Notes: Wave bye-bye to canon-verse now! Lady Emzebel hath finally run out of grammar and spelling errors to hunt and peck with her mighty red pen, and thus you may now enjoy the next chapter!
Summary: Lost and found department? Over by coat-check.
"Oi. Oi!"
"Shit, someone go tell Mama to prep for a working girl in trouble."
"Li'l girlie, who did you in? Fuck it, she isn't stirring! Let's get her to the club quick!"
Tashigi heard the voices loudly in her aching head but try as she might, she couldn't respond to her rescuers. Her thoughts and answers were lost in a deep black fog, even as the gravelly voices exclaimed loudly at the blood seeping from her pants.
'Bet that's something they don't see everyday,' the former marine thought wryly. A part of her was appalled by the bitter, twisted sense of dark humor that she was developing, but quite frankly, life hadn't exactly shown her a lot of fluffy fun images.
The rescuers started moving, and the pain that flared through her body managed to force a hiss from her throat; it sounded more like dead air from a dried bladder than the breath of the living. It was still too quiet for her saviors' ears to catch, particularly when compared to the noisy procession they made as they carried her from the beach to wherever they were going. She bounced on the crude stretcher that felt a lot like a large man's sea coat -
'I wonder how Vice-Admiral Smoker is doing? I hope he isn't aggravating his cough by walking around without a shirt in this sea breeze - '
Odd that she should think about her father-figure when she was the one who had more to worry about. The pain flared and ebbed in sync with the jostling, and the swordswoman lost her sense of time, and possibly her consciousness, again.
[~~~]
She was in a red-painted room.
At least it seemed to be paint.
Her eyes were covered in a deep crimson haze that bordered on black despite her recent awakening. Her body felt...actually, it didn't feel anything. She was just a speck of life floating in a nighttime sky filled with blood.
Below her, she could see the laboratory again. A part of her began to wriggle and panic, but it was ruthlessly squashed by her battle sensibilities - the side of her that sang fiercely in the clash of steel and flesh and bone, craving well-justified destruction so, so much.
When did she learn about this side? Arabasta? Loguetown? She could no longer remember. She could, however, see her body below her. A well of bitter bile gushed forth from her stomach to lodge in her throat.
Her body was swaying back and forth to an unheard rhythm, her now-long hair covering her face almost entirely, except for two bright red eyes and a carmine-tinted mouth. Strewn around her were myriad shades of red, from coral to vermillion to rust; the colors were thick, coarse, still running and pooling at her feet. She held Shigure firmly in her right hand, even though every muscle she possessed seemed to shake and roil. Her smile was more like a grimace; horrified yet petrifying, tinged with madness and pain.
In front of her was a wavering pillar of pink and white, smeared with scarlet. In front of this towering pillar was a lamenting sea of the decrepit and the neonate, confusion etched on their altered features. Sickening pops broke through the room as the figure in front of her replaced dislocated joints methodically, but she was too entranced by the -
"Thank ya kindly, sistren, ya saved me from another round with the Doktor. What's yer name?"
She swept her head up - too fast, spinning, freewheeling - and looked at the milky carnation that was suddenly looming over her. Why was she on her knees? Why did her insides twist and hurt so much?
"Shit, they almost got lucky with you. No time now for you to go through..."
[~~~]
Bonney woke with a start. The unnatural fluorescent lighting greeted her once again, the false sky heaving ever so slightly. The remains of a light snack (by her standards) were strewn in front of the lawn chair where she had intended to take a short rest. The creaking in her back told her good and well that she had been out for much longer than anything considered a nap.
'No time to complain, no pain, no gain,' she thought sourly, her mother's words echoing in her head. The strawberry blonde rocked herself out of the seat with mild discomfort, brusquely yanked her scruffy hair back with one hand, and scanned the small isle once again.
'Not even a fish, far less a boat.'
She had long figured out that she was the only one in the place. She hadn't seen hide nor hair of Tashigi or her sword, which meant that the woman was not here; she would not consider the possibility of the swordswoman being dead. That was impossible, much like the prospect of a devil fruit-user swimming to the floating door across the water from her.
"Well, this is a big ol' pile of horseshit," Bonney stated emphatically, stomping hard on the ground for good measure. "How the fuck am I supposed to get off this turd of an island?"
Fully flummoxed, Bonney regarded the few waterlogged planks that had been thrown up on the shore with her. They were barely floating, but she could probably make a serviceable raft with them if she-
A sudden pitch and roll almost threw the piratess off the island. The deafening sound of crashing water rumbled nearby, and Bonney barely had the presence of mind to throw herself into the villa and hold her breath when enormous walls of water started flooding the area. However, where Bonney only expected to hear the thunderous crash of thousands of tons of water, she also felt an increase in the pitching, as if she were on a round-bottom ship. She didn't dare to raise her head and confirm her growing suspicions; her stomach was also yawing and heaving in a way that was most unpleasant and very unfamiliar since her first few days on a horse.
The villa continued to pitch and roll for long moments, making the castaway more nauseous and less calm. Her ears were beginning to feel stopped up, and breathing was becoming difficult. At some point, pain had begun radiating from the sides of her head, adding to her discomfort immensely before all sound became distinctly muted, the barest whisper to her mind as she clung to the floorboards.
[~~~]
"Gentlemen, we have got to stop waking up like this," Law groaned, the grainy wood of the table muffling his voice.
Sanji and Zoro hung their heads over an entire mortar full of Chopper's special brew, laced with nectarine nectar to improve the taste. They were sprawled over two chairs in the general vicinity of the preparation table along with unpleasantly nigh-sober versions of Chopper, Shanks, Kidd, Law, and Beckmann. The miserable criminals watched dispassionately as the restaurant full of alcohol-poisoned guests lined up for hangover cures doled out by Hatchan and Keimi. Neither of the fishy folk looked much better than the guests, but the fishman had six arms and Keimi was fast, so they were drafted into "Straw-hat party resuscitation" duty.
Sanji belched sourly and prayed that the remedy would kick in fast enough for him to eat his breakfast. Zoro looked particularly displeased; this was the second time in as many days that he had experienced this hangover phenomenon, and he was seriously considering an extended period of liquor abstinence.
"Your liver should be back to normal in about three months, if you lay off the alcohol," a Heavy Point Chopper confirmed grimly, pulling a bandage tightly around the deceptively small wound on Zoro's right side. "You should be thankful that whoever stabbed you only nicked it, and had the good graces to take care of their weaponry. If it were Kidd, you'd probably have died of tetanus by now."
