some kank&yodo silliness, bc I will never get tired of writing these two interacting (nor will I ever get tired of pointedly ignoring canon and supplanting my own fics in its place)

Day 4 - Uncle Kankuro

Yodo had been sitting quietly in the living room since he got home, lying on her stomach in the middle of the floor, idly flicking through an old novel.

She was up to something. She was definitely up to something.

Not that her reading was unusual, or her ignoring his presence as he flopped down in his lounge chair with a mumbled 'hey brat', but there was just something too… perfect about the scene, like she was acting bored and aloof, instead of just being bored and aloof as she normally was and, as many painful, embarrassing experiences had taught him, when in doubt, always assume she was up to something.

So, all that remained was to figure out whatever nasty little scheme she'd put into play this time, hopefully before he fell right into it.

Frowning, he stretched one of his long legs forward to prod at his niece's foot.

She immediately kicked him back.

Not ready to accept defeat just yet, he nudged her again, big toe seeking out that ticklish spot right in the middle of her sole, he didn't quite manage to get it before she brought her other foot into the game, trapping his awkwardly between her ankles. He snorted and easily pulled himself free, retreating back to his chair as he thought up a new tactic.

Yodo was still refusing to even turn her head in his direction, still pretending to be completely engrossed in her book; he could easily use that to his advantage though.

With stealth instilled in him over decades of hard training, Kankuro slowly, silently raised himself out of his chair, stepped just close enough that she wouldn't notice him, balanced himself on one leg and gently smacked his foot in her face.

"GAH! You fu-!"

Letting out a scandalised gasp as he smooshed his foot against her nose, he called over his shoulder, "Gaara, quick, get in here, Yodo was about to curse again!"

The girl's skinny little rat-claw fingers finally managed to pry him away, shoving at him until he toppled to the floor in a cackling heap. Finally free from his onslaught, she spluttered and rubbed harshly at her face. "Ugh, I was gonna say fungal infection ooze, ya donkey-pit!"

"Y'know," he managed to say between laughs, "I think that swapping 'ass' and 'hole' with synonyms still counts as a swear."

Her glare was sharp enough to cut glass, apparently she'd been taking notes from her father.

"Relax kid, I'm not actually gonna tell on you-" because he had no doubt Gaara would blame his potty mouth "-but I am gonna need you to tell me what horrifying prank you've got cooking this time."

She rolled her eyes, fussed her hair back into its artfully dishevelled style and returned to her book. "Ain't got nothin' cooking," she said.

"Riiight, and I'm the greatest Hokage who ever lived."

"You wish," she snorted, flashing him a quick, toothy grin, "Aunt Sakura's way cooler than you are, talk to me when you've punched a god."

His face dropped into an expression of blank horror as he pondered what the ramifications of the next generation growing up around such impossibly terrifying powerhouses might be. Damn, I'm getting old, he thought, before sitting himself upright and staring at Yodo once more. Ok she wasn't gonna tell him what she'd done, that was fine, he could figure it out, no problem.

If she wasn't bothered about moving from her spot, then that meant that, a) she didn't need to do anything herself to put her scheme into motion and b) the trap was somewhere in this room – no way would she want to miss out on her victim's reaction.

Disguising the movement behind a yawn, he scanned his eyes across the lounge, looking for anything wrong, any signs of disturbance at all.

Nothing unusual about the TV or the kids' game consoles, Gaara had cleaned the floor this morning, so no dust-tracks to speak of, some books had been moved on the shelves, but given that she was currently reading one that could easily be put down to her choosing something to read – he mentally filed it away anyway, just in case – table looked untouched, chairs were exactly as he remembered, damnit, he couldn't pick out anything, but she was just lying on the floor, legs idly kicking at the air as she flipped another page, cheek puffing up where she was resting it on her hand, exuding an aura that just screamed 'trouble'.

Maybe that was her plan, deliberately act all suspiciously innocent until he was seeing traps in every shadow, almost pranking himself with his own paranoia! It was an advanced technique, but she was a quick learner and had a serious devious streak, he had no doubt she'd be capable of it… or maybe that's just what she wanted him to think.

Damn it all.

Just as he was standing up to leave – because he had better things to do, definitely not because he was being outsmarted by a snotty little brat – Yodo had the audacity to snicker into her book, flashing one of her too-toothy grins up at him.

Oh, he was not going to take that; her book was yanked away in under a second, pulled effortlessly into his hand by a chakra thread.

"Oi, I was just gettin' to a good bit!" she snapped, growling and jumping up to swipe at it.

He held his arm above his head, grinning wide as he said, "What're you gonna do about it kid?" Before she could leap on him like she was clearly planning, he planted his hand right on her face, gently pushing her back even as she kept pushing forward. "C'mon, do you even want it ba-ACK! What- did you just lick me, brat?!"

While he was rapidly removing his hand from her slobbery maw and rubbing it harshly on his shirt, she managed to clamber onto his back and was just centimetres away from reclaiming her stolen property.

Still shuddering at the dampness on his skin, he tried to claw her off – carefully avoiding going anywhere near her mouth again – flailing limbs and clawing fingers grasping at the corners of the book. In all the confusion, he wasn't sure who managed to send it flying into the air, but, following its path, he suddenly couldn't care less, even as Yodo leapt from his shoulder and landed on it with a cry of triumph.

He was much too busy staring at the unnatural shadows hidden away in the ceiling's air vent; normally they would allow for the cool air captured from the wind towers dotting the building's roof to flow into the house, offering relief from the burning sun, but he was only just noticing that it was a little less draughty in here than it should be.

"Uh-oh."

Flashing a quick, victorious grin at his niece, he casually leapt to the ceiling – chakra-coating a hand and his feet to stick in place – and reaching into the dark pit to discover what she'd hidden away there.

When he pulled out a cluster of familiar, disembodied puppet limbs, he had to stare at them for a good long minute just trying to process everything.

Seriously? She was gonna try and scare him with this? He regularly fell asleep cuddling a puppet head that Temari had once described as 'the physical manifestation of all humanities sins' and often found random arms and legs in his dresser when he was looking for clothes, even with the element of surprise, he was literally incapable of being scared by it.

He looked down to deride Yodo for her weak attempt, but she wasn't there, book lying abandoned on the carpet. Frowning, he turned to find her, but was met with a blank stare.

"…What are you doing?" Gaara asked, tone suggesting that he'd had a very long day at work and would very much like to not have to navigate his brother's eccentricities today if at all possible. Beside him, Yodo was rocking on her heels, hands clasped behind her back.

"Uncle said he wanted to play a prank on you, he was gonna make all that stuff fall on you when you sat down on the couch."

Oh shi-

The smirk on his niece's face was positively devious; he wasn't sure whether to be horrified, or proud.

But he definitely knew how to feel about his little brother's expression; the years had not dulled his death glare in the slightest. "Kankuro, what is the meaning of this?"

"N-no, Gaara you don't understand, she set me up!"

That girl had the 'cute pout of innocence' act mastered. He'd taught her well – perhaps a little too well – but… he hadn't taught her everything.

Revenge was gonna be sweet.