Revised Nov 24, 2005

By the time I even thought about to stop running, The sun was slowly going down.

How long have I been running? I asked myself as I collapsed on the soft green grass. I could barely breath and my heart seemed to be cursing at me as it raced inside my body. Every joint on my body was sore and my fingertips and toes were tingling.

My toes…I wiggled them. I've been running without shoes and socks.

Once I caught my breath and slowed my heart down I slowly sat up and looked at my bare toes. They were bleeding some. Small jagged rocks had buried themselves inside the pads of my feet. I plucked some out while my mind raced trying to answer my previous question

How long have I been running?

I looked at the sky, it had became a dark blue mixed with purple and rays of orange and yellow…gold. Gold had became my favorite color, ever since I had read a poem by Robert Frost…that color had stuck with me.

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafs a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

I recited out loud to myself as the tears welled up in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. It didn't have the same feeling anymore…it felt like I wasn't worthy enough to say it anymore…I was to dirty to say it. As if I'd taint those beautiful words. My gold had turned into rust..

I slowly stood up and walked back to where I had came…home. I didn't know where I was until I passed the Movie House. Mustangs and Corvairs where everywhere. My feet were killing me but I made them move.

made them move until I was running again.

I made them move until I was home, until I felt a little safe.

Just a little…

Safe but still scared. Scared of facing my brothers, scared to face my friends, scared to face…Johnny. He was just trying to help me, but I ran out on him…

I slowly entered the house and I stared at the faces that were staring back at me.

"Pony, I had to tell 'em…" Johnny said and slowly stood up staring at me with his dark puppy dog eyes.

I gave him a small sad smile "Johnny its alright." I wiped the tears from my eyes. "I understand."

Soda stood up, and gentaly wrapped his arms around me, "Pon? Are you okay?"

I was gonna start ballin' then, so I just nodded. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry,. I couldn't fight 'em. It was so many of 'em…"

"Shhh…it's okay."

I caught sight of Darry then, he was sitting on his armchair with his head hung.

"Darry…I'm sorry. If you're ashamed of me-"

"Pony! I'm never ashamed of you…never had been never will be!" I stood up and came over to Soda and I.

"You know what? We're going into the kitchen." Steve said pulling on Two-Bits jacket,

"We are? Why?"

Johnny rolled his eyes, "C'mon Two-Bit gotta give them some privacy."

That made me smile, Two-Bit could be so ignorant and naive at times…well, all the time.

After they left, I looked over at my brothers.

"Why…why didn't you tell us that night." Darry asked my looking into my eyes

"I was scared…"

"Scared of what?" Darry placed the back of his hand on my cheek and I slowly pulled away from both of them…I knew they weren't the purest of people but…they weren't dirty like me.

"I didn't want you guys to hate me…"

"Never…" Soda mouth lightly, in shocked that I would ever think that. "We love you…we're here for you no matter what."

I broke down then, no matter what they said I couldn't help feeling ashamed, dirty and…just like slime.

"It'll be okay, baby" Soda said to me, but I knew he was wrong…

…nothing will be okay…never again.