Hey welcome back with a longer chapter due to being inspired and me trying to avoid finals.
WARNING:
This chapter deals with da implications. So warning for implied self-harm, implied sexual situations, and implied sexual coercion.
I hope yall enjoy!
A dark-haired girl wearing pajamas was helping a taller girl walk. The world was dark and wet, only the lights came from the buildings beside them.
"Hadley, oh shit. You good?"
Her voice was filled with concern. I weakly nodded my head, the feeling of nausea getting stronger with each step I took.
"Such bullshit that I'm getting sick on a Monday. Right when I got yall to watch the Bye Bye Man."
My voice was weak, my teeth chattering as the cold wind pushed me. I didn't know if I was happy with the cold air cooling me down or annoyed that I was now freezing.
"Hey, don't say don't think it," my friend joked causing me laugh before shaking my head as if it would stop the nauseous feeling.
...
I laid on the carpeted floor. My face inside the plastic garbage can as I puked out my guts. The sudden feeling of not feeling like shit washed over me. Until a minute or two later it came back leading me to the bucket once again. The sound of my roommate listening to youtube soothe me. I wasn't alone.
...
I stood in his dorm room. His dark brown eyes were glazed over as he drunkenly lead me to his bed. His thick hair was messy, his brown skin flushed.
"I'm a bit drunk," he slurred his accent thickening "Had like a wholeeee bottle of Jack Daniels…"
Why does he always want to hang out when he is shitfaced or hungover? At least I'm with him.
"Let's talk. You," he waved his finger at me, "are not happy. You haven't been happy for a while haven't you."
He grabbed my wrist, making me hiss. He made me roll up my sleeves, the scarring of cuts reflected off my white skin.
"Why?"
My mind just shuts down. How can I put words to something like this. My hands grab my hair, calm down calm down
"We known each other for six month, that is long enough for me to care about you," he slurred, "talk to me, I understand." Finally, someone I can trust, someone who understands me.
...
He kissed me, the warmth and attention felt nice as I ignored the taste of alcohol. It felt good to be needed. "You could give me a blow job. You don't have to of course. I'm not forcing you."
"I don't understand why I have too?"
"Well then you can just leave."
...
Anger and sadness swelled in me. Text after text of cruel words being thrown at me. Was it really my fault? Was I being difficult? I just wanted him to make the effort to hang out with me instead of the other way around?
...
Hurt, used. Manipulated. All my fault. Stupid stupid girl.
...
A group of people laughing. The dark hair girl was back, her back was leaning against the shoulder of a lighter skin guy. His long wavy brown hair rested upon her head. I was sitting next to a heavier girl with straight dark brown hair and brown skin. Everyone had cups filled with a dark burgundy liquid. Cards were lined up in the middle, all sevens. The girl to my right places down an ace, making twelve cards lined up in a row. Only a king was missing in the set.
"4 drinks for you three," she slurred pointing of the three of us. I rose my glass and started drinking, the slight taste of alcohol was completely indistinguishable.
...
I was standing there, a taller man stood in front of me. His brown skin was a sharp contrast to my light peach tone. He looked pissed, almost menacing as he stepped towards me. His lip was cut, blood was dripping from his forehead.
"I don't need the help from your kind."
The dark long hair man sneered with disgust and revulsion. His amber eyes were like a wild storm. His body towered over mine, blood over his face and shirt. The hand from his tattooed arm shoved me away. A hot rage filled my stomach.
"Ya know, you can go fuck yourself with that fucking shit attitude. I saved your ass and while I have no clue what the fuck is happening, I'm your best fucking option you asshole. Now. Come. With. Me."
Anger, so much anger filled me. How dare he dismiss me after I saved his life? Times were changing it wasn't my fault, wasn't anyone's fault. Things like this weren't supposed to happen. They weren't supposed to exist.
...
I was one my phone, pacing my section of the dorm. "Oh honey, it is just with everything on the news. Are you sure everything is alright?" I gave her a smile, rolling my eyes at the tall man who was spread out on my bed. "Yeah mom, everything is fine. Nothing to be worried about."
I heard a sigh of relief on the other side.
"Okay Hadley. I got to go now, got papers to grade. I love you."
"Yeah, love ya too mom."
...
We were packing up his car. This was a bad idea, why do people listen to me.
"This is an awful plan. Why the hell did you convince us to do this?"
The voice came from the wavy hair man, there was no real bite to his words. In a way it eased the tension.
I leaned against the car door. "Oh shut up, there ain't a gun pointed at your head. And it's a great idea go fuck yourself Wes."
We laughed. Sometimes when shit hits the fan, you have no other option but to laugh. Makes you feel somewhat in control.
...
Four of us sat in the car while the two guys went inside the gas station. The radio was quietly playing, our ears paying rapid attention to catch any relevant news. I let out a sigh and stretched my legs as much as I could.
"Y'know, I did a number on my hip fighting the big old govment in a dream. Didn't actually think I would actually be doing it."
The three dark-haired girls laughed.
"Hadley, you really are something."
...
I laid down on the motel bed. Only lifting my head up to see who opened the door. When it was revealed to be the man with the tattoo and long dark I gave him a teasing smile.
