"How…what…why..."

Ducky walked through the sliding doors into autopsy and happened upon quite a strange sight. In the farthest corner he could see a body shaking back and forth. When he neared the body he saw that it was Tim McGee. The young agent was sitting in the corner, knees pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped around himself, and head down. He was rocking back and forth and muttering something to himself. "Timothy?" Ducky asked, unsure if something had happened before he had gotten in that day.

At the sound of the older man's voice, Tim jumped up and pressed further against the wall. "Ducky! Please, don't come any closer!"

Ducky complied, but still looked at Tim with concern. "Is everything alright?"

"Alright?" Tim could barely comprehend the word. "No…no, everything is not alright. Everything is the opposite of alright."

"Why can't I come closer?"

"Because…because you'll change…you'll…you'll act strangely." Tim looked at the doctor standing before him. Ducky's eyes shone great concern. "Ducky…are you attracted to me?"

Ducky was stunned for a moment, unsure of where the question was coming from. "Attracted?" he repeated. "I…I think that you are a very good-looking man, Timothy, but I can assure you my feelings for you are completely platonic. I…I–" Ducky was cut off by a violent sneeze. "Forgive me," he said, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket. "I seem to have caught a bug that is going around. It has my nose completely stuffed up and I can't seem to stop sneezing." He blew his nose. "The only blessing, I must say, is that I can no longer smell my mother's dogs. It is most fortunate as Tyson managed to get into some garbage this morning and likely reeks of the liver and onions we had last night."

Timothy had relaxed some. Ducky had confirmed that he was not attracted to him and, so far, had shown no behavior that would contradict that claim. Maybe there was nothing wrong with him. Maybe it had all been a prank…a prank that even Director Shepard had been in on? "I'm sorry, Ducky. It's just that some strange things have been happening." Tim related the entire story to Ducky from when he had gotten in that morning to when he had escaped the violently mob of suitors. "I just can't figure out what is going on."

Ducky looked perturbed. "I must say, Timothy, that I am just as confused as you are. If it had been only Abby, Ziva, Tony, and perhaps Mr. Palmer, I could understand it being a cruel prank. But Gibbs and Jenny would never partake in any prank." He sat and contemplated the situation. "Did anything strange happen today other than this? Maybe before you came in today?"

Tim shook his head, sadly. "Not that I can remember. I woke up. I showered. I got dressed. I left." He counted off each action on a finger. "There was nothing else. Or wait…" His mind went back to that morning. Something had happened…

"The cologne!" he yelled. "That damned cologne!" Could it be? Could a scent have this great an effect on people? Maybe on Abby or even Ziva. But Tony? Gibbs? It was far to sci-fi to comprehend. The cashier's words from the day before popped into his head. Don't forget: just a dab. A little goes a long way…We cannot be held responsible for any unwanted attraction you get with our product. He groaned. She had warned him and he had scoffed. He could kick himself. But self-deprecation would have to wait. He had to figure this out.

"What cologne would this be, Timothy?" Ducky was leaning in now, very interested.

"You can't smell anything!" That all but clinched it.

"Yes, I explained that already."

"That's why it isn't affecting you. I bought a new cologne yesterday. The cashier had said it was guaranteed to attract the object of my affections or something and then warned me to only use a dab. I thought it was a joke, just something to increase sales. I never imagined…" he trailed off, remembering how he had been chased like a wild animal by his friends and co-workers. No, that's not what he wanted to think of right now. "Anyway, this morning I ended up spilling it all over myself. I changed my clothes, but there was still a smell there. I figured it wasn't bad enough to be late for work."

"Interesting," the doctor commented.

"You believe me, don't you Ducky?"

"Of course, I do. Scents can trigger mental responses that a person may not normally have. Scents have been used to make a person relax, to make them hungry, to make them aroused, and, of course, to attract them. In fact, some animals excrete scents to attract mates."

"What should I do?"

"Well, I think the obvious solution would be to go home and take a shower until the scent is gone…or at least until it has lessened."

"I can't leave. There are too many people I'll have to run into and I'll never make it to my car." Tim slid down the wall to the floor. "I'm stuck here! I'm stuck here forever!"

"Not necessarily!" Ducky countered with a grin. "If we can find something that would overpower the scent of the cologne you would be safe to leave."

"What have you got?"

"Stay here," Ducky ordered. "I'll hunt down as many odors as I can and we'll have you smelling…well…different in no time!"

"Whew! Probie, what have you been rolling in?" Tony clamped a hand over his face as Tim entered the bullpen. His face and hair were smudged with dirt. His clothing was stained with a brown liquid that no one wanted to touch. He smelled like hot garbage, garlic, and BO. In spite of all of this, he was smiling.

Tim watched in glee as his co-workers covered their noses as he entered. They looked at him, but not with lust or attraction. Everything was back to normal. Well, minus the fact that he had been rubbed down with some of the most disgusting things he could imagine. Still, it had been worth it. "You guys aren't in love with me anymore?"

"In love with you? McSmelly, you need to learn a bit more about attracting members of which ever sex you're interested in before asking us to be in love with you."

Tim chose to ignore Tony's comment, simply glad that he was no longer in fear for his life. "Boss, could I go home to shower?" he requested.

Gibbs had lifted the top of his shirt over his nose by now. "Normally I'd tell you to wait until the end of the day…but God damn, McGee! We'd never be able to work with you smelling like that. Get home and don't come back until you can walk into a room without upsetting anyone's gag reflex."

"Don't say that boss!" Tony called from his desk. "Then McGee will never be able to come back!"

McGee grinned. "Never thought I'd say this, DiNozzo, but it's nice of you to say that!" Yes, things were finally back to normal.

"Sir, are you sure you don't want to exchange this for something else?" The cashier looked at the bottle of cologne that a dirt-covered man had just brought in. "If you are unsatisfied with the product we can take your complaints down for our manager."

"The woman who sold me this said it was guaranteed to attract the object of my affections."

"And it didn't work?"

"No," the man said as he slowly backed out of the shop. "It worked too well!"

AN: And so our story comes to an end! I hope it was enjoyable!