(Disclaimer: I don't own Space Dandy, I just enjoy torturing the crew.)

World: Casslerock

Timeline: Present

Title: No Escape from the Red Terror, Baby

A word from the Narrator:

"The universe is a vast place, full of unimaginable wonders. Sometimes these wonders are benign delights that serve to amaze and amuse. However, at times these wonders take a more sinister form. The ability to detect the supernatural and discern the malicious from the mild is an art, and one that requires a great deal of insight and a healthy amount of caution. Unfortunately for Space Dandy, he hasn't either of these virtues, and will find himself paying dearly."

Dandy poked at a few of the knickknacks on the dusty antique store shelf with a disinterested glare. QT was apologizing to the proprietress, an elderly Hyderaal, for the group bursting in so suddenly and causing an embarrassing amount of destruction. The ancient female turned a frill-scaled sneer at the robot's heartfelt pleas, opting instead to criticize Meow and his increasingly desperate attempts to escape the situation Dandy had flung him into.

The Aloha Oe's crew had believed that they spotted an unknown alien through the shop window. Instead, to the trio's embarrassment, it had been a rather artistic coat rack that Dandy had launched Meow into like a feline projectile.

The Betelgeusian was still trying to disentangle himself from the many looping curls of hand-shaped ironwood that comprised the rack, without much success.

"Dandy," QT whispered as the snake-like old woman moved to help separate Meow from her merchandise.

"What?" The human was bored out of his mind. They had been here for twenty minutes, and he was beyond ready to head to Boobies and drown his frustration in something with a grotesquely high ABV rating. This place was a mausoleum of trinkets and trash, pieces of the lives of people he neither knew nor cared about. "Are we ready to go yet? This place is stone cold boring, baby."

The robot ignored Dandy's complaining tone to insist "You know, you made a big mess in this lady's store, the least you could do is buy something! It's only polite! Although I'm not sure how large a purchase is required to make up for all the damage. Oh my... all this glass!" The yellow bot deployed his vacuum arms and began cleaning up the remains of the shattered window.

Dandy rolled his eyes, intending to retort that it had been the lazy, freeloading cat who'd made the mess with his thrashing, unwieldy body, but something on the nearby wall caught his eye. Maybe this place wouldn't be a total waste of time, after all. With a winning grin, he turned towards their unwilling hostess.

"Hey Granny, let me take a look at that tiki on the wall."

The old woman raised her long, gray-purple neck to regard him curiously from where the attempt to rescue her remaining merchandise was going on. "Tiki?" she queried, confused.

Dandy hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the carved wooden relief that was hung above the cash register wall, leering out from between old signs for defunct restaurants and amateur paintings in cobbled-together frames. It appeared to be a large, grinning face, with a small, almost disfigured body below. It was perfect for his ship.

"Yeah, the tiki god up there. Lemme see it."

The Hyderaal craned her head to see what he was describing, and scoffed when she discovered the item indicated. "No, no that is not good for you. You'll buy this nice coat rack instead, eh? Much better. Less trouble. Perfect for storing the rest of your crew, too."

Meow finally heaved himself free of the tangled wooden vines with a relieved sigh, slumping over on the floor next to the woman. "Oh man... I gotta drop some weight. Of course, it would have been nice if some certain crew members had helped me out. Thanks for nothing, guys!"

QT muttered an apology as he emptied his dustbin of dirt and broken glass, which seemed to appease Meow slightly.

Dandy ignored the cat-like alien's complaining. He was working the art of the deal, turning up the charm to eleven in his quest for the prize tiki relief. "C'mon, Granny. I could take that scary thing off your hands. Y'know, they have spiritual powers. Bad luck to have them this far from their familiar environment. Without the sea and the shore, a tiki god is bound to get upset. Better let me take it back where it belongs."

The old shopkeeper curled her scaly lip in a disbelieving sneer. "Bad luck? Yes, bad luck indeed. Not selling that one. It's too much for someone like you. Not a chance."

Before QT could suggest they collect their crew member and leave, Dandy had jumped atop the sales counter and was pulling the ghoulishly grinning face from the wall. Meow flinched at the sight of the object of Dandy's interest. Maybe he was just overly-imaginative, but he found himself repulsed at the enormous square teeth and the hollowed-out eyes of the object. It was like a strange, flat skull. Why is the world would anyone want such a creepy thing?

"Hey, it's a mirror!" Dandy shouted, thrilled with the discovery. The human took a moment to check himself out in the reflective surface that had been hidden against the wall. "Hmmm... yeah! Looking good! Okay Granny, you gotta sell me this tiki mirror. Let's say... 100 woolongs. Generous, right?"

The Hyderaal looked stunned as she regarded the brash human who was standing atop her sales counter. When he pressed the money into her hands, she backed away. "You have purchased it," she whispered, making a sign of protection with her long-nailed hands. "Woe unto you for your foolishness."

"Whatever," Dandy replied, breezing out of the store through the gaping hole in the front window with his new possession. QT and Meow hurried to follow as the dark-haired man turned his long-legged stride towards the docking bay where they'd left their ship.

