Heehee! The chapters are slowly but surely getting longer! Yay! (Except for this one, apparently.)
Ya'll are so sweet. Really. I am hoping to improve my writing as I go on, but your comments are completely adorable. Thank you very much!
Ah, now here is a chapter where I have to put a warning. It will be right off the bat, so you should skip when it reaches the second line break of the actual story if you are sensitive to it. You have been warned, because it could cause some triggers. Take care of yourselves, lovelies!
AND THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD READ MY AUTHORS NOTES.
And I must apologize to the anon MaelstromJ. I couldn't find anything on Typhon other than the monster. Or you were confused, because it appeared as though Typhon was the monster. And a primordial god. But I suppose this is for the best. It would complicate things a lot if we had a child like that in this story. So I changed the parent, but kept the rest. Ah, if only you had an account :'( Things would be so much easier to discuss. So I'm afraid I cannot run any changes by you. Thank you anon reviewers, but if you don't have an account, that means I can fuck shit up and I can't run it by you first because I have no way of contacting you. It really is a good idea to get an account if you are going to follow this story. And if you can't stand violence, this is your last chance to run for the hills. This story will get really violent really quickly.
Aaand I have received a couple more OCs. The point where I will stop accepting is swiftly approaching, so be warned.
Speaking of OCs, let me remind you that they will probably not get all of the fantastic, powerful things you wrote down. They're human, not a Titan or god. Just a person. A person that will have problems. And if you were vague or didn't give me very many problems, you can bet that I will be creative. It gives me joy :) So please, if you are making an OC, don't give them everything. I will be (unfortunately) changing some of them, because I received a few characters that were almost comically powerful. It made me sigh.
Warning: Crazy Claudia, inhumane experiments, dark thoughts.
Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson or any recognizable characters.
Please enjoy.
Oh, it's been awhile since I have even heard from you
I should just tell you to leave, 'cause I
Know exactly where it leads, but I
Watch us go 'round and 'round each time
-Taylor Swift, Style
Peyton Shahar was many things, but she did not consider strong to be one of them.
Too trusting? Yes. Too willing to do what others wanted? Perhaps. Unworthy for people to care about? Definitely.
Peyton remembered when the war had struck, bringing devastation to New Rome. Many sleepless nights were spent crying into her pillow or tearing herself up inside with self-hate on how she was unable to help more. No one wanted her to help with the fighting. Not that she could blame them. After all, she could barely swing an ax, much less notch an arrow. So to help in the only way she knew how, she started giving up meals when they journeyed away from Camp Jupiter and had to ration their food. No one noticed, thankfully. It was an easier task to perform when she volunteered to give out food, because then she could tell people she had already eaten or planned to eat after. She could never understand why they would bother themselves to question something as trivial as her health. What had she done to deserve any of the kindness people gifted her with?
"You're a waste of space. People don't like you! I can't give you away to anyone! Your grandma won't take you, your Aunt Bailey-not even Aunt Beatrice, who you oh-so admire!"
She had been right. Of course, now Peyton didn't even know why once upon a time she had fought these words with all she had, thinking that someone must like her. Right? Someone had to have been out there that heard her name and smiled when they remembered her.
There was no one.
The truth cut deep, at first, and Peyton was so wounded that it seemed as though her whole world had turned upside down. Who's wouldn't, when their own flesh and blood-their own mother-told them that they were unwanted?
As time went on, the pain didn't dull, but she learned how to deal with it and accept the truth.
She was worthless.
It was only a matter of time before those that looked after her would see it themselves. Peyton, the girl who can barely lift a shield. Peyton, the girl who can only run short sprints before she tires and slows everyone down. Peyton, the girl who can contribute nothing to the cohort. Peyton the Useless. Peyton the Worthless.
If living with her birth family had taught her anything, it was that it did you no good to shut your eyes to the truth and delve into fantasies to keep yourself safe. The only outcome from that situation would be pain and suffering. It's always better to deal with the sharp sting of reality and then cope with your findings.
So as Peyton stood in front of the very people she had left years ago, all she could think was: Why am I back?
The answer eluded her.
She could feel sweat bead on her forehead and clasped her hands in front of her to hide their shaking. She took her bottom lip between her teeth and bit hard enough to sting, but not hard enough to draw blood.
"Peyton, is that you?"
The feeling of guilt was so intense that Peyton was vaguely surprised she was not on the floor in tears. But...
Have I been away from home so long that my mom can't recognize me?
She cleared her throat in hopes that it would ease the butterflies fluttering in her stomach. All it did was make her throat tighten, as it always did before she cried.
