It's been two days since the breakfast with my family and I'm still extremely pissed off with Nate. How could he assume so quickly that I came back to just ruin his stupid relationship with his girlfriend! According to Chuck, they aren't even doing great. They've been arguing all year long and have some sort of trust issues.
It's Monday and as I walk down the streets of the Upper East Side I see people take out their cell phones and snap my picture. This has been happening for the past two days. Apparently, Little J being back in town is the most important piece of information Gossip Girl has received in a while. Trust me I'm not that much of an interesting topic. I'm back and ready to change my ways and apologize for my actions not destroy a bunch of people's lives which I assume is what Gossip Girl is expecting. All of this is what leads me right where I'm standing now: Blair's penthouse.
I go up to where she lives and find her sitting in the couch playing with Dorota's one year old daughter. I was never able to see her baby daughter the day she was born. Instead, I was too busy trying to cover up the tracks of my mistake. Dorota's daughter looks adorable in a pink dress and a pink headband on her head.
"I see you've already got her wearing headbands." I say startling Blair. The moment she looks at me her smile fades and a menacing look crosses her face and I have a feeling that she just wants to punch me right then and there. Truth be told, I'm a little scared of that look, but I've dealt with Blair long enough to know that she wouldn't do anything to hurt me physically…yet.
"What are you doing here?" she responds, her voice cold as ice.
"We need to talk." I tell her and put on my bravest façade.
"We have nothing to talk about. I told you to stay away from Manhattan."
"I know but-"
"But nothing! I told you I would destroy you if you ever set foot here again, and destroy you I shall. Jenny Humphrey, you have no idea what you have just gotten yourself into."
I feel myself stiffen as Blair says those words. I have a feeling she isn't exaggerating when she says she will destroy me, but I keep my brave face and say to her, "Blair, I never meant to hurt you by any of this and I just want you to know that I am extremely sorry for what happened that night. I was depressed and things just happened."
Blair keeps quiet and just looks at me for a couple of minutes, "It is going to take more than a lame apology to earn my forgiveness. This isn't even close to what you need to do in order for me to forgive you."
"What do I need to do, Blair?" I say, feeling desperate.
Blair smiles a very wicked smile and says to me, "First, get out of my house! Second, get out of town and don't EVER let me see you near me again!"
All I manage is a subtle shake of the head and then run out of the penthouse. If she knew the truth she probably wouldn't be as mad as she is now, but I can't tell her the truth. I made a promise to both Chuck and Nate. So now I have to endure Blair's wrath and deal with whatever crap she pulls on me. Hopefully my next stop won't be as bad. I doubt Serena will threaten me as badly as Blair did.
I walk into my old loft and find Serena in the kitchen. I find it strange that she's been hanging around my old home a lot lately, but I remember that Chuck mentioned Dan and Serena have gotten extremely close lately and she finds it calming to stay at the loft. Dan isn't here right now which makes me feel a little better. I'd rather not apologize to her in front of a live audience, but I realize then that maybe a witness might be nice because you never know when she could grab one of those kitchen knives she's using and stab me with them. I notice that I've been standing in the loft for a couple of minutes and haven't said a word. I walk in a little further and make a noise to catch Serena's attention. It works because she looks up at me and puts down whatever she was making.
"Jenny?" she says with an edge to her tone.
"Serena, hi." I say and hear that I sound nervous.
"What are you doing here?"
"Well Chuck told me that you've been hanging around the loft a lot lately and I went by Blair's house and you weren't there so I decided to check over here before I went to Nate's apartment." I stammer quickly
Serena just looks at me and then rolls her eyes, "You never answered my question, Jenny, what are you doing here?"
"Oh, right. Well, umm, I'm here to apologize about what I did last year. I realize I must've put you through a lot of crap and I feel really bad about that. I already went to Blair and apologized to her, but she just kicked me out and I guess I'm not really expecting anything better from you."
I see Serena smile a little and she looks at me with a little warmth in her eyes.
"Knowing Blair, she must have done more than just kick you out. And yes, Jenny, you did put me through a lot of crap last year and because of that my relationship with Nate hasn't been the same. I want to forgive you. I actually feel that you're being genuine, but I just can't. A lot has happened, I'm sorry."
I nod and walk out of the loft knowing that at least I tried and she was way better than Blair. I feel that Serena will forgive me one day, unlike Blair, but if she ever found out what really happened then I would probably get stabbed with more than one knife.
My next stop takes me longer to get there because I don't really want to apologize to Nate. I feel like I don't owe him an apology, on the contrary he owes me one. But nevertheless, I walk into Nate and Chuck's loft with 'sorry' written all over my face.
Nate walks out of his room and spots me then looks around to see if we have witnesses.
"Don't worry, Nate, we're alone." I say rolling my eyes at him. How the hell am I going to manage an apology if I can hardly stand to be near him.
"What are you doing here?" he says and I feel like I have heard that too many times in one day.
"I'm here to apologize and then leave." I state. Nate looks at me and nods as if giving me permission to continue. I do not need his permission to continue talking. I have the sudden urge to just slap him across the face and leave without an apology or explanation, but decide not to.
"I'm sorry that I almost ruined your relationship with Serena. I know you guys love each other and I feel really bad that I gave you guys trouble."
"Is that all?" Nate says as if he's expecting more of an apology. That is what infuriates me and leads me to say what I say next.
"Actually no, there is more of an apology. I'm sorry that you're such a jackass and a horrible boyfriend. I'm sorry that Serena has to put up with you and I really am sorry that I lost my virginity to you!" I yell the last part out not realizing what I screamed out until it's too late. Nate stiffens as he hears the last part and I instantly regret what I said.
"Why did you just say that?"
"I'm so sorry, Nate. I didn't mean to, I swear!" I exclaim and look down at the floor. Nate's look is so intense I can't bear to look at him right now; he looks too angry.
"No, Jenny, no one's supposed to know what really happened that night! This is supposed to be a secret between me, you, and Chuck."
"I know! And I'm really sorry, but no one's here anyway. It's just the two of us!"
"Still." Nate sighs and continues, "We should keep this quiet. As in we don't even mention it to each other…it never happened, Jenny, okay?"
"Yeah, okay, it never happened, Nate!"
I feel tears coming to my eyes and I try to hold them in. How could he just say that I 'never' lost my virginity to him? That chuck 'never' found out and covered for the both of us and risked his relationship with Blair just to protect us. That I 'never' had to go away for a year because I couldn't face Nate, Serena, Blair, or even Chuck. And that I was 'never' in love with Nate and he 'never' broke my heart.
"What never happened?" says Serena walking in on our conversation and startling both of us. We both look at Serena and then at each other and we silently agree to keep lying. It's the easiest thing to do right now.
"Nothing, Serena. I just came to apologize to Nate and he wouldn't let me so we decided that I never came over." I pulled that out of my head so quickly I have no idea how I came up with such a believable answer.
"Oh, is that true Nate?"
He looks at me and then back at his girlfriend and says, "Yeah, it is."
"So I think I should go." I suggest, "Umm, well bye Nate…and Serena"
I walk out of the apartment feeling a whole new set of emotions take over me and as I'm walking home, the tears I was holding in back in the apartment start pouring out.
OK. so i watched the Gossip Girl season finale and it was amazing! i almost cried in the end! it was so intense and then the whole chuck/jenny thing! i can't wait until season 4. i cannot believe we have to wait until september for it to come back and the same thing goes for 90210, another of my favorite shows. the season finale was amazing too! i am not a patient person, 4 months will not make me happy :( lol..well anyway i hope you enjoy this chapter, the truth somewhat comes out..