This is completely absurd. Since when the hell does the victim of a crime get to dictate how we do our job? Who does this lady think she is?
"So," He says to me from behind, "I guess I'll head to the hotel, then?"
There's hesitation in his voice, but that better not be the only thing he has hesitation in. I saw the way she was looking at him, the way she was smiling and waggling her eyebrows at him, throwing compliments at him so hard they probably left bruises. I'm mad at everything right now. If we were in a better place in our relationship, if last night had never happened, I would be telling him to meet me in that supply closet off the locker room downstairs to vent this jealous possessiveness.
I know I can't really blame Castle for any of this. He's just being his charming, joking, smiling, very ruggedly handsome self. He even wore his lighter colors today. He knows I love it when he wears the lighter colors, especially that particular light blue button up he's in and that tan suede jacket. That's always been one of my favorites. I know that he's an amazing man, and I know that I'm not the only woman out there who can see it. But what most women see, I've always prided myself on seeing past all that; the money, fame, books, success.
I was always safe in knowing it was special with me because I could see past all that bravado he puts on and see what's underneath. But Vaughn...
"Beckett?"
"Huh?" It's just now that I realize I was zoning out. This case is going to be torture. I look back over to him and he has that look he has when he's wondering what he should do, like he's asking my permission to simply continue doing what he's doing. "Yeah... I don't know what makes her think she can just decide things like that, but okay."
I see him nod as I pretend I'm busy with paperwork I haven't even filled out on my desk. "She probably just wants to keep a low police presence."
Yeah right! "I'm sure that's the only thing she's thinking right now, Castle." I hope to god he knows the tone I'm using. I really don't want to have to outright tell him I'd rather not give her any protection whatsoever rather than send him. The last thing I need my boyfriend, who is probably still mildly upset with me over what happened last night, alone with a woman who could probably get literally any man she wants on the face of this earth.
"It's not that crazy, Beckett." He says to me and takes another step toward me, shuffling his feet. I stand back up and turn to him, planting a hand on my hip and giving him an obvious look. I seriously don't need to remind him that he's a writer, do I? "I mean, I have saved your life a handful of times over the years. "
"Yeah, so have I, Castle. You don't see her pulling any strings to get to shack up with me, do you?"
"Well, in her defense, they do kind of need you here to-" he cuts himself off when I lower my gaze and bite the inside of my lip, "... solve the case?"
I'm not angry at him, and I know that he thinks I am. I've always wondered why he always takes on so much so quickly without even letting me explain, or even asking for an explanation at all. I can tell by the way his eyes are pulling away from me in worry that he thinks this is somehow his fault. "You're not," he starts softly and turns into me, close enough to where I can smell his cologne, "thinking what I hope you're not thinking, are you?"
I really can't get into this now. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Vaughn stand up in the conference room and is heading for the door. I look back over to him and put a smile on my face, mostly to end the conversation quicker. "No."
He keeps his eyes on me for a moment before he nods in a small motion and steps away, out of my personal space. There's a tug-of-war going on in my heart though. When I see Vaughn coming toward the door, I just want to grab him and yank him back into my personal space, mark him as my own, leave his hair disheveled and his collar crocked and his eyes hazy. It might get her to back off, at least. But the moment has passed by the time the door to the conference room is opening. Castle turns with his hands still tucked in his pockets.
"Sorry for the wait. I was just finishing up the details on the trust I opened up for Cindy's children." Oh, all bow before the new Saint Cleavage. Give me a break.
"That's awfully generous of you." Castle practically glows next to me... even though he knows I'm standing a freaking foot away from him. He's... he's just being nice.
"Well, Cindy was an up-and-comer, I want to make sure her family is taken care of. I do feel awful that this happened to her, especially when it was meant to be me." What sickens me is... she sounds honest. It would be one thing if I could taste a hint of dishonesty in her voice, that she's just putting on a show to impress Castle, but... "The least I could do is make sure her kids never want for anything, right?"
"We'll catch whoever did this." He smiles and looks over to me. "Detective Beckett is the best you could hope for."
There's just the look I need right now. That cute, prideful, almost puppy dog look that he gives me when he's bragging on my behalf. I hope it's enough of a clue to tell little miss charity that we're in a relationship, but... then again, something tells me she wouldn't care if she knew that was the case. Hell, that's probably why she asked for him and only him, to begin with.
