Author note: This is another filter chapter. I won't be following a major event in the manga because I haven't had the chance to read the manga to my hearts content just yet. I recently started watching Clamp school detectives and have fallen in love with Nokoru and Suoh. (I know my yaoi couples are multiplying) So they'll be canon in this fiction. I won't be really actively shiping them in this story though. My focus is Kamui and Subaru!

The chapter five will be coming a day or so later than usual. I have a KamuiXSubaru Tsubasa 1-shot burning in my brain that I have to write down later today when I have a moment.

Seichan1999: I'm glad I can display their bond. I hope I can continue that in the future chapters. Thank you for the support!

Koryandrs: Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own.

Chapter start

The chair was painfully austere and the blossoms were overpowering Kamui with their heavy perfume. He supposed dimly that flowers smelled better when there were only a few stems. He had been stuck in a cage of them unfortunately. And it was all Sorata's fault.

Blue eye watched as Kamui fidgeted, pressing his hands under him and pushing slightly from the chair. It was hard to imagine in that moment that this was the Kamui destined to fight for the world. Instead of that image Kamui resembled a repentant child, eyes downcast and cheeks faintly red as he waited for a scolding.

Nokoru Imonoyama shared a glance with his closest companion Suoh Takamura and grinned, causing the taller man to sigh and refocus on Kamui. He subtly shook his head in order to convey that Nokoru shouldn't tease the younger. It didn't happen as often as he liked but on occasion the blond would heed his warnings.

This time the devilish glint in the blue eyes faded and Suoh released a breath. Suoh had sympathy for this boy. This teenager was in every way his age both physically and mentally but horribly fractured and underdeveloped in emotional circumstances. It was so obvious, just how socially unstable Kamui was, welcoming of abuse and confused around affection.

Kamui took social cues meant to be friendly and misinterpreted them, twisting them and clinging to his conclusions with a Childs obstinacy.

Both he and Nokoru were aware of the circumstances surrounding Kamui since nearly the moment he had been born. Severe isolation from others of his age and never a father figure to learn from. Kamui had forged bonds with only two other children in his sixteen years and one was now severed while the other was corroding slowly and sending a poison through the teen.

"Let me offer you some tea," Nokoru finally said and motioned behind him for Akira to step up.

"I'm oka-"

"Nobody can make iced tea as delicious as Akira can," the director steamrolled over what he was sure would be a well practiced refusal Kamui probably parroted every hour of every day.

Kamui lapsed into silence again and waited. When Akira stepped near enough to pour a glass of amber liquid his eyes slid to the side to watch, ready to pull away from the older man. Suoh saw it and darted his gaze to Nokoru.

The blond had his fan out and opened, a camouflage to the fact his lips had compressed and his eyes were darkening.

"Your teacher has shown some concern in you Kamui," Nokoru said when he had composed himself.

He knew it. Kamui sighed as he waited for the questions. Questions of how he was so stupid. It wasn't as though school had ever mattered to him. His mother never bothered to make him go and he had taken full advantage of it, enjoying the chance to not be in a crowd. Now though he was paying for it.

School was only mandatory until high school. If Kamui had his way he would have dropped out the minute he came to Tokyo. Things had gotten complicated though and it hadn't seemed an urgent concern, his schooling. Now he was even more trapped.

When Nokoru had offered to waive all the school and housing fees the others had been so exited and grateful. Only Kamui had been hesitant. Agreeing meant he would be dependant and what was more he would be forced to make effort to not seem a bother.

His refusal hadn't been heard in the face of the other teen's thanks and Subaru had been indifferent to it either way. Nokoru had used his miraculous ability to cut Kamui off and forced the teen into acceptance.

The work made little sense to Kamui who had never developed a studying ethic or a routine to listening to things that made him yawn. Sorata had offered to help him.

Sorata was always offering things. Offering food, offering trips, offering help on homework. Kamui had dodged every single outing proposed, he managed to occasionally skip meals. The one thing he couldn't avoid with complete accuracy was the homework help.

The first day Kamui had agreed reluctantly and had even paid serious attention to the elder so as not to throw the help back in his face. It had been math that time. He had gotten every single one wrong. With even more reluctance he was coerced into a second day of joint effort together on his history. Again, he had gotten every single question wrong.

This had continued for a few more days but Kamui had gotten adept at not being around when Sorata wasn't occupied by Arashi or cooking or whatever else the monk occupied himself with. Even then his work had only moderately improved. The only time Kamui ventured into the joint living areas was when they weren't there or when Subaru fetched him.

