Disclaimer: "Scattered" belongs to Green Day. I just bow down to their amazing talent, and continue to worship the ground they walk on. xDD
Author's Notes: The response for last chapter was so amazing, I had to update as soon as possible, just for you guys! You should all know-- this chapter's length is double all the chapters that came before it. Also-- there are a couple of scenes that seem... out of place. Bella is telling the story to Carlisle, I just didn't want to have to put it all in quotes. It's very similar to the previous chapters, where she's reliving old memories...
Also! Charlie and Renee are... (slightly) out of character, but this story is AU. So, don't say I didn't warn you.
I really hope you enjoy it, and I'm sorry in advance (cliffies are a bitch, right?).
Frostbite
Chapter Four: Scattered
I've got some scattered pictures lying on my bedroom floor.
Reminds me of the times we shared.
Makes me wish that you were here.
Now it seems I've forgotten my purpose in this life.
All the songs have been erased.
Guess I've learned from my mistakes.
Open the past and present.
Now and we are there.
Story to tell and I am listening.
Open the past and present.
And the future too.
It's all I've got and I'm giving it up to you.
Edward's condition grew steadily worse as the days passed. I could see his life leaving him bit by bit as the hours dragged on. Doctor Cullen gave the nurse strict orders to break any and all visitation rules so I could stay with him. Sometimes I'd talk to him, other times I'd cry for him, but mostly I sat in an uncomfortable arm chair, holding his hand and praying that he would just give me one squeeze of reassurance. One tiny little gesture to prove that he was okay. But day after day nothing changed, and I sat there with my all-too-still husband.
Doctor Cullen, true to his word, had made the funeral arrangements for Josh. It was a small ceremony--nothing special--where only myself and Doctor Cullen were in attendance. He had tried to press me for names--of neighbors we had known in Chicago, or long-distance family members who might have had an interest in being there for me. I refused him every time, not wanting to add any more stress than what I was already carrying on my shoulders. He gave me the space I was requesting, but I knew that his patience was wearing thin. Sooner or later I'd have to tell him... I was just counting on later.
I requested that Josh be cremated. I had no intentions of staying in Forks after Edward got better, and I wasn't about to leave my son there. We hadn't even crossed the threshold in our house, and already the bad memories were outweighing any and all possibilities of good memories. Edward and I would find the perfect place to lay our little boy to rest, and that had been the end of any discussions I was to have with Doctor Cullen about my son. He had seemed hesitant, once more reminding me that there was a chance that Edward wasn't going to make it-- a chance that was growing larger in the odds as each hour passed-- but had respected my decision again. He hasn't brought up Josh since he had handed me the urn with his ashes. I had placed it on Edward's bedside table.
Doctor Cullen never seemed to leave the hospital; when he wasn't actually adiministering to patients, he was sitting in the chair next to me, talking to me quietly about unimportant things. He seemed to be especially concerned with Edward's case. He was running more tests than I had ever thought were available; Edward had daily MRIs and CAT scans, blood was being taken daily for testings, and his vitals were checked every fifteen minutes. Doctor Cullen was keeping his promise; he was doing everything in his power to make Edward better.
It just didn't seem to be working.
"Bella," Doctor Cullen had started one day, after taking up his usual perch beside me. He relaxed into the chair, obviously tired from his day at work. "...he's not improving."
"He will," I stated adamantly, squeezing Edward's hand. "He's trying to make me worried. He was always such a dramatic person, you know?" I said softly, smiling. "Always wanted to be the center of attention..." I shook my head, leaning down to kiss Edward's knuckles in the way he had always kissed mine.
"Bella," Doctor Cullen attempted again. "Really-- there's nothing more we can do for him besides... make him as comfortable as possible for when he--"
"Don't. Say. It," I hissed, snapping my head to glare at him. "Don't even think it. Edward is going to make it, Doctor Cullen. He wouldn't leave me. Not like this." I turned back to stare at my husband, the unsettling blank look on his face seemed even more blank. The circles under his eyes were growing; he was getting paler, and his face was sinking in further. Still-- there was always hope.
Doctor Cullen seemed to be having an internal battle with himself for a while, before he said quietly, "Tell me about your families."
"Excuse me?" I pretended to have misunderstood him. Anything to keep from actually having to tell him.
