High School Sucks - 4
The open road is a sight that meant many different things to many different people. To most young people, it symbolizes a path to a new life, one away from the existence they had led before they begin down the new, unknown path. The chance to start over and begin life anew is a tempting thought that crosses most everyone's mind at some point in their lives. Yet although countless opportunities can present themselves to the onlooker, only the most brave and brash are willing to forsake what they have taken for reality for something unknown that could prove to be a blessing or a curse.
As Cartman made a sharp turn to his left in a hurry, he was mentally relieved that the road he was now on was completely empty of other cars, which would give him the few seconds he needed to get back in control of his Jeep. After he had hardly been to avoid colliding with the maniacal driving of Kyle just a few seconds, he had temporarily lost his cool in an effort to taunt his acquaintance and had been forced to pull into a backside area of town to make sure he didn't spin out of control and nothing exploded on him. His great weight already caused his Jeep to lean slightly, and he couldn't allow too much imbalance before a disaster occurred.
He breathed heavily as he pulled to the side of the road, breathing a bit heavily and perspiring. Pulling the ignition key out of its hole, he reached over and snapped open the glove compartment to his right. He grabbed a water bottle that had been stashed in there and chugged the entire contents of it down. As he finished swallowing the liquid, he let out a loud belch and tossed the bottle outside, letting it hit the ground. Content to continue his driving, he stuck the key back into the car and brought it back to life. Backing out back onto the road, he drove his way across town until he was brought to the largely residential area of town.
"All right, finally," He began talking to himself in a low voice. "I'm almost home and able to get something to eat." Moving from one home-cluttered street to the next, he finally pulled his Jeep into the driveway of a two-story that had been painted in an olive-green shade that was now chipping. Opening the garage door, Cartman slid his vehicle inside and parked it eagerly. He hopped out of the driver's seat and tossed his jacket onto the windshield of his car. Wrestling a can of Coke out from a nearby box, he popping it open and chugged it down as he walked into his home, heading straight into the spacious kitchen.
"Mom? Are you home?" He called out, reaching for the handle of the refrigerator's door. He heard a pair of footsteps descending from the nearby staircase, and after a second or two of waiting he saw a thin but otherwise average-looking woman enter the kitchen carrying a letter with her which she was obviously reading. She had light brown hair that had been highlighted, and wore a simple blue sweater along with a pair of red sweat pants. As soon as she looked up and saw Cartman, she smiled.
"Oh, hello, Eric. How was your first day as a senior? Did you enjoy all the new things? How were your classes?"
"They all sucked ass." Cartman grunted, now poking through the fridge and sticking out his wide ass to his mom. Ms. Cartman walked up to him curiously.
"Why? What happened? Did you get into another fight, Eric? Because you know I don't like it when you're a naughty boy..." She began scolding him, but Eric shot her a dead look with narrowed eyes.
"No, mom, I wasn't in a fight. I just found out one of my teachers is Mr. Garrison, and I want to kick that little bastard's face in. Does that sound like a good reason for me to be pissed off?" He turned back to the racks of food in the fridge and snatched up a candy bar, unpeeling it and munching on it. His huge belly, which had been grumbling slightly, seemed pleased by the food and quieted down.
Ms. Cartman looked at him, confused. "The elementary school teacher is teaching at the high school now? Well, that certainly is strange. I wonder what happened that decided to bring him to the high school."
"Just forget it, mom." Cartman said, inhaling the rest of the candy bar and dropping the wrapper on the counter. He went back to rifling through the contents of the fridge, and seeing nothing of interest, he moved to the nearby cupboards.
"All right, then, Eric. But I had such an exciting day! I spent the whole day answering letters and e-mails. Oh, Eric, it feels so good to actually be doing that helps people with their problems." Ms. Cartman smiled inwardly at the thought.
Cartman turned around, his chins bobbing as he laughed. "Come on, mom, you're the advice columnist for a crappy little newspaper. You haven't turned into Ann Landers, you know. Now did you make any cookies for me before I have to leave?"
Ms. Cartman sighed. "Well, I'm sorry, Eric, but this job certainly beats some other jobs I've had to do in the past. And no, I didn't have the time to bake anything for you, but I'll have steaks ready for you when you get back from the game."
"But mom!" Cartman whined. "I need food to keep my energy up for when we play our game in Denver!"
Ms. Cartman thought for a moment. "Well, I can make a sandwich for you if you want, or something like that. I know my snookie-kins can use a good snack, after all."
"Mom...How about you give me some money?" Cartman asked, pulling together the most sincere voice he could muster. "I know a bunch of my friends are going to Shakey's, and maybe I can get something to eat there."