The onmyoji would knock twice before calling his name every time. It hadn't taken long for Kamui to figure out that Sorata or Arashi was sending him but Subaru never complained. He didn't tattle either when Kamui jumped from his window in order to avoid him and the others. He would however stop Kamui from leaving the Clamp grounds completely.

It confused Kamui why they would continue being so compassionate when he had shown them nothing back. It had to be because he was Kamui. Otherwise there would be no reason for them to be kind to him. In light of that he wouldn't inflict his presence unnecessarily.

Even now he didn't understand how Nokoru and the other two were treating him respectfully.

"Would you like a tutor?" Nokoru asked.

Kamui glanced up swiftly, his eyes wide. Nokoru had to cover his face again swiftly. The look the teen was sporting was one of disbelief and almost comical shock. It faded and took on a pensive set until it again settled into the look Kamui most often wore.

"I'm fine Imonoyama-san."

Talking to a parrot would have had to be easier.

"I know you're fine," Nokoru said, "and call me Nokoru."

Kamui shook his head in negation. Nokoru didn't push the point. Instead he crossed his legs and sipped from his glass.

"Clamp school is for promising youths with amazing talent. I believe you have that talent necessary Kamui and I'm not talking about your abilities as a dragon."

Kamui gave him a blank look and Nokoru backed off again. It was almost like he was poking a festering wound when he interacted with Kamui. The teen was missing all of the cues to open friendships. He seemed determined to build walls that were difficult to scale over.

"Well… think it over okay? We want you to succeed here Kamui."

Now that was a lie. Kamui couldn't believe it for more than a split second. It quickly discarded in his brain as he brought forth the truth. They only needed him because of his role in destiny. Then came that niggling wash of hot shame. With the consistency of their overtures to him he had to wonder what he'd do if these people were genuinely trying to be there for him.

Torn between his brain and an unidentifiable feeling Kamui agreed to think it over. While Nokoru and on occasion the other two spoke he offered a little more than usual, responding with slightly more willingness that still lacked openness. He was bullied neatly into going on a two sided first name basis with Nokoru and Akira and succinctly told honorifics weren't necessary. Suoh assured him that either way was fine and he shouldn't feel pressured to do anything. He said that with a rather stern look at Nokoru who chuckled and waved his fan dismissively.

The moment it was possible Kamui excused himself, forcing his limbs to keep a moderate pace until he was removed from the garden prism. In a second he leaped up and onto the buildings roof, using his ability to scale over them.

He was a little disappointed when Fuma didn't appear to block his path. Before the teen had popped up every few days just to taunt and maneuver Kamui into more acts of submission. He had a small feeling soon Fuma would stake an even more lasting mark on him. He had wondered if it would hurt and if the pain would serve a purpose. Like maybe if Fuma hurt him enough then he would return to normal…

But Fuma wasn't showing up anymore. At the top of his head Kamui churned like butter. If something had happened to Fuma then what could he do? Below that though was a white hot jealousy. A million 'what if' questions like what to do if Fuma had found someone else to occupy his time. Someone who didn't turn into a submissive and longing child when he was near, someone who wasn't as breakable as a weed under Fuma's hands.

He knew he should have returned to class. Nokoru had called him out at the beginning of first bell and it had taken over an hour for him to get around telling Kamui about a possible tutor. He would have to be firmer in refusing Sorata.

It was just… he and the other dragons had been dealing with him. It was far from his mind to cause trouble. When he was pushed he didn't know how to say no for very long.

It wasn't as though he could have kept up his arrogant and cold attitude. That was far beyond his capabilities now. It had been drained from his core and sucked from his marrow until all he could do was exist.

The twenty minute walk was turned into less than ten minutes. His feet landed right in front of the door he needed. Kamui glanced behind him as he dug into his pocket for the key, leaning against the pillar in order to arch back, his books held loosely in his other arm. Before he could yank the key out the door swung open.

Kamui was again caught in a rather undignified position. He froze like a deer and gave Subaru a panicked look which the onmyoji returned with a calm and neutral scan.

The blush swept up his neck and cheeks, wondering why it was always the onmyoji to induce these awkward and unexplainable moments. With a small grimace Kamui pushed from the pillar with his key in his hands, useless now.

"Shouldn't you be in class?" Subaru asked.

Kamui found he didn't mind the small light in Subaru's eyes, whether it was for the position he was in or the fact he found Kamui's delinquency amusing and had no intention of scolding him for it.

"Shouldn't you be in a lecture?" He retorted slowly, just in case.