"Ya good gramps, didn't pull a muscle eh?"
The angry man seemed more relaxed. He smiled. He should do that more, makes him look...human.
...
It was just the two of us. Both out of breath. He was a good teacher, then again he did learn from the best.
"Come with us Hadley. You don't belong here, not anymore. You belong with m-us."
His hand lightly touched my cheek. His face closed to mine. Was this right?
...
Chaos. It was chaos everywhere. Whatisgoingonwhatishappeningsomuchyelling
shutupshutupshutup
"HADLEY LOOK OUT"
I gasped awake. My body jolting up in a panic. A burning pain reached from my head to my toes. I gasped for air. The vivid dreams burnt in my mind. Feelings of joy, horror, confusion, fear, and pain all jumbled within me. I leaned over the couch taking shaky breaths. Soon the pain mostly faded away, only a shitty migraine remaining. Before I could even begin to analyze what any of that shit was, Al's clearing of her throat distracted me.
"Ya finally awake. Thought ya ta be dead for a bit. Was considerin buryin ya- Hey hun ya alright? Ya look like ya been cryin."
Quickly I touched my face and to my shock found it to be quiet wet. My eyes felt puffy, and my nose was stuffed.
"Uh, bad dream," I said weakly as I grabbed my glasses.
Al gave me an odd look before nodding her head.
"I made ya some breakfast. Eat fast then meet me in da bathroom. We gotta do somethin about dat nest in ya hair."
With that order she went back to her bedroom, leaving me alone. A wave of exhaustion hit my body as I hobbled my way into the kitchen. Was what I saw real? With my heart pounding in my chest I looked at my underarms. Dread and relief flooded me as I saw the light scarring of many different cuts, just like in my dream. So they weren't just dreams, they were memories.
I love you floated in my head, the motherly voice brought tears to my eyes. That was my mom. I had a mom and she loved me. I had friends who cared about me. I winced when my mind reached the drunk man. A feeling hurt and betrayal came to me at the thought. Of all things, I think I wished that stayed forgotten. While those could be dreams, the feelings they invoked gave me a reason to believe otherwise. Plus, I am preferring the thought that they are still with me, therefore, the answers can still be recovered.
In the kitchen, there was a plate of scrambled eggs, waffles, and toast. Thank god Al took me in.
The food was delicious as the meal I had last night. The very idea of having food like this for the foreseeable future nearly got me out of the funk my dreams had put me in. Nearly.
After clearing the plates and cleaning them (something told me that Al would probably want that) I made my way to the bathroom. There resting by the sink was one of the kitchen chairs and Al leaning against the wall.
"Ya did ya dishes?"
I nodded my head. Al hummed before waving me to sit on the chair, which I did by sitting on the side of the chair to face Al.
"Other way around hun."
My eyes widen as I realized what she was going to do. Taking off my glasses and placing them in my lap I then rotated my body and leaned my neck backward so my hair was laying in the sink.
I felt one of Al's long fingernail traced my hair.
"I hate ta tell ya this hun, but I think most of dis is gunna get cut off. I ain't having no dirt clotted kid workin in my diner."
I merely gave her a shrug, not really caring enough to speak. The warm smiles of the dark hair girls, the comforting words of her mom, the anger of the tall man. The pain, the chaos, the screaming. It was all so loud in my head that I barely felt the cold water hit my scalp. Barely felt the pain of Al combing through the dirt, knots, and twisted curls that was my hair.
"Ow," I hissed as she hit a strong knot. I wasn't sure what hurt more, the throbbing migraine caused by my dreams or the throbbing head pain caused by my poor scalp getting violated.
"Hush up, life is pain kid. Get used ta it," Al said as she combed harder causing a few stray tears to drip down my cheek. I wanted to say that it isn't like I needed that reminder, but I decided to stay silent. Sassing the person that is allowing me to stay in their home after I planned to steal from them didn't seem like a great idea.
A frustrated groan left Al's mouth as she stopped her heel onto the floor.
"I did da best I could hun. The rest can't be salvaged."
"Cut it."
Al snorted as she pushed up her glasses, "Uh okay hun. Was gunna do dat anyways. Nice ta see ya onboard with it though." She opened the mirror cabinet, pulling out silver scissors.
"Now ta give ya da heads up. I'm goin a bit blind myself and I haven't cut hair in years so...I'm sure its gunna be fine."
That did nothing to reassure me. Not at all. Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes and lifted my head for her. It is just hair after all, it will always grow back.
Snip snip snip
Al started to hum an unfamiliar tune. Her foot was lightly tapping on the floor, forming a beat to whatever song caught her fancy. After what felt like five minutes the humming stop.
"Ya can open ya eyes now. Don't need to be some dramatic hun."
I grabbed my glasses and put them on. My fingers lightly let short strands of hair near my ear.
Deep breathe in
I opened my eyes
Exhale.
Huh, was that what I looked like underneath all that dirt. My curls were now short waves that went to my mouth, mostly due to the water. What was the biggest difference was the bangs that now rested on my forehead. The strands of browns, reds, and blonde were matted down from the water. Slight waves were starting to form as my hair started to slowly dry. It honestly wasn't that bad. And it seemed Al agreed with my assessment with the large grin on her face.
