Desperation

(Chapter Four: Deception)

Six Weeks Later

Olivia opened her eyes in the darkness as she heard the cries again.

"Mommy," McKenna called from the other room.

She quickly pulled herself from her bed making her way down the hall to the room where her daughter now slept. Olivia opened the door to find the little girl sitting up in the bed crying. Her face was covered in tears and her bed sheets soaked.

"It's okay sweetheart," Olivia said pulling her daughter into her arms and holding her tight. "Shhh," she said rocking the little girl as she kissed her forehead to try and calm her. "You okay?" Olivia asked brushing tears from her cheeks.

"Yeah. I had a bad dream."

"It's alright honey. Sometimes mommy has bad dreams, too. Do you want to tell me what it was about?"

"The bad guys that hurt daddy. In my dream they hurt you too mommy. And when I woke up I couldn't find you. I thought you were gone."

"No, McKenna. No. Mommy would never leave you, baby. I promise. Lets change your clothes, okay?"

McKenna nodded and walked across the room to the dresser pulling out a clean night gown and stepped out of her dirty clothes. Olivia picked up Maggie off the bed and scooped McKenna up into her arms. "Do you want to sleep with mommy tonight?"

McKenna nodded and hugged her tight. Olivia carried McKenna toward her room. As she walked down the hall Elliot stepped out of his room.

"Everything alright?" He asked.

"Yeah," Olivia said softly kissing her daughter's forehead, "bad dream."

"Did you have a scary dream honey?" Elliot asked the little girl.

"Yes," she said softly nestling her forehead against Olivia's neck.

"Kay," Olivia said putting her down in the hall, "why don't you go on and get in mommy's bed. I'm gonna grab the night light then I will be in."

"Okay, mommy."

"Night princess," Elliot said waving to her as she passed him in the hallway dragging her doll and blanket.

"Night Elliot," she said disappearing into Olivia's room.

"She alright?" Elliot asked following Olivia back into McKenna's room as she gathered the wet bedclothes and pajamas.

"I really don't know. She's still having nightmares. And she wet to bed."

"Olivia, she's five. Little kids wet to bed all the time. It isn't a big deal."

"She doesn't. She hasn't since she was two. I don't know what to do to help her."

"What did the pediatrician say?"

"He wants to medicate her for the bedwetting. I don't want them drugging her for something like that. This isn't normal and it didn't start until after we came to New York. I'm positive it is because of all of this stuff with James' murder. She is terrified Elliot. She wont talk to me about it and I have no idea what to do to help her."

"Have you thought about taking her to see someone? There are many therapists who work with kids. We recommend them for our child victims all of the time. Sometimes it really helps them."

"I don't know anyone. I don't trust anyone."

"What about Haung? I could call him. See if he could talk with her. Maybe he could recommend someone if he thinks she needs continued therapy."

"Do you think he would see her?"

"Do a favor for an old friend? I'm sure."

Olivia smiled.

"I'll call him in the morning and see if we can set up some kind of meeting."

"Thank you, Elliot."

"I'll do anything I can to help her. You know that."

"I should get back in there before she gets all worked up again."

"Liv," Elliot said as she turned around and he handed her the nightlight.

Olivia smiled and headed back to her room climbing in bed with her daughter.

The next morning she woke to the sound of Elliot's ring tone from her cell phone. She rolled over and answered before it woke McKenna up.

"Hey El."

"Hey, how's she doing?"

"Sleeping right now. She had a little trouble getting back to sleep, but after that she slept pretty well."

"Good. Listen, I spoke to Haung this morning and he wanted to know if you could bring her by the precinct to talk to him today."

"Today? That soon?"

"Liv, the sooner he can see her the sooner we can figure out how to help her."

"You're right. What time?"

"How about ten o'clock? I'll take you guys out to lunch when he's finished with her."

"Okay. Tell him we will be there."

"I'll see you later."

"Bye, El."

Olivia hung up the phone and laid back in the bed. It was just after seven thirty now. She watched McKenna sleep for a few minutes, then set her alarm clock to get a couple more hours sleep herself, before they had to go in and meet with Dr. Haung.

Olivia held McKenna's hand in hers as they climbed the steps to the precinct. In McKenna's other hand, her doll Maggie tagged along as well.

"Hi Elliot," she squealed as they stepped off the elevator and she ran to his side.

"Hey, princess. Did you come to visit me at work?"

"Yes. My mommy's here, too."

"She is?" Elliot picked McKenna up in his arms and carried her in to the bull pen, holding the little girl on his shoulders. "Do you remember Fin from before?"

