Chapter 4: The Revival
Ron dreamed about soft lips against his, and of Hermione's scent close to him. He dreamed about her laying wrapped around in his arms, and about never having to part...
"Mmm…Hermione…" he murmured. He heard a soft giggle, and stirred awake to find himself staring into beautiful, brown eyes.
"Good morning," Hermione whispered. He smiled at her. And then they were both blushing, though, he wasn't sure why; they had seen all there was to see of each other, and more.
"Good morning," he said. He cradled her in his arms, pressing his nose against hers, not able to help himself. He wanted to be close to her for as long as he could. He hadn't forgotten about today; it was the day that, if Ginny's idea worked, Hermione would to return to her old self in a matter of hours.
Could he assume that she would still want to be with him as she was now? Yes, he could. But he also had to know that things might return to the way they had always been between the two of them-insurmountable feelings of self-conscious, anxiety, frustration, defensive attitudes, overall indefinable. He couldn't bear to think of what it might it be like for them if that happened. He loved the way they were now, attached, close, and openly in love. Their pathway was completely clear.
Hermione moved and said softly, "I should go before your mum and dad catch me in here."
"Yes, of course…" Ron didn't want her to leave. He wanted to freeze this morning forever, he wanted to repeat all that had happened since she'd come to him last night over and over again. There were so many things he was thinking and feeling, but he didn't know how to say the words. He wished they had more time to just be together, but they weren't grown up enough for it. Whether she'd realized it or not, she had forever trapped his heart in her labyrinth. He could think of nothing he wouldn't do to make her happy.
"I'll sneak back to my room. I hope Ginny's still asleep," Hermione said.
Don't go, not yet, is what Ron thought as Hermione slid out of bed and quickly tugged on her nightgown. He reached out and squeezed her hand quickly, pulling her in for a quick kiss before he said, "See you at breakfast."
Hermione gave him a tiny smile, and then she was gone.
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Any other day at The Burrow would have gone by at a snail's pace, but today - the day that Ginny was going to attempt to "make things right again with Hermione"- whizzed by like a lightening bolt charging towards the earth during a storm. Ron barely had a second alone with Hermione before Ginny had cornered him.
"Mum and Dad have gone out. Let's do it now so they can't object. She'll need time to rest," she told Ron.
"Okay. Just give me just a minute," he said. He then went to find Hermione, who was talking with Harry in the family room.
"Could I have a word with you? Alone?" Ron said. Hermione flushed with pleasure at the sight of him, and jumped up.
"Of course," she said. She accepted the hand that he held out for her, and they walked outside to talk amongst themselves.
"You know that I love you," he told her.
"I love you, too," she said. She stopped then, and asked, "You're not worried about me getting hurt, are you? I trust Ginny completely. She was showing me all sorts of things she can do with her wand-"
"No, it isn't that." Ron turned from her. "You know there's a chance you won't know me…as you do now…"
He felt her hand slip into his, holding tightly. "I'm sorry that I wasn't able to remember on my own. But I can't think of any other way to get my memory back."
"Don't apologize for what happened to you. It wasn't your fault. I just…I just hope that you…" Ron broke off, unable to tell her what he was feeling. He was saddened to realize that he had already started to bottle up his feelings, and Hermione hadn't even been Stupified yet.
I just hope that you don't take it all away from me, because if you do I don't know how I'll manage, he silently begged her. Hermione came around to face him, putting her arms around his waist and hugging him. Her breath was warm against his shirt.
"Don't be afraid. Don't forget that I love you, and that you love me. We can't let anything come between us. And if I can't remember being with you, well, then…I'm sure we'll find our way back together, we must," she said sternly.
Ron kissed her. He hoped it wouldn't be the last time. He'd seen Ginny appear in the doorway. "I think it's time," he said with a sigh.
They started back towards the house. Hermione grabbed his arm just before they went in. "Remember," she said.
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Hermione closed her eyes and Ginny pointed her wand at her temple. The look on her face was determined and confident.
"Be careful, Ginny. Please, be careful," Ron said, clenching his fists together as the sound of his quickened heart beat roared in his ears.
"I will. Don't worry," Ginny said. And then, "STUPEFY MINIMUMSO!"
Hermione was knocked backwards off the kitchen chair, and collapsed in a heap on the floor.
