Title: At A Loss (Chuck)

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em

Chapter: 4/?

Rating: N/C 17

Pairings: Chuck/Casey; Some Bryce/Sara; Morgan/Alex; Ellie/Devon

Warnings: Language, Smut, Angst

Spoilers: All of Chuck up through series finale, somewhat...

Summary: Something is going on with Chuck and Casey and Sarah has no idea what is wrong...

Chuck can't believe that he just did that. He ended things with Casey. He knew it was for the best but it hurt. There was just no way that he could keep having meaningless sex with Casey when he was in love with him. He knew Casey would never love a guy like him. He hated guns, unless they were tranq guns. Where Casey loved to go shooting, he would rather sit at home a pretend to shoot on a video game. They were just so different and he was sure that Casey still looked down on him to some extent. Oh god, how could he let himself fall for the one person he could never have? All those damn kisses, all the damn sex in the world would never change Casey's mind. It was just an arrangement, an agreement between partners to give each other release. Nothing more. Why, why, why couldn't he just keep his feelings out of it? No, instead he has to go and fall for the NSA agent. This is such a major fuck up. Now he's hurting more than he wants to admit and apparently enough to freak Morgan out enough for him to call Ellie and Awesome. Great.

He really doesn't want to explain to them why he's so broken up. What's he supposed to say? Oh yea Casey and I have been fucking each other senseless after missions or whenever one or the other needed it? That he fell in love with a guy, with Mr. hard-ass NSA himself? Seriously they would think that he had finally and completely lost it.

Fuck this hurt, bad, but Chuck knew it was the best decision for the both of them. It would have just ended badly if Chuck kept pretending and going on with it, either Casey would have figured it out or it would hurt just that much more when Casey got tired of him. Dammit he was a complete idiot. He fucked up and broke the cardinal rule of spying, again, but he wasn't going to fuck up this time. Time to be a real spy. He was going to find a way to suppress his feelings, bury them somewhere deep, somewhere they wouldn't ever surface again. He had to find a way or the team would fall apart, and there is no way he is loosing Casey completely. Sure, he could never have him the way he wants, but Casey can at least still be his partner and that's all Chuck cares about right now. He just needs to find a way to make it happen, but for now he is hurting way too much and is at a complete loss on how to bury that.