Fathers' Day

A/N: Thanks for all the alerts and reviews – appreciate every one of them.

Chapter 4 – Reminders

When Gibbs caught up with her, Abby grinned at him and he was pleased to see her green eyes sparkling with mischief.

Raising her parasol over her shoulder again, she looped her arm through his as they walked on. "That was fun, Gibbs. Ben used to play that game with me... and not just here. He'd ambush me with questions about the quotes from the statues too. That's probably why I remember most of them."

A coil of worry ran through him. Was Abby hinting that she'd played that game with him now because she thought of him as a substitute for Ben... that she wanted him now to fulfil the role of a father in her life?

It was something they'd never discussed outright and she'd never hinted before that she thought about him that way. But it was hardly a topic you could just drop into the conversation. He'd always hoped that the way they'd flirted over the years had made it plain that he didn't think of her as a daughter.

He was protective of her. Sure he was. Abby was his friend and he cared about her, a lot more than he'd ever let on.

Possessive even. Well, yeah... There was a lot more to the my girl he signed on her cheek than Abby probably realized.

But feeling like a father towards her? Hell, no. The feelings he had for Abby would make that thought really... hinky.

He became absorbed in his thoughts as he walked close beside her as they made their way along the edge of the Tidal Basin. Following a detour for caffeine after Gibbs spotted a coffee vendor and set off with the speed of a man deprived for all of... two hours, they reached the linking path leading to the Thomas Jefferson memorial.

Gibbs took Abby's hand as they circled the monument and she looked about her at the familiar scene. "Y'know, I'm not sure why but coming here triggers more memories of Ben than being back in New Orleans."

He considered for a few moments before replying, his voice thoughtful. "Bound to I s'pose when this is your home now... least I hope it is."

She came to a halt and squeezed his hand. "Of course it is." New Orleans hadn't felt like home for a very long time.

"And maybe it's coz you remember Ben more here as well." Gibbs speculated, gazing down at her. "Even before he died, hadn't it been a while since you'd been back in New Orleans?"

"Yeah, I guess," Abby tilted her head in a familiar gesture as she considered his words. "I hadn't been back to see everyone for... oh, about 18 months I s'pose before his last trip to DC."

"More since he died though?" Gibbs tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear and she fought the urge to lean into his touch.

"Yeah, but it's odd... when I went back last year to visit his grave, I almost couldn't feel him... feel his spirit I mean," said Abby, gazing off into the distance as she remembered. "Although his body may have been there, his grave just didn't seem to have any connection to him. I felt him more when I went back to his favourite haunts. The house is an obvious one I know... and his favourite bar."

Gibbs chuckled. "Oh yeah, he told me about that place."

"Yeah, it was a real dive but he loved it," Abby told him with a fond smile. "Went back with Luca and we could both almost see him sitting there at the bar... and all his buddies were there, so it was a great night... even if I did have to heave Luca into a cab afterwards. In Luca's house too I could feel him. Plus here and a few other places in DC... even in my apartment I feel closer to him than at his graveside."

"Well, however much you love graveyards, Abbs, he's not really there... or at least his spirit isn't."

Gibbs understood all too well what Abby meant.

For him, his house was the place where he felt Shannon and Kelly most keenly, both their loss and the happy memories they'd built together in their years there. There were times when Shannon's presence was so clear that he'd swear he could smell her perfume and hear her laughter.

When he visited Stillwater, he'd also be able to sense her in so many places... where he'd first seen her in the store window, the station where they met, where they'd first kissed. But most often it was here in DC, and especially the house where Kelly had spent the majority of her short life, that conjured up their presence so vividly.

Abby's soft voice drew him from his thoughts. "Standing by Ben's grave, the place just felt like an empty shell... which it was of course. I'm not expressing this very well I know... It just made me feel guilty in a way."

"Why?" he asked, gently.

"I stood next to Gloria and... I dunno," she bit her lip at she struggled to articulate her thoughts. "I won't say I felt nothing standing there but it wasn't the same... I felt more grief here."

He shrugged and turned to face her, resting his hands on her shoulders. "Everyone finds different ways to cope... and remember."

"I'm not sure I'll go back to his grave again..." admitted Abby, softly.

She looked up at him, swallowing the question which flashed across her mind but by the minute flinch he gave, she saw he'd made the connection anyway, and immediately felt a surge of guilt that she'd broached the subject in the first place.