"If she's anything like her alter-ego, I'm sure the case will be closed in no time."
Not soon enough, I assure you.
"Shall we go, then?" Vaughn perks up. I see my boyfriend look over to me one last time with pursed lips.
"My living will is all in order so, I guess so." He shrugs. He knows I'm upset with this situation, he has to know how I feel about this. He can't be that dense. He's usually very empathetic when it comes to me, or anyone else. It's one of the many things I'm crazy about, but he seriously can't think that making jokes for her is somehow going to make me feel any better.
But even still... this is a dangerous situation. Despite our relationship woes, whatever they may be, and despite my firey, angry, hot jealousy making me want to unholster my carry piece, Castle is putting his life on the line. And it's not me this time. I won't be there to save him like I usually am. So, knowing this, I catch him by the sleeve just before I see him readying to step away from the side of my desk. "Hey."
He stops and looks over to me with a raised brow. But something about his eyes... they aren't looking at me like they usually do. I'm probably just crazy, but... they're just not as bright as they usually are.
"Be careful, okay?"
It's just when I'm starting to see a smile tease the edge of his lips that I hear her voice piercing the moment between us. "If the exploits I've read are true, I'm sure I'll be in the safest hands I could hope for, Detective."
That catches his eye, and once I see him look over to her, I feel my heart drop. I know all of his looks. I've spent years studying them, and the past year together I've spent getting lost in them. I know how he looks at me, I know the certain twinkle and excited glimmer he saves just for me. Why am I seeing it when he looks at her?
He steps away from my desk and falls into step with Erica, her blonde hair bouncing with way too much pep and her heels feeling like their stabbing me as she follows Castle to the elevator. And as I watch them make the turn around the wall, I feel an insecurity I've never felt before, telling me that I'm losing him. Like all she needs is just one minute alone with him and he'll be under her spell and I'll be left with nothing other than the pieces of the broken remains of the best relationship I've ever been in. She's Erica Vaughn.
Erica... Vaughn.
Why am I being so insecure about this? Why am I so worried? Our relationship has evolved past this. We're in love now. He knows that. He knows how much he means to me. Just because we weren't totally getting along last night, and maybe weren't exactly clicking when he got here this morning, doesn't mean that he wants to just give up on us. I'm worried over nothing. Castle's an amazing, loyal guy. I'm just stressed because I couldn't get any sleep... or something.
Slowly, I sit down in my chair and pull myself up to my desk, but when I look down, something hits me when I see the cup he had set down. But whereas it usually brings a smile to my face, this time it's breaking my heart. Even now, after all this time, he still brings me coffee. He still brings me a cup of coffee every morning just to see me smile. And my heart is only breaking because the cup of coffee I was drinking out of is sitting right next to it. My hand trembles as I reach out to pick up his cup. He's only gone for two seconds and I'm already missing him like crazy... like I've already lost him.
Snap out of it, Kate. You two are better than this. He wouldn't do that to me over one night where I blow him off, which I apologized for.
The ringing of my desk phone gives me something else to focus on, even though my eyes can't leave the plastic lid of the coffee he brought me this morning. "Yeah?"
"Hey, it's me." Lanie says.
"What's up?"
"I got the blood work back. I have something for you."
"I'll be right down." I slur and hang up my phone, draining all my energy. Maybe I need this coffee after all. I can usually go a night without sleeping and have no trouble. But this whole thing with Vaughn is taking more of my energy than I thought. I let out a long sigh, brush my hair back, and take a long sip from the cup he brought me, just as he always does. And it tastes as good as it always does, but somehow, it stays on the back of my tongue bitterly. So we aren't finishing each other's sentences for once. That doesn't mean our entire relationship is doomed.
We're more than that. He knows that.
Like a zombie, I march down to the morgue and push open the doors. "What've you got, Lanie?" I ask, hoping to get right down to business.
But as always, the second Lanie looks at me, she sniffs it out of me and starts poking. "What happened?"
I'm rolling my eyes by the time I'm at the examining table. "Nothing I feel like talking about." I say, hoping for once to end it there and take another sip from the cup he brought me.
