TW: Suicidal thoughts, Deaths

So I listened to Dark Paradise by Lana del Rey for the first time in a LONG time on repeat and got this. And I always thought about Riza whenever I listened to it. honestly, i love this - is that bad? I wrote this after writing out a heated argument between Roy and Riza for a different story.

004 Grave

Hurt/More Hurt/Angst

The first was her mother's.

The second her father's.

The third, the Ishvalan child's make-shift grave marker.

Hughes'.

Jean Havoc.

Alphonse Elric.

And lastly, she buried her hidden love affair along with the love of her life.

The evening Lust murdered the Hero of Ishval, Riza was prepared to die at the hands of a Homunculus – to join in him in dark paradise. But Alphonse stood in the way between her and the Homunculus.

"Run, Alphonse." But where was he going to go when Lust blocked the entrance.

She allowed the child endure the slashes to his metal body as she wept helplessly kneeling on the floor, gun barrels emptied. The sounds of slicing metal unnerved her, but did little to stir her from her trance. He fought until he couldn't anymore – until the voice from his armor faded from within.

Riza looked up to see the blood seal cut neatly in half, "Alphonse?"

Lust hummed, "Ho. So you still have some life left in you." Her digits lengthened into deadly claws and pierced Riza in the left shoulder, pinning her to the cement ground beneath her. She heard the click-clop of high heels approaching. "Such a shame your handsome Colonel had to die. And you even let the armored boy die. Two sacrifices in one night. Tsk tsk. I'll give you your death wish, human."

After a struggled reach to her back pocket, Riza's fingers clashed into a snap, igniting the air around Lust. It was enough to unpin her from the ground and disorient the bitch. Before Lust could regenerate, Hawkeye continued the barrage of flames upon her body. Her unearthly screams filled the air as she writhed in pain. Concentrated wave after wave, her brown eyes flashed with the flow of the fire around the burning flesh until Lust reached her limit.

Lust's lavender eyes glared into hers, one of her talons inches away from her face. The Homunculus managed to grin, "How ironic. For me to underestimate a woman's lust. For her beloved. Oh no… for her survival.

In turn, Hawkeye felt nothing. She watched as the creature faded with the wind.

And then darkness.

For a while, Hawkeye thought she had her wish granted. She realized she was wrong when her eyes opened and the sterile smell of a hospital room registered in her nose.

Riza was told that her body was found by the Fuhrer himself next to Alphonse's scraps and Lust's dust. The day had taken two soldiers and one child. She supposed she was unlucky, especially to have been found with the Flame Alchemist's signature glove on her hand.

She couldn't talk - not to the nurses and doctors, to the rest of her unit, even less to unhinged Edward Elric who deserved her answers. He needed to hear that it was her fault, but she was too selfish.

People came up to her before the funeral to offer their condolences, as if she was his wife. Maybe in her dreams, maybe in a world that wouldn't exist anymore.

Her tipping point that hour was when members from the State Alchemist Board had the audacity to approach her about taking up the mantle as the Flame Alchemist. She cursed herself for not pulling the trigger the night before.

Chris Mustang stood next to her, silently wiping the tears that would occasionally fall. Riza could tell she was tearing from within as well. But Chris was stronger than she. She put a hand around Riza's shoulder and pulled her in closer as the pallbearers walked passed them.

Everything within her wanted to scream, yell, and plead for them to stop burying Roy, Jean, and even Alphonse, who they said died for the sake of the country. She wanted to claw into her chest to make the agony hurt – to make it go away. But her apathy stayed with her, even throughout the Fuhrer's speech.

On a cloudy and somber Tuesday, she awoke prepared. With her honorably discharged papers approved, her days after the funeral were silent and lonely. She fought the decision as it felt everything was taken from her in one swift strike. Fuery offered to take care of Hayate while she coped, but maybe she needed him. No, she needed Roy.

Riza dragged her feet over to her desk and pulled out the drawer to expose the hand pistol. This time, she wouldn't look back. She positioned herself where it would be less messy overall and closed her eyes.

As her finger moved to the trigger, the telephone rang. She waited for it to stop, but it kept on and on. Riza gently placed the pistol to the side and lifted herself to the phone. "Hello?" Her voice sounded hoarse.

A chipper voice answered on the other side. "Hello, yes. I'm trying to speak to Riza Hawkeye?"

"This is she. Who is this?"

"Yes, we're calling from Central Hospital. You stayed with us a few days ago."

She sighed into the receiver, "I'm aware."

"Well, we have your bloodwork back and we've found traces of human Chorionic Gonadotropin." Riza let go of the handle. She heard the lady as it hung, "Congratulations!"