"Bella," he said softly, his voice calming. "Please."
I didn't understand how that could be of any importance to him, but I decided that he was most likely attempting to distract me from more pressing matters. I took a deep breath and sighed. "His parents-- Edward Sr. and Elizabeth-- are dead."
"How did they die?" He asked, genuinely interested and concerned. I bit my lip.
"His father died from lung cancer when we were first married," it was painful to think about, yet here I was speaking of it, "we didn't even got the chance to tell him we were married..."
"What do you mean--?"
"Edward and I eloped... why don't I just tell you the whole story?" I sighed, squeezing Edward's hand once more for reassurance. Doctor Cullen didn't say anything, so I took a deep breath and started at the very beginning:
"Edward and I met by chance at college... I was inbetween majors, and he just wanted to take a class that wasn't related to his Medical Degree. We ended up sitting next to each other in Creative Writing, and we didn't get along at first. He was so dead-set on his career choice that he figured any and all relationships would only get in the way, and I didn't appreciate his... well, arrogance," I chuckled to myself, shifting in my chair. The leg in my cast was itchy, but I really couldn't worry about that, now. "It wasn't until the short story section did we start to become friends, and we started dating after the poetry section," I could feel my cheeks heating up, but I refused to meet Doctor Cullen's eye. "That was in our freshman year...
"We dated on and off for the next three years; the only time we were ever 'off' was when school and our relationship got to be too stressful for him," I squeezed his hand again, "I understood, and we took a break... by the time our junior year came around, those breaks were few and far between, until they stopped altogether-- we were inseperable. At the time, we knew how inevitable it was, so it wasn't that big of a shock when he proposed to me...
"Despite how I felt about marriage... I-I felt safe knowing that Edward was the person I would be willing to take that chance with. There was something so strong about our relationship that I knew we would be together forever, ring or no ring... I knew he only wanted to make it official-- that he really only wanted everyone to know that I was officially his forever... and that made my choice easier, too...
"Telling our parents... that was a completely different story... My... Renee and Charlie's relationship was not the best example of how a happy marriage should be," I began to twist the ring on my finger again, my eyes never leaving Edward's face. I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up breaking his hand; I was holding onto it that tightly. "My mother walked out on him when I was an infant... I didn't see him until I was about five-years-old, and even then, it was brief. He never got over it, you know, despite knowing how many other men my mother had seen over the years... So... One night, Edward convinced me that we should tell them," I took a deep breath, willing the tears to just go away. I squeezed my eyes shut and took in another shuddering gasp as I tried to control my emotions. I stopped twisting my ring and brought my free hand to my face, burying my head in it.
After all these years, they shouldn't have this effect on me. I shouldn't break down into a horrible mess every time I think about them; and I especially shouldn't have to break down now without Edward being well enough to hold me in his arms and tell me everything was going to be okay. I squeezed Edward's hand again, sure that I was giving him a bruise. I flinched as I felt a cold hand make contact with my shoulder, but I realized that was Doctor Cullen's way of comforting me. I thanked him silently with a nod of my head, wiping the tears off of my face. "We-we called them, together... Charlie first. We thought... since, he-he only saw me once a year, that-that he would take it all right..." The memory was flashing through my mind again, just as it had done only a few days ago. This time, though, I remembered everything, and it started playing out as if I was watching it on a high definition television...
Edward and I were sitting on his bed, my cell phone open in front of me. He was rubbing soothing circles into my back, whispering words of encouragment. I barely heard him, my fingers shaking as I dialed Charlie's number. "It'll be okay, Bells... he loves you, you know, he'll want to see you happ--"
"Hello?" Charlie's voice was gruff and uneasy. I wondered, vaguely, if I had woken him up.
"Hi... Dad," I whispered, but Edward nudged me. 'Louder', he mouthed. I sighed. "Hi, Dad," my voice was louder, yes, but not steadier.
"Bella?" I heard rustling on the other end of the line. I grasped Edward's hand in mine, and he gave me a squeeze of encouragment, silently egging me on.
"Yeah, Dad, it's me."
"Oh," he said quietly, and his voice came out clearer-- as if he had sat up. I took a deep breath.