"Y-yeah."
Her mother let out a sob, and Peyton was hit with intense self-loathing that wracked her frame.
They probably thought I was dead. I should have let them think that. I should be dead. I would be dead, had it not been for-
Arms tightened around her tiny frame, making her jump in surprise.
Her mother hugged her hard enough for it to hurt, but she kept silent and hesitantly moved her arms to her mother's back, feeling like she didn't deserve the right to hug the woman in front of her.
"You're home," her mother sobbed, rocking them both back and forth. "My baby is home."
Peyton felt like vomiting.
There was no way this was her mother. Her mother didn't want her. Not this much. The light haired girl came here with the plan to ease her own suffering, like the truly selfish person she was, by telling them that she was alive and they wouldn't have to worry about her anymore because she was safe. They weren't supposed to miss her. How was she supposed to be the monster and tell her mom she was only visiting? Would she understand?
"Mom," she said slowly, blinking to keep the tears stinging her eyes from falling. "Mom, I'm not staying."
Her mother stilled, but didn't lessen her grip. "What?"
"I can't stay. It's dangerous. I just wanted to-I wanted to say hi."
If there was ever a time when Peyton felt unworthy of being alive, it matched up to this moment. She was a horrible kid, she knew, but even so, she wanted to check up on her family.
Is it better? she wondered as her mother slowly pulled away from her. Is it better fulfilling my own selfish desires? Should I have let them think I was just dead?
Her mother's thumb ran under her eyes, catching the stray tears she hadn't noticed here falling.
"Ssh, my baby. I'm right here. It's okay."
Peyton's lips trembled. "I'm sorry, mom."
"It's okay, baby," her mother hushed, pulling her close and stroking her short hair. "Oh, you cut your hair," she muttered mindlessly.
Really, that was the only thing that had changed about Peyton. She wore the same clothes she had been wearing the day day she left the house, right down to her striped socks. She figured a part of her could never let go of what was in the past, no matter how many times she had tricked herself into believing she was fine with what she had at Camp Jupiter.
A strange mixture of a laugh and a sob choked its way past Peyton's lips. "Yeah. Yeah, I did."
Peyton relaxed into her mother's hold as fingers ran through her short strands, her eyes half-lidded as her chin rested on her mom's shoulder.
"You're so small," her mom whispered to her, running another hand up and down her side. Peyton figured she could feel the outline of her ribs, even though all the layers of clothing she had on.
"I know."
The response sounded pitiful, even to her own ears, but Peyton was at a loss of what to say. She had agonized over the moment of seeing her family again since nearly the day she had left her house all of those years ago, but she still wasn't prepared. She was never prepared.
Peyton's mom cupped her face in gentle hands, thumbs tracing her chin, lips, jaw, and even going over the small tip of her nose. Peyton wondered why, but refrained from asking.
"Where were you?"
Peyton's bright eyes darted over to the left to see her brothers and a man she vaguely remembered as Mark, who had been dating her mother when she left. Phelan was the one who had spoken out, book forgotten on the floor, emotions battling for dominance in his expression. Anger, surprise, confusion, concern.
Peyton wished he would yell at her. She didn't deserve his concern. Not with how she left.
"I found people like me," she said, words coming out in a breathy whisper. More tears stung her eyes, blurring her vision and turning people into vague outlines and blobs of color.
A shuddering breath tore at her chest. "And I'm going back."
"Why?" her mother whispered, tracing Peyton's face with one of her hands. "We just got you back."
Peyton sniffled, feeling pressure building up in her sinuses, and tried desperately to withhold her tears, but it was in vain. Salty drops made their way down her face, curving around her cheeks and meeting at her chin before dropping to the floor.
"It's not safe," she said, trying to sound sure of herself. "I just wanted to let you know that I was okay. I wanted to see you."
I wanted reassurance that I could let go. I didn't want to keep dreaming about home. I didn't want to wonder if you all were okay. I didn't want to go about every day with this place in the back of my mind. I need to leave. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Have you all really missed me so much since I've been gone? Have you all missed the family screw-up? The half-sister? The one that can't do anything right? Have you all forgotten how much you hate me?
"Well, we were fine," Phelan snarled, eyes narrowed. "So why did you show up?"
"Wow, bro." Chetan stood in front of Phelan with his hands raised in mock surrender, but a warning was clearly concealed underneath his false exterior of casualness. "How could she have known if we were okay?"