Ms. Cartman sighed again. "Oh, all right." She picked up her purse from a chair and shuffled her hand through it, finally pulling out a rumpled twenty dollar bill. She put it into the waiting hands of her son. "Is that enough for you, or do you need money for gas, too?"
Cartman feigned uncaring as he shrugged. "Well, it couldn't hurt, so maybe just a little more would help."
"All righty." Ms. Cartman stuck her hand back into the purse and found another green bill, this time a ten dollar bill. "Is this enough?"
Cartman nodded excitedly. "Yeah, that should be fine." He took the bill and headed for the door to the garage. "All right, mom, I should be back around nine, okay? Have dinner waiting for me."
"Wait a second, Eric." He turned to see his mom looking at him sweetly. "Don't I get a kiss from my manly man?" She closed her eyes and puckered her lips in front of her son, who winced when he saw the spectacle.
"Goddammit, mom...Oh, all right." Cartman let out a quick peck on his mother's left cheek and quickly darted out the door before she could say anything. He hurried to his car and snagged his jacket off the windshield where he had left it. After struggling for a minute to stretch it over his massive stomach and button it up completely, he heaved a deep breath and stepped into his car. Starting it up, he made his way across the town again, turning the radio inside to full volume and setting the dial to some heavy metal that caused the speakers to vibrate.
After approximately five minutes of driving, he pulled into a somewhat crowded plaza and made his way to a run-down building colored purple and with the image of a pizza recreated over the doorway. Parking in front of the door, he walked in to the smell of Italian cuisine baking in ovens. Cartman scanned over the building to look for someone who he both knew and considered talking to acceptable, and finally found someone. He shuffled across the seats until he reached two boys sitting next to each other, one of which was now wearing a jacket identical to his while the other was wearing the same thing he had had at school.
"What's up, Clyde, Token?" He asked, nodding his head as he took a seat across from the two, who were scarfing down slices of the pizza laid out on the table. Upon seeing Cartman, Clyde gulped down the food that was in his mouth and cleared his throat while Token continued eating.
"What's new, Cartman. You ready for our game today?" He asked, turning the pizza box so that Cartman could take a slice, which he happily obliged with.
"Hell yeah. We're gonna whoop their asses so hard, it won't even be funny. Why are you here, anyway? You still waiting for Bebe to get here or something?" He asked as he took a bite of the slice.
"Yeah, she wants to come with us to the game. Is that cool?" Clyde inquired. Cartman shrugged. "I got no problem with it, as long as you two don't smooch the whole car ride."
Clyde laughed. "Sure thing, but we never do that anyway."
"Oh, please." Cartman shook his head and turned to the black boy. "What about you, Token? What are you doing here?" Cartman asked, getting comfortable in his seat and taking another slice of pizza immediately after he finished the first.
The black boy shrugged. "Nothing, really. I'm not doing anything tonight, and my dad is meeting with some more damn clients at my house, so I figured I might just tag along with you guys to watch the game or something. Is that cool?"
"Sure." Cartman said. "The more the better, and the less I'll have to pay for gas on the trip." His eyes scanned the table quickly. "Hey, you guys didn't order any drinks or nothing to go with this?"
Clyde and Token shook their heads. "No, Token didn't bring any money and I barely have enough to cover the gas money I gotta pay you." Clyde said.
Cartman nodded and hefted himself from the seat. "All right, then, seeing that I've got ten times as much money as both of you put together, I'll get a round of drinks on me." He said, whipping out his wallet.
Token and Clyde glared at him. "You're getting us drinks? You mean it?"
Cartman smiled evilly. "Of course not." Amid seeing two middle fingers pointed at him immediately after he said that, he laughed and made his way to the front of the building where the customers ordered food. Cartman noticed a familiar face behind one of the cashiers and walked up to him.
"Hey there, Kevin." He said to the clerk. The clerk was a short young man, a couple of years older than Cartman was, and had several pimples sprouting from his face. He had brown hair that looked mostly uncombed, and he was wearing the orange and yellow uniform that all Shakey's employees wear. Upon seeing Cartman, he waved slightly to him.
"Hey, Cartman. You got a game today?" He asked in very low, somewhat dull voice. Cartman nodded.
"Yeah, in Denver, and we're gonna kick ass." Cartman grinned.
Kevin nodded. "Cool. It's too bad I could never talk my brother into playing football. He'd have really kicked ass."
"Well, don't the two of you just spend all your free time getting high, anyway?" Cartman asked innocently. Kevin laughed.
"Yeah, that's true. But anyway, what can I get for you, dude?" Cartman glanced back up at the menu.
"I'll just take a large Coke." He stated. Kevin nodded. "All right then, that'll be a dollar and twenty-nine cents." He said, automatically punching the buttons onto the cash register and extending a hand.