On the other side of the table, a three-tine fork stood up on its handle in front of a crop of sweaty sanguine locks, then the two outer tines bent backward to give the universal expression of malevolent wit and tomfuckery. Chopper responded in kind before returning to his normal form and going back to his seat to drain his mug.
"Seriously, can anyone even remember the ceremony?" Shanks asked from his spot under the table. "Did I do a good job or what?"
"Well, you started off reasonably well," Beckmann affirmed after sipping his portion of the healing brew.
[~~~]
Shanks, Ace, Kidd, and Law went to all four points on the ship, each holding a bottle of rum that Sanji graciously provided them from Zoro's private liquor collection. Shanks lead the libations by smashing the neck of the liquor bottle on the ship's railing and pouring the amber nectar into the water, followed by Luffy and the other yonkous.
"Here's to Davy Jones and all the pirates carousing with him," Shanks muttered solemnly from the stern of the ship.
'New King and Queen in your place, Roger, doing what you both wanted to do so badly. Ah, looks like Buggy and me are the only ones who got to grow old gracefully. I'll be joining you, but not too soon.'
"To Davy Jones and all the pirates carousing with him," Ace intoned from the ship's bow, his eyes wet, but not leaking as he glanced in the direction of Marineford.
'Pops, I hope you've got enough alcohol down there to keep your blood warm. Your sons are doing fine, kicking up storms all over the place. Luffy's still alive, amazingly, so toss a few blessings his way, huh? One for him, one for his wife and babies, and one for his crazy crew too.'
Law and Kidd emptied their bottles out silently, then all four regrouped around the mast; Shanks in front of Luffy and Nami, with the other three behind him. After clearing his throat with a swig of white rum from his hip flask, the eldest yonkou continued the ceremony.
"You scurvy seadogs and dearly beloved," Shanks began enthusiastically. "We are gathered here today because this young rascal has knocked up this charming flower of womanhood and she, in turn, has knocked enough sense into him to get him to marry her."
Nami glared bullets at Shanks, and he noted her twitching fists with dread caution. Clearing his throat a bit nervously, he continued.
[~~~]
"I dunno, that beginning has a sorta nice ring to it," Shanks mused while crawling back onto his seat.
"Yeah, that's exactly what my sister didn't say."
Ace propped himself up against the doorway, his pants half undone. The other pirates tried very hard not to notice the numerous love bites and scratches on his body, but it was pretty much impossible when Boa Hancock slid behind him and goosed his ass.
"Don't forget," she giggled slyly in his ear before strutting to the front of the line, her snake giving Luffy's older brother a fangy grin before following its mistress. Ace blushed hard, the red turning his face into a heated stop sign. He chuckled obscenely to himself for a few seconds while numerous items were thrown through his head.
"God-dammit, she's too good for you D. boys!" Sanji screeched while throwing another wooden mug. "What the hell does she see in you louts?"
Zoro strained to hold the ero-cook down as smoke began to curl from places other than the blond's mouth and cigarette.
"Oh hush," Ace continued blithely, incinerating the mug as it passed through his head. He pulled up a chair next to Zoro and began filching pancakes, eggs, bacon, sea king ham, and toast from the centrally located platters.
"Let me tell you addled cows how the rest of the ceremony went," he mumbled around his over-laden fork.
[~~~]
"Since we're all pirates here and don't stand on a lot of ceremony, I'll get down to business. If there's anyone crazy enough to stop these two from marrying, speak now and risk holding your teeth forever."
Beckmann leaned over to whisper in Shanks' ear as the red-headed yonkou and Luffy looked around belligerently, haki beginning to waft along the wooden planks. After a bit of blinking and a whispered cry of "Really?" Shanks turned back to the gathering.
"Oh, and forever hold your peace, too," he added nonchalantly, patting Luffy on the shoulder to get the Pirate King to lay off the glaring.
[~~~]
"At which point, I made my grand entrance," Hancock added in a miffed tone, exposing the greater part of her cleavage as she leaned over Ace's back. Her unusually long tongue snagged a piece of egg and a dollop of syrup from the corner of Ace's mouth before she flipped herself into his lap.
"I thought I ought to give you this - you're much more considerate than Luffykins, but you are a D. man. I wouldn't want you to get sidetracked."
Something black and lacy disappeared into Ace's pocket faster than food down Luffy's throat. Hancock was exceedingly smug as she got off of a very uncomfortable young man.
"Stay for breakfast this time, won't you, Boa-chwan?" Sanji whined, somehow battling through his nausea, fatigue, hunger, and hangover to fawn over the Kuja Empress.
"Sorry, Sanji, you and Zoro will have to make do without me from now on. I'm sure Ace will tell you the details," Hancock replied sweetly before kissing all of the men noted. Zoro harrumphed, Sanji nearly launched himself into the stratosphere before falling back in his seat, and Ace took a break from eating to thoroughly return the kiss and flip the cook the bird.
"Oh, Kidd, Sadi-chan was looking for you for some reason," Hancock threw over her shoulder as she and her snake left the building through the main doors of the kitchen. "She said you need to hurry up and find her or else she'd talk to mmm~ Killer-chan."
The man in question blanched and dived under the table, while wicked, feminine laughter rebounded throughout the kitchen.
"I take it you still haven't told him?" Law asked mildly, moving just enough to peek under the table.
"Just shut up!" Kidd barked over Zoro's contemptuous snorts. Sanji sighed theatrically and handed the supernova his plate before answering the unspoken questions of the other men.
"We met in her in a dungeon club where she's the head dominatrix, we had a tryst with her but the imbecile under your feet had repeat performances. Killer is her current, exceedingly jealous boyfriend and he doesn't know about the other times, just the first one with the four of us," the chef elaborated quickly before sitting down again and spearing some food for himself.
"Killer knows but we don't talk about it," Kidd grumbled before stuffing toast in his mouth. "He follows his captain but he loves the crazy bitch; he's struggling enough without her yanking his chain."
"Who haven't you guys slept with on the Line?" Shanks asked wondrously. "And I thought Benn and I were studs!"
"We are, but we're old studs, about to be put out to pasture," Beckmann noted sourly, stabbing a pancake with unusual vigor.
"Oi, watch it! Some of us have morals and a sense of duty." the swordsman started, glaring sharply at his blond crewmate. "Besides, we never met Makino, Nojiko was off-limits, Vivi was hung up on that Kohza dude, Usopp and Franky snagged Kaya and Robin from the get-go, and some of us managed not to get attacked by that Doctorine mountain hag!" Zoro snapped, mildly annoyed that he could probably count on one hand the number of times he had sex in a year, unlike the ero-cook.
"Oi, watch yourself!" Law and Sanji snarled as a steel-plated shoe and a nodachi lashed out at the swordsman, almost knocking him from his chair despite his deft block with Shuusui's sheath. "She's damn good at what she does!"