Phelan looked a terrifying combination of tall and proud, but dangerous and angry. "Exactly. No contact in-what was it now? Four and a half years? Suddenly, she decides that it's okay to show up like nothing's wrong." He rounded on Peyton who stood there, shocked, eyes wide and mouth formed in a small 'o'. "Mom got in an accident when she was out looking for you, and now she can't see!"
Peyton felt her breath get knocked from her lungs with those harsh words, and her small frame shook. Her eyes turned to her mother, as if a desperate plea that Phelan was just being cruel and her mother was fine, but nearly collapsed to the floor in anguish when she saw her mother's reaction.
Thin-pressed lips. A tightened expression. And, oh gods, the sunglasses. How had she not wondered about why her mother was wearing sunglasses inside? What kind of child was she? How could she claim to love her family when she hadn't noticed something so glaringly obvious?
"It's your fault!"
It's your fault!
And it was.
If I hadn't left that day, mom would be okay. She would still be able to see. She wouldn't be like this...
But that's not true, another part of her mind hissed. Do you not remember?
"Your family will die if you stay here. It will be all your fault, of course, so stay if you wish. I simply feel as though you should know the consequences. It's not like they will miss you anyway. Didn't they tell you that you weren't wanted?" A laugh. "So I suppose you can stay if you wish. You wouldn't die, though. That might be something to take into account. If I were you, I'd stay. Killing the ones that were cruel to me without lifting a finger and coming out of it with little more than a scratch? It's too good to pass up." A horrible smirk. "I'm a Seer, kid. I know things."
A harsh smack echoed through the room and snapped Peyton out of her memories as Chetan punched Phelan harshly, making the slim boy fall over. Peyton winced and jumped as it happened. Her heart raced in her chest like a nervous rabbit.
"Hey!" Mrs. Wu said, intervening.
Peyton had forgotten that other people besides her family members were even in the room.
They'll hate me, too. I'm the cause of all of this. It's my fault. I did this. I'm ruining my family.
"Phelan, that is unacceptable behavior," Mrs. Wu yelled, face drawn into a scowl. "And Chetan! Never raise your hand to someone under my roof!"
Peyton was amazed at how calmly Mrs. Wu seemed to be taking things, considering the circumstances. Her family definitely wasn't reacting the same way. They all seemed to be having trouble taking all of this in and seemed to be in varying states of shock.
"I'm sorry."
The words burst from Peyton's lips before she could stop them, nor could she stop the tears that raced down her cheeks. Everyone in the room looked at her with varying expressions, causing a flush to rise from her neck to the tips of her ears.
"Phelan is right. I-I shouldn't have come back. I'm sorry. I just-I just wanted to see how everyone was. I didn't mean... I really didn't mean to make everyone so upset. You won't have to see me again. I promise."
Phelan huffed, giving his head a light shake. "Peyton, that's not what I meant-"
"I'm sorry," she said again, lips trembling. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to-I had to-it's-" Her words broke off into a sob and she rubbed furiously at her eyes, trying to get the tears to stop. She didn't deserve to cry.
Peyton faintly heard Phelan sigh. The next few moments surprised her.
Two pairs of arms enveloped her and her mother, making her cry harder.
"I'm so sorry," she mumbled, covering her face with her hands. "I'm so sorry."
"It's alright, Noy." Peyton could feel Chetan's chest rumble as he spoke, and a flush of warmth went through her as he used her old nickname.
They sat like that for awhile, simply holding each other, and slowly the sounds of Mrs. Wu going back to cooking reached her ears.
It was nice.
She hoped the other lady didn't mind.
Cheerful humming echoed throughout the room, bouncing off the tiled walls and repeating the sound that left her lips.
The caramel-haired girl sat on the counter of the bathroom, swinging her legs back and forth as she held a simple kitchen knife above a lighter, heating the metal above the flickering flame. After a few minutes had gone by, she set the lighter to the side and lightly touched the glowing metal of the knife with the tip of her index finger. She drew back with a hiss as the heat seared her finger, possibly creating a blister. Even so, a satisfied smile tugged at the edges of her lips and she slid off of the counter, facing the mirror with the knife in hand. She had the foresight to take off her shirt earlier, leaving her in a simple bra to cover her top.
Green eyes traced over the many different colored scars that littered her body, each incredibly unique in their own right. Jagged slashes from knives and claws of monsters, blobs from burns (both freezer burns and fire alike), and a small patch of deeply scarred skin of her left side from an incident that was now nothing but a fond memory involving a quest and a monster that could spit acid.
But there weren't enough scars. Not yet.