Kamui enjoyed spending time with Subaru. Out of all the seals Subaru was the one to give him the most freedom. Not physically, the onmyoji had zero qualms about hunting Kamui down and bringing him back to the school grounds when Kamui ventured out after a nightmare.

Subaru didn't approach him for things like how he was feeling or to ask his opinion on what movies they all should watch that night. With Subaru he had freedom to hold his wish and nurture it without hearing about it being unhealthy and with little to no chances of being reality.

Subaru never pushed and made no demands on Kamui beyond that he be himself and let Subaru be Subaru.

It reminded Kamui of two oceans that intermingled. When he and Subaru happened to pass together they would let each other pass as slowly as they liked, welcoming and silently supportive of each others paths. The only condition was that neither delved too deeply into the dark depths they both had, that they avoided the freezing drafts that they occasionally sent out. They didn't push and they didn't abandon.

The exact opposite of every other relationship in his life. If Kamui and Subaru were the oceans then Kamui and Fuma were two slabs of glacial ice. When they drifted together one would always shove the other in order to continue on its path, Fuma crumbling more of him without care in order to push forward.

Subaru shut the door behind him. Honestly he wasn't surprised Kamui was there. The teen didn't strike him as a studious kind and he had been rather startled to find Kamui didn't have any plans to drop out. It was good. Kamui needed the stability of school and the promise school gave of a future.

Kamui coughed a little and Subaru dropped his gaze, shifting to look over the teens shoulder rather than directly at him.

"I was going for more cigarettes. Would you like to come?" Subaru offered the outing on a whim, a sudden impulse to diffuse the odd tension.

He noticed the refusal that sprung to Kamui's face until it became hesitant instead. It was an occasionally fun but fruitless game to try and imagine what ran through that brain, fruitless because short of asking it was impossible to know the truth.

It was an offer Kamui was tempted to accept. It was very rare he managed to get away from the school grounds and that was abhorrent. If he did it was mostly to be dragged somewhere by Keiichi or to go to some sweet shop with Yuzuriha.

Still why would Subaru want to spend any time with him?

In the end Kamui shook his head. "No, I should do some studying."

If he wanted to avoid a tutor then he had better start understanding his work... after a nap.

"All right then." Subaru slipped past him and Kamui couldn't help following him with his eyes.

Subaru just looked dependable. He had broad shoulders that tapered into a slim waist and long legs. The first word that sprung out was supportive. Kamui blushed and clicked his tongue at his thoughts. Studying Subaru's anatomy wasn't something he needed to do.

He went inside and wandered to the kitchen. A snack would be nice. Sorata had bought him a carton of vanilla ice cream, lightly teasing about how plain it was. The monk was always teasing and didn't stop until he managed to drag a smile or a laugh out of the teen.

As he spooned generous amounts into a bowl Kamui thought about it. Yuzuriha and Sorata were always teasing him. They were always trying to get him to be more involved. He could admit that he had thawed towards Sorata who had been constant since his return to Tokyo. It was natural to thaw a little when people were constantly thrust in your face.

He plopped onto the couch after a split second decision to watch TV. It was rare that he indulged in it. Mostly he just liked the noise. Silence was his enemy since then he could think.

The ice cream melted deliciously on his tongue, the cooling effect it had on his mouth immediate and then it slid down his throat. He held the spoon for a moment against his tongue, thoughts turning to Fuma again.

Vanilla ice cream had been Fuma's favorite and that had been the taste of Fuma's kisses. Blood and vanilla ice cream… if that wasn't sick then he was a fairy.

When he ate the ice cream he could imagine Fuma's tongue almost, the pressure it had exerted to push Kamui's to the floor of his mouth, possessive and dominate in every way. With little thought the spoon did the job, his eyes half closing.

A particularly loud boom from the TV made him sit up and tense, ready for an attack. Then he realized where it had come from and he uncoiled with a sigh. He dipped the spoon in his bowl again but he ended up letting it tilt and slip from the side, listening to the dull dripping as it landed.

The mood for the sugary treat gone he set it on the table with a hurried toss as though it had burned him. He covered his face with his arm and suppressed the tears. He was sick, sick, sick.

He loved the real Fuma. But the only embraces he had came from that interloper, the only affection. It was a horrible tie he was allowing to remain intact. He was aware of it.

The craving didn't end though and it had only gotten bigger since this had all started. Kamui was realizing with startling acceptance that he didn't care if it was with the intent to harm he wanted Fuma to focus on him and only him. It didn't matter that Kotori had died and it didn't matter that Kamui himself would be killed.