"We need to talk--" why did I say that? Nothing good ever comes after "we need to talk". Charlie seemed to know that, too.
"What's wrong?" His voice was urgent-- I heard more rustling. I looked to Edward, panicked. He motioned for me to give him the phone. I handed it to him silently, and he put the phone on speaker.
"Hi, Mr. Swan," he started off, politely.
"Edward?" Charlie questioned. "Where's Bella?"
"Right here, Dad... you're on speaker."
"Oh." I really didn't like his monosyllabic answers, but I suppose it was better than silence. "What's up?"
"Dad-- I... I mean... Edward and I... well, you see--"
"We're engaged, Charlie," Edward cut in, and I looked at him, horrified.
"You're-- you're what? Bella?"
"Engaged, Dad... Edward and I are getting married."
"No, you're not." That took us both by surprise. If anything, we had considered Charlie to be the easy parent. "No, not going to happen," he muttered, and I wondered if he had wanted us to hear that. "Not while I'm still alive and kickin'--"
"Dad... Edward and I are in love, and it just--"
"Bella, sometimes love just isn't enough."
We were quiet for a while, none of us wanting to comment further upon that. I looked at Edward silently, begging him to take this situation by the reigns and just... make it all go away. It was pathetic, and I knew it, but Edward always handled the ridiculously hard stuff. He excelled at stuff like this...
"Charlie--"
"Mr. Swan, Edward," Charlie snapped into the phone. I heard some doors slam and I wondered what he was doing.
"Mr. Swan," Edward corrected himself, sending a fleeting glance my way, "I understand where you are coming from--"
"Boy, you don't understand anything, you hear me?" Charlie was beyond angry at this point, and I didn't like it. "There is no way you could possibly understand what is going through my head right now-- Bella, are you pregnant?"
"No."
"Is he forcing you into this?"
"No, Da--"
"Then what other possible reason could you have for marrying him-- you're so young-- too young!"
"Dad, I--"
"You aren't thinking, obviously. Isn't this the same boy you told me about this past summer? The same boy who broke your heart more times than you'd like to count? What's to say he won't do it again-- force you on another 'break' just so he could get into some other girl's pants?"
"Dad, I--"
"Really, Bella, what makes you think he's not just going to leave you again?" There was more banging on the other end of the phone. "And, really, can you even afford this marriage? You are going to have enough student loans to pay by yourself-- didn't you tell me he wanted to be a doctor?"
"Dad, really, I--"
"Didn't Renee teach you anything? Honestly, I thought all the time you spent with her and all of her... significant others would have taught you about the instability of love. Bella--"
"Charlie!" I shouted into the phone, taking it off of speaker phone before he did any more damage. I pushed myself out of Edward's arms and off of his bed. I crossed the room and began to pace as I slowly explained to my father, "I'm not asking for your permission-- and at this point I barely want your blessing. Edward and I are getting married, whether you want us to or not. I just thought that as my father, you should know."
"Do you really even consider me your father, Bella? What kind of father have I been, what with the one whole week I get to spend with you every year-- if that?" I stopped my pacing, my heart racing as he continued on, bitterly, "Perhaps you should just treat me as Renee has treated me all these years-- a sperm donor, and nothing more."
"Dad-- I--"
"Really, Bella, it's okay. Go, get married... make your own mistakes. Just don't expect me to walk you down the aisle."
And then, just as I was about to protest-- to order him to walk me down the aisle--the line went dead, and I collapsed on the groung, unable to take it anymore.
I looked at Doctor Cullen, his lips were pressed into a very thin line. I sighed, turning my eyes back to Edward's pale face. "Renee wasn't much better... it was pretty much the same thing-- Edward and I could get married, but I'd never be able to speak to either of my parents ever again.
"Edward's parents were ecstatic, of course-- I've never seen such loving people as his father and his mother. His father was battling lung cancer, at the time, which made things incredibly hard. Edward didn't want us to marry because he was so dead-set on me keeping my relationship with my parents, despite knowing how insignificant it was. Yet, at the same time, he wanted to get married before his father died...