Taking the burning knife, Claudia pressed the tip to her side where her ribs ended, and gritted her teeth against the pain as the knife sunk in. Slowly, ever so slowly, she dragged the knife across her stomach in a horizontal line, crossing other scars as it passed over her skin. She breathed heavily through her nose as blood eagerly flowed from the wound, soaking the top of her pants in crimson, but paid it no mind. She knew that to anyone else it would look like she was killing herself, but she knew how deep she could cut to make it hurt and scar without having any internal damage from practice and watching.
The new wound finally ended as she took the knife away. It stretched about seven inches across in a neat horizontal line, and she smiled in satisfaction at her handiwork. Her pain tolerance seemed to be growing lately. She splashed water over her skin, washing away most of the blood, before washing her hands.
Claudia picked up the needle and thread she had sterilized earlier, deftly putting the needle through her flesh and sewing the wound closed with practiced ease.
Healing cream went over that, and then gauze, and then a wrap-after she had wiped the blood away again, of course. Grabbing her loose shirt off of the counter, she slipped it over her head and easily ignored the uncomfortable and painful tugging sensation under the bandages.
Next came the ritual of easily picking up the materials she used and crawling under the sink. She wiggled a snug tile until it came loose, and behind that was a cardboard box. She pulled that out and opened it, slipping her materials inside, and then put everything back.
No one noticed.
No one ever did.
And who would? It was securely underneath the bathroom sink, and it wasn't a loose tile, either. It had been so easy to achieve when they were rebuilding New Rome from the war and she was in charge of his section.
Claudia wasn't stupid. The experiments she was doing seemed unethical, but they did wonders for building her pain tolerance, willpower, and figuring out which knives cut best and how the human body reacted to such harsh treatment. It was bound to be beneficial in the future.
But Josh was snooping.
He always did, so that wasn't a surprise. Claudia's problems more revolved around the fact that he knew her better than everyone else at camp. He would figure things out soon enough, and she really didn't want to go through the motions of lying to him or trying to mark him as the crazy one. He was the only thing left that she had in remembrance of him. She couldn't let that go.
And maybe, just maybe, these "experiments" she always did were really just a way to vent the pain in the only way she knew how. Seeing the sticky, red liquid that was her blood made her feel better because it should have been her.
But there was nothing she could do about it now.
Claudia slapped her cheeks lightly to get the thoughts out of her head. It was good to analyze reactions and motive. But over-analyzing some of her own motives should not be done. It would make her waver and question herself. Then she would just go back to what she was doing before questioning herself again. An endless cycle of unnecessary emotional torture that would only lead to wasted time.
Claudia walked out of the bathroom, the afternoon sun stinging her eyes while it shone down with surprising intensity.
The girl stretched her arms above her head eyes filling with reflex tears as she tugged at her stitches.
"You were in there for an awfully long time."
The girl jumped, feeling like a surprised cat, and turned to look at-
Dammit. What are they doing here?
An easy smile immediately spread across her lips.
"Angel. You were watching? That's actually incredibly disturbing."
Claudia wasn't sure on what ground she stood with Angel. On one hand, they could make a great team, but on the other, they were trying to constantly tear each other down and hit where it hurt most. Claudia had personally thought that Angel was the stereotypical, preppy bitch when she had first met them, and was oddly disappointed, relieved, and intrigued when she was wrong.
Angel's light brown eyes turned a honey color under the morning rays of the sun, and their black hair was ruffled naturally. Claudia decided they had probably been running, if their outfit was anything to go by. Sneakers, sweatpants, and a hoodie.
Angel shrugged noncommittally. "I was running past earlier and saw you go in. I just got back run. I was gone for a half an hour."
Claudia's smile widened. "Ah, well, it is that time of the month. I had to change."
Angel looked slightly uncomfortable. "Right. Anyway, have you seen the new kid? I was supposed to show him around today and be his tour guide before someone else takes over."
Typical Angel. Changing the subject as soon as they can if they are uncomfortable with something.
"Hm, I don't think I have. Sorry. I'll let you know if I see him, though," Claudia said, tone light.
To anyone else, it would sound like she was sincere. Claudia counted on Angel being smart enough to pick up the underlying unfriendliness in her tone.
To Claudia's great joy, Angel's eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly. "Thanks."
A beaming smile stretched across Claudia's lips. "Of course." She gave Angel a short, happy wave. "I'm going to go grab dinner. See ya!"
As soon as her back was to the gender fluid teenager, the smile slipped from her lips. Her eyes drooped, becoming heavy-lidded, and the smile dropped from her lips, leaving them in a slight frown.
It so does hurt to smile all of the time.
Angel hated Claudia.