Cartman dropped his mouth. "You're kidding! That's a fucking rip-off! I'm your brother's fucking best friend, and I don't get some kind of discount for that?"
Kevin glared at him. "Come on, man, you were Kenny's best friend about ten years ago. I haven't seen you at my house since you guys were in the freaking third grade. Now pay up, dude."
"Goddammit!" Cartman shouted loudly, causing the other two clerks to jump slightly. He slapped the change on the counter and glared at Kevin, who scooped the money up and hastily counted it. Content with the amount he had been given, he grabbed a large cup off a rack and filled it with Coke from the dispenser behind him. After snapping a lid on it and sticking a straw in, he moved back to Cartman and slid the filled cup to him. "Enjoy." He said simply, putting the change into his cash register.
"For all the crap I had to pay, I'd better freaking enjoy it." Cartman muttered as he took a sip of his drink. He shuffled his way back to where Clyde and Token were sitting and plopped himself down again.
"This freaking thing was a dollar twenty nine. Can you two fucking believe that?" He sputtered.
Token laughed. "Serves you right, fatass."
"Ay! Screw you, darkie!" Cartman hollered. Token looked at Cartman with amused eyes and laughed again. " I wouldn't say that if I were you. Remember the last time you did something based on my race."
Cartman blushed with embarrassment. "Hey, you know that I didn't do that just because you're a darkie - I mean, just because you're black. That was just...
"Holy shit, you two, look at that." Clyde said suddenly, interrupting Cartman. He was looking out of the full-length windows that had been placed next to the booths, where a pure white Jaguar had just parked right outside of the building. Cartman whistled upon seeing the car.
"Jesus Christ, that is one nice car. I wonder whose it is. Whoever has it must have a serious shitload of money."
At that moment a pair of hands slapped themselves on the table the boys were sitting at, causing the three seated boys to jump in surprise. The owner of the hands let out a smile. "How fare you fine chaps on this day?" He asked in a familiar British accent, still standing and tipping his hat to them.
Cartman groaned. "Not you again, Pip. How many times do we have to..."
"Do you boys like my new automobile?" Pip asked, pointing to the same Jaguar the three had been gawking at a second earlier. All jaws dropped.
"That car is yours?" Clyde asked, barely able to talk. Pip nodded eagerly. "Yes. I just bought it yesterday, using all the money that I earned over the summer. O glorious day indeed."
Even Token was surprised at the comment. "What'd you do over the break, man? Kill some millionaires?"
"Well, not exactly. In late June I returned to London and met with a right nice family who gave me a splendid job over there at a bookstore.. And once I returned to the lovely States, I bought my fine new Jaguar."
"Timmy!" The wheelchair-bound boy whirred up behind Pip as the British lad helped himself to a seat next to Cartman.
"Hey, what's cripple doing here?" Cartman asked.
"Timmy Timmy Timmy!" Timmy fired off his name in rapid succession once he realized he had been referred to by Cartman.
"Well, seeing that Timmy obviously is unable to drive, I have been elected to drive him home after school. I am paid quite handsomely, and he provides me with jolly well company on the ride home."
"Timmy!" Timmy shouted again, reaching for a slice of pizza but unable to attain one. Token pulled one out and placed into the arms of Timmy, who began eating it immediately.
Clyde nodded his head. "Well, that's cool. So are you doing anything tonight, Pip? We can take you to the football game if you've got some gas money to chip in with."
Cartman shook his head furiously. "No way, Clyde! I ain't taking Frenchie with me in my car, okay? No freaking way!"
"Cartman?" Pip asked, prompting the football player to turn out. "Kindly shut the fuck up." Upon seeing the surprised look on Cartman's face, Pip grinned and turned to Clyde. "But I am sorry, Clyde. I must decline your invitation, as the dodgeball team is already beginning practices tonight. I only stopped in here because Timmy requested it. He loves the food here so."
"I...like...pizza...Timmy!" Timmy exclaimed again, finishing his slice and pizza and reaching out for another. Token obliged.
"Wow, he's really getting good at forming sentences. Alright, well, shouldn't we get going?" He asked, turning to Clyde. Clyde looked at his watch and shook his head.
"Nah, we've still got a little while. It's just past 3:30. Plus, we gotta wait for Bebe. I promised her that Cartman would able to take her to Denver, too."
Token nodded. "Alright."
There was a brief silence before Pip spoke up. "So, boys, how fares the school year for you all thus far?" He asked, hoping to stir up a conversation. "I simply cannot wait for it to be right and done with and I can begin my college career.
"Uh, you're telling me." Cartman snorted. "Especially with that goddamn faggot Mr. Garrison teaching us."