"So, I gave him the idea that we could elope. It would be official for us and his parents, but if we didn't want to let my parents know, we didn't have to. Then, we could always have a full-blown wedding once my parents warmed up to the idea of our engagement. Edward wanted his parents to be there, of course, but his father took a turn for the worse and couldn't be there. His mother, as if sensing what was about to happen, refused to leave his side. My old roommate-- who I barely talked to-- was the witness to our 'wedding'. I think we both wore jeans and T-shirts... nothing fancy. We were on our way back to the hospital-- to tell his parents the good news... when we got the phone call...
"Edward's father had passed away that day, mere minutes after we had said our vows. The funeral was horribly unbearable; Elizabeth was so heart-broken..." I broke off, unable to finish as more tears began to fall, blurring my vision. "She was more of a mother to me than my own-- and Edward Senior... he was the father figure I-I suppose I never had either..." I wiped at my face again, determined to continue. "And Edward... Edward was so... crushed."
I didn't realize how long I was quiet until Doctor Cullen's hand squeezed my shoulder ever-so-gently. I turned to look at him, wondering what was wrong. "What happened next?" He whispered quietly, and I sighed.
"We kept our promise-- keeping our marriage a secret from my parents... when we visited, it was as if we were simply boyfriend and girlfriend. We never wore our rings-- not even the engagement band he had given me... This appeased Charlie and Renee for a while... until..." I took a deep breath, my eyes glancing, briefly, at the urn of ashes on my husband's bedside table. I bit my lip, hoping that would keep the tears at bay. I didn't want to have another breakdown. Not here... not now.
"I-I found out I was pregnant about a year after our secret wedding... we told Elizabeth first-- she was so, happy. It was as if this grandchild could possibly fill in the hole caused by her husband's death." I smiled, briefly, remembering the beautiful smile that would cross my mother-in-law's face any time she had seen me and my swelling belly. "She spoiled Josh before he was even born-- as soon as she found out the sex, she bought everything and anything that was blue..." I chuckled, remembering the large nursery filled with toys and blankets and clothes. It faded once I remembered the other side of the story.
"Of course, telling my parents was... a horrific experience. At first, they were angry because I was going to have a baby out of wedlock," I snorted, "which was odd, since neither of them were really that religious. I think it was more of the 'you're still too young' thing that carried over from our engagement... when I told them about the secret wedding, the fighting only intensified... until... until--"
"Yes, Bella?" Doctor Cullen urged.
"Until they completely disowned me."
My hand flew to my stomach as Edward and I approached the house. It was Thanksgiving, and we had been able to convince Charlie and Renee to fly out to Chicago so that my family and Edward's family could be together. I saw their rental cars in Elizabeth's driveway already, and my nerves were getting the best of me. Edward's hand squeezed mine in reassurance as he opened the door to his mother's house. "Mom, I'm home!" He called, his eyes searching for her. My breathing picked up as I heard Charlie's gruff voice coming from the dining room, and my heart nearly stopped at Renee's laughter.
"Elizabeth, you're so funny!" she was saying, laughing at some joke my mother-in-law had made. Edward squeezed my hand again.
"In the dining room, Edward!" Elizabeth called joyfully, coming to meet us at the door. "Oh, Bella-- you look lovely!"
"I look fat," I said shortly, and both Edward and his mother laughed.
"You look beautiful," his voice was in my ear, reassuring me. He kissed me on my sweet spot--right below my earlobe. I sucked in another quick breath. "Absolutely--" another kiss "--stunning." I blushed crimson as Elizabeth looked on adoringly.
"Come on, the turkey's getting cold!" She playfully scolded, ushering us into the room. My mother stood up and came to give me a hug.
"Oh, Bella," she gave me an awkward hug, not sure what to do about my massive stomach. She tenatively placed her hand on it, giving it a rub. I felt oddly like my stomach was some sort of magic eight-ball for her: 'Should I be happy for my daughter?' She jerked her hand away as if she had been burned, moving to take her spot across from Charlie.
The answer must have been, "Ask again later." I rolled my eyes, nodding at my father. He grunted in response, and Edward gave my hand a firm squeeze before he let go.
"Nice to see you again, Charlie," Edward said formally, extending his hand. Charlie stared at it for a while, before glaring up at Edward. Finally, he took Edward's hand with his pointer finger and his thumb--as if the hand offered was disgusting--and gave it a solemn shake.
"Edward," he grunted again, ignoring the look my mother was giving him. Edward sighed and turned to Renee dejectedly.
