A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. It was... a serious pain in the $$ to write. :P But here it is at last! Whew. Many thanks to sinvraal for her beta services on this chapter! Also, there's a very brief mention of something I originally read in The Odd Little Turtle's fic "Redundant" that somehow found it's way here.... (if you've read that lovely story, you'll know it when you see it, if not, I highly recommend you go start on it right now!) Last but not least, I must warn you that this kind of chapter is what happens when your real life job involves medical research. I apologize in advance....

Part Four: Insomnia

Kaidan swam slowly back to the surface of consciousness. He first became aware of his body reclining on a soft surface, and then the light against his closed eyelids, and the quiet thrumming of various machinery around him, and finally, a constant warm pressure wrapped around his right hand. He instinctively tried to close his fingers around it, but they were slow to obey, feeling stiff and heavy.

The pressure tightened suddenly, clutching at him, and he sensed a shifting movement beside him. "Kaidan?" a voice whispered gently. "Can you hear me?"

He swallowed in a dry throat, opened his mouth to answer. His tongue was as slow as his fingers; it took a great effort to speak. "Yeah," he croaked, and his own voice startled him. He sounded like death warmed over. He wanted to clear his throat, but didn't have the energy for it. Instead the lieutenant pried his eyelids open; they felt like ten-pound weights. The light was dim but still painful, and he had to blink a few times before he could focus.

"Oh, thank God," the voice breathed, squeezing his hand again. His eyes shifted to the side of the bed and saw Shepard there, staring at him with an expression that made his gut twist into knots.

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately.

She exhaled explosively, the traces of a smile appearing at her lips as she shook her head and lifted his hand to kiss his fingers. "You scared the fucking shit out of me, that's what," she muttered.

He frowned.

"How are you feeling now?"

He let out a deep, slow sigh, closing his eyes. "Tired."

She kissed his hand again, gave it another squeeze, and then let it rest at his side. "You get some rest, then," she said softly. "I'll go let Dr. Chakwas know you're awake."

He heard the shift of clothing and then her quiet steps as she moved toward the door.

"Shepard," he said suddenly, thickly, forcing his eyes open again.

She stopped at the doorway, turning toward him with raised eyebrows.

"What… what happened?"

A momentary flicker of concern crossed her features, but it was swiftly replaced by a reassuring smile. "Just get some rest for now, Kaidan. We can talk about that later." She left the med-bay before he could say anything else, and the door hissed shut behind her.

Elizabeth Shepard leaned against one of the walls in the mess, her hands folded around a steaming cup of what passed for coffee on an interstellar ship, her eyes riveted on the med-bay door as she waited for Dr. Chakwas to re-emerge. She had tried her best not to obsess over Kaidan's condition, but to be perfectly honest, it was all she could think about lately.

He'd been in a coma for three weeks, and Chakwas had been unable to guarantee that he'd ever wake up. Elizabeth had spent most of those three weeks sitting by Kaidan's side, holding his hand, talking to him, trying anything to get some sign of life from him. After two weeks, the brass had started hinting that they wanted him moved to an Alliance hospital so she and her crew could get back to their assigned cruise route.

It was only the second time Elizabeth Shepard had freely exercised her power as a Spectre, and the first time during her long career she'd ever flat-out told her superiors no. Admiral Hackett had turned red in the face; even Captain Anderson had paled and shifted uncomfortably in his chair at her brazenness. She'd glared at them both straight in the face and told them none-too-politely that Kaidan's condition was their fault – specifically Admiral Hackett's – for sending the lieutenant into a situation they knew very well was dangerous.

"He was in no way properly briefed for that mission!" Elizabeth snapped at them, jabbing her index finger hard into the mahogany briefing table.

"I made him aware of the risks," Hackett defended, bristling at her insubordination.

"Bullshit!"

Both Hackett and Anderson blinked at her, she saw the Captain's mouth fall open. "You sent him in there as bait," she accused, charging ahead. "You were hoping AHAB would make a move to get him, you planned on it!"

Hackett stood from his chair, leaning forward on his fists. "We took all possible precautions against that possibility. We knew it was one likely outcome and we planned for it. And in case you've forgotten, Commander, the mission was a success. Alenko led us right to AHAB's main laboratory, we rescued the people who'd been kidnapped, and we acquired most of Dr. Bachar's research notes on her virus… if Alenko hadn't agreed to go on this mission, she'd still be out there kidnapping and endangering biotics!"

"You had an N7 in there already," Shepard countered heatedly. "There was no good reason for you to send Alenko and I don't like people needlessly endangering my soldiers!"

Hackett straightened, lifting his graying eyebrows. "Excuse me, Commander, but Alenko is no longer your soldier."