The clock ticked slowly in the background as he tried to move to do his work. It was a sluggish process and every time he thought of it to prod himself along it faded more. There wasn't any need to do homework. Homework and everyone else didn't matter when he felt like he had a hole that never could be closed or filled.

He wasn't aware of the passage of time as he sat there. It must have been awhile because suddenly the front door was swinging open and Subaru was filling the house again.

"This is unusual," Subaru commented, "you usually avoid these areas like they have plague."

"I got distracted." Kamui muttered.

He dropped his arm to his side. Subaru took note of the slightly rimmed eyes and the defeated posture. He recognized it very well. His own bones were often contorted in that very way.

"Mind if I join you?" Subaru asked instead of trying to dig through Kamui's confusing mind processes.

"Go ahead."

Kamui shifted over so Subaru could sit beside him. The onmyoji was smooth as silk when he did, everything a fluid motion, cigarette in his mouth and being lit as he reclined back, shifting so his feet were stretched in front of him.

He breathed a cloud out and the scent of it filled the surrounding air. It wasn't a cloying smell despite its questionable welcome. Kamui allowed it to wash over him without complaint, already used to it. The smell of smoke always clung to Subaru the same way he also faintly smelled of the incense he used in rituals. And the scent under it all that was unique to him and entirely indefinable.

Subaru was aware of the intense concentration Kamui was now giving the TV. He almost believed the teen was just that into the program. Then he noted the glazed look in the amber eyes that was only there when Kamui wasn't listening or was caught in his storm ravaged mind. Then there was the fact the TV was turned to the soaps channel. Call Subaru cynical but he doubted that Kamui was into the dramas of who slept with whose brother-in-law and is hiding the fact their pregnant while another bunch of characters plotted scandal and mayhem.

Subaru managed to contain his chuckle and instead moved forward to grab an ash tray. It was interesting how easy it was being with Kamui. Normally Subaru wasn't one to enjoy company. He was okay with the seals because he decided how much time he was in their company and even then he wasn't completely relaxed with them.

Yet with Kamui he was exceedingly comfortable even though the teen wasn't a ray of sunshine. Maybe that was why. The bottom line was being with Kamui was peaceful. Despite the fact he was capable of dragging Subaru into moments of extreme pity and worry for the teen.

Subaru reflected on just how fate could be the biggest bitch of them all. Kamui had lost his mother and both his cherished people, discovered he held the destiny of every single organism on the planet in his inexperienced hands, had been brought to deaths door and ten suffered through a near complete shattering of his mind.

Whether Kamui was aware of it or not he had a strength. It was a kind one was either born with or not. Some people could be brought to that edge of insanity and despair and simply hover. Others were unable to pull back and plummeted into that dark and horrid gore. It took a certain kind to come close to falling but pull away and continue living instead.

"Subaru are you happy here?"

The question broke the reverie the onmyoji was in. Kamui had turned to look at him, his eyes earnest and his whole posture tensed.

"I'm… content I suppose." He spoke carefully.

Kamui's face fell a little and it perked Subaru's curiosity.

"Why would you ask that?"

Kamui furrowed his brows a little as he considered his answer as though he was trying to find the words.

"It's just that you don't have a choice. None of you do," Kamui said, "and you guys have to deal with…"

Subaru tilted his head as understanding hit him. Before he could think better of it he reached. Kamui tracked the movement but didn't move away or tense when the hand came in contact with him and wrapped around the back of his neck.

Subaru tugged him forward and Kamui found himself pushed into the comfortable position of snuggling with Subaru. His head was against his arm, the hand that had tugged him close brushing strands of his hair, absorbing the silky texture.

"Subaru?"

Kamui showed no fear or concern at the sudden position. They had been close before but it generally followed a nightmare of Kamui's or one of the nights he decided to freeze on the roof until Subaru fetched him. Never before had contact been initiated outside of those circumstances.

The level of trust Kamui had in Subaru was as startling as it could be considered misplaced. Subaru had never been good for the people he cared for. His sister and grandmother were two very undeniable signs of that. One dead and the other trapped in a wheelchair after saving his life, a life he doubted was worth the effort anymore.

It didn't make him thaw any less to see that Kamui was regarding him with open curiosity and almost sleepy indifference to the close proximity.

"You can't be concerned with making us all happy." Subaru didn't deny his voice had a faint scolding tone to it mixed with warmth.

"But still you and the others didn't choose this." Kamui argued.

"And you did?" Subaru retorted lightly.