"Don't call him faggot, dude. That ain't any cooler than the way he called you a tubby fatass in class." Token said, causing Clyde, Pip and Timmy to start laughing.
Cartman's face turned red again as he remembered Mr. Garrison and what he had said. He clenched his fist. "I'll kill that little bastard and that goddamn puppet he has. I can't fucking believe that they were so desperate that..."
"Hey, guys!" His thoughts were interrupted by the sight of two girls. Pip waved to them eagerly. "How goes your days, Wendy and Bebe?"
"Fine, I guess. School sucks ass." Wendy shrugged. Clyde slid from his seat and eagerly embraced with Bebe, who was still standing.
"Hey, babe." He said smoothly. Bebe giggled. "How's it going, hottie? You gonna kick some ass tonight?" She asked.
"You bet." Clyde said, grinning. "Too bad it won't be the football team whose ass I'll be kicking around."
Cartman rose from his seat. "All right, you two, I'll tolerate that shit-talk now, but I was promised that we wouldn't have any of that talk in the car. Is that still on, or do you two have to find another ride to Denver?"
Clyde and Bebe sighed. "All right, all right. You're such a fucking spoilsport, Cartman." Bebe said.
Before Cartman could retaliate with another comment, Wendy piped up. "Hey, have any of you guys seen Stan around?"
The five boys shook their heads. "Nope, Clyde and I have been here for about twenty minutes and he hasn't been here." Token said.
"Timmy!" Timmy tossed into the conversation.
Wendy thought for a moment. "That's strange, it's been close to fifteen minutes since I called him, right Bebe?"
Her best friend nodded. "Yeah, but don't worry, Wendy. I'm sure he'll be here pretty soon. I mean, what could be holding him up? He's just at Kyle's house, right?"
"Yeah..." Wendy paused for a second, then shrugged and took the seat Clyde had been in. "You're right. I guess I'll just wait for him here."
"Well, guys and gals, I think we'd best be off now." Cartman said suddenly. "We'd better get going if we want to make it to Denver on time. Token, you decided if you're going with us?"
Token shrugged and stood up. "Sure, why not? I got nothing better to do, and it'll kill some time."
"All right. Hey, Wendy, I've got space in my car. You want to come along, too?" Cartman asked, sounding very upbeat. Wendy shook her head.
"Sorry, Cartman, but I've gotta wait here for Stan. Thanks for the offer, though." She smiled sweetly.
Cartman shrugged, frowning. "Oh. Okay then. Well, Clyde, Bebe, let's go." Cartman motioned to them as he headed to the door. Clyde, Bebe and Token followed behind him.
"Bye, Wendy! See you tomorrow!" Bebe called out and waved as she walked through the doorway outside.
"See you later, Bebe!" Wendy waved back.
As the four exited, Wendy put her elbows on the table, lost in thought. Pip looked at her curiously. "Wendy, is something the matter?"
"T-Timmy?" Timmy added, trying to sound as inquiring as possible.
Wendy looked at the two boys and sighed. "Well, Pip, I just don't know if Stan is serious about our commitment. I mean, sometimes he's all into us being together, and then there's times like this. I just don't know."
Pip placed his arms around Wendy. "Don't worry, Wendy. We'll stay here and keep you company until Stan arrives. Right, Timmy?"
"Timmy!" Timmy smiled, trying to reach another slice of pizza. Pip handed him the last slice, when he munched on in contentment.
Back outside of the parlor, Cartman had finished loading up his Jeep and had stepped into the driver's seat. "Is everyone ready?"
"Yeah." Token said, sitting next to him in the front passenger seat. He had pulled an Extreme Game Boy out of his backpack and turned it on.
"Good. Clyde, Bebe, you two ready to go?" He called out. Looking in his rear mirror, he saw the two of them already making out in the backseat and completely ignoring him. He grunted.
"Goddammit it, why do I keep letting them ride with me when I know there're just gonna get all snuggly. I tell you, boyfriends and girlfriends just shouldn't be smooching in the backseat of the cars of their best friends... " He grumbled endlessly, starting up his vehicle and pulling out of the parking lot, still grumbling to himself.
As he pulled onto the freeway and began the long trek to Denver, it was nearly completely quiet in the car. Token was completely engrossed in his game, and Clyde and Bebe had reserved themselves to whispering sweet nothings into each others' ears in the backseat. And Cartman was driving mechanically, thinking silently to himself as drove along. As the sun began its daily ritual of retiring itself from sight and beneath the horizon, Cartman began to take note of all the endless turnoffs and branches the freeway offered him. As he gazed at all the roads sprawling around him, he quietly wondered which one would be best to deliver him to that which he most desired.