Elizabeth glared at him, crossed her arms, watched as Anderson also quirked an eyebrow at her. She remembered in a flash that the Captain had been staring right at her when she and Kaidan had kissed in the Citadel Tower. She refused the abrupt stab of guilt, having already analyzed her reaction and determined that while certainly fueled by her emotions for the lieutenant, her anger was not a direct consequence of them. "Your contingency plan made a mess of things," she said coolly, evenly. "Your commando unit failed miserably – you called me, remember? You called me to come clean up your mess – if it weren't for me and the influence I'd gained on Noveria you never would have found out which lab belonged to AHAB and your so-called "successful mission" would have been a colossal disaster!"

"Commander Shepard," Hackett began, his voice pitched low, "you may have been granted Spectre status, but you are still a member of the Systems Alliance military –"

"And you know I'm right about this," she interjected, her words clipped. "We don't yet have AHAB under control and Dr. Bachar's trial is scheduled for the near future. Alenko's staying with me on the Normandy until he's cleared by Dr. Chakwas to return to active duty."

Silence. Shepard could almost see Admiral Hackett trying to decide if he wanted to agree with her or demote her.

"And if he doesn't recover?" the man asked finally.

Her eyes narrowed. "He will." She turned on her heel and strode for the exit.

"We're not through yet, Commander," Hackett called after her, his husky voice edged in warning. "Get your ass back in here!"

Her answer had been the door closing behind her.

Elizabeth sipped her coffee, frowning at the memory. Not her best moment, to be sure. Not the best decision for her career, either. Later, Captain Anderson had pulled her aside privately and bluntly asked if she was letting her personal life get in the way of her duties. She had honestly replied she would have responded the same had any of her old crew been thrown into such a situation. And she would have.

But it was also true that after the Battle of the Citadel and the political fallout that had followed, she was tired of the bureaucratic bullshit. She'd become the looked-to unofficial leader of the Citadel races, and as such had put forth her recommendation that Captain Anderson be considered for the human Council candidate, if it was decided in the end that there should be one. After that, Shepard had tried very hard to remove herself from the whole messy business.

It was difficult, but she'd finally done it. Finally gone back to the extremely important task of making sure no other Reapers could get through to the Citadel. And then had come the message from Admiral Hackett that Kaidan had been kidnapped by the Alliance of Humans Against Biotics, and they had lost his transmitter signal but suspected he'd been taken to Noveria, and they needed her to go find him.

Shepard's grip on her cup tightened. Only Joker had been privy to her outrage as she'd learned the details of Kaidan's mission-gone-wrong. She'd seen the pilot's shock and surprise, and later the half-hidden smirk. She knew what that look meant. So as soon as she'd regained her composure she'd entered the cockpit and leaned ominously over his chair.

"You start any rumors, any stories, and I'll break your legs myself."

He stared at her for a second, realized she meant business, and swallowed visibly. "Um… aye, aye, Commander."

The med-bay door slid open and Elizabeth abruptly came back from her thoughts, straightening so quickly she nearly spilled her coffee. She met Chakwas halfway, keeping her voice low so the surrounding crew wouldn't hear and start speculating.

"Well? What do you think?"

The older woman hesitated and Shepard's heart plunged into her stomach.

"It's still too early to say for certain," Chakwas began quietly. "But the good news is he's regained awareness." She gestured toward the mess and Shepard nodded; the two women moved to one of the empty tables and Elizabeth took a seat as Chakwas made herself a cup of tea.

"As far as I can determine, there's no permanent nerve damage," the doctor continued, settling into the chair across from the commander with her tea of choice. "Only time will tell. From what I understand of AHAB's medical notes, most virus recipients experience a partial temporary paralysis of varying degrees. The lieutenant's not in any shape to tell me if he has those symptoms at the moment, but considering the virus managed to infect several of the mutant nodes in his nervous system, I would imagine he's at least feeling some numbness."

Elizabeth glared into her coffee, swallowed hard, feeling a little light-headed as the next question left her lips. "What about… his biotic ability? Will it be affected?"

Not that she thought Kaidan any less of a soldier without his biotics, but it was crucial to his placement within the Fleet, to his normal duty-assignment. Her stomach wrenched at the thought of how his life would have to be rearranged if that ability had been taken from him. She tried to imagine how she'd deal if something similar happened to her, but couldn't even fathom the emotional turmoil she'd have to wade through before she could even begin to think rationally about where to go next.

"Yes," Chakwas answered heavily, her voice ringing with a certainty Elizabeth found suddenly irritating. "There's no question the virus will have had some kind of effect on his abilities, though how much of one is nearly impossible to estimate. However, since his dose of the virus was relatively small compared to the other patients, and since AHAB was… kind enough… to provide the recipe for the anti-virus, he shouldn't lose his biotics entirely. His body should be able to compensate with the healthy neurons it has left… essentially, it will 'rewire' itself.

