IF DRUNK SPEAKS A SOBER HEART

CHAPTER FOUR

At night I pondered in my room with a glass of red wine, thinking if I should give BDSM a shot. I had never done anything like that, but then again, I've never talked to a stranger found on Craigslist. Maybe I should take a leap of faith, try something different. So far, my daily routine had fallen under the category "Boring". It was always school and reading, and I wasn't getting any younger.

God, Kate had always been so bold and daring, constantly grabbing life by the horns. I wish I was brave and fun like her, taking risks here and there. I seriously envied Kate and yearned to be a social butterfly like her.

Yes, I should do this, I thought to myself. Perhaps this man could help me explore my sexuality, making me feel things that Bryan had never made me felt. That thought was arousing and very, very tempting. It had been far too long since I'd last been with a man.

I poured myself another wine glass, hoping that it would bring me some courage so that I could sign that damn contract, meet the man, and have mind-blowing sex.

Later, I opened my laptop, and after skimming through that lengthy contract for the second time, I finally e-signature it.

After a few minutes of waiting for a response, I received an e-mail from him and it read:

FROM: DOMINATE

SUBJECT: WHEN CAN WE MEET?

I AM PLEASED TO SEE THAT YOU HAVE FINALLY SIGNED THE CONTRACT. TELL ME WHEN AND WHERE YOU WANT TO MEET.

Oh, my gosh! I was really going to do it! It may have been the wine fueled courage, but I began to type back:

FROM: ANA

SUBJECT: SOON!

LET'S MEET AT IHOP : 3948 KOVAL LN, SEATTLE WA 98111. MAYBE AROUND SIX-ISH?

I hugged myself, happy for finally being bold enough to go through with this. I wondered what it would be like to meet an online date. I opened his next e-mail:

FROM: DOMINATE

SUBJECT: PERFECT

I WILL SEE YOU THERE!

Yes, so the date was set. Tomorrow night, I would finally meet that man.

The next morning, my door bell began to ring constantly as I was brewing myself a cup of dark coffee and cooking up some fluffy pancakes. While Isabella barked and scratched at the door, I ignored the ringing as I continued on with my daily routine in the kitchen.

I sat down to eat but the constant ringing and knocking on my front door was beginning to annoy me. Who could it possibly be? I hardly had any friends which was sad to admit. Perhaps it was someone looking for Kate?

I finally gave in and got up to answer the door. When I swung the door open, I found Bryan standing there right before me. What an unpleasant surprise, I thought to myself.

It had been nearly a year since I'd seen him. Last time I saw him, he was graveling at my feet, begging me to come back to him or at least be his friend because he just had to have me in his life. Urgh! I had only agreed to be his friend to shut him up.

He still looked the same: Neatly combed dark hair, dressed in an expensive suit, and he still used that same overwhelming cologne. I poked my head out and saw that he had rudely parked his black BMW behind my car, blocking it from being able to pull out of my assigned parking space.

"Oh, god, I was going to park in the visitors space, but it was all full," he said when he noticed that I was bothered by it. He came up to give me an awkward hug but I did not reciprocate the hug.

He took a step back, observing me from head to toe. "Oh, no! Oh, honey, you've gained weight. Are you eating to cope with our tragic break-up?" His voice was so dramatic, it was ridiculous!

I rolled my eyes at him. "I'm eating like a normal human being. Why are you still obsessing about my weight? Why are you still obsessing about me? Why are you even here?"

"I'm on a business trip."

"No. Why are you here at my apartment?"

He stood with both of his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth nervously. I could tell that he had something he wanted to say but was having second thoughts about it. Finally, he opened his mouth and asked, "Ana, you're seeing someone, aren't you?"

I scoffed at his remark.

What the heck! Did this guy have some sort of creepy radar! Take a hint already.

"No…Well, sort of. I am going to be seeing him tonight," I answered. "So, you came all this way from New York City to confirm if I am seeing someone?"

He chuckled a little and shook his head. "No. I told you, I'm on a business trip. Figure I stop by to see you," he said casually, trying to hide the fact that he was desperate to see me. "After all, we did agree to remain friends," he said and shot me a handsome smile. However, I still held a grudge against him and did not smile back. "So, how did you meet this lucky guy?"