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The shouting match that took place between Ginny and her parents was not pretty to listen to, but the degree of yelling lessened slightly when Ron pointed out that Hermione was breathing and that she didn't appear to be in pain. In fact, she slept quite soundly through the night. Ron knew this because he waited until everyone else had gone to bed, and then crept in to the bedroom Hermione and Ginny shared. He'd sat next to her, watching over her until the first streams of sunlight came in through window. Only then, did he return to his own room to try and get some sleep.
Ron and Harry went about packing the last of their trunks, as they would be leaving for Hogwarts later on that day. Ron had just found his last pair of trousers under his bed when there was a knock on his door.
"She's awake now," Ginny told him. Ron's heart started to pound rapidly as he followed his sister silently to her room, where Hermione had been resting.
"How do you feel?" Mrs. Weasley was asking as Ron and Ginny came to the doorway. Harry was already there, looking worried.
Hermione was sitting up in bed, rubbing her forehead with a frown on her face. Her eyes looked swollen, and her hair was in a tangled mass of curls. She's beautiful, Ron thought. He wanted to go to her, hug her, but he dared not. His heart pounded as he watched her, looking for a sign, any sign that she felt for him what she been showing him the days since her memory loss.
"I feel like I've been hit by the Hogwarts Express. What happened to me?" she said groggily. Ron gulped.
"Tell us what you remember," Mrs. Weasley said gently. "Do you remember anything at all? Can you remember any of us?"
Hermione gave a small, tired laugh. "Yes, I remember all of you. I just don't remember how I got here."
"Oh, Hermione. We were so worried!" Ginny squealed, racing to Hermione and throwing her arms around her neck.
Hermione hugged her back awkwardly. "Ginny, it's okay. I'm fine, I just have a bit of a headache," she said. Everyone in the room, with the exception of Ron, let out a sigh of relief now that Hermione was back.
"What happened to me? The last thing I remember is the attack at Hogwarts. Everything else is a complete blur," she said.
A complete blur.
Ron dropped his head, his heart sinking low as Ginny, Harry, and his parents began to fill in the gaps in Hermione's mind. His worst fears had come true. After all the self professed love, after Hermione's total dependence on him, after last night… for Merlin's sake, Hermione was back to her regular self. There would be no open emotions, or longing for him, or leaning on him for support. She would be matter-of-fact again, overly cautious, and reserved; even a little pompous. No more was she the girl who would reach for his hand during evening walks, nor was she the girl who would creep into his bed late at night with giggles, looking for love. Ron thought back to her words: "…I love you…don't forget that..."
But why wouldn't he, especially now that she had forgotten all of what they had shared? He didn't know what to say to her now that she was back. She didn't need him anymore. She would probably laugh if he tried to kiss her now.
He would have to forget it, everything, all of it.
"I want to talk to you," Ginny said to Ron as the commotion was dying down.
"I don't really feel like talking, Gin. Sorry," Ron mumbled. But Ginny grabbed his hand and pulled him behind her, until they were out of the house to the backyard. Ron allowed himself to be dragged out with a defeated sigh.
"Don't be angry with me," Ginny said once they were out of earshot of everyone else.
"I'm not angry with you. You did the right thing," Ron said sadly.
"Don't give up on her," Ginny begged him. Ron lowered his eyes, his shoulders dropping as if he were carrying a heavy load. He was grateful for Ginny's attempts at making him feel better, but no one could help him right now. He was heartbroken.
"I don't know what you mean," he said, trying to throw his sister off.
"Come off it, Ron. I know you two were really close while we were here. I caught the two of you snogging at the tree, remember? And I saw her sneaking back into my room this morning," Ginny said in that matter-of-fact tone she used when she knew she was right.
"You did?" Ron asked, feeling embarrassed that his sister had found them out. "You won't tell, will you?"
"Give me some credit. No, I won't tell Mum and Dad."
"Thanks," Ron said.
Ginny took a deep breath. "Ron, the accident didn't make her a different person. Her heart is the same. The person who cares for you is still there. She's just a person who's more protective of her emotions. Tell her how you feel. Don't hold back. We've got to fight You-Know-Who-Soon. Don't waste a chance to tell someone that you love them."
Ron looked off into the night, shoving his hands in his pockets. Ginny could be a right pain in the arse at times, but at moments like these, he was glad she was his sister. He thought about what she'd just told him, knowing she was right. But how could he tell Hermione now? Was he to just blurt it out?
"Am I interrupting?"