The open road is a sight that meant many different things to many different people. To most young people, it symbolizes a path to a new life, one away from the existence they had led before they begin down the new, unknown path. The chance to start over and begin life anew is a tempting thought that crosses most everyone's mind at some point in their lives. Yet although countless opportunities can present themselves to the onlooker, only the most brave and brash are willing to forsake what they have taken for reality for something unknown that could prove to be a blessing or a curse.
As Cartman made a sharp turn to his left in a hurry, he was mentally relieved that the road he was now on was completely empty of other cars, which would give him the few seconds he needed to get back in control of his Jeep. After he had hardly been to avoid colliding with the maniacal driving of Kyle just a few seconds, he had temporarily lost his cool in an effort to taunt his acquaintance and had been forced to pull into a backside area of town to make sure he didn't spin out of control and nothing exploded on him. His great weight already caused his Jeep to lean slightly, and he couldn't allow too much imbalance before a disaster occurred.
He breathed heavily as he pulled to the side of the road, breathing a bit heavily and perspiring. Pulling the ignition key out of its hole, he reached over and snapped open the glove compartment to his right. He grabbed a water bottle that had been stashed in there and chugged the entire contents of it down. As he finished swallowing the liquid, he let out a loud belch and tossed the bottle outside, letting it hit the ground. Content to continue his driving, he stuck the key back into the car and brought it back to life. Backing out back onto the road, he drove his way across town until he was brought to the largely residential area of town.
"All right, finally," He began talking to himself in a low voice. "I'm almost home and able to get something to eat." Moving from one home-cluttered street to the next, he finally pulled his Jeep into the driveway of a two-story that had been painted in an olive-green shade that was now chipping. Opening the garage door, Cartman slid his vehicle inside and parked it eagerly. He hopped out of the driver's seat and tossed his jacket onto the windshield of his car. Wrestling a can of Coke out from a nearby box, he popping it open and chugged it down as he walked into his home, heading straight into the spacious kitchen.
"Mom? Are you home?" He called out, reaching for the handle of the refrigerator's door. He heard a pair of footsteps descending from the nearby staircase, and after a second or two of waiting he saw a thin but otherwise average-looking woman enter the kitchen carrying a letter with her which she was obviously reading. She had light brown hair that had been highlighted, and wore a simple blue sweater along with a pair of red sweat pants. As soon as she looked up and saw Cartman, she smiled.
"Oh, hello, Eric. How was your first day as a senior? Did you enjoy all the new things? How were your classes?"
"They all sucked ass." Cartman grunted, now poking through the fridge and sticking out his wide ass to his mom. Ms. Cartman walked up to him curiously.
"Why? What happened? Did you get into another fight, Eric? Because you know I don't like it when you're a naughty boy..." She began scolding him, but Eric shot her a dead look with narrowed eyes.
"No, mom, I wasn't in a fight. I just found out one of my teachers is Mr. Garrison, and I want to kick that little bastard's face in. Does that sound like a good reason for me to be pissed off?" He turned back to the racks of food in the fridge and snatched up a candy bar, unpeeling it and munching on it. His huge belly, which had been grumbling slightly, seemed pleased by the food and quieted down.
Ms. Cartman looked at him, confused. "The elementary school teacher is teaching at the high school now? Well, that certainly is strange. I wonder what happened that decided to bring him to the high school."
"Just forget it, mom." Cartman said, inhaling the rest of the candy bar and dropping the wrapper on the counter. He went back to rifling through the contents of the fridge, and seeing nothing of interest, he moved to the nearby cupboards.
"All right, then, Eric. But I had such an exciting day! I spent the whole day answering letters and e-mails. Oh, Eric, it feels so good to actually be doing that helps people with their problems." Ms. Cartman smiled inwardly at the thought.
Cartman turned around, his chins bobbing as he laughed. "Come on, mom, you're the advice columnist for a crappy little newspaper. You haven't turned into Ann Landers, you know. Now did you make any cookies for me before I have to leave?"
Ms. Cartman sighed. "Well, I'm sorry, Eric, but this job certainly beats some other jobs I've had to do in the past. And no, I didn't have the time to bake anything for you, but I'll have steaks ready for you when you get back from the game."
"But mom!" Cartman whined. "I need food to keep my energy up for when we play our game in Denver!"
Ms. Cartman thought for a moment. "Well, I can make a sandwich for you if you want, or something like that. I know my snookie-kins can use a good snack, after all."
"Mom...How about you give me some money?" Cartman asked, pulling together the most sincere voice he could muster. "I know a bunch of my friends are going to Shakey's, and maybe I can get something to eat there."