"I imagine he will have to go through some re-training, though. The recovery process won't be pleasant, but as long as there's no permanent neurological damage, he can recover. He's very lucky."

"And the other patients?"

Chakwas shrugged. "I only know what I've read in AHAB's research files. The people you rescued, it appears, will all live, though they will no longer be able to use their biotics. In that sense, Dr. Bachar's virus did its job. However, there is mention in the notes about some of the previous test subjects." The doctor's usually gentle tone hardened.

"The original trials were not so successful as the last… the first six people Dr. Bachar injected developed severe convulsions, paralysis, and then died." The woman set her cup of tea down carefully. "The second set of six was a slight improvement; five lived, though all had permanent paralysis in a limb or two, while the sixth had an undiscovered immune deficiency and died as a result of the virus infection. And the third set was the one you rescued."

She picked up her tea again, sipped thoughtfully.

Shepard just turned her cup around in aimless circles, thinking how the dark liquid within reminded her of Kaidan's eyes. She drew a deep breath, released it quietly. "Was there mention of any other… test subjects… falling into a coma after the injection?" She'd tried to read the medical reports herself, but the technical jargon made her eyes cross. In the end she'd left it up to the medical experts and decided to just glean the information she wanted from them.

The doctor frowned, shaking her head. "No. Lieutenant Alenko's case seems to be unique in that regard. But he was suffering from severe hypoglycemia by the time I got to him – severe enough to have caused the seizures and unconsciousness by itself. Add to that the suppressing effects of the sedatives he'd been given and the challenge to his immune system from the virus, and I'm not surprised his body responded with a coma."

Elizabeth nodded slowly, chewing her lip. A flutter of the rage she'd felt when she'd burst into that laboratory swelled up again, but she quickly squashed it back into its mental compartment. Watching the recorded video from Rahna's lab made her blood boil… how the woman had acted toward her patients – so single-minded, so resolute. How she'd convinced a few of them she was their savior, and for others ignored their screams and pleas. How she'd recorded the deaths so robotically, still disappointed, but for all the wrong reasons. How she'd treated Kaidan while he was strapped to that hospital bed, what she'd said to him…

"I've never seen anything like that," Dr. Chakwas suddenly murmured, and Shepard looked up to the woman in question.

"That kind of biotic use without an amp," the woman elaborated. "Never in my life, and I've been working with biotics for a long time now."

Elizabeth made a noise of agreement. She leaned back in her chair, taking a large swallow of her coffee and wishing its warmth could wash away the constant chill that seemed to cling to her insides these days. "He told me once that I spiked higher than him," she said quietly, smiling at the memory.

Dr. Chakwas raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah, I told him he was full of shit."

The older woman chuckled, shaking her head. "Well… you do spike high for an L3, you know."

"Maybe. But I've seen what he can do when he's backed into a corner. And there's no way I spike higher than him, even at my best."

"Alenko's put a lot of hours into his Sentinel badge…"

Elizabeth reached up to rub the back of her neck, her fingers brushing the edge of her amp and lingering there. "We had to do some amp-less training in the Ns," she admitted. "I was never the best at it. From the looks of that tape, Alenko would have been at the top of the class."

Dr. Chakwas pursed her lips. "That's a very dangerous thing for a biotic to do," she commented seriously, trying not to scold but only partially succeeding. "The lieutenant's abnormally low blood sugar was caused by aggressive use of biotics without his amp. It could have killed him."

Shepard lifted her hands in surrender. "Relax, doc. I'm not going to go lock myself in my quarters and practice amp-less until I black out any time soon."

The doctor gave her a stern look. Then, apparently deciding she was satisfied with Shepard's answer, shrugged. "Hrm. Good." She resumed sipping her tea.

They sat for a moment in silence.

"What a cheery bunch this is," a low voice drawled, and Shepard looked over to see Joker round the bulkhead into the mess, complete with crutches and leg braces. "What happened? Someone program the meal dispenser to shit out nothing but turnips again?"

Elizabeth quirked an eyebrow at the pilot. He waited a second, but when neither woman replied, his face suddenly paled beneath his beard.

"Oh God, Alenko didn't -"

"No," Chakwas and Shepard answered together, both unwilling to hear the word said aloud.

"He came out of the coma this evening, actually," the doctor said, standing from the table with tea in hand. "And his vitals are good. He'll live."

Joker exhaled loudly. "Gee, thanks for telling me. Can I go see him?"

Chakwas shook her head. "He's sleeping again. I'd prefer he not have any visitors for a few more days."