"So something happened." She points out.
"If by something, you mean Vaughn asking for a private detail consisting of my boyfriend at a five-star penthouse suite, alone until this case is over, then yes. Something happened." I really don't want to get into this now. I'm angry and torn up about this enough as it is. I don't even have the bracelet he got me for Valentine's day on today. I've been kicking myself for forgetting it. I stare at it almost every day, remembering how he snuck it onto my wrist the night after I gave up that drawer.
"Wait," Lanie says and puts down her paperwork, signaling that she is indeed getting into it, "Vaughn wants Castle to be her protective detail?"
"Yes, so I'd like to get this case solved before she offered to pay for Alexis' college tuition in exchange for taking off his pants."
"Now, what the hell is that supposed to mean, Beckett?"
"God, you should have seen her, Lanie!" I seethe. "Oh, you have so many amazing talents, you're so great, why don't I pull my shirt down just a bit more while I go on about how much of my money I give away." I mock. I've wanted to get that out.
"You're not worried about Castle actually trying something, are you?" Lanie asks.
An uncomfortable twinge hits my spine when she asks me that, and I feel vulnerable. He was really upset with me last night. And to top it all off, Vaughn did fawn all over him pretty hard. "It's not Castle I'm worried about, it's her. The only thing stopping her from drooling all over him was my gun."
"Would this have anything to do with your little lover's spat at the crime scene last night?"
"It was not a spat, okay?!" I defend, but I know Lanie. It usually works with Castle, but raising my voice to Lanie doesn't shake her. All she does is cock her hip and purse her lips challengingly. I roll my eyes and take back my words. "Okay, fine, there was one night when we weren't finishing each other's sentences and I was busy with something else. I apologized and we moved on."
"Sure doesn't seem like it."
"Lanie, it was one night, okay?"
"Then why are you so worried about him being alone with Vaughn?"
"Because it's Erica... Vaughn! She can have anyone she wants."
"Girl, Castle is so crazy about you, I'm surprised he hasn't been committed yet."
"That's not the point, Lane!"
"Will you give him just a little credit?" Lanie keeps on defending. Maybe she's right, maybe I just need to have a bit more faith in him. After all, he knows that I love him. We've said it, he should know. "Castle may make an ass out of himself sometimes, but at the end of the day, he's a great guy."
"He's an incredible guy, Lanie." I breathe, my voice dripping with emotion. I wish I could have said that to him instead of Lanie. I wanted him to hear that. "Yesterday, I was in the best relationship of my life. We have one off night and suddenly, I feel like I'm losing him."
"One night can ruin a relationship, Kate." Lanie fights me. "Just look at me and Javi."
"You and Esposito did not break up over one night, Lanie." I fight back. I know the story and it was not one off night between them.
"No, but once we started fighting about that one off night, we started fighting about the rest of our relationship that we never bothered to talk about. Now, I know you, Kate. You wouldn't be having this much of a fit if you two were on the same page with your relationship." She challenges me.
But this time, she's crazy. "He knows I love him, Lanie." But with the look she's giving me, the raise of her brow and the tucking in the corners of her lips, I'm having to ask myself, "he... he does know that, right. I mean... he has to know how much I love him."
"Well, have you told him?" She shrugs.
"He... we've said our 'I love you's'," I answer. But... no, he can't just not know that I'm love with him. Just because I blow him off for one night can't make him think that I don't love him more than anything, because I do.
"Girl, Castle may be a writer, but even he needs words every now and then. And you should know that a guy like Castle doesn't come around twice."
But I know what she's trying to say. "A-are you seriously suggesting that I'm taking him for granted?"
Lanie softens the blow by lifting her hands and softening her expression. "All I'm saying is that you may be just a bit used to being Castle's center of attention. And I may not be the only one noticing there's just a bit more take and a little less give on one side, is all." That sends a cold shutter into my heart. He can't think that. He just can't think I'm not crazy about him.
And right now, all my physical energy is focused on keeping my eyes from burning, blinking back the sting I feel in the back of my eyes. "It was just one night."
A/N: Love the response I'm getting. I hope you guys agree that a role reversal would have fit so much better into canon. I really don't know what the writers of the show were hoping to accomplish with the characters in the original episode.