It was Hermione, coming outside. At the sight of her, Ron's heart leapt to his throat.
"Not at all," Ginny said. "I was just going in. Are we all set to leave, then?"
"Yes, we're just waiting on Ron," Hermione said.
"Okay. Let me double check my room to make sure I've got all my things. I'll come get you two in a minute," Ginny said, and disappeared inside The Burrow with a swish of red hair.
Ron could only hope that Hermione could not hear how loud his heart was pounding. He had no idea what to say, so he said nothing. Finally, Hermione broke the silence.
"You haven't said two words to me since I woke up," she said with a faint, fake smile.
"Er…" Ron mumbled, looking at his feet.
"Why won't you look at me?" she demanded.
Ron glanced quickly at her, his throat becoming very dry all of the sudden.
"Something happened between us. Don't deny it," she said. Ron didn't want to walk into a trap, so he stayed silent.
Hermione closed her eyes briefly as if she were clearing her mind, and then said, "I found a diary. My diary. Apparently I've kept one since we've been here. Of course I don't remember writing it, but I know it's all my handwriting. There were...lots of things written in it...lots...and last night…I wrote about our "wonderful experience". I feel sore-" She lowered her voice just then, looking wildly from side to side. Her face had turned scarlet.
"Sore?" Ron was confused.
"You know what I'm talking about!" she hissed.
Now it dawned on Ron what she meant. She was sore because of last night. He wanted to laugh a little, but then she demanded, "What did you do to me?"
What was she accusing him of? "Do to you? What the hell…I didn't do anything!" Ron spat out, offended.
"Did you…did we…Tell me, we weren't intimate with each other, were we? Tell me you wouldn't take advantage of me when I was in a state of incoherence."
"You weren't incoherent. You came into my room. You got on top of me. Youkissed me first-"
"Got on top of you? Kissed you first? And you didn't have the decency to stop me?" Her voice was shrill. Her cheeks were flushed and she was breathing hard. She was quite angry, but so was he.
"I did try. I did try to stop you, several times, Hermione, but you wouldn't listen. You told me not to worry about it, and then you took your clothes off-"
Hermione let out a shriek of rage. "Shut up! Just shut up! How dare you! You took advantage of me, and you know it!"
"You can't possibly believe that. You wrote it down in your bloody diary, you must have read how it went between us-"
"I was under duress! I was confused! My defenses were obviously down! I can't believe you, of all people! I trusted you, Ron!"
Ron lost his temper, and suddenly exploded in anger, shouting, "Look, I didn't make you do anything, Hermione! Yes, we did it, together… both of us, you and me. It's rubbish that you would come out here and accuse me of taking advantage of you…I love you! You said you loved me, too. You said you felt it even when you couldn't remember who the bloody hell I was."
"I clearly-"
"Oh, what - you clearly what? Didn't know what you were saying? Were forced into sleeping with me? Well, nobody could tell you any different about loving me. You initiated everything, everything, and you know what? It was better that way, because you were honest with yourself for a change. You were honest with yourself, and you were sure about what you wanted."
"I'm always honest with myself! I'm always sure what I want!" Hermione screamed back at him.
"No, you aren't. That's why we've gone in circles the past seven years. Do you want to know something else? When you crashed into that wall, I was the one who saw where you landed. I was the one who risked getting my arse blown to bits by Death Eaters when I fought my way over to you and dragged you to safety. I was the one who took care of you, and instead of thanking me, you accuse me of….of being indecent, when I'd never do anything to hurt you. Ever!"
"Well, I-"
"You may have blanked out for a spell, but at least during that time, we could talk to each other and have fun together, instead of always arguing…instead of always doing this! I get so tired of always doing this! We were happy, for Merlin's sake! But I see now that it wasn't worth it. I should have just let you get crushed under the rubble the night the Death Eaters attacked. I'm sure death is precisely what you would have prefer over being in love with me. Just get out of my way. I just want to forget I ever met you. You didn't die that night, but you're dead to me now."
With that, he shoved by her angrily, slamming the door in her face.
I've really just messed everything up.
It had all turned out worse than he'd expected. What surprised him most of all was his realization that he would never be able to go back to being just friends, as he had been with Hermione before. He had seen the way the two of them could be, and he could no longer accept their rows over nonsense, or their trying to make each other jealous, and their constantly hiding feelings. He wanted all of her, all or nothing. And after what had just happened, he would have to face the fact that it was going to be nothing.