He looked away momentarily before taking a deep breath and continuing, his voice thick with emotion. "Yeah... I go sometimes... to talk to them but not often. Find 'em more in the house than I do at their graves."

Even after all this time, all a visit to their graves conjured up was the incredible pain of their funeral and then later seeing the small internment stones for the first time.

Abby reached up to clasp his hands where they rested on her shoulders and his gaze refocused on her face. "I'm sorry, Gibbs... I didn't mean to remind you."

He squeezed her shoulders in reassurance. "It's okay."

It had become slightly easier over the years to talk about Shannon and Kelly, if only to friends like Ducky and Abby, but sometimes his automatic gut wrenching reaction still threatened to choke him, and it would take him a few minutes to recover his equilibrium.

"D'ya want to go inside?" She sought to change the subject, sensing he'd reached his limit of sharing for the moment.

He nodded and let her lead the way up the steps. When they reached the top, she asked him quietly, "Come and look at the inscriptions, Gibbs? There's one over here that Ben loved."

As they joined the people making their way through the memorial, Gibbs followed Abby as she circled round to the panel containing excerpts from the Declaration of Independence.

It had been years since he'd been to this memorial so felt almost like a tourist again himself. As he was watching her closely while she read the inscription, he saw the small smile begin to curve her lips.

When Gibbs moved to stand beside her, Abby glanced at him, her soft smile still in place. "I was just remembering standing here last time with him... he loved this one. He used to drive us mad as kids at home making us recite it and if we got it wrong, we couldn't get away with it, or pass it off that he'd make a mistake lip reading it. Oh no, he'd make us do it again... from the beginning... I can feel him, Gibbs. It's like he's standing right here."

"Maybe he is," he suggested softly.

She laughed lightly. "He'll be demanding coffee any minute now then."

"Sensible guy." He grinned when she smiled up at him and bumped her shoulder gently. "Come on, let's get out of the crowd."

They made their way outside and found a quiet corner to perch on the steps, and she leaned against his shoulder as she sat down. "I was lucky... to have a dad I was so close to." She was reminded of that every time she thought of Tony's difficult relationship with his dad.

He took her hand and laced their fingers together. "He was proud of you, Abbs, and your career."

As he was... proud of the name she'd forged for herself in a predominantly male environment but without compromising who she was, or even hiding how she preferred to look.

"Was proud of him too... of both of them, of how they coped."

"Protective too." As long as he'd known her, Abby had been especially protective of her deaf father and mother.

"Comes with the territory, Gibbs, although Gloria has always resented anything where she thought I was being a fusspot or too much of a mother hen." She looked down at their joined hands, enjoying the feel of his warm callused palm against hers.

"Well, she's as feisty as her daughter... or you're as feisty as she is, whichever way round it is. Although I think Ben enjoyed being fussed over by you."

"You noticed?" Abby shared a smile with him. After a few minutes sitting quietly, she nudged him and stood up. "Come on, there's something I wanna show you."

As they moved back towards the Tidal Basin, Abby led Gibbs to an area overlooking the water and leaned on the railings.

"He loved this spot," she explained. "We'd stand here for ages watching the boats and then we'd have lunch from one of the hotdog stands over there."

Suddenly, the memories today had triggered overwhelmed her and she felt tears starting to well up. Trying to will them away, she was conscious of Gibbs moving nearer.

"Abby," he whispered, heart aching for her pain.

"Oh Gibbs, we argued so many times those last few months," she admitted, her voice breaking. "Why didn't I make more of an effort to make it up with him?"

"You weren't to know they were the last months, Abbs. Don't torture yourself. You told me you'd argued, but not what about." He'd tried to get Abby to open up a few times, but had backed off when she obviously didn't want to talk about it.

She glanced at him, her hesitation still visible but she eventually sighed and looked down at her hands. "The outlaws mostly."

He frowned. "Who?"

"Sorry... it's what I call Luca's in-laws," she explained. "You know we've never got on."

"Yeah, I remember."

It wasn't something she talked about much because she seemed to sense it made him annoyed on her behalf.

He knew Abby didn't have a good relationship with her younger brother's wife, Julie. They only tolerated each other at best, he suspected mostly for Luca's sake and Gloria's. Her niece, however, adored her aunt Abby... much to Julie's disgust.