The pilot grumbled sourly.

"And I'd better get back to check on him." Dr. Chakwas looked down to Shepard. "I'll keep you informed of his progress, Commander."

Elizabeth nodded. "Thanks, doc."

The elder woman tipped her head in acknowledgment of Joker, then slipped past him and disappeared into the med-bay.

The man watched her go, ambling over to fix himself a plate of food. He perused the day's choices, then looked over his shoulder at Shepard. "The dispenser is fine, right?"

She smiled. "Yes. Everything's operating as normal."

"Ah, great. Cardboard in the shape of steak, cardboard in the shape of potatoes, cardboard in the shape of beans…"

Elizabeth watched the pilot dish up as she worked on finishing her swiftly cooling coffee. Anything to keep her from pacing a hole in the floor, to keep her from spending another night on a med-bay stool…

"You know, I have it on good authority that you were the one who filled the dispenser with turnips, Moreau," she commented idly.

He scoffed, not missing a beat. "Please. I have no idea how this damn thing works. Something like that would be more down Alenko's aisle, don't you think?" He gave her a lopsided grin as he awkwardly maneuvered over to her table with his tray and took Dr. Chakwas' emptied seat.

"Yes," Shepard mused. "Except he hates turnips."

"Really?" Joker could feign innocence like nobody's business. "What a coincidence."

Elizabeth eyed the pilot skeptically, but he ignored her, pulling his tray close and beginning to shovel food into his mouth.

"Little late for coffee, isn't it?" he asked around what she presumed were supposed to be mashed potatoes.

Shepard glanced balefully to her now-empty cup. "Maybe," she admitted.

"No sleep for the Commander again, eh?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. The man was too observant for his own good. "It's also a little late for dinner," she remarked. "What's your excuse?"

Joker stopped chewing for a second to think. "I don't know," he said finally. "I keep having nightmares about that damn virus. You're sure it's not contagious? I mean, I'm already crippled enough, I don't need the rest of my body to quit working, too."

"It's not contagious," Elizabeth reassured him. "At least, not to non-biotics. It's not supposed to spread even among biotics, but we're not taking any chances. The Normandy's d-con has been updated with a special program to recognize the specifically engineered virus if it shows up on the ship."

"That's good to know." Joker took a few more large bites, chewed, swallowed, and then shook his head. "I still don't get it. How does someone make a virus that kills only a person's biotic skill?"

Shepard granted him a weary smile. Dr. Chakwas had explained it to her three times before she thought she really understood it, but it still made her head hurt if she dwelt on it too much. "Antisense oligonucleotides," she said, for dramatic effect.

Joker stopped eating again, squinting at her. "Come on, Commander. Seriously? I'm a pilot, not a scientist."

Elizabeth's smile widened and she stood from her chair to refill her coffee. It was nice to get the drop on Joker every now and then.

"Ask Dr. Chakwas if you want a real explanation," she said, speaking as she walked to the beverage dispenser. "But in a nutshell… Bachar found out which specific gene controls the formation of the mutant nodes in a biotic's nervous system. Then she synthesized an antisense oligonucleotide for that gene and engineered the Clotanca virus to carry it. The virus already naturally targeted the central nervous system, so it carried Bachar's synthesized oligo right to the neurons when it latched on to them for use as its host cell."

Joker was listening intently, his eyes looking a little glazed over. "Okay… so these anti-oligo-whatsits do… what now?"

Shepard turned to face him, leaning back against the edge of the meal counter. "They enter the nerve cells and prevent the mutant gene from undergoing protein translation, which is essential to a cell's survival. But the normal genes are unaffected. So the mutant nodes are destroyed, but the rest of the nerve cell is left alone. Of course, if all of a biotic's nodes were mutated, the virus would still kill them. Luckily, the normal nodes that are left are usually still enough for a person to function without permanent paralysis."

Joker's eyes were wide. "Jesus," he breathed.

Elizabeth nodded somberly. "The virus still infects the whole central nervous system, but since its genetic payload has been replaced by the antisense oligos, it can't replicate itself. Once the initial wave dies off, the person has no more symptoms. They just… can't use biotics anymore."

The pilot leaned back in his chair, looking sullen, and pushed his tray away. "Well, that is not going to help me sleep," he muttered.

Shepard lifted her freshly filled mug. "Coffee?"

His dark eyes looked to her cup, considering. "Yeah," he said at last. "Yeah, I think I will."

The commander turned back to the liquid dispenser and quickly fixed the pilot his own mug of black, bitter, highly caffeinated beverage. It made a satisfying thunk as she set it down in front of him.

"So," the man spoke up as she once again resumed her seat, "what's this about Alenko hating turnips?"

TO BE CONTINUED...