"Yes. Hi Fin."

"Hey there," Fin said waving at her.

"Okay honey," Elliot said sitting her on the edge of his desk. "Why don't you sit here and draw me a picture for my desk?" Elliot handed her a handful of different colored highlighters and a couple of sheets of printer paper. McKenna sat in Elliot's chair and began to color on the paper. A picture with a rainbow and flowers and butterflies.

"He's on his way. He just called me," Elliot said looking up at Olivia. "Don't be nervous. This is good for her. Maybe she just needs to talk about it."

"I hope it is that simple."

"I also got a call from Warner. She had a copy of James' autopsy report faxed to her and she wants to go over it with you."

"Why would she want to review the autopsy report with me? I know how he died. I saw it happen."

"Here he is," Elliot said as Dr. Haung walked in from the hall.

"Hey Liv," he said reaching to shake her hand.

"Hey."

"So this little lady, must be McKenna."

"Yes, she is. Kenna, come here honey and say hi to mommy's friend Dr. Haung."

McKenna put the cap back on the highlighter and laid it down on the desk beside her picture. She walked to Olivia's side and took her mother's hand.

"Hi Dr. Haung."

"Hello McKenna. Your mommy tells me you have been having bad dreams."

"Sometimes I do."

"Well, I am a doctor. And sometimes I can help make bad dreams go away. Your mommy asked me to talk to you and see if I can help."

McKenna turned and looked up at Olivia.

"It's okay baby," Olivia said kneeling beside her. "Come here, I want to show you something." She lead her daughter by the hand into the interview room they used for children. The room had many shelves and tables and was full of books and toys. "Dr. Haung is gonna sit in here and talk to you. And you can tell him anything. All the things you are scared of and the things that happen in your dreams. He will probably ask you a couple of questions. Just tell him the truth, okay?"

McKenna nodded her head. "Where are you going, mommy?"

"Mommy is going to wait right outside this door with Elliot. If you get scared, if you need mommy, you just tell Dr. Haung and mommy will come in here with you."

"Can Maggie come in with me?"

"Sure, honey." Olivia walked her over to a table in the center of the room that had drawing paper and crayons on it. She leaned down and kissed McKenna, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Mommy will be right outside that door."

"Okay mommy."

Olivia smiled at Dr. Haung as she walked past him and out the door. He stood for a moment and looked down at McKenna as she sat clutching her doll in her hand.

"So McKenna, what is your dolly's name?" He said as he walked around the table and sat down in front of her.

"Her name is Maggie. Mommy bought her for me. Before we came to New York."

"She is very pretty."

"Thank you."

"Would you like to draw a picture for me?"

"Okay. What kind of picture do you want?"

"What pictures do you like to draw?"

"I make good rainbows. I can draw flowers and birds and dogs."

"I saw the picture you drew for your uncle Elliot. It was very pretty."

"He's not my uncle. He's my friend. And my mommy's friend. We live at his house."

"Do you like living there?"

"Yes. It is fun to live with Elliot, he's nice. He buys me ice cream and lets me watch cartoons. And he taught me to make pancakes."

"He did?"

"Yes."

"McKenna, do you have bad dreams a lot?"

He watched as her smile slowly faded and she hugged her doll.

"I don't like them. They are scary. They make me cry."

"Can you tell me about them?"

"They are bad. And the bad men are in them."

"What bad men, McKenna?"

"The bad men that hurt my daddy."

Olivia turned to look at Elliot as they watched through the window outside the interview room. Elliot placed his hand against the back of her shoulder for support.

"McKenna," Haung continued, "can you tell me how the men hurt your daddy?"

"I…" she stopped for a minute with tears in her eyes and squeezed her doll. She looked up at him and sat quietly for a few minutes. "You are a doctor?"

"Yes."

"My daddy was a doctor."

"Was, McKenna?"

"Yes. But now he's in Heaven."

"Honey, can you draw me a picture? Show me what the bad men did to your daddy."

Olivia stood crying praying somehow McKenna didn't know. But she knew better.

"The bad men were in our house. They were yelling at my daddy. I woke up and went to see why daddy was yelling. Mommy was in the hall. And daddy was hurt. Then one of the bad men hurt my daddy in the throat with a knife. Daddy fell down on the floor. I was crying. Mommy picked me up and we went in my room. We tried to get away but one of the bad men ran after us. He pushed me down and tried to hurt my mommy. Mommy cried. The man had a knife and wanted to hurt my mommy with it. But mommy got it and she hurt him first. Then we got in our car and went away. We rode a train to New York and Fin brought us here."