They figured that Claudia was comparable to that crazy kid in the room. Everyone acknowledged them, but no one actually wanted to confront them without being prepared to face the consequences.
The ground between them was unstable. The only thing was that Angel didn't want to go and piss the crazy, older girl off and wake up one morning to find herself strapped to a table before getting cut apart like some kind of fucked-up science experiment. There were actually a few rumors that had circulated once that Claudia had seen Octavian gutting his stuffed animals and decided to do it to a person to see if she could get a prophecy herself.
"I wouldn't put it past her," Angel grumbled aloud, running a hand through their short, wild hair. "Crazy bitch."
While Angel was normally sharp-witted and a fast thinker, being around Claudia made their brain short-circuit. It was a problem that they needed to fix.
But Claudia just seemed to give off that vibe. A constant predator hunting prey. Honestly, it was a miracle and downright disturbing how many people liked that girl. The whole camp seemed to just swarm around her "warm" aura. Angel just hoped they weren't around when Claudia finally snapped. There was no way they wanted to see the outcome of what would happen then. Right now Claudia seemed to have a pretty surprising handle on her emotions and could easily switch, but Angel knew that there would be a straw that broke the camel's back. Claudia wasn't immortal.
Giving a sigh, Angel ran a hand through their hair before walking toward the mess hall, eyes sharp and in search of the missing newbie.
From what Angel had caught earlier in the day, Peyton had showed the new kid to camp.
Come to think of it, Angel actually liked Peyton. The tiny girl sacrificed a lot to keep others happy, which was ridiculous, but worried about other's well being more than Angel had ever seen her care for herself. She was completely selfless, and there weren't a lot of people out there that were like that. It was refreshing. And the girl gave off an air of constantly needing to be protected. It was a challenge to not be even a little bit fond towards the frail kid. Angel wouldn't have been surprised if even Claudia or Octavian (the two biggest assholes she could think of) liked her.
Toying with these thoughts, Angel walked into the mess hall with a confidence, back straight and shoulders squared. They spotted the new kid sitting with a bunch of people Claudia had been known to hang around.
As that thought entered Angel's mind, a scowl came onto their face and they marched forward.
Don't know where the knew kid is, they thought bitterly. Right. And I'm sure-
Angel shouldered past a kid with black hair, who yelped and nearly fell to the floor, shouting, "Watch where you're going, rabbit!"
Angel had no idea what that was about, but decided to ignore them.
I'm sure the new kid just happened to be hanging out with your friends and you had no idea about it, Angel continued to rant in her thoughts, eyebrow twitching in annoyance.
"Grey," Angel said when they were close enough to him.
The demigod kid looked up, mouth full of noodles and a bored expression on his face. His black hair was mussed and his skin looked downright pasty compared to the dark clothes he was wearing.
His earlier excitement must have worn off, Angel decided.
"I have to take you on a little tour. Let's go." The ravenette resisted the urge to shiver when they felt the eyes of curious campers probing them.
The new kid slurped up his noddles, hunched over like a vulture, before answering. "Why?"
"Leader's orders. Let's go," Angel prodded again, growing uncomfortable under the scrutiny of the other cohorts.
The new kid waved Angel off without a care and turned back to his food.
Wow, check out the manners on this jackass, Angel thought snappily.
"No need," the older boy said. "Peyton showed me around a bit first, then I got a tour from Alianna and Claudia before we were all called by Raining to get a lecture on how we all needed to be stronger as cohorts and other things that I missed."
He must mean Reyna instead of Raining, Angel realized.
That was a boring meeting, Angel could admit. Reyna doesn't usually call up things like that, which is what made it weird. It was just a giant lecture on how we all needed to put more effort into things and then made us clean up New Rome a bit because some idiots decided that it would be okay to go and dump trash all over the place and she couldn't figure out who it was.
Shrugging off the oddities, Angel decided that their work was done here and turned on their heel and left, struggling to keep a straight posture under the prying eyes of curious demigods.
It was probably time to look into things.
"I miss her."
"...I do, too."
"I wish we were nicer to her."
"I know."
"Do you think anyone else remembers?"
A pause. "I really don't know."
"Do you think anyone else cares?"
"Stop. You're just tearing yourself apart."
"How can I not? We were horrible. Just because she was different."
"I know."
"We didn't even get to bury a body."
No response.
"Do you think she made it?"
"Into Elysium? Absolutely."
"...I'm glad."
Silence reigned.
Bad guy is finally being introduced in the next chapter! And it's where things start to heat up! Get prepared guys! (And I'm sorry this chapter is so short but there is a ton of hidden messages so go nuts, guys.)