I debated for a while, wondering if I should tell him, and even though he had a smile on his face, I could still see the jealousy growing in his dark blue eyes. "I met him through craigslist," I finally said.

Suddenly, jealousy escaped him and he was genuinely relief for whatever reason. "Some loser on the internet?" he asked and laughter took over him. He laughed so loud that it was echoing throughout the apartment complex and beyond. I could swear that the whole city of Seattle was probably deaf by now.

I could see that Bryan still had that same cocky attitude and that, for sure, was never going to change. "You know what, Bryan? You make a terrible boyfriend, but you're even worse as an ex."

"Ouch…"

Frustrated, I began to close the door on him, but he put his foot in to prevent it from shutting all the way.

"No. Ana!" he cried as he tried to stop me. "Baby, come on, Craigslist? Haven't you heard of the craigslist killer?"

"Don't call me baby!" I screamed as I kicked his foot out of the way and slammed the door in his face. I locked the door and leaned against it. I could still hear him talking through the door

"Remember that time when I took you shopping down on Fifth Avenue? We hit the entire main brand store and you tried on all the clothes you liked. I remember sitting down, waiting eagerly for you to step out of the fitting room. Damn, you looked stunning!" he said.

That guy was a spoiled brat, a rich kid with two rich divorce parents who were buying his affection with luxury items. It was all sad because that had only misled him into thinking that he could put a price tag on love.

I sank lower and lower down the door till I found myself sitting on the floor. Memories from our past began to flash before my eyes. I remembered that time where we would just have a simple picnic at Central Park and enjoyed each other company. I missed a lot of things we did in New York City.

I soon frowned when I came across the memory of him having sex with that stupid waitress. "Go take your whore shopping!" I shouted with anger and marched away as he continued to pound on my door, begging me to let him in. I proceeded my way to my kitchen to continue eating my breakfast. Eventually, the pounding stopped, the apartment resumed to its peaceful state, but knowing Bryan, it would not be the last time he'd show up.

The clock was ticking, it was already past six o'clock, but I found myself in my room at lost for confidence. That guy from Craigslist kept calling me, but I didn't want to answer and was having second thought about the meeting.

Holy cheesecake! What if Bryan's right? What if I he's a Craigslist killer, a murderer who takes advantage of lonely women like me?

Maybe I should meet guys the normal way, like at school or something.

An hour passed by, and when I decided to check my e-mail, I saw one from Mr. Dominate-From- Craigslist.

FROM: DOMINATE

SUBJECT: BAILING ON ME?

I WAITED FOR AN HOUR AT IHOP BEFORE GIVING UP. I'M GUESSING THIS IS THE END OF THE ROAD FOR US.

I decided to respond to him.

FROM: ANA

SUBJECT: SORRY

I AM JUST AFRAID TO MEET YOU. MAYBE IF YOU AT LEAST SEND ME A PHOTO OF WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU, BUT YOU KNOW MY NAME AND WHAT I LOOK LIKE. I ALREADY SIGNED THE CONTRACT TO RESPECT PRIVACY.

It took a while for him to respond back, and at that point, I was beginning to think he had lost all interest in me. Then a new e-mail popped up in my inbox. It was sent by Mr. Dominate-From-Craigslist.

FROM: DOMINATE

SUBJECT: ATTACHED IMG

DOWNLOAD IT. IT'S A PHOTO OF ME.

I downloaded the attached file onto my laptop and waited for it to open. The image that popped up was a photo of Christian Grey. I burst into laughter and scoffed at his whole bullshit. Why would Christian Grey need to post an ad for sex? I typed back:

FROM: ANA

SUBJECT: HAHA FUNNY!

WHAT DO YOU REALLY LOOK LIKE?

FROM: DOMINATE

SUBJECT: ….

ANA, THAT IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE. I'M CHRISTIAN GREY…

Oh, my god! How ridiculous! Picture yourself going on Craigslist, and the next thing you know, some weird guy is claiming to be Ryan Reynolds or Channing Tatum…or even Christian Grey!

I had enough and powered off my laptop. Was this all some kind of a joke?