"That old bat is still at it?" Shanks and Beckmann asked simultaneously, the red-haired pirate having to scrape his jaw back off the floor.
"Can you guys please stop talking about my mother's sex life? Please?" Chopper wailed, audibly disturbed by the turn of the conversation.
"The only thing I ever got from those orange and Oharan witches was a Thunderbolt Tempo and a Dos Fleur Nutcracker, unless you're going to tell me that is their way of fucking with people," Kidd added tawdrily as he regained his seat. He perked up as he considered his own words.
"Is that their way of fucking? All the sparks and squeezing and shit?" he asked hopefully.
"Hell no," Sanji and Zoro remarked, shaking their heads briefly before chugging more of Chopper's hangover remedy. The reindeer covered his ears with his hooves.
"Now my sisters! Beckmann, hurry up and tell us what happened when Hancock arrived!"
"Well after the Snake Empress dropped in..." Beckmann continued, munching a strip of bacon idly. Ace blinked rapidly for a few seconds before dropping face-first into his breakfast. Zoro obligingly rolled the yonkou's head out of his food while listening.
[~~~]
"Who the hell is trying to drop a Nami on my Luffykins?" came a high-pitched screech from half a mile away.
"You just had to invite that bitch, didn't you? I told you it was too dangerous for her to be out and about!" Nami growled, her eyes closed, orange brows twitching spasmodically. Her fist was gripping the bouquet so tightly that her knuckles were white, and her Climatact was starting to slip out into the open.
"Nuh-uh!" Luffy shook his head wildly as he crossed his lanky arms into a protective 'X' in front of his body. "I swear! I haven't been near Kuja for the past eight months! We just went to visit the babies after Usopp's wedding!"
Most of the assembled Straw-hats began to sweat a little nervously. While it was a known fact that Boa Hancock and her sisters had contracted a number of certain pirates to help increase their declining population, nobody knew exactly who the fathers were, and everyone involved intended to keep it that way until the girls (for some medical reason only known to Kureha, none of the Kuja on the island had given birth to a boy) were old enough to ask about it. It was all according to tradition, and it was currently the only way to keep the civilization safe from the World Government's eyes at the moment; Boa had already paid a dear enough price for betraying her position as a Shichibukai, and the protection of the Pirate Council would not be enough to stop the Tenryuubito forever.
"I invited her, Nami. Come on, she's near enough, and I thought Rosette would like to see one of her uncles get married," Ace stated cheekily as Hancock passed the yonkou of Spades a black-haired, well-swaddled baby girl before gracefully stepping onto the Thousand Sunny.
"And Mama Nyon wanted to come too," Franky swiftly added, his eyes watering profusely as he went over to help Elder Nyon, Sandersonia, and Marigold onto his prized ship. "I couldn't leave her and my sisters outta this!"
Most of the groom's men were too busy cooing at Boa's toddler daughter to care about the repercussions anymore - Rosette was as beautiful as her mother, and even more skilled at reducing males to little more than spineless jelly. Even Kidd was playing peek-a-boo with her, although he was also threatening to dismember the sniggering Law if he so much as breathed a word to anyone outside of the Council. Nami threw up a hand in disgust as Rosette wobbled over and patted her aunt's swelling belly, briefly wondering why she could never resist certain children. Robin and Kaya rubbed her back to comfort her as the remaining Kuja royalty boarded the ship.
"As much as you annoy me, I wouldn't have missed this for anything. We won't be here long anyhow," Hancock stated snootily, noting Nami's increasingly red face as she bent over to kiss the bride and groom on both cheeks. "I have to lead the World Government on another wild goose chase. Did you get my early wedding gift? I sent it along with two reliable looking delivery girls."
The Straw-hats blinked blankly. Hancock, along with her sisters, rolled her eyes.
"Come now, Zoro-kun, a swordswoman sails out here and you don't notice? For that matter, any woman sailed into these waters and you didn't notice, Sanji-kun?"
The blond man and his green-haired companion blinked and turned into beetroots as they remembered their special guests. Fortunately, Hancock had already turned back to Nami before she could see Chopper transform into Heavy Point and start pounding on the Disaster Duo.
"I sent two lovely, strong-headed ladies out here to keep the rowdies under their thumbs until you got back. Sandersonia and Marigold tested them personally."
"Oh yeah, these girls were strong alright, but they knew how to play; just the way Sanji likes them. They also had good heads on their shoulders," Sandersonia interjected, her tongue lolling out mischievously. "Even Marigold found them to be delightful."
"Hn. They were good sports, and quite skilled. It's not like I'm going to send just anyone to Zoro."
Before the cook or the swordsman could get a word in edge-wise - not that they had much to say with Chopper actively throttling them - an impossibly loud falsetto carried across the open waters.
"Straw-chan! Don't you dare start without me! That is not the Okama Way!"
[~~~]
"I still can't believe that you heathens were going to say the vows without me!" Bentham wailed from the doorway of the kitchen, his mascara well on the way to running over his rumpled dark suit and his silky black hair sexily mussed. His outrageous entrance broke Zoro out of his reverie; now he remembered why he'd been drinking so hard with Sanji at the reception. They'd helped the Pirate Empress' gifts to flee the area instead of keeping the women close at hand. What a fuck up. What was worse, the Kuja leader refused to elaborate on the women's situation as escapees from a clandestine lab. Some crap about it being "A task for females only, not two bumbling morons." Luffy's first mate was exceedingly glad when Sanji's chair scraped the floor loudly, muting the chef's sigh as he got up with a creak in his knees. Almost immediately, the sound of two shoes colliding noisily jumped across the room.
"You were late, you damned whiny bitch!" the blond chef snapped, lighting a new cigarette with one leg high in the air, countering Bentham's flying kick. "Nakama or not, Nami said sunset! Sunset!"
"It's not my fault that the club needed longer than I expected to get ready! Besides, I wasn't the last one to come!" the flagrant okama wailed, pausing briefly to wink lasciviously at the semi-conscious Kidd. Lord love a duck, but Bentham did so like a bad boy in smeared makeup. Even better when the bad boy forgot who had smeared the makeup. The air whistled over the okama's head, pulling him back to the fight.
"Keimi and Hatchan weren't there either!"
[~~~]
Bentham had finally climbed on to the ship from his small boat and was now ensconced with the other groom's men, looking only mildly out of place with his mascara and blush as he stood next to Sanji. Somehow, he'd managed to spin little Rosette around for fifteen minutes as they engaged in a boisterous episode of "Stop joooking around!" yet he was able to manifest a dignified air, with nary a stitch out of place, a mere five minutes later. Ah, the skill of the Okama Way indeed.