"Renee." His smile was forced as he extended his hand. She pushed it away, but recovered quickly as she stood up and gave him a hug. She gave me a pointed look over Edward's shoulder, and I rolled my eyes again. Did she really expect a thank-you for being civil to my husband? I had a feeling this dinner was only going to get steadily worse.
Elizabeth came out of the kitchen intermittenedly, bringing out side-dish after side-dish as my family attempted to make conversation. Soon, though, we found ourselves in an awkward, tension-filled silence. Edward cleared his throat.
"Would you like to know the sex of the baby?" He asked excitedly, his green eyes meeting mine. I beamed at him, placing my hand on my stomach.
"I'd prefer to hear how you expect to pay for all your student loans, and the kid," Charlie grunted, glaring at Renee as she kicked him under the table. My grin faded into a small smile as I turned to my mother hopefully. She seemed to force a smile as she nodded her head silently.
"You're getting a grandson!" I announced gleefully, hoping that this would brighten Charlie's day. He shrugged his shoulders noncommittedly, looking up at Renee for her reaction. She seemed disappointed, and I knew immediately that she would have preferred a girl. I bit my lip and looked at Edward, my eyes filling with tears. Edward didn't miss a beat, though; he was determined to fix my broken family if it killed him.
"We've picked a name," he offered, looking between Charlie and Renee again, waiting for their approval. Charlie shrugged, and Renee nodded again. "Joshua Charles Masen," he said it slowly, like it was the greatest name in the world-- and it was. Edward's father had a twin brother, Joshua, who had died at birth, while Charles was an obvious gift to my father.
"Charles wasn't good enough for a first name?" Charlie grunted; he seemed as determined to keep this family in shambles as I was to put us back together. "Figures."
"I like it," Renee offered. "It's a good name," she affirmed. Charlie snorted.
"You would like it," he muttered, and I didn't understand until he elaborated, "because you wouldn't have to call him Charlie and think of me."
"That's not true," Renee hissed back, glowering at him. "I like the name because they obviously do. I'm trying to be supportive of this little... fling." That was painful to hear, and I looked at Edward for reassurance. He was pinching the bridge of his nose-- a sure sign that he was losing his temper, and fast. I looked back at Renee only able to catch the end of her rant, "--because we're going to have to get used to this baby whenever this relationship fails." She shrugged, sending Charlie a look that ended their quiet discussion.
"It's not going to fail," I stated icily, trying my best to keep my voice firm. My wedding ring felt heavy in my pocket; we were going to tell them tonight, right after dinner. Elizabeth had put so much effort into that meal, and I didn't want to ruin it with our announcement and the fight that would definitely follow.
"Okay, sweetheart, I'm sorry--"
"But you're not," Edward said quickly, his tone insulting. "You're waiting for me to walk out on her again, and it's not going to happen," he stated firmly, jabbing his finger on the table with each word, annunciating every syllable as if that would cause them to suddenly believe us. "This isn't a fling-- it's a marriage."
Now he had done it-- the "M"-word was thrown onto the table. It was only a matter of minutes before all hell broke--
"Excuse me?" Renee said quietly, her head snapping from me and Edward so quickly that I was pretty sure it was about to fall off. "What did you just--"
"We're married, Re--Mom," I said quietly, slipping on my ring. I showed it to them both, the beautiful golden band glittering in the light. Renee snatched my hand away, bringing the ring up so that it was nearly poking her eye. "We got married last year, right after graduation..."
"We thought it would be best not to tell you," Edward added quickly, and I nodded. "Because of the way you reacted when we mentioned only the idea of getting married." I bit my lip and he winked at me. He was attempting to reassure me that everything would be alright, but I knew better.
"You were right," Charlie stood up suddenly, his chair falling backwards with a loud smacking sound. I winced, jerking my hand away from Renee's face. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at my father. "It would've been better if you hadn't told us-- at least me." His eyes had been trained on Edward, and I winced again when his hard glare turned to me. "How could you be so stupid, Bella? Really, how could you have grown up with her--" he tossed his head in Renee's direction off-handedly "--and think that marriage means anything to anyone these days?"
