A/N: My exams just ended, so I'm going to finish this story! (Hopefully) It started out as a two-shot and now we're on the fourth chapter -_-

m freee frm ma exms yay :DDDDDDDDDDDDD it ws so stoops haha ;P ladiz its tym 2 meat ryan-brady! :*

Have you read The Godfather? There's this part in the book when Micheal Corleone sees Apollonia Vitelli for the first time and is struck by 'The Thunderbolt', which is a really, really powerful, possessive longing that a man feels for one particular woman.

It was that feeling that Piper experienced when her eyes fell to Ryan-Brady Dragonfire Sharktooth Hot Pants. A deep, thirsting, ferocious lust that went hand in hand with the most overwhelming emotion of love she'd ever experienced. It was literally dizzying. She had to hold onto the handle of her heliscooter to keep herself balanced.

Ryan-Brady was beautiful. No, that common word did not adequately describe him. He was pulchritudinous. Handsome. Athletic. Intelligent. Sharp. Sexual. Protective. Kind. Loving. Perfect. And the best part was, he sparkled.

"The dude's glittering like a—"

"Shh…admire in silence," Piper said dreamily, putting a hand on Dark Ace's shoulder.

Personally speaking, the Dark Ace couldn't figure out what the fuss was all about. At first when he saw the Gary-Stu, he noticed a tall, muscular young man with wavy blonde hair and intelligent greyish-hazel eyes. The man had a lean, defined jaw, and an utterly flawless body—this Dark Ace knew because the Gary-Stu was shirtless, wearing only a pair of faded blue jeans. He was sitting under a tree, feeding a kitten some bread. Ace noticed the carefully placed mud marks and gentle scruffiness of his appearance. Of course, he was poor. With a tragic backstory too, no doubt.

But then, Ryan-Brady looked up and saw the Cyclonian and the Storm Hawk staring at him shamelessly. An expression of innocent confusion came upon his angelic features. He stood up and walked into the sun. "Cn i helpp u?" he asked kindly. His voice was deep and made you feel safe. But that's not the first thing Dark Ace noticed.

"The dude's glittering like a—"

"Shh…admire in silence."

The Cyclonian commander felt two things. First, he felt queasy because when a guy starts sparkling like a diamond on steroids, it's unnerving. Secondly, he felt a sudden and powerful onset of inferiority. Oh god. Ryan-Brady was perfect.

The Gary-Stu smiled, the same confused and gentle expression on his face. "mah nam is ryaN-brady dragonfire Sharktooth Hot pants, n u seems lostt'

"You're…beautiful," Piper whispered. "You're pulchritudinous."

"What does pulchritudinous mean? First time I'm hearing that," Dark Ace questioned.

"Itt meanz beatifull…u think m beatifull/?"' Ryan-Brady asked Piper. He approached her.

"You're sparkling…like diamonds…I-I…My name's Piper, I mean. Pleasure to meet you!" She stuck her hand out and he shook it, holding her tiny palm in his large one.

"Teh plesur is myne milady" he said with a playful smile. Piper felt like melting into a puddle of goo. Gods. What a man.

"Hello," Dark Ace muttered. "I'm here too, you know."

"Are you a vampire?" Piper asked, hopeful. "You sparkle just like one."

"m a sparklling werewolf; piper" he answered.

A SPARKLING WEREWOLF. Dark Ace almost barfed but Piper was smitten. What was it with girls these days? First dead guys with glitter, then dogs with serious wardrobe malfunctions (Did these guys even own shirts)? This was the guy who was going to steal Jewel's heart? Rubbish! Jewel was SO much better than that. Ace had read Twilight. The entire saga. And he'd watched all the movies and everything. (It was research, okay?) He couldn't believe the rubbish chicks found attractive these days. No wonder he didn't have a girlfriend. All of them had crushes on corpses and mutts.

"PIPER," Dark Ace said loudly. "Remember the mission?"

"Mmmh-hmm…" The young navigator was now staring deeply into the Gary-Stu's eyes and Ace could actually see her pupils glazing over, a sure sign of a mega brain warp. She was going to wake with the worst hangover.

Ace sighed. Just great.

"wht misson?" Ryan-Brady questioned.

"The…um…"

"Nothing important," Piper replied, her voice wispy and sweet, like cotton candy.

"misson.. .!' the sparkling werewolf said suddenly. "ive ben on missons b4…" he suddenly gasped, fell silent, and turned away.