Perhaps that was why Kidd was staring so hard at his ass.
"If we don't have any more interruptions," Beckmann began, gathering everyone's attention only to have the statement shoved back down his throat as the challenging note of a sea king's roar broke the surroundings.
"Oh for the love of- What the hell is it now?" Nami screamed, two steps away from ripping the bouquet in half.
"Looks like a giant chicken of the sea," Garp's voice crackled over the den-den mushi. "He's off to our right - let Coby and Helmeppo handle this."
"Aye aye, sir!" the marine ensign and his subordinate replied, ready to jump off of the ship and straight over the snapping beak of the creature in question. Before they could move, there was a rapid flash of steely light, and the sea chicken's head was airborne. Some six seconds later, after realizing that its head was no longer connected to the rest of its body, the chicken of the sea wisely decided to expire with a loud gurgle and a geyser of blood. From the open, flying maw came three shadows, one of which had a distinctly fishy tail.
"Luffy-chin! Sanji-chin! Help!" Keimi cried as she, Pappug, and Hatchan rapidly descended towards the Thousand Sunny.
"Rubber Net," Luffy responded idly, stretching his interlaced hands over his head. The fish-folk descended onto the net, bounced, and landed safely on the deck.
"Yay! Oh Nami-chin, you look glorious in that dress! I told you the design would work!" the mermaid princess gushed as she brushed herself off. Dressed in a very complimentary white lace shift, it was obvious that Hatchi had done good for himself.
It probably helped that Keimi had threatened to turn Octopako into a Pirate King appetizer if she ever touched the six-armed fishman again. She really was quite a vicious little gourami mermaid - Sanji blamed Zoro and Hatchi for their nasty swordsman influences.
[~~~]
"It's not Hacchin or Zoro-chin's fault at all! That Octopako is so selfish and mean and...ooo~!"
"Blood pressure, Keimi," Hatchan gasped as he and the mermaid came over with their mugs and the enormous mortar. Sanij slid a plate to an open seat before piling the other plate full of syrup-dripping, butter-coated pancakes - Keimi had quite the sweet tooth.
"Thanks, Sanji-chin! So after we dropped in, the ceremony went really well!"
[~~~]
Nami glared bullets at Hatchi, who she'd chosen to take out her wrath on. His lumpy head served as a warning to everyone else, who promptly shut up and retook their positions. Usopp and Sanji hauled the fishman back with the rest of the groom's men.
"Who's missing?" the orange-haired hellcat growled, her eyes pupil-less, blood-shot, white, and exceedingly scary.
[~~~]
A number of pirates suddenly decided that it would be better to skip the ceremony and join in on the reception.
"That Nami is way too scary to marry! Who the hell knows what he's thinking?" Buggy snapped as he watched the den-den mushi monitor with his first mate. His new ship was the flashiest vessel in the ocean, with enough lights to blind the sun.
"Utterly agreed. She makes Impel Down look like a vacation resort sometimes," Galdino responded, sipping his tea as he made an anchor of wax to halt the ship.
[~~~]
Back in position and well fortified by another few (seven) swigs from his flask, Shanks continued the ceremony.
"Monkey D. Luffy, do you take Nami to be your wife; to love, comfort, honor, and keep her? To have and to hold-"
"I think he's done that part admirably enough," Law commented snidely to Kidd, who didn't bother to stifle his laughter.
"-through broadsides and raids, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until Davy Jones takes either of you to the bottom of the sea?"
"Course I do." Luffy responded, his grin unbelievably broad. Sanji sniffled loudly, causing Zoro to roll his eyes and whip out his large, black bandanna from his haramaki. Franky was already blubbering into Usopp's shoulder while Chopper and Brook held each other up.
"Nami, do you take Monkey D. Luffy to be your husband; to love, comfort, honor, and keep him? To have and to hold, through broadsides and raids, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer-"
Kaya and Robin patted the bride's shoulders gently as the young woman blanched at the sound of the word 'poorer.'
"-until Davy Jones takes either of you to the bottom of the sea?"
"I do," Nami answered proudly with her chin tilted defiantly. Usopp covered his ears as Sanji and Franky began to wail.
"Can we exchange the tokens, please? Before I drown here?" Zoro groused, his suit getting sprayed by tears.
Luffy untied his straw-hat, carefully taking it from around his neck and placing it gently on Nami's head. He fumbled and blushed as he tied the string snugly under her chin.
"Uhm, well," the Pirate King stuttered, unusually bashful, "you've always taken care of my most important treasures, and, uhm, you are now my most important treasure, even more important than Hat. So I want to give this to you for forever and ever and ever."
Nami looked at Luffy and gave a gorgeous smile, her cinnamon eyes twinkling beneath Hat's wide brim. She had never looked more radiant in her life.
Zoro harrumphed loudly behind Luffy, and jabbed an elbow in his captain's back. The younger man turned around, puzzled, until his first mate slapped him up-side the head and forced an object into his rubbery palms. Luffy rubbed the back of his head and laughed sheepishly.
"Oh yeah, I also got you this!"
The platinum ring was wide in a valiant attempt to secure the enormous, pumpkin-colored, round-cut diamond ensconced in a thick setting in the center of the band, which was lined with smaller ruby fragments. Nami hauled a loupe from the middle of her bouquet and snatched the ring up, holding it in the sunlight as she examined it.
"This diamond alone has got to be about a 6-carat stone...good clarity, even color. Oh, Luffy!"
Luffy looked a bit goofy as Nami plastered a large, wet kiss on the side of his face before slipping the ring on her left hand. The ring had definitely been worth the trouble that the Pirate King and the rest of his crew had gone to create it. He was still in a daze when Nami snapped her fingers and Robin placed a book in her hand.
"Luffy, as a token of my everlasting love and devotion to you, I have canceled your debt to me, in full. Also, I'll never hold you in debt again."
The groom's men had a sudden case of weak knees. Even the yonkous looked a bit sallow. More than half the inhabitants on the Line were in debt to Nami thanks to her Mikan Treasury and Lending institution, so for someone to escape - well, that hadn't been done since forever. Even Usopp was still slightly in debt to the orange-haired tycoon, seeing as how they refused to live off of Kaya's money and left the entire sum to Ninjin, Piman, and Tamanegi. That said a lot, considering the sniper was the designer of the underworld's secret currency, the kingsmark, established by Nami shortly after Luffy's reign began, and acknowledged by ne'er-do-wells everywhere as being on parity with the official beri.