Ms. Cartman sighed again. "Oh, all right." She picked up her purse from a chair and shuffled her hand through it, finally pulling out a rumpled twenty dollar bill. She put it into the waiting hands of her son. "Is that enough for you, or do you need money for gas, too?"
Cartman feigned uncaring as he shrugged. "Well, it couldn't hurt, so maybe just a little more would help."
"All righty." Ms. Cartman stuck her hand back into the purse and found another green bill, this time a ten dollar bill. "Is this enough?"
Cartman nodded excitedly. "Yeah, that should be fine." He took the bill and headed for the door to the garage. "All right, mom, I should be back around nine, okay? Have dinner waiting for me."
"Wait a second, Eric." He turned to see his mom looking at him sweetly. "Don't I get a kiss from my manly man?" She closed her eyes and puckered her lips in front of her son, who winced when he saw the spectacle.
"Goddammit, mom...Oh, all right." Cartman let out a quick peck on his mother's left cheek and quickly darted out the door before she could say anything. He hurried to his car and snagged his jacket off the windshield where he had left it. After struggling for a minute to stretch it over his massive stomach and button it up completely, he heaved a deep breath and stepped into his car. Starting it up, he made his way across the town again, turning the radio inside to full volume and setting the dial to some heavy metal that caused the speakers to vibrate.
After approximately five minutes of driving, he pulled into a somewhat crowded plaza and made his way to a run-down building colored purple and with the image of a pizza recreated over the doorway. Parking in front of the door, he walked in to the smell of Italian cuisine baking in ovens. Cartman scanned over the building to look for someone who he both knew and considered talking to acceptable, and finally found someone. He shuffled across the seats until he reached two boys sitting next to each other, one of which was now wearing a jacket identical to his while the other was wearing the same thing he had had at school.
"What's up, Clyde, Token?" He asked, nodding his head as he took a seat across from the two, who were scarfing down slices of the pizza laid out on the table. Upon seeing Cartman, Clyde gulped down the food that was in his mouth and cleared his throat while Token continued eating.
"What's new, Cartman. You ready for our game today?" He asked, turning the pizza box so that Cartman could take a slice, which he happily obliged with.
"Hell yeah. We're gonna whoop their asses so hard, it won't even be funny. Why are you here, anyway? You still waiting for Bebe to get here or something?" He asked as he took a bite of the slice.
"Yeah, she wants to come with us to the game. Is that cool?" Clyde inquired. Cartman shrugged. "I got no problem with it, as long as you two don't smooch the whole car ride."
Clyde laughed. "Sure thing, but we never do that anyway."
"Oh, please." Cartman shook his head and turned to the black boy. "What about you, Token? What are you doing here?" Cartman asked, getting comfortable in his seat and taking another slice of pizza immediately after he finished the first.
The black boy shrugged. "Nothing, really. I'm not doing anything tonight, and my dad is meeting with some more damn clients at my house, so I figured I might just tag along with you guys to watch the game or something. Is that cool?"
"Sure." Cartman said. "The more the better, and the less I'll have to pay for gas on the trip." His eyes scanned the table quickly. "Hey, you guys didn't order any drinks or nothing to go with this?"
Clyde and Token shook their heads. "No, Token didn't bring any money and I barely have enough to cover the gas money I gotta pay you." Clyde said.
Cartman nodded and hefted himself from the seat. "All right, then, seeing that I've got ten times as much money as both of you put together, I'll get a round of drinks on me." He said, whipping out his wallet.
Token and Clyde glared at him. "You're getting us drinks? You mean it?"
Cartman smiled evilly. "Of course not." Amid seeing two middle fingers pointed at him immediately after he said that, he laughed and made his way to the front of the building where the customers ordered food. Cartman noticed a familiar face behind one of the cashiers and walked up to him.
"Hey there, Kevin." He said to the clerk. The clerk was a short young man, a couple of years older than Cartman was, and had several pimples sprouting from his face. He had brown hair that looked mostly uncombed, and he was wearing the orange and yellow uniform that all Shakey's employees wear. Upon seeing Cartman, he waved slightly to him.
"Hey, Cartman. You got a game today?" He asked in very low, somewhat dull voice. Cartman nodded.
"Yeah, in Denver, and we're gonna kick ass." Cartman grinned.
Kevin nodded. "Cool. It's too bad I could never talk my brother into playing football. He'd have really kicked ass."
"Well, don't the two of you just spend all your free time getting high, anyway?" Cartman asked innocently. Kevin laughed.
"Yeah, that's true. But anyway, what can I get for you, dude?" Cartman glanced back up at the menu.
"I'll just take a large Coke." He stated. Kevin nodded. "All right then, that'll be a dollar and twenty-nine cents." He said, automatically punching the buttons onto the cash register and extending a hand.