"Oh, can you just get over it?" Renee stood up too, her own chair falling backwards against Elizabeth's pristine wooden floors. I warily began to look for Edward's mother, but she was nowhere to be seen. "It's been nearly twenty-three years, Charlie-- just move on..."
"Move on? I'm supposed to move on?" Charlie laughed bitterly. "You said you loved me, that you'd never leave me, and then you just up and left-- 'I really hate Forks'-- we could have moved, Renee-- did you ever think of that? We could have moved to the fucking city for all I cared, because my only thought was being with you for the rest of my life--" he whipped his head towards me, sending me a pointed look "--but obviously, love just wasn't enough."
"Charlie-- Edward and I obviously have more than just love--"
"You didn't keep her here either, what makes you think Josh will?" Charlie shrugged it off nonchalantly, as if he was discussing a trade between baseball teams. My vision was blurring again as tears welled in my eyes. I looked down at my plate. I had always known that I had been the reason for my parents' unhappiness, but to hear it voiced out loud was just too much to handle. I raised my hand to wipe away the traitorous tears that were running down my face. Another chair was knocked to the ground, and I jerked my head up to see Edward standing now, and he was absolutely fuming.
"Enough!" He interrupted Charlie and Renee's squabble with his forceful shout. Movement to my left told me that Elizabeth had finally made her grand entrance. The steaming turkey in her hands was forgotten by everyone; the holiday was lost. "This isn't about your relationship-- this is about Bella's and mine." Renee had at least the decency to look ashamed; Charlie just looked angrier that Edward was speaking to him like that. "If you can't just... handle the fact that Bella and I are married, then I suggest you can get out right now. We don't need someone who won't accept us to be ruining a perfectly fine holiday," his tone was final, and he looked at me briefly. The love and adoration in his eyes made my heart splutter, the anger and shame that followed made me swallow nervously. "I-I remember distinctly what you told Bella and I what would happen if we were to marry," he said quietly, bending down to pick up his chair. He sat down and pushed himself in, placing his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. "Neither one of us would blame you if you merely carried out your threat. Just do it quietly-- Bella and the baby don't need that extra stress."
It was eerily quiet for a moment, and all I could focus on was Josh's kicking and my heavy breathing. I placed a hand on my stomach, wincing in pain as Josh continued to kick. He didn't like loud noises, and all the shouting had upset him. I looked down at my belly only to see splotches of water on my navy-blue dress. I realized that they were puddles of my own tears. I hastily wiped them off of my face with my free hand, my other was still rubbing my stomach. Two strong arms were suddenly wrapping themselves around my shoulders, and I looked up to see Edward's face. There was a mixture of emotions playing out, but before I could determine any of them, he buried his face in my neck and murmered, "I'm sorry."
Confused, I pushed away from him to see his face again. He shook his head and continued to hug me tightly. I looked at Elizabeth for a moment, and she looked just as upset as Edward. Finally, I turned to see Charlie and Renee-- surely they would tell me what was the matter.
Unfortunately, they were both gone.
"That was the last time you spoke to either of them?" Doctor Cullen's whisper pierced my heart, but I managed to nod silently. I raised my hand to wipe at my face again, annoyed that I found tears there. My parents really shouldn't still have this effect on me-- it's been over six years, now. I bit my lip and took in a deep breath. "...you said both of Edward's parents died," Doctor Cullen began hesitantly. I stiffened; despite knowing that this question was inevitable, I was hoping to avoid it for just a little longer.
"Yes."
"How," he stopped himself, as if questioning whether or not he should continue. He sighed, "How did she die?"
I squeezed my eyes shut as I managed to mutter, "Car crash."
Edward's mother and I were having lunch out one chilly February afternoon. Edward had decided to take care of Josh for the day; with his late-night study sessions and early morning classes, he really didn't spend much time with our son. That, and he wanted Elizabeth to get out a little bit; ever since I had given birth to Josh, she and I barely had any alone time together.
We were discussing stupid things, like what we were going to do for Josh's first birthday, or if Edward and I had any plans for our upcoming wedding anniversary. I asked her if she was still going to move down out of her house and retire in someplace warmer. We laughed over the millions of pictures Edward and I had taken of Josh. It was cute and casual, and just what we both had needed.