Absolutely not the perfect time for Bentham's mini den-den mushi to start ringing loudly - or for Ace to snore from his temporary resting place on Beckmann's shoulder. The okama winced as Nami's eyes turned red, and hurried to one side of the ship. After a round of screeching, silence, quiet decision-making, silence, screeching, and a loud disconnection, the nightclub owner slinked back in to place. The bride let out a long stream of hot air that singed a few eyebrows and woke up Ace.
"As I was saying, you're debt-free and you'll stay that way. Also, I - ah, well, I - uhm- Imadeyouthis."
Half of the wedding guests were still trying to figure out what she said when Keimi pulled a large straw hat from her bag. It was slightly lopsided, missing more than a few strands, distinctly frizzy around the edges, and decorated with a gilded red ribbon around its crown. Nami took the hat from the mermaid and then put it on Luffy's lowered head, tying a rough-knit hemp cord under his chin as she spoke.
"Keimi taught me some weaving and, uhm, I made this myself. I'll make you a hat whenever you need it, no matter what."
Zoro and Usopp held Sanji back as he threatened to dismember Luffy if the captain ever got so much as a pinprick in Nami-swan's handmade gift. The rubber man heard none of the rant, his eyes scouring Nami's face with a heated look of something primal in his large, dark eyes.
Meanwhile, Hancock, with her head so far back that her hair was about to sweep the floor, sniffed loudly and stuck her stiletto heel in the back of Nami's calf.
"Ouch! You snake-eyed floo- oh, right! I also got a ring for you."
The ring was actually four thick gold bands in one, with a large, thick, curved sheet of gold-plated steel over the top. The metal plate covered Luffy's knuckles entirely and the Straw-hat jolly roger was ornately etched in the middle, studded with two large, black agate stones for the eye sockets and a ruby-filled hat band. Luffy's eyes were glistening with stars so bright that the bridesmaids were squinting. Usopp and Chopper were blinding everyone else.
"Well, it's more of a knuckle duster than it is a ring, but it'll help you hit even harder and leave our mark for everyone to see!" Nami explained as she took the groom's hand and slipped the jewelry on. What she did not explain was how the knuckle duster would also protect his hand. Luffy's fingers had been sliced, squashed, broken, and fractured so many times during the past five years that Chopper was not sure that the captain would have nerve endings in his hands within the next five years. Armor was completely impracticable given Luffy's style of melee combat, and telling him that hand protection was for his own good would only be scoffed at.
What she and Luffy did not know was the massive effort that went into both rings; Usopp and Chopper hammering out the design and ergonomics, Brook and Robin racking their brains for gemstone lore, Hancock, Bentham, and Sanji using dubious means of persuasion in order to acquire the materials, and Franky and Zoro forging and polishing both pieces of jewelry over many nights under strange conditions that made the rings beyond super.
"Monkey D. Luffy and Nami, by the powers I earned as the captain of the Red-Haired Pirates, I now pronounce you husband and wife," Shanks loudly proclaimed as Beckmann snorted at the the thought of the two remaining Red-Haired Pirates actually needing leadership. Shanks gently stepped back on his first mate's toes while pushing the bride and groom together. "Now hurry up and kiss so Zoro and I can get some good grog."
Nami held on to the tattered hat with one hand as leaned in an pressed her lips lightly on her husband's mouth. Luffy blinked, and lolled his head to one side in confusion before speaking.
"That's not a kiss, Nami."
"I know that, Luffy, but it's just a gesture for everyone watching."
"But I don't like it. I like how we usually kiss. Like this."
At which point Luffy proceeded to haul his pregnant wife up into his lean, corded arms with unusual grace and soundly swallow her mouth. Nami's screeches were dissolved in a moment, and betting in Shabondy Archipelago switched from the number of interruptions during the ceremony to the odds of the couple actually leaving the deck before consummating the marriage.
"That was so beautiful! To see Rubber-bro and girlie marry with such a don! Ah, it'd make a ton of people cry!" Franky blubbered through an ocean of tears. As Robin patiently consoled her cyborg, no one was stupid enough to ask why she hadn't married Franky yet.
"I wonder if Vivi-san was watching it in Arabasta? Vivi-swan! My heart still flies to you over these thousands of miles!" Sanji danced in front of the visual den-den mushis, Zoro rolling his eyes behind him.
[~~~]
In Arabasta, the royal palace dissolved in a flood of tears and snot centered around a large monitor attached to a den-den mushi.
"That was so beautiful!" Vivi exclaimed, the only dry-eyed person in the room. She hugged Kohza tightly, nuzzling his broad back as he surreptitiously wiped his eyes in the crook of his elbow.
"I'm just glad he's hitched. Maybe now he'll have something better to do than send me death threats," the former rebel leader grumbled.
"Devil-leg and Roronoa are still unattached," King Cobra reminded him while discreetly smearing snot on the hem of his cape. Pell and Chaka were too busy drying their eyes on Pell's turban.
"They'll meet good women soon, fret not, Kohza," Terracota replied as she consoled her wailing husband on one shoulder. "People who can cook and fight like that are bound to find women who can appreciate them. The death threats will stop. Eventually."
[~~~]
"How can she come out in something so indecent! Where's the veil? The train? The 18 ankle-length petticoats?" Paulie wailed, his hands over his eyes as Nami bounced up and down on the screen. Lulu and Tilestone pushed the rope master's head out of the way to get a better look at what the bride was not wearing.
"Nice indecency!" the shipwrights crowed in delight.
"Good God, she could choke a yagara with that thing!" Zambai cried out loud, adjusting his scope to lessen the diamond's on-screen brilliance while trying to see the bride's lingerie.
"His ring would kill Sodom and Gomorrah, waina!" Mozu chanted behind him.
"Both would choke them dead, deader than fish on the dock, waina!" Kiwi intoned from her place next to her sister. Both women were professionally dressed in black, business-like skirt suits, complete with black sheer stockings. Mozu and Kiwi had abandoned their square hairstyles after Franky left Water 7, opting instead for neat, square buns.
"Nma, I'm not sure about them, but it definitely would end the life of a normal yagara. At least they wouldn't die strangled by their own snot like Baka-nky," Iceburg commented mildly, rubbing Tyrannosaurus fondly. "Now girlies, back to work! Aren't you supposed to be my secretaries, nma?"
[~~~]
"At which point the whole shebang devolved into the most outrageous wedding reception ever," Usopp commented from the doorway, his overalls hanging open to reveal numerous thin red lines over his chest.
"Not quite, Long-nose bro - don't forget the send-off for the honeymoon," Franky added, striding in behind the sniper as he pulled on his shirt.