"What is it?" Piper asked, stroking his face gently.

"Old enemies?" Dark Ace questioned, hopefully.

"i cnt tok abt it nvm" he responded and walked back under the tree.

Ah. Of course, the whole 'mysterious hot guy' thing. That made sense.

Piper ran after him. "Ryan, Ryan, wait!" she cried, a single tear streaking down her cheek. "Talk to me. You can trust me, can't you?"

"its nt abt trust plz dnt make dis mor diffcult than it alrdy is pipes!"

Pipes?

"Pipes…like sewer pipes?" Dark Ace joked. He was feeling very left out of this whole…whatever this was supposed to be. Besides, if this golden-haired pretty boy was going to take his Jewel away, he might as well make fun of him while he can.

"No nt sewer pipes" Ryan-Brady looked at Ace like the Cyclonian was stupid. "hw stoops r u?"

"Stoops?" What was this language?

"Stoops: stupid. Duh," Piper replied. "But you can tell me anything, Ryan," she added, looking right back at him. "Maybe not now, but you can. I'll always be there for you."

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…pipes, wud u lyk sum lunch? Its lunchtym n m hungr"

"Like a date?" Piper joked, her voice high.

He clasped her hands. "Mae bee? i kno dis gr8 plase.."

The Cyclonian's eyes widened. "Wait, what? No, let me remind you—"

Piper grinned. "See you in a bit, Ace!"

Stork lived in a madhouse. That one thing was for certain. There were several reasons for this conclusion:

1. His worst enemy, the bane of Atmos, Master Cyclonis, was huddled in a foetal position on the hangar of his airship weeping, "OH MY POOR PUPPY!"

2. His second worst enemy, the secret keeper of Terra Facepalm, the Mary Sue, was sitting shell-shocked on a chair, counting all the prime numbers she could because her morals had been questioned and she didn't know what to do. She, after all, was not a character designed for having an interesting introspective and could not deal with opposing ethical expectations.

3. His friends had awoken from their slumbers and had promptly fallen right back under Victoria-Celine Starlight Rainbow Lavender Sexy Chick's spell. Aerrow was currently trying to get her out of her trance by kissing her fingers and telling her that she was beautiful.

4. Finn was trying to make her laugh by ball dancing with Junko. Both boys were wearing sombreros.

5. Radarr was playing a Nikki Minaj song to which Finn and Junko were dancing. (You a stupid hoe, you-you a stupid hoe!)

And Stork? All he was doing was standing there, watching his life unfold before him. Of all the many ways he thought he'd die, this was not one of them. He never thought he'd just die of abject disbelief. But apparently it was happening. He suddenly wanted his trance helmet.

But that wasn't to be. The radio on Cyclonis' belt crackled. She didn't hear it—she was far too busy making a scene, but Stork did. That in itself was a remarkable feat because the commotion was loud and it was giving him a headache.

He bent down to the evil dictator's level. "Your radio," he told her.

Cyclonis paused her melodrama for a moment and answered it. "Who's this?"

"Dark Ace."

Cyclonis thrust the radio into Stork's hands. "Talk to him. I can't stop for a minute or the Sue will realise I'm faking." Just then, Jewel glanced at Cyclonis. "OH POOR MR SNUGGLEBUNS!"

And the insanity resumed.

Stork sighed and spoke into the radio. "Yeah, Dark Ace. Stork here."

"Stork? Where's Master Cyclonis? Who's Mr Snugglebuns? What the hell is that godawful sound?"

"That godawful sound happens to be a Nikki Minaj song."

"Why the hell—forget it, I don't want to know. Listen, we have a problem."

"Don't we always?"

"We found the Gary-Stu."

"That's a good thing."

"Piper's on a date with him."

"Oh shit."

"Yeah. So now he loves Piper and not Jewel, which is fine with me but—"

"You gotta do something, Dark Ace! If the plan fails, we're ALL done for. The Sue's taken control of everyone on board, including, to some extent, Cyclonis."

"Cyclonis?"

"She's crying about a fictional puppy."

"Point taken. What do you want me to do?"

Stork was silent for a short moment. Then, with grim determination, he said, "Just do what you do best, man."

He could almost hear Dark Ace smirk. "Right. Dark Ace over and out."

Omgggggg! Wats ace gonna dooooooo? r&r ppl! *kisses*

A/N: You think you know the story you're about to write. Then the story warps into something you never even foresaw. Just the day in the life of a writer, isn't it? xD

Thanks for reading! :D