Cartman dropped his mouth. "You're kidding! That's a fucking rip-off! I'm your brother's fucking best friend, and I don't get some kind of discount for that?"
Kevin glared at him. "Come on, man, you were Kenny's best friend about ten years ago. I haven't seen you at my house since you guys were in the freaking third grade. Now pay up, dude."
"Goddammit!" Cartman shouted loudly, causing the other two clerks to jump slightly. He slapped the change on the counter and glared at Kevin, who scooped the money up and hastily counted it. Content with the amount he had been given, he grabbed a large cup off a rack and filled it with Coke from the dispenser behind him. After snapping a lid on it and sticking a straw in, he moved back to Cartman and slid the filled cup to him. "Enjoy." He said simply, putting the change into his cash register.
"For all the crap I had to pay, I'd better freaking enjoy it." Cartman muttered as he took a sip of his drink. He shuffled his way back to where Clyde and Token were sitting and plopped himself down again.
"This freaking thing was a dollar twenty nine. Can you two fucking believe that?" He sputtered.
Token laughed. "Serves you right, fatass."
"Ay! Screw you, darkie!" Cartman hollered. Token looked at Cartman with amused eyes and laughed again. " I wouldn't say that if I were you. Remember the last time you did something based on my race."
Cartman blushed with embarrassment. "Hey, you know that I didn't do that just because you're a darkie - I mean, just because you're black. That was just...
"Holy shit, you two, look at that." Clyde said suddenly, interrupting Cartman. He was looking out of the full-length windows that had been placed next to the booths, where a pure white Jaguar had just parked right outside of the building. Cartman whistled upon seeing the car.
"Jesus Christ, that is one nice car. I wonder whose it is. Whoever has it must have a serious shitload of money."
At that moment a pair of hands slapped themselves on the table the boys were sitting at, causing the three seated boys to jump in surprise. The owner of the hands let out a smile. "How fare you fine chaps on this day?" He asked in a familiar British accent, still standing and tipping his hat to them.
Cartman groaned. "Not you again, Pip. How many times do we have to..."
"Do you boys like my new automobile?" Pip asked, pointing to the same Jaguar the three had been gawking at a second earlier. All jaws dropped.
"That car is yours?" Clyde asked, barely able to talk. Pip nodded eagerly. "Yes. I just bought it yesterday, using all the money that I earned over the summer. O glorious day indeed."
Even Token was surprised at the comment. "What'd you do over the break, man? Kill some millionaires?"
"Well, not exactly. In late June I returned to London and met with a right nice family who gave me a splendid job over there at a bookstore.. And once I returned to the lovely States, I bought my fine new Jaguar."
"Timmy!" The wheelchair-bound boy whirred up behind Pip as the British lad helped himself to a seat next to Cartman.
"Hey, what's cripple doing here?" Cartman asked.
"Timmy Timmy Timmy!" Timmy fired off his name in rapid succession once he realized he had been referred to by Cartman.
"Well, seeing that Timmy obviously is unable to drive, I have been elected to drive him home after school. I am paid quite handsomely, and he provides me with jolly well company on the ride home."
"Timmy!" Timmy shouted again, reaching for a slice of pizza but unable to attain one. Token pulled one out and placed into the arms of Timmy, who began eating it immediately.
Clyde nodded his head. "Well, that's cool. So are you doing anything tonight, Pip? We can take you to the football game if you've got some gas money to chip in with."
Cartman shook his head furiously. "No way, Clyde! I ain't taking Frenchie with me in my car, okay? No freaking way!"
"Cartman?" Pip asked, prompting the football player to turn out. "Kindly shut the fuck up." Upon seeing the surprised look on Cartman's face, Pip grinned and turned to Clyde. "But I am sorry, Clyde. I must decline your invitation, as the dodgeball team is already beginning practices tonight. I only stopped in here because Timmy requested it. He loves the food here so."
"I...like...pizza...Timmy!" Timmy exclaimed again, finishing his slice and pizza and reaching out for another. Token obliged.
"Wow, he's really getting good at forming sentences. Alright, well, shouldn't we get going?" He asked, turning to Clyde. Clyde looked at his watch and shook his head.
"Nah, we've still got a little while. It's just past 3:30. Plus, we gotta wait for Bebe. I promised her that Cartman would able to take her to Denver, too."
Token nodded. "Alright."
There was a brief silence before Pip spoke up. "So, boys, how fares the school year for you all thus far?" He asked, hoping to stir up a conversation. "I simply cannot wait for it to be right and done with and I can begin my college career.
"Uh, you're telling me." Cartman snorted. "Especially with that goddamn faggot Mr. Garrison teaching us."