The two inventors staggered into the kitchen looking thoroughly worked over - they'd sweat most of the alcohol out of their system since waking early in the morning through a combination of work and the sort of fun that half of the council was sorely missing out on. Their muscles stood out sharply as they panted in the large galley, Usopp's head deep in Sanji's personal fridge as he tossed two six-packs of cola to the super carpenter.
"How're those living quarters going?" Sanji inquired as he slid two plates to his crew mates. The kitchen was now as crowded as the dining area, with eleven men and one mermaid crowded around the preparation table. Sanji figured he'd have to kick everyone off his ship soon; he needed to clean and then drag his marimo pack mule out with him and Bentham to restock and find the basics for the new rooms. Franky, already on his second bottle of cola, grunted and gave Sanji the thumbs up while Usopp piled both plates with food and elaborated on the cyborg's behalf.
"We've got the crew's quarters set up, and we've partitioned the space for your quarters. The bunks are strung up, the bathrooms are installed, the pump's set up - we just need to finish connecting your room to the kitchen, which is why we're back down here.
"Wait, where the hell have you and Roronoa been sleeping if you don't have quarters on this barge?" Law asked, mildly curious as he finally found the strength to raise his head from the table. "The Thousand Sunny only met us late last night."
Sanji snorted, "I have been sleeping on the Mini Merry with Chopper whenever we got kicked off the ship, while the shitty marimo has been doing what he usually does - sleeping anywhere, especially on top of my sake barrels."
"Want me sleep on top your mother instead?" Zoro drawled, his eyebrow twitching ever so faintly.
"I always figured you were into necrophilia. You're a bonehead anyway," Sanji replied without skipping a beat. The cook rose and grabbed one of his large trays, then started stacking the wares. Given his generally relaxed demeanor, only the swordsman would have been prepared for the vicious onslaught that the blond launched once the wares were on the tray. Usopp leaned back in his chair, cocked his feet up on the table, and began taking bets from the others as the first fight of the day got underway.
"And here we go again," Chopper sighed as he moved the tray full of wares to the main sinks. "Sanji, avoid his liver! Zoro, don't use the hilt like that, you've got broken fingers and you know it!"
Kidd and Law were loudly out-bidding each other, with Ace snoring in his seat, his plate now empty. Franky and Usopp were goading the combatants, raising the noise levels exponentially. The remaining guests, feeling more alive now than when they first awoke, were plastering themselves to the windows and door of the kitchen, cheering loudly at each pass. Bentham barely heard his baby den-den mushi buzz over the cacophony.
"Bentham speaking!"
The okama spy listened to the snail carefully, quickly realized that he couldn't hear a thing, and proceeded to pacify the hordes.
"Shut to fuck up!" he roared, bringing all action to a screeching, blinking halt.
"Thank you. What's up, my dear laddies?" Bentham continued sweetly, flipping his hair over one shoulder to free his ear. He did not miss the way that Kidd was watching him, and not-so-innocently flicked his tongue over his lips before tuning back in to his caller.
"That working girl we brought in last night ain't doing so good, Mama!" the gruff caller stated plainly. "She's still bleeding down there, and she ain't got much color. She has the ague and if she weren't moaning and gibbering in her sleep, we wouldn't be sure if to call a doc or an undertaker."
Chopper and Law visibly perked up, listening carefully to the caller's description of the situation. Sanji and Zoro dropped their guards and returned to their seats, the okama's conversation far more interesting than beating the shit out of each other. The other guests returned to the breakfast buffet table that the restauranteur had set up much earlier that day.
"Women's problems, no doubt. I'm an okama queen but Iva's not here to re-equip me. Reindeer-chan, can you come back with me and take a look?"
Just as Chopper was about to answer, Brook flew threw the kitchen's back window and landed in a crumpled heap in front of the preparation table. Barely stopping to make sure all of his bones were in the right order, the skeleton grabbed the reindeer and began shaking him frantically.
"Doctor-san, this is bad! Laboon keeps diving and shaking his head! He has blood trickling from his mouth! Save him, Doctor-san!"
"Can't...see...swirling...stomach...!"
"Oi, Brook, calm down. Laboon isn't going to keel over that quickly," Zoro mumbled around a ball of onigiri. "Curlicue, you still going into town?"
Sanji tapped his pack of smokes thoughtfully before answering, "Yeah I am. I take Law and Ben-chan, you take Chopper and Brook?"
"Sounds 'bout right. Chopper, how long do you need to get ready?"
The reindeer snorted and shook his head to clear it.
"I'm always ready, considering I have to tend to you two freaks. My bag is in the Mini Merry. Let's grab it and get going."
Franky belched and stretched, then hopped out of his seat.
"Cook-bro, you need this access to be anything special, or is a ladder and a hole good enough?"
Sanji waved his hand dismissively as he buttoned his white ruffled shirt up and tucked it back into his pants. Zoro already had his boots laced and the tuxedo shirt over his shoulders.
"Right then, by the time you guys get back, you'll have complete bedrooms, just in case that girlie needs 24-hour care. C'mon, Nose-bro, I'm feeling extra speedy this week."
"Keimi, clear the place out for me," the blond cook ordered while throwing a bunch of keys to Usopp. "Long nose, clean up for me, will you? You know the deal – fine, two platters of pike and Kaya's favorite desserts. Lock up for me before you and Franky go."
"Say, Portgas, you never did tell me how you survived Marineford," Kidd noted absentmindedly. Ace mumbled a response, but it was swallowed in a mouthful of scrambled eggs. Charged with their duties, the other men split up, effectively dispatching the Straw-hat wedding and reception to the annals of history.
[~~~]
"Roronoa, Devil-leg, wait up."
Sanji had just tossed Chopper's medical bag to the reindeer when the raspy voice halted Bentham, Law, and himself from stepping into the Mini Merry. A large figure stood up from a stooping position near the kitchen's back door; the cook and the swordsman bristled as recognition set in.
"Smoker," Zoro addressed the vice-admiral curtly without turning around. "We've got shit to do; don't waste our time more than you must."
The seastone jutte came to a halt before it could crush Zoro's shoulder, held away by an unsheathed sword.
"Damned cocky brats. Stop showing off your balls and speak properly in front of an officer!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's this sword you want me to talk to?"
The vice admiral looked vaguely uncomfortable as he rolled his cigars in his mouth before glaring pointedly at the other pirates. Law smirked, tipped his hat with the middle finger of his left hand, and joined Bentham on the Mini Merry. Brook and Chopper tipped their hats more respectfully, then slid into the Straw-hat submarine.
Satisfied that there were fewer prying ears, Smoker grunted nonchalantly and withdrew two parcels from his standard issue marine coat; one long and slender, the other short and squat. He tossed one to either man and leaned against the outside wall of the kitchen.