Kamui fell silent but he huffed a little and burrowed against Subaru more securely. He would never admit it aloud but the fingers in his hair felt good, sending small jolts of warmth down his spine. He half expected them to tangle suddenly and rip but they remained gentle, having a sleepy affect on him.

If he was a cat he might have purred.

Subaru sighed as he felt the slight mutiny in Kamui. "Would you like to know something?"

Kamui shrugged half heartedly. Subaru stayed true to his goal though.

"You don't eat with the others or engage with them unless it is necessary or forced by Sorata or me. Why is that?"

"You aren't telling me anything, you're asking a question." Kamui said stubbornly.

Silence greeted his small defiance and he squirmed a little. "I don't know. I just don't want to be a bother."

"So you think being with you bothers us?"

Kamui shrugged again. There was a new resistance though in his body. Subaru slid his hand over and massaged the tensed shoulder, knowing he had hit the spot.

It had been suspect to him for a long time now. He had been vaguely aware that Kamui was very closed off and distant. From what Sorata and Arashi had said in passing he had in fact been very outlandish, even violent, in the beginning of his return to Tokyo. The kind of person they would have expected to go to become a dragon of earth.

His only moments of gentle reflection had been with Kotori and Fuma. It had been that that made Sorata determined that Kamui was meant to be with all of them.

"Let me explain. We aren't expecting more from you than you can give, Kamui." Subaru broached it carefully.

"But you are!"

Kamui suddenly jerked away. The motion caused Subaru to shift and the ash gathered on the tip of his cigarette crumbled onto his hand. He cursed and brushed it off swiftly. Kamui looked slightly taken aback and mournful.

"See? You all expect me to be this leader, to save everything when I can't even save myself! All I do is cause pain and I bring death."

He hung his head. "You should have left me to my dreams then. At least then I could have the real Fuma and Kotori."

"So you regret coming back?" Subaru demanded sharply, causing Kamui to startle. "I didn't bring you back Kamui. You chose to return in order to fulfill your wish. What I and the others want doesn't matter.

"But they want you to be happy, even if it's just for a moment. Do you think we like seeing you sad and isolating yourself? I understand why happiness isn't possible right now. But I do hope you'll eventually find it."

Kamui felt tears flood into his eyes but he forced them back, clenching his fist and biting into his lip. The taste of blood crossed his tongue as he bit too hard and it took him back, conjuring an image of Fuma. He shook his head to try and dislodge it.

Subaru didn't protest when Kamui collapsed against him, fingers tightening in his shirt. Instead he put his cigarette out and held the boy close. It really did bother him that this one teen was suffering so horribly. Enough that he was crossing his lines in order to interfere.

Kamui wouldn't let the meaning of the words reach too deeply though. He brushed them aside, unable to trust them. Even if it was Subaru who probably hadn't lied to him. Probably.

He wanted to ask if Subaru was okay, he wanted to apologize to him for having a tantrum. Kamui felt like nothing but a bother and an inconvenience.

Instead he blurted tiredly "Nokoru says I need a tutor."

It struck him that Kamui referred to the principal so informally. A small sliver of something he didn't care to evaluate entered his system and he tightened his grip unknowingly. He tried to tell himself it was good for Kamui to forge connections, to be the opposite of him. He didn't want Kamui to isolate anymore and long for Fuma.

His own life was parallel so he knew very well that it wouldn't lead to the happiness Kamui longed for. Whether or not Fuma could be revived or not he didn't know. But it felt wrong to allow Kamui to dedicate life to that and become obsessed with it to the point he didn't live.

"I could help you if you want," he offered, surprising even himself.

The offer wouldn't have been off to assume it would be denied. Instead though Kamui nuzzled against his neck, causing a shiver to run down Subaru, a not foreign feeling that he hadn't felt in nine years.

"Unless you want Sorata to keep helping you," Subaru couldn't help but add in an attempt to distance from the feeling.

He was rewarded with a brush of warm breath, a sigh. It was gentle as a butterfly wing. Kamui was chuckling.

"Sorata is the reason why I need a tutor." Kamui said peacefully, content now to be held.

It wasn't his fault if Kamui imagined another offering homework help and a different set of arms. And it wasn't either of their faults that Subaru was remembering being in another's arms while he received homework help.

End chapter

Author note: I think my Subaru went a little off balance here. I'll work on that for next chapter. I'll also be trying to bring in more dialogue so I can practice with it. I'm gonna find a balance even if my fingers fall off from typing!

I do have fun though writing little moments between them. I'm gonna try a few moments between Kamui and Sorata and Yuzuriha so Kamui can grow starting next chapter too.