"Anyway, if it weren't for Luca, I doubt I'd see my niece at all," she explained. "The entire outlaw clan don't approve of me at all and I doubt that's gonna change any time soon... I guess I'm just not suitable sister-in-law or aunt material and in the months before Ben died, I'd had a big argument with Julie."

Abby remembered how Ben had always defended her in any family argument, but even he hadn't known the full extent of the animosity between her and Luca's in-laws.

"Is that why you fell out with Ben..." When she nodded, he went on, asking, "Did he know about the argument?"

"Yeah, he knew we'd argued but not what it was about and that was partly the reason falling out with Ben. He was trying to get me to build bridges... wanted me to take the first step and try and make it up with them." Her voice was soft as she recounted the difficult memory. "I wasn't keen... didn't see it as all my fault and I wasn't convinced it would work... and you know how stubborn I am."

"Nah... not you." He teased her gently, wrapping an arm round her shoulders.

"So when I wouldn't budge, we argued and in a way, I was so pissed at Ben for not seeing it totally from my point of view. That's the last time we spoke and it ended in a fight." She swallowed round a sudden lump in her throat and her voice was husky when she continued. "If I could take back anything, it would be that. I was just reminded of it when I stood here, that the last time I was here with him it was a happy time..."

She looked down and he was quiet while she struggled to retain her composure, rubbing her arm gently. Even now Abby was too stubborn to give in to her tears, even in front of him.

"What was the argument about?"

He bit back a smile as she adopted a nasal New York twang, which he assumed was how Julie sounded. "Julie said if only I was a normal woman, I'd be married and giving my parents some grandchildren by now... the implication being presumably like she was. I lost my temper and nearly took her head off... she said more, I said more... and it all got a bit out of hand."

He felt a surge of anger on her behalf and struggled not to show it. He'd never met the outlaws and from the sound of it, that was a good thing. It would be difficult, if not impossible, for him to remain quiet in the face of remarks like that about his Abbs.

"Why didn't you tell Ben what it was about?"

She shrugged, "I was as much to blame as Julie was and I didn't wanna upset him and Gloria and..."

"Go on," he prompted gently when she trailed off.

She was silent for so long, he thought she'd decided not to tell him but eventually she sighed and looked down at fidgeting hands. "Well... I couldn't help thinking that maybe they might agree... that they'd rather I were a wife and a mom somewhere nearby. Gloria loves her granddaughter and I know she'd like more. Didn't want to see it in their faces I guess that they'd had similar thoughts."

"Oh, Abbs..." He shifted closer, leaning his head against hers and squeezing her shoulder. "You know they loved you... Gloria loves you just as you are."

"I know... I just..." She bit her lip nervously. "It doesn't matter now. It all seems pretty petty and trivial. I'm not proud of myself, Gibbs... it's not important what Julie said, not really and I let it fester."

"Hindsight's 20/20, Abbs." When she leaned more fully against him, he shifted his arm to tug her closer and they stood quietly for a few minutes before he broke the silence. "How's it been since then when you've gone back?"

"Well... it's not really any easier. It's sort of an armed truce I guess... we just ignore one another really. And it's as much my fault now as it is theirs, to keep the resentment going this long," she admitted ruefully. "I think Julie keeps her mouth shut chiefly for Luca's sake. They asked me down there this weekend but I didn't wanna go."

"Understandable... even with Gloria about, the atmosphere wouldn't be easy." He cupped her face, stroking her cheek before admitting softly. "Glad you're here, Abby."

She leaned into his touch, closing her eyes and whispered, "So am I."

"Now's maybe not the time," he suggested, "but one day you'll work it out with 'em."

"There's so many things I wish I'd said to him, Gibbs." She turned her head towards the water again, her vision blurring as more tears welled up.

"I'm sure Ben knew." He watched her shining eyes as she tried to suppress her tears. "Abbs...?"

"I'm okay. It's just... I hate crying in public, you know I do," she said, voice cracking. "You always get people patting you on the head as if you're a dog."

Gibbs moved to stand close behind her, placing his arms on the railings either side of her body, shielding her from view.

He murmured in her ear. "No one can see you now."

Immediately, Abby turned and his arms went round her, hands moving soothingly over her back and hair as he virtually cradled her. She leaned into him, wrapping her arms round his strong back, clinging to him with her hands fisting in his shirt. A shuddering sob went through her as she finally let herself cry, with one of the few people she trusted to look after her while she did.

TBC...