"Actually, I got a request for you too, Devil-leg. Unwrap them."
The swordsman and cook glanced at each other with a raised eyebrow, then tore off the cloth covering the items. It was so silent that Laboon's spouting could be heard from many miles away.
Sanji help up the green cowboy hat while Zoro unsheathed the green and white sword.
"And?" the cook asked, one eyebrow raised quizzically. "What's so special about this poor example of fashion?"
Smoker smiled slightly. The Straw-hat cook and swordsman did not seem to recognize either item – he felt a bit better knowing that Tashigi had not been associating with other pirates. Exhaling a long stream of tobacco smoke, the marine officer rolled off Hina's well-concocted spiel.
"That hat belongs to the only female supernova to enter the New World with you guys - Jewelry Bonney. She became a Shichibukai and was working on an assignment with my ensign, Tashigi - that's her sword. The idiots in marine research have lost track of them, but we just recovered these items from a wreck on the way here. Devil-leg, I want you to find out what you can about this hat. Roronoa - my ensign wouldn't ditch her sword this way. I need you to read it and find out what happened.
Zoro replaced the sword in its sheath and cocked an eye towards the marine.
"Did you clear this with Nami, or are you trying to sneak it past her?"
Smoker rolled his cigars again, puffing silently as he met the swordsman's gaze. The green-haired man sighed and scratched the back of his head.
"This is fucking annoying, did you know that? Do you know how much this will cost me when she finds out?"
"Can't help it if you're a broke cocksucker, now can we, weed-head?" Sanji chipped in with malice. "What's it worth to you, Smoker?"
The vice-admiral shifted his stance uneasily.
"Don't dick around with us, Smoker - we've got people on the line here," Zoro snapped. The older man frowned and growled out figures that made the men whistle lowly.
"That'll clear a quarter of your debts, Zoro, plus I'll let you keep the sword. Sanji, you'd be able to repair the Baratie fully."
The pirates took a look at each other, then turned back to Smoker. Zoro shrugged, and disclosed what he already knew.
"It's already talking to me. Soggy as hell, I can tell you that she wasn't holding on to this when they parted ways - more likely than not it was stolen beforehand. There's a very faint possibility that it may have been lost. No blood on it, so it hasn't been used for a while - there's only one main set of impressions on the hilt, so no one else has touched it since it was taken. Wanna add anything, aho-cook?"
"I'll need a week," Sanji replied thoughtfully while waving the hat under his nose. "I'll send a message when I get hot. Oh, and by the way, keep your damn money, smokestack. We'll tell you our terms when we learn more."
Smoker fumed quietly as the blond and green-haired pirates went their respective ways. He really hated waiting, but no-one had better bloodhounds than the Pirate King. The vice-admiral snorted and went back through the restaurant to rejoin his marine comrades.
[~~~]
Zoro sat in the back of the submarine with the new sword over his lap, silent as they began the ride out to Laboon. Chopper, somewhat cognizant of his big brother's inner turmoil, occupied Brook in a lengthy, detailed conversation regarding Laboon's symptoms. Meanwhile, the swordsman was grudgingly thanking Usopp, never so glad for lessons on untruths before today. He thought that the whole world could see the way his heart dropped into his feet when he unwrapped the sword.
'Fuck. This is a load of shit,' the green-haired man thought to himself as he watched fish swim past the submarine's window. 'A fucking shipwreck? We let them go and the first thing they do is go get themselves blown out of the water? What the hell sort of shitty luck do those women have? What were they running from so hard? Or running to? Tashi ain't the type to leave this sword, even if she was dying. What happened?'
The Pirate King's first mate straightened up in his seat as the thoughts circled in his head. None of this pondering would do him any good - he was never one to bother about speculations when he could just ask questions.
"Chopper, Brook. I'm going under for a bit," Zoro announced with a yawn, stretching his arms and cracking his back while his crew mates nodded in response. Chopper pulled out his small flask of Drum Island whiskey and handed it over to his big brother, who placed it on the seat next to his own.
Willing away his worries, the swordsman cleansed his mind, his eyes sinking closed as his consciousness systematically caved in on itself. He was in the void. He was the void. In that abyss, the swordsman was nothing more than a speck of ebony in a black sea during a cloudy, moonless night.
The swords' voices came to him as he laid floating in the darkness. Kitetsu was a hungry, petulant, foul gnashing that contrasted starkly with Wadou's calm, collected, straightforward air. Shuusui was silent and deep, only a faint tinge of good-natured rebellion present. Behind the familiar sword-songs was a high-pitch tone that sounded - for want of a better word - lost.
The swordsman further opened himself to the music of the blades, inviting the lost voice to come closer. He extended himself as if he were thread on a spool, and Shigure, that lost voice, clutched onto the line hard. The images and sounds rolled into the swordsman faster than he could process them. He teetered dangerously close to mental over-stimulation, but he wouldn't wrench himself free until the sword had finished speaking.
Chopper almost jumped out of the submarine, salt water be damned, when Zoro's eyes flew open, the whites almost fully visible. A thick line of drool was trickling out of his open mouth as he moaned quietly. The reindeer doctor kept an apprehensive gaze on the green-haired medium as he muttered under his breath, watching carefully for the signs that showed when the man was walking too close to the edge. Just as Chopper was convinced the man would make a misstep and fry his brain, Zoro's breathing evened out, and his eyes closed. After a few minutes, the swordsman shuddered, then opened them again.
"Bad?" Chopper whispered as his companion opened the flask with shaking hands. He gave the swordsman time to take a healthy swallow before pulling it away gently.
"Intense, yeah. Not a crazy bastard like Kitestu, but still pretty wild," Zoro countered, taking deep breaths. "Someone's got to teach her how to calm her blade."
"Did it show you anything useful?" the reindeer asked timidly as Brook maneuvered the submarine before Laboon's gaping maw.
"Give me a few days. My recall is too jumbled right now," the swordsman responded before loudly clearing his throat. "For now, let's deal with Laboon."
"Ohohoho, we're coming up now!" Brook interjected, waving and pointing at a strange object peeking from the whale's lower gum. "Look at that, Chopper!"
The doctor patted Zoro's hands then returned to the front of the submarine. Squinting, he made out the faint outline of a small ship's figurehead.
"Zoro, can you make out what that is?" Chopper turned and asked the swordsman, who was leaning forward to get a closer look. His perpetual frown deepened.
"It looks like...a figurehead in the shape of a goat."
[~~~]
"38 bottles of beer on the wall, 38 bottles of beer!"
"Mr. Bentham," Law began slowly, "If you do not stop singing that dreadful song, I shall be forced to eviscerate you."
