'm really sorry about that. If I'd known, damn sure I'd have let you two have your privacy," he said in what he hoped would be a reassuring tone.
Kratos relaxed just a little bit, but still looked discomfited. "Does it…bother you?" he asked frankly.
Zelos blinked as though the thought of being bothered hadn't occurred to him at all. "No, of course not. I mean, you two have known each other literally forever, right?" Kratos still didn't completely relax, so Zelos finally admitted, "Besides, he's hot; if he were a bit more friendly, I might try to steal him." More likely, I'd try to steal you from him, but I'm not about to say so to your face, because I still want to be your friend.
Now it was Kratos' turn to blink. "You mean…" he said, then shook his head, looking relieved, "And to think I was concerned about your reaction."
"Yeah, no problems here," Zelos replied with a grin; then, with deceptive casualness, he asked, "So, how long have you two been together?"
"…I suppose that depends on your definition of 'together'. I've known him for over four thousand years, during most of which we have been occasional lovers; we've never had an exclusive relationship."
Hope flared briefly in Zelos' heart, but he kept his expression neutral, "Gotcha, more like friends with benefits, then. That's cool."
"For myself, I'm surprised that I never picked up on your behaviors before. Now that I look back on the Journey, I distinctly recall thinking on a few occasions that if you were anyone else, I would believe you were flirting with Lloyd," Kratos said, one eyebrow raised.
Zelos smiled sheepishly, "Yeah, okay, I had a crush on the kid for a while there…me and half the party, that is. But I'm over that; and anyway, he and Colette really do belong together."
Kratos nodded, then gave him a slightly hesitant half-smile. "I'm glad you aren't uncomfortable with this," he said, "I've…come to value your companionship."
Zelos smiled warmly at him, "I've noticed, and thank you; it really means a lot to me." More than I'll ever tell you. "To tell the truth, even if I wasn't comfortable with it, I think I'd make an effort to become so, or else I'd have no one to talk to. I could talk at Lloyd or Colette, but it wouldn't be the same."
Kratos' smile grew warmer, and Zelos had to fight down a blush. Fortunately, Kratos caught sight of the clock, and his eyes widened. "I should go," he said, "I'm glad we could have this discussion."
"Sure thing. You and Yuan go have fun," Zelos said with a knowing grin, although his heart gave an unsettling pang at the thought, "And don't worry, I won't tell Lloyd or Colette if you don't want me to."
Kratos nodded. "I know; I trust you," he said, making Zelos' heart skip a beat. Then, he was out the door.
This left Zelos cursing his infatuation, and
once again wondering how long he could keep it secret, especially now
that he knew he had some slim chance of getting the Seraph to return
his affections. With a sigh, he lay back on his bed and examined the
ceiling once more. Why can't anything in my life ever be easy to
deal with?
Yeah, Zelos is totally in love, although he's not about to admit it to himself. And Kratos...who knows what Kratos is thinking. I'm not even entirely sure; they're writing themselves, here, and I'm just along for the ride.
I got Yuan into this chapter! And the people rejoiced! (Right? ...Right?)
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