"I don't like that thing", Meow muttered aloud a few days later. He and QT were both in the common room, idly passing the time as the bright yellow ship cruised through space towards the closest Boobies. QT turned so that he could observe the wooden hand mirror, which Dandy had mounted to the wall in the lounge near the souvenir shelf. It was turned so that the ghastly carved face grinned mindlessly out at them.

"How so? I mean, sure it's kind of creepy looking, but it's just a weird mirror. Just another piece of tourist trap decor, really. Dandy has such terrible taste."

Meow frowned, seemingly hesitant to explain himself. "I dunno, it just creeps me, okay? Why would Dandy want such a scary thing?"

QT busied himself with tidying up the area around the Betelgeusian. Discarded snack wrappers and empty drink cans disappeared quickly as the little yellow bot worked. The cat-like alien seemed content to stare distrustfully up at the tiki until QT finished.

"Hey... you don't think Dandy was serious about that thing being alive or having spiritual energy or whatever, do you?" Meow asked softly, as though he was afraid the mirror might overhear.

"Ridiculous," QT retorted, shooing the lazy Betelgeusian away so that the sofa cushions could be cleaned next. "There is no such thing as spiritual energy."

Despite his crew's distaste, Dandy was thrilled with his new purchase. He often stopped two or three times a day in the lounge area just to admire the detail in the carving. At least four times a day, he would take the mirror down to admire his reflection in the glass. What a unique item, he congratulated himself. And he reminded himself several times a day for the first few days that he was a shrewd, sexy bargain hunter as well as a shrewd, sexy alien hunter.

Though Meow's initial complaints had been loud and rather whiny, eventually he stopped objecting to or indeed even noticing the carved figure that hung over the lounge area. QT himself tended to only think of the thing when Dandy had it in hand. Eventually, it faded from conscious notice altogether, like the ever-present issues of adult magazines that Meow and Dandy himself seemed so fond of. At last, even Dandy only checked the mirror by habit, though. New Boobies locations and an ever-increasing failure rate at his chosen profession took up most of his time.

And so, a full three months after he had made his strange purchase, it was to Dandy's complete surprise that he found the mirror in his room one morning. Deciding that QT must have gotten tired of having to reach to clean the thing, he shrugged and picked the item up. It would be a quick job to find a spot to hang it up in his room. But first, maybe he should take a look at that oh-so-sexy man who called himself Space Dandy?

And that was when he saw it, glaring out from the reflection of his face in the surface of the mirror.

Red.

The girlish scream that the man issued brought his crewmates running, QT holding a mop and Meow brandishing a bright yellow plastic sword, which the still-attached cardboard backing revealed as a piece of memorabilia from a children's telebroadcast program.

"Dandy?"

"What's wrong?!"

The mirror lay face down on the floor, sightless carved eyes leering up at the ceiling. Dandy himself had scrambled to the far corner of the room and stared in terror at the item, his breathing harsh and erratic.

"Dandy?" QT rolled cautiously into the room, prodding the terror-stricken human as Meow paused to pick up the fallen mirror.

"D-Don't! I can't!" The man flung himself face-down on the small loveseat, arms over his head as the curious Betelgeusean turned the hand mirror over to check for broken glass.

"Dandy, what's wrong?"

"R-Red... In the mirror! There was..!"

Meow wasn't paying any attention to Dandy's muffled blabbering, he was staring in amazement at the pristine surface of the looking glass. "Lucky," he finally announced, holding the object out to the man as he hesitantly looked up. "Check it out! Not even a crack!"

Dandy's face paled as he caught sight of his reflection in the glass. Frantically, he scrambled back from Meow, hiding behind the hastily grabbed tiger rug.

"Go! Get away!" Dandy cried, face hidden anew from the duo as though a specter of death loomed over them.

"Are you sure you're alright?" QT pressed, attempting to raise the man upright for examination. "You seem kind of... flinchy."

"GO AWAY!"

The perplexed crew members glanced at each other and gave a shrug before withdrawing from the room. Only after he heard the door slide shut did Dandy dare raise his face to look around. It was safe. No one was here. No one but the grinning face of the tiki mirror that Meow had left sitting on the floor. Dandy shuddered at the sight of the thing, dread filling his person as he recalled the gruesome image he had seen before.

He didn't want to look. But he had to. Or rather, he couldn't help but look, his hand reaching for the item without his consent as he emitted a soft, terrified whine of protest. His hand gripped the handle, and the image of the grinning face rotated away to produce the reflective surface. For a moment, his own frightened face stared back at him. And then... RED.

Dandy flung the mirror away, leaping to his feet and running from the room. He bowled over QT and Meow, who were standing in the hall discussing his erratic behavior. Launching himself into the small washroom, Dandy stuck his head under the sink, letting cool water wash over his head. Slowly, he raised his face to the mirror over the sink.

As the baffled robot and Betelgeusian watched from the doorway, the man stared at his face as though terribly afraid that something was going to come bursting out of it.

"Dandy?"

"Dude, what the heck?"

Dandy laughed a little hysterically, reaching to shut the water off as he wiped at his face with a towel. "N-Nothing guys. It's nothing. I just... heh... it's funny really. I thought I saw something."

Meow