"Stop whining, shitty doc, we're almost there," Sanji drawled, his stance relaxed as he finished his cigarette. It was the first time that the man had spoken since they headed out earlier.
"You're one to talk, Mr. Devil-leg," Law replied coolly, "Given that you are the one who has already kicked him into the water three times since we left. I'm sure our trip would go a hell of a lot faster if you would stop trying to drown him."
The unusual reticence had been accompanied by a very foul temper, even by the cook's low standards. Sanji puffed out again, sending cannonballs of smoke into the sky as he ignored Law for the moment.
'The hat is still wet - fits with the whole wreck story. By the feel of it, it wasn't completely waterlogged when they pulled it out - there's still a dry spot on the top of the crown. It isn't just wet with salt water - I can taste straight rainwater higher up. From where the marines stopped, the ship was either steered or blown way off-course. Most likely conclusion - storm hit them and wrecked the ship.'
"37 bottles of beer on the wall, 37 bottles of beer!"
Sanji twitched, but kept his leg down even as Law started growling under his breath.
'What are the chances of a devil fruit-user getting out of a wreck like that? That shit's like...negative 12 on a scale of one to ten. If only I'd been able to see the scene! Then I'd be able to tell how close Tashigi-san was to saving Jewel-chan. Fuck a duck, the only thing we've gotten out of this so far is putting Smoker under our heel for a bit. Goddamnit!'
"36 bottles of beer on the wall, 36 bottles of beer!"
Sanji's foot shot out of its own accord, almost launching his okama crew mate out of the boat; Law quickly snagged Bentham by the back of his shirt using his sword, the long-haired spy laughing his head off as if nothing had happened.
"Make that four times, Devil-leg. Why are you allowed to chastise him while I must sit with my hands tied?" Law groused as he flicked Bentham back into the boat, where he landed perfectly in his seat with a lithe flip.
"Things're different between us as crew mates, shitface. See, what you didn't know is that that particular little ditty is one of Marimo's favorites. Ben-chan, on the other hand, knows that quite well, which means the shitty little fucker is just trying to annoy me!"
"Language, Sanji-chan!" Bentham trilled, ducking and blocking the violent kicks that threatened to overturn the small vessel. "Oh look, I see the harbor master! Duane-lovey, halloooo! Oh it is nice to reach land."
"Thank God for small mercies," Law grumbled as Sanji used a small rope to bring the boat closer to the stone pier. "Let's get this over with, Okama-chan."
The skittish devil fruit-users quickly disembarked, leaving Sanji to secure the Mini Merry. After much swearing - Sanji hand never been a fan of knots - the cook joined the other man and the okama, then the group set off for Bentham's nightclub, The Swan Dive. After slinking through alleyways that would confuse a lesser person and lead Zoro to the South Pole, Bentham led them to a large establishment of dubious nature - it more resembled a gutted warehouse than a congregation place.
"Goddamn, they haven't condemned this place yet?" Sanji marveled, watching a strip of metal siding sagging wearily.
"This place is an outbreak waiting to happen," Law snorted, tentatively prodding at a hole in the wall with his greatsword until a rat angrily squealed at him.
"Ah, but my dear doctor, I always believe in bringing beauty from the inside out!" Bentham chided them cheerfully as he lead them through a dark corridor lined with doors. "Behold! Paradise awaits!"
With flair and pirouettes, the okama opened the door at the end of the corridor, sliding it with enough force to split the frame. From the gaping opening came the bruising rhythms of Apoo's latest Tone Dial recording, the bass thumping through Sanji's body like an externalized heartbeat. Lining the walls of the building were every type of male, female, and unknown character of the underground, laughing, drinking, dealing, dancing, and enjoying carnal pleasures with or without discretion. Law noticed Sanji tidying his collar and hair before lighting a cigarette, but he didn't have time to comment on the prissy behaviors of piratical chefs; the whole building had started screeching.
"Big Mama brought Sanji-kun! Ee~!"
Hordes of women and men with gender issues descended on the two Straw-hats like a plague of locusts, and Law barely had time to step aside or be crushed underfoot.
"Back, you vermin!" Bentham bellowed, his foot windmilling wildly. "Make way for us or I'll invent new body parts for you! No, he's not here for reconstruction appointments! My dear lad, he'd break his leg trying if he ever deigned to beautify your horrid mug! Move it, out of the way - did you just touch my hair? Oh hell no!"
Sanji, for his part, had sauntered behind Bentham while plucking two fresh-faced, sweet-smelling women out of the crowd. After a not so subtle check that the right equipment was under the cellar, he snapped his finger and wiggled it suggestively. Law felt the hungry leer of three men ease off of his back.
"You guys might not want to do that - Law here has a fucked up idea of manners, and I can't guarantee that any of you'd make it out alive if you try to dress him up. However, treat him nice and he might be willing to exchange some important bits between you butches and bitches."
"Oh thanks ever so much for advertising my services," Law deadpanned, earning a shit-eating grin from the cook as one of the nubile lasses lit a fresh smoke for the blond. "Okama-chan, where the hell is the injured girl? I'm too sober for this level of Hell so early in the day."
"Big Mama! Thank God you're here!"
A very large man wearing expensive fishnets, a leather panty, a football jersey, and a lovely pair of stiletto heels skidded to a halt in front of Bentham. He panted loudly, forcing Bentham to drop a heel on his back to push his head between his knees.
"Breathe, Duran, Duran breathe! I assume you put her in my room?"
"Yes, Big Mama, but hurry! She's gotten paler and she's not stopped bleeding out."
Law switched into medical mode swiftly, and drilled Duran on the symptoms as they followed him through an inconspicuous door and down a narrow hallway to Bentham's private quarters. Sanji took a measured sweep of the large, gaudy, lilac-tinted room - seriously, an overhead mirror? - before focusing on the injured, raven-haired woman unintentionally despoiling the okama's cygnet-gray sheets.
The cigarette fell from his mouth and landed on Bentham's white shag carpeting, where it burned a small hole through the floor as it remained forgotten.
[~~~]
Author says:
For those of you still reading this fiction, I have written a side-story that will explain why Ace is still living, and maybe fill in the gaps in my universe regarding the Whitebeard/Marine war. It's called Endgame: From the Ashes, There is a Spark
For those of you who want the backstory in chronological order, please read the other stories this way:
Decorum vs. Nami, the pirate navigator
Coming Out on Top
Endgame: From the Ashes, There is a Spark
As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated. They help me to avoid plot holes, improve my writing, and encourage me to groom the plot bunny to the bitter end (though this one is so deep in my head that I don't think I could stop even if I wanted to).
This is P1 out.