The first thing Sai noticed about the book Kinoto offered him was that most of the advice was contradictory. Some sections talked about spoiling a girl like a princess and saying yes to everything she wanted. Other sections said that some girls preferred bad boys and that acting aloof would make the date more of a fun challenge.

'That explains Sasuke, I guess.'

That guy had a whole slew of people who adored him, but he was so standoffish. Sasuke seldom spoke and found a new excuse each week as to why he wasn't in the village. So far as Sai knew, despite Sakura saying they were together, she and Sasuke had never gone on a date.

'And if both Sasuke and I were vying for Ino's attention, I know who she would choose.'

Not him. She'd lusted after Sasuke since her Academy years.

Even Sakura wasn't immune. Sai wasn't sure if Sasuke was doing it intentionally, but most of the women Sai knew outside of the Foundation found Sasuke attractive. That included Ino, so he decided he'd pay more attention to the "bad boy" sections in the book and model some of his behavior off what he'd seen of the last surviving member of the Uchiha Clan.

Sai had recently purchased and assembled a work desk for his apartment. The instructions were mostly badly-drawn pictures and didn't have numbers to indicate the sequence of events or even the orientation of the pieces. Putting that thing together had taken an entire afternoon, but it felt so easy by comparison.

At least The Ladykiller's Playbook told him he did one thing right: he let Ino choose the venue.

'Kinoto says it worked for him.' And Kinoto, like any other Foundation member, had always been honest with him.

It was one of the few things he missed about that program: the honesty. Other people, even those he'd come to love and respect, lied on the regular. Foundation members never lied to each other.

So he kept reading, trying to filter past the contradictions with a Sasuke-esque personality in mind.

…

Ino told Sai well in advance that the restaurant enforced a strict dress code. As a result, he picked the nicest outfit he owned. It wasn't anything too fancy: just slate gray trousers and a black mandarin shirt with silver buttons. It wasn't too far removed from his old winter uniform, but a little more formal.

Ino, on the other hand, arrived wearing something truly lovely to behold: an eggplant purple cheongsam with a dogwood flower pattern and side slits stretched all the way up her thighs. Sai supposed that made it a little less impractical than most women's formalwear. Ino's legs would be naked, but at least she could run or tackle somebody in that dress.

"Hey there, handsome!" Ino teased, hands neatly folded atop a tiny clasp-purse. "I didn't keep you waiting long, did I?"

Let her do most of the talking. A good rule to follow is offer one word for every two sentences she speaks. You don't necessarily have to listen, but at least act like you are. If she stops every once in a while, nod your head or say yeah.

Good. He could say something. "No."

"I'm glad to hear it!" She moved closer, offering one of her hands for him to take. Sai accepted it, but only after a brief moment of hesitation.

Holding hands used to be dangerous. If squad partners were ever caught doing that, they were conveniently split apart into different teams the following day. It was worse among the candidates: those who hadn't graduated yet. That kind of connection used to be forbidden. It could get a kid killed.

"I've been thinking about this dinner all week," Ino confessed. "Chōji and Karui raved about this place, but I've never tried Land of Tea cuisine before. Have you?"

"Never."

"Not too talkative tonight, are you? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." He wasn't sure why, but Ino seemed a bit put off by his terseness. Maybe she needed some praise.

Tell her one thing you like about her: one thing! Going overboard with compliments and praise is a red flag for a woman. It means you're desperate. Instead, tease her. Poke fun at her a little bit. This shows her that you're already comfortable enough with her to joke around.

"I like your outfit," he decided to tell her. The book insisted women liked to hear something nice about their appearance, but he remembered the other piece of advice: teasing. "But those slits go a little high, don't they?"

"Every cheongsam's cut like that," Ino reminded him, tugging his hand along so she could lead them inside.

She'd done a great job at choosing a nice establishment. The first thing Sai noted about the interior was the sparkly chandelier hanging from the ceiling, which had been painted to resemble the sky. The restaurant name was spelled out in golden kanji straight ahead, where a receptionist wearing a silk tangerine top and white skirt stood at attention, waiting for them to approach.

Sai even noted that the music was live. A woman in traditional clothes strummed a peaceful melody on a large, long-stringed instrument. Her backdrop was an indoor waterfall, complete with a lit-up koi pond.

This wasn't anything remotely close to going out for ramen with Naruto. This seemed more like the kind of restaurant Danzō and the Councilors treated foreign leaders to when they visited Konoha.

Maybe he'd tell Naruto about this place later, if the food was any good. Perhaps it wasn't Naruto's type of atmosphere, but felt fitting for negotiations with another kage…or possibly winning over his future father-in-law. Tonight, Sai was facing negotiations of another sort.

"Nice place."

"Yeah." This time, Ino was the one to turn staccato. She gave him an expression: one that said not so fun when I do it, is it?

But he couldn't read minds. All Sai saw was a trace of disappointment from the blonde.

…

"Do we need more time to look over the menu?"

'No,' he thought. 'We need a translator.' He had no idea what even half of these ingredients were.

Their waiter, a handsome fellow with piercing blue eyes, kept coming back every few minutes. At first, Sai was impressed by the service. Then he noted the impatient looks of people in nearby seats and realized this guy was coming back more frequently to their table so he could look at Ino.

He wasn't jealous or anything; he knew Ino was pretty. Besides, she seemed to like the attention. She'd give him a little smile each time it happened, turn her voice a bit more high-pitched and girlish when the waiter came back, and then proceed to tap the tip of her foot against Sai's ankle under the table.

"What do you recommend?" Ino asked. "We're having a hard time deciding. Aren't we, Sai?" When he replied with an automatic yes, her eye twitched.