I had driven, because Elizabeth didn't like to drive much. Something about gas prices being too high, and she being too old. I didn't mind it much, and she was the best sort of company in a car. Never once would she complain about my driving or how long I took; she just enjoyed the ride.
We were approaching an intersection when she suddenly remembered something. "I wanted you and Edward to have some pictures-- they're just in my bag," she had mumbled. I wasn't paying attention to what she was saying; my eyes were trained on the road. I may have only spent one week a year with Charlie, but his work as a police officer made me a very diligent driver. The light was yellow when I was beginning to cross the intersection, and it was still yellow when the car came flying through, striking Elizabeth's side of the car.
"She wasn't wearing her seatbelt-- she took it off to grab the pictures out of the backseat," I mumbled to Doctor Cullen, my eyes staring unseeing at Edward's hand clasped in mine. "She made it to the hospital-- she was fading in and out of consciousness for awhile... Edward got the chance to say good-bye, but... she was ready, I like to think. She really missed her husband," I didn't mean for the statement to sound so direct, but it came across as a pointed remark to my own situation. Doctor Cullen sighed beside me, and I finally turned to look at him.
"Thank you, Bella," he said quietly. "I know that was hard." I shrugged my shoulders, avoiding his eyes.
"Now you see," I tried to remain nonchalant, "that he's all I have left."
Doctor Cullen sighed again, and I was getting irritated. Couldn't he say something? Anything would be better than this silence-- this ignorance of not knowing whether or not Edward was going to come out of this okay. He had promised me, and I kept my promises... So should the rest of the world, right?
Wrong.
Wrong, wrong, wrong... Doctor Cullen wasn't doing anything special to help Edward. Not once had he come in with some miraculous cure-- he didn't even have hope anymore. If he didn't have hope, how could I? I dropped Edward's hand a bit forcefully and stood up abruptly. "Do something!" I shouted at him, pressing my one fist into my hip. My arm in the cast hung limply at my side. "Do anything-- help him!" I gestured towards Edward and the many beeping machines. "Why aren't you helping him?"
"I am!" Doctor Cullen was quick to answer. He grabbed the chart and shoved it under my nose. "I am helping him to the best of my ability, Bella, I am doing everything in my power--"
"You aren't saving him!" I interrupted him, the hysteria taking over. No longer could I think rationally-- my mind was screaming at me that he didn't care. That Edward was just some extreme case that would look good on paper. That he was just another body-- about to be just another body in the morgue. That Doctor Cullen didn't care that what would have been the best physician he's ever had was dying, and he wasn't doing a damned thing about it. "You promised you'd save him-- keep your promises, or don't make them at all!"
He seemed stunned that I had said that. He seemed genuinely taken aback at how upset I was. I wondered if he was paying attention-- I had just lost my son, was about to lose my husband. I hadn't spoken to either of my parents in half a decade. And he seemed genuinely surprised that I was as upset as I was. Who wouldn't be upset that they were about to be all alone in such a large, cruel, over-populated world? I reached forward and grabbed the front of his jacket. "Save. Him."
His cold hands grasped my wrists and shoved me away, and he began to pace the tiny room. His footsteps became simple blurs to me as I surrendered, once more, to the tears washing down my face. I collapsed in my chair again, taking my head into my hands. I sobbed openly, feeling broken. Nothing could put me back together, either, because the hands that had always so meticulously pieced me together were unnaturally still. I reached forward and grabbed Edward's hand again. I turned to stare at Doctor Cullen, who was suddenly unmoving. He was staring at me with wide eyes.
"Please," I begged the kind doctor, hating the amount of pity I saw in his eyes. I sqeezed Edward's still hand, turning to look at my comatose husband. "He's the only thing I have left," I turned back to the doctor's alarmingly understanding eyes, "Please don't make me do this... I-I can't lose him."
Quicker than I thought possible, Doctor Cullen had crossed to the door and shut it with a click. He turned the lock in place, and closed the blinds in front of the little window. He moved towards the observation window, on the wall beside the door. He quickly shut those blinds as well. He glared warily at the faint light peeking through the curtains on the other side of the room, but said nothing. "Doctor Cullen--"
"Bella," he said gently, sitting in a chair he had pulled up in front of my own. "If I'm going to help you and your husband, you're going to have to start calling me Carlisle."
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