"Don't call him faggot, dude. That ain't any cooler than the way he called you a tubby fatass in class." Token said, causing Clyde, Pip and Timmy to start laughing.
Cartman's face turned red again as he remembered Mr. Garrison and what he had said. He clenched his fist. "I'll kill that little bastard and that goddamn puppet he has. I can't fucking believe that they were so desperate that..."
"Hey, guys!" His thoughts were interrupted by the sight of two girls. Pip waved to them eagerly. "How goes your days, Wendy and Bebe?"
"Fine, I guess. School sucks ass." Wendy shrugged. Clyde slid from his seat and eagerly embraced with Bebe, who was still standing.
"Hey, babe." He said smoothly. Bebe giggled. "How's it going, hottie? You gonna kick some ass tonight?" She asked.
"You bet." Clyde said, grinning. "Too bad it won't be the football team whose ass I'll be kicking around."
Cartman rose from his seat. "All right, you two, I'll tolerate that shit-talk now, but I was promised that we wouldn't have any of that talk in the car. Is that still on, or do you two have to find another ride to Denver?"
Clyde and Bebe sighed. "All right, all right. You're such a fucking spoilsport, Cartman." Bebe said.
Before Cartman could retaliate with another comment, Wendy piped up. "Hey, have any of you guys seen Stan around?"
The five boys shook their heads. "Nope, Clyde and I have been here for about twenty minutes and he hasn't been here." Token said.
"Timmy!" Timmy tossed into the conversation.
Wendy thought for a moment. "That's strange, it's been close to fifteen minutes since I called him, right Bebe?"
Her best friend nodded. "Yeah, but don't worry, Wendy. I'm sure he'll be here pretty soon. I mean, what could be holding him up? He's just at Kyle's house, right?"
"Yeah..." Wendy paused for a second, then shrugged and took the seat Clyde had been in. "You're right. I guess I'll just wait for him here."
"Well, guys and gals, I think we'd best be off now." Cartman said suddenly. "We'd better get going if we want to make it to Denver on time. Token, you decided if you're going with us?"
Token shrugged and stood up. "Sure, why not? I got nothing better to do, and it'll kill some time."
"All right. Hey, Wendy, I've got space in my car. You want to come along, too?" Cartman asked, sounding very upbeat. Wendy shook her head.
"Sorry, Cartman, but I've gotta wait here for Stan. Thanks for the offer, though." She smiled sweetly.
Cartman shrugged, frowning. "Oh. Okay then. Well, Clyde, Bebe, let's go." Cartman motioned to them as he headed to the door. Clyde, Bebe and Token followed behind him.
"Bye, Wendy! See you tomorrow!" Bebe called out and waved as she walked through the doorway outside.
"See you later, Bebe!" Wendy waved back.
As the four exited, Wendy put her elbows on the table, lost in thought. Pip looked at her curiously. "Wendy, is something the matter?"
"T-Timmy?" Timmy added, trying to sound as inquiring as possible.
Wendy looked at the two boys and sighed. "Well, Pip, I just don't know if Stan is serious about our commitment. I mean, sometimes he's all into us being together, and then there's times like this. I just don't know."
Pip placed his arms around Wendy. "Don't worry, Wendy. We'll stay here and keep you company until Stan arrives. Right, Timmy?"
"Timmy!" Timmy smiled, trying to reach another slice of pizza. Pip handed him the last slice, when he munched on in contentment.
Back outside of the parlor, Cartman had finished loading up his Jeep and had stepped into the driver's seat. "Is everyone ready?"
"Yeah." Token said, sitting next to him in the front passenger seat. He had pulled an Extreme Game Boy out of his backpack and turned it on.
"Good. Clyde, Bebe, you two ready to go?" He called out. Looking in his rear mirror, he saw the two of them already making out in the backseat and completely ignoring him. He grunted.
"Goddammit it, why do I keep letting them ride with me when I know there're just gonna get all snuggly. I tell you, boyfriends and girlfriends just shouldn't be smooching in the backseat of the cars of their best friends... " He grumbled endlessly, starting up his vehicle and pulling out of the parking lot, still grumbling to himself.
As he pulled onto the freeway and began the long trek to Denver, it was nearly completely quiet in the car. Token was completely engrossed in his game, and Clyde and Bebe had reserved themselves to whispering sweet nothings into each others' ears in the backseat. And Cartman was driving mechanically, thinking silently to himself as drove along. As the sun began its daily ritual of retiring itself from sight and beneath the horizon, Cartman began to take note of all the endless turnoffs and branches the freeway offered him. As he gazed at all the roads sprawling around him, he quietly wondered which one would be best to deliver him to that which he most desired.