"We have a special on the matsaman curry tonight," the waiter suggested. "It's a coconut-based beef curry with potato, star anise, cinnamon, and clove."

"I'll try it," Sai decided.

"I think I'll go with the tom yum soup," Ino replied in that sweet tone. Once the waiter started writing down their orders, she began to fidget a bit, tucking her hair behind her ear. Sai watched, but didn't say anything. He'd expected her to be more talkative.

And unless a woman's a prostitute, she won't appreciate the feeling of being "bought". When the waiter comes out, make it clear the check will be split, not together.

"We'll be splitting the check," he told the waiter. "I don't want my date to feel like I'm paying for her services."

"Like you're what?" Both the waiter and Ino stared at him in disbelief. Ino's mouth was wide open.

"I'm…gonna go and, uh…" The waiter gave a nervous laugh, all because he wasn't sure how to react. "I'm gonna place that order for you…" He walked away rather quickly, holding his notepad over his lap.

Ino very loudly cleared her throat and gave him a dirty look.

'This isn't going well,' Sai realized. 'Did I miss something?'

"That waiter seems nice," he commented, trying to get her to relax. "I think he likes you."

"Considering you just made it sound like I'm available, I'm sure he likes me," she replied. "Seriously. What's with you tonight? You're acting weird."

Weird. Not cool. Not aloof. Not mysterious. Weird.

Did the book have anything for this? He leaned over, pulling the tiny thing out, and skimmed over the pages. 'She's not responding to the strong silent type that well. Should I try another approach?'

What would she like, then? Pickup lines? Being told yes to everything she wanted?

"What's that?" Ino asked. Her breathing had turned heavy, all out of frustration. "Is that a—oh my god. It is."

When Sai looked up from the book, Ino's face was turning the color of a turnip and her eyes were wet with tears. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Her voice was low, ominous. Her nails dug into the side of the table. "Where do I even start, Sai? You've barely said a word to me all night. I got all dolled up for this, and all you can say to me is that you think the slit on my skirt's too high. You just insinuated to our waiter that I'm a prostitute, and you won't even treat me!"

She fished money out of her pocket so she could place it on the table. "We're getting our meals to go," she called out to the waiter. "To separate destinations, no less."

She continued to fume, to glower, to scowl and scorn. "I'm starting to think I made a mistake with you. If this is how you treat girls, you probably shouldn't date. Ever."

Sai looked down at his empty plate. Something smelled nice in the distance, and his mouth salivated, but he knew he wouldn't be able to eat a single bite. His stomach had worked itself into a knot of raw nerves and nausea.

"I can't believe I thought this was a good idea," Ino grumbled, rubbing her hand across her face. "I was willing to give it a shot. You were really cute and I wanted to get to know you better, but—"

"It's alright." He wouldn't put up a mask this time. The whole reason he agreed to use that book was because it worked for a comrade and he wanted things to go well.

It hadn't.

And maybe Ino was right. Maybe he shouldn't date.

"We all make mistakes." With that, he put his own money on the table: enough to cover both meals. "I'm sorry I turned out to be one."

"Sai…" Ino reached for the book and read a few pages. It was some of the most sexist, misogynistic garbage she'd ever seen put to paper. Just reading it made her angry again, but she realized it wasn't at him. He was only trying to do his research so he wouldn't mess up. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

He shirked away when she tried to touch him: like a dog that had just been kicked by its master. She'd seen that hurt look before in the Land of Silence: those same sad eyes, that same broken expression. There was a trace of humiliation on his pale face, making his white cheeks turn rosy. He didn't cry, though. She'd only ever seen him do that once.

He got up, walking out of the restaurant.

"Hey. Wait." Ino made sure one last time there was enough money on the table. Forget the food. She had to repair some damage. "I know you only picked that up because you wanted this to go well."

He didn't respond, but he did walk faster. At this point, he was too afraid that anything he said would make the situation worse. 'I've done enough damage,' he thought. 'I need to see if Hyō or Kinoto are up at this hour, or call Dr. Leiji.' They'd know what to do.

But he also wanted to give Kinoto an honest review of that stupid book. He never planned to use it again. This was a disaster. He could hear Ino asking him to slow down and wait up, but he didn't want to talk to her.

'Was this the only time she was honest with me?' His heart sank and wouldn't stop hurting.

Sai chose to exit through the back rather than the front doors. This placed him in a back alley where the waiters liked to take smoke breaks, but he was more interested in the dumpster. He briefly contemplated throwing himself in there, but he wasn't that dramatic of a person.

"Sai! Sai, please. Wait."

'I know you meant well, Kinoto-senpai, but your advice was bad advice.' His real reason for going to the dumpster involved throwing the playbook away where nobody else would find it.

"Please talk to me."

He opened the dumpster lid, briefly cringing from the stench. There were few smells worse than rotting food, but—

Ino screamed. He'd never heard her shriek like that before, so he turned around. Her face was every bit as pale as his own, her eyes wide as saucers. One trembling hand was stretched outward, pointing toward the dumpster. "Sai…look…"

He climbed down out of curiosity, wondering what had her so visibly shaken. The playbook never made it into the garbage because he dropped it out of shock. A puddle of blood was seeping from the back left corner of the dumpster.

Sai took a deep breath and moved closer. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but finding a dead woman wasn't it. She was still fresh, with several stab wounds and obvious signs of strangulation on her body.

"She's…" He took a deep breath, trying his best to remain calm. "Ino, can you call the Hokage? I know this woman."

"Right…" But he could tell she was taking this very badly. "Sai…? How do you…"

"She's ANBU."