"McKenna, do you remember what the bad men looked like?"

"Yes."

"Can you draw them for me?" He asked handing her a box of crayons.

"Yes," she said taking out a few crayons. "One man had black hair and a blue shirt. It had a number four on it." As she told him she drew it out on the paper in front of her. "One was a big man. Bigger than you."

"He was tall?"

"Yes. He had brown hair. He had a thing on his arm. A picture. Like Elliot."

"He had a tattoo?"

"Yes."

"Do you know what the picture was?"

"It was hands."

"Hands?"

"Umm hmm. Like this," she said climbing from her chair to place his palms together.

"Praying hands?"

"Yes."

"Good girl. McKenna, is there anything else you remember about the bad men?"

"The man that hurt my daddy, he had that picture on his arm, too. He wore a black hat and a black shirt. He had a tear on his face. Right here," she said touching just under is eye.

"Okay," he said laying the picture she drew of the men aside and giving her a blank page. "Now this time can you draw me a picture about your bad dreams?"

"No," she said dropping her crayon and holding tight to her doll again.

"Can you tell me? Maybe if we talk about it you will feel better."

"Sometimes when I sleep I see them hurting my daddy again. And there is blood and it is scary." She looked at him as she started to cry. "Sometimes in my bad dreams they hurt my mommy, too. Then she goes away. And she is in Heaven with my daddy and I'm sad. And when I wake up I'm scared and I cry. Then mommy comes in and then I go sleep in her bed."

"Does it make you feel better to sleep in mommy's bed?"

"Yes. I'm not scared anymore. Because when I open my eyes, my mommy is right there."

"McKenna, why do you think you have the bad dreams?"

"Because I am scared of the bad men."

"Scared of what?"

"Scared that they will find us and they will hurt my mommy, too."

Haung smiled at her.

"Honey, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Your mommy has a lot of friends here. Police friends and they are going to help make sure that you and your mommy are safe from the bad men."

"Can I see my mommy now?" She asked blinking her big brown eyes.

"I'll tell you what. Why don't you play here for a minute? Color a pretty picture for her. I am going to step out and talk to her for a minute and I will see if Elliot can come in here with you. Okay?"

"Okay," McKenna said with a big smile as she picked up the crayons again.

Dr. Haung picked up the picture she drew of their suspects and walked out of the room. Moments later Elliot walked in to sit with McKenna, bringing her an orange soda and allowing Olivia a change to talk alone with Haung about his session with her little girl.

"So?" Olivia asked nervously.

"She has an amazing memory. She is a very smart little girl."

"Thank you. Is she okay?"

"A little traumatized from what she saw. But the images are crystal clear in her mind. Most five year olds only remember small pieces of events like this and they sort of make up the rest to fill in the blanks. It all blends together in their mind creating a sort of mock memory. McKenna's memory is very clear. She remembers every second of that night."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Excellent. For a witness."

Olivia looked at him for a moment. "No. She is too young. A jury would never believe the testimony of a five year old anyway."

"Liv, I am not asking you to use her. I am just saying, she has an amazing attention to detail. The memories are vivid in her mind. So when she dreams them in her head it is like she is there all over again. She isn't just remembering it, she is reliving it."

"How do I make it stop?"

"Unfortunately, you can't. It will eventually go away on it's own. She is having these dreams for fear of losing you. She watched three men murder her father. It is only natural that she fear losing you as a result of that. It is horrible. But it is perfectly normal."

"And the bedwetting?"

"It is the fear. Insecurity. Does she wet to bed when she sleeps with you?"

"No. The pediatrician wanted to put her on a medication for it. What do you think?"

"I don't personally think medicine is going to fix this. It is psychological. It is not a medical condition. Once she starts to relax and realize that you are not going to leave her, when she feels completely safe for herself and for you again, it will eventually stop. I say just wait it out. Do what you can to make her feel secure in her environment. She will adapt. Kids are amazingly resilient."

"Do I need to start her in therapy of some kind?"

"I wouldn't just yet. Therapy is generally used to help people remember the traumatic event so that they can relive it and face it then begin to move on. McKenna is already at that stage right now. I would like to meet with her in a few weeks, just for a follow up if you don't mind. Just to make sure she is progressing and not regressing. Of course if things get worse, nightmares worse or more frequent or any other symptoms, then give me a call. I can recommend a colleague who works really well with children who have encountered similar trauma. But I really think she will come out of this on her own."

"Thank you so much for seeing her. I have been so worried."

"Hang in there, Liv. She is an amazing little girl. And if you need me, give me a call."

With that Dr. Haung handed her the picture McKenna drew of the bad men and walked out of the room. Olivia folded the picture in half and watched through the window as Elliot colored pictures with her daughter. She exhaled softly and stepped inside the room.

"Mommy," McKenna shouted running to Olivia.

"Hey baby," Olivia said kissing her forehead.

"Did I do good? For the doctor?"

"Yes, honey. You did very good. What do you say we go get some lunch?"

"That is a good idea," McKenna said with a smile. "Look mom, I drew you a picture of a butterfly."

"That is really good. Thank you sweetheart. Let's take it home so we can hang it on the refrigerator."

"Yeah."

Elliot closed the coloring book and followed Olivia and McKenna toward the bullpen. As they got there Dr. Warner walked in.

"I was hoping to find you before you left. I have a few things I really need to discuss with you," she said looking at Olivia.

"Umm," she looked around the room.

"Hey McKenna, you want to type a letter on my computer?" Fin asked the little girl.

"Can I mommy?"

"Sure," Olivia said kissing the top of her head. She watched as McKenna climbed up in a chair beside Fin's desk. 'Thank you,' she mouthed across the room to him.

'No problem,' he mouthed back.

Elliot and Olivia followed Melinda Warner into the hall to talk.

"What is going on?" Olivia asked.

"Well, first of all I had F.B.I. contact my office because I requested these. They are looking for you. They want to ask you some questions. The agent gave me his cell number and asked me to have you call him if I heard from you. I told him I would, but I probably wouldn't see you."

"I need to talk to them. I just wanted to make sure she was safe first. Things have been so crazy."

"I wish I could say I was about to make them easier. But I'm afraid that isn't the case."

"What do you mean?"

"Was your husband on pain medication for anything?"

"No, not that I know of. Why?"

"Because he had a large amount of Oxycontin in his system at the time of his death. It is a very strong, very addicting pain medication. Similar to Morphine. "

"I know what it is, I just don't know why he would be using it."

"Olivia, judging by the deterioration of his liver he had been using something for quite some time."

"What? You mean he was addicted to prescription drugs?"

"He was a doctor. He could write the script himself and no one would ever think anything of it. Many of these types of drugs are supplied to clinics and offices in samples. It wouldn't be hard for him to hide an addiction from you if he supplied the drugs himself."

"I can't believe this. Are you sure?"

"There is more," Melinda said looking through the glass door at McKenna sitting beside Fin. "How old is your daughter?"

"She's five, why?"

"And you are sure James Daws was her father?"

"What the hell kind of question is that? Of course I'm sure!"

"Olivia, the autopsy report showed your husband had a vasectomy nearly ten years ago."

"No. That can't be right," Olivia said taking the file from her hand to look at it. "This is wrong. We were trying to get pregnant again. This can't be right."

"I thought maybe the timing was wrong. So I requested a copy of his medical history as well." She opened a file and pointed to a highlighted passage. "There it is. He had a vasectomy ten years ago when he was married to his first wife."

Olivia stood in shock as tears began to stream down her face. She turned and looked back at McKenna. "There is no way James could be her father?" She almost stuttered.

"I'm afraid not."

"Oh my God," Olivia whispered as she wiped her hands over her face.

"Look Olivia, I am sorry. I wish I had better news. But I saw it and I thought you needed to know."

"Umm, thank you," Olivia almost sobbed wiping tears from her eyes.

Melinda looked at Elliot, "you know where to find me if you need anything."

"Thanks Melinda," Elliot said.

Olivia stood and stared at her daughter through the glass as she cried.

"This doesn't mean anything, Liv." Elliot placed one hand on her shoulder squeezing it gently. "She is still yours."

"I was married to a complete stranger for six years. Everything I ever knew about him was a lie."

"Let's get out of here," Elliot said avoiding the obvious question in his mind. There would be a time for him to talk to her about it. But he just didn't think that time was right now.

Olivia wiped her face and opened the door. "McKenna, tell Fin bye. It's time to go."

She watched as McKenna hugged Fin and he handed her the letter they had typed together on his computer. She ran to Olivia and slipped her hand into her mothers.

"Mommy, are you sad?"

Olivia knelt beside her little girl and stared into her eyes. "Not anymore," she said hugging her baby tight in her arms. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, mom."

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me," Olivia said with tears in her eyes. "Mommy wants you to know that. I will never love anyone as much as I love you."

McKenna smiled and kissed her lips. "Maggie loves you too mommy."

"Oh, I can't forget Maggie." Olivia kissed the doll and picked her daughter up in her arms carrying her out of the precinct.