"Not so shabby if I do say so myself."
It was me in those dreams. Those memories. It really was a hard pill to swallow.
"Hey kid," Al snapped, "Didn't ya momma teach ya any manners?"
"Sorry Al. Thank you. Truly. It is just…" I trailed off, not really knowing how much I could say.
Al frowned, her brightly colored nails combing through my wet hair.
"Keep whatever ya want to yaself hun. It ain't nun of my business. Just...it ain't good to dwell on things ya can't change if dat is what buggin ya. Trust me on dat." Al spoke with such sincerity that I had to look up to see her. There was a tired look on her face, a look that seen too much. I didn't want her to be sad, not after everything she did for me.
I put on a fake smile, something that I just realized came surprisingly easy for me. After all, it is all in the eyes.
"Ya right Al. A new me. I can fuck with that."
SMACK
"OW," I yelped, rubbing the back of my head where Al smacked me.
"Watch ya tongue girl. Next time Imma get da soap."
"Okay, Jesus." My cheeks flushed, my eyes looking at the floor.
"Now get yaself cleaned up. Imma leave sum clothes for ya by da couch. Imma be opening. Meet me downstairs when ya ready." With that Al stalked off, leaving me alone to my own devices.
Note to self, never swear in front of Al.
When I met Al downstairs, the diner was already opened and filled with customers. Unlike the previous diner I went into, this diner was filled with African Americans. 1959, racism, segregation.
"There ya are. Thought ya gone and died on me," Al hollered at the bar. Scattered laughter filled the diner causing my face to flare up.
"Ah, dey seems a bit big for ya," said Al as she gestured to the shirt and skirt that seemed to hang off over me.
"It seems yer girl ain't got no meat on dem bones," a man sitting at the bar pointed out. A teasing smile his face.
"It's okay. I prefer oversized clothes." I was being completely honest. I did enjoy the feeling of wearing baggy clothes. However, judging the look on Al's face, it seemed she didn't believe me.
"I'll deal with dat another day. Now ya listen here hun, all ya got ta do is get orders and give dem to me. I'll handle da food and drinks. If ya want ta hand out water, knock yaself out."
I nodded my head. That is one way to run a diner, but it makes sense in a way. It was just Al before she picked me up, she must have a certain way to keep this place running. Just got interact with people. I can do that.
I bounced between table to table. It came to a point where it was just like a formula. I would go to a table and quickly straighten my back. "Good morning or well afternoon now. How can-How many I help yall today. Drinks? Or...are y'all ready to order." Each group generally just laughed at my slip-ups, not a mean laughter, just amusement. The worst they did was teased and joshed me ("So ya da white girl dat broke in...finally good old Al had sumthin entertaining to deal with otha than us. Keep dat woman on her toes for us won't ya girl."), but that was something I know that I was used too. In fact, it helped calm my nerves a bit.
Other than having to interact with people it went fine.
There was a small thirty-minute lunch break around one due to my late starting. After that, I started getting in somewhat of a groove. Still rather awkward but a harmless awkward.
We closed at seven at night. Al left me to finish up all the cleaning, organizing, and closing up. It was during this time I realized that this is my life from now on until I lose my usefulness for Al. Honestly, I'm okay with that.
With aching feet, I made my way back to the apartment. The lights were off and the entire place was quiet except for the running water coming from the bathroom. Inside the kitchen was a plate a fried chicken and a glass a water. Half asleep I grabbed the plate and brought it to the couch. As I sat down I noticed a pile of clothes placed up the arm of the sofa. With closer inspection, I realized it was the now freshly clean clothes that I had been wearing for the previous five days on the streets.
"I thought ya would miss it. A small piece from home," Al said as she walked towards me in a bathrobe. Her thick glasses sliding down her nose from all the water.
"Uh thanks Al. Really. You even managed to get the blood out."
Al nodded, "Seltzer water and lemon for blood hun. Nifty little trick I found."
A burned man was in a laundry shoot, he was using a tide pen to attempt to clean a blood-soaked shirt. Laughter filled the dark theater.
"Or you can just wear red," I said immediately, before snapping my mouth shut. What the hell was that?
Al gave me a curious look before letting out a soft laugh. "Huh, ya got a point hun. Ya got a point." She stretched her arms and started to head back to her room. "Finish up eatin and get sum rest hun. We start early tomorrow morin."
"Uh huh," I mumbled, my eyes focusing on my dinner. Any certainty I got from regaining some of my memories last night vanished. The biggest missing piece taunted me, but I tried to shove it away. Deal with it in my sleep, right now it is food time.
As I ate my food, I tried to ignore the uneasy feeling sleep was bringing me. Was remembering worth it?
Thanks for reading! I hope yall enjoyed it! Leave a review telling me what you think of the story so far. Sorry for any typos or grammatical mistakes, I probably missed a good amount of them.
Next time on Lost:
Everyone's favorite grumpy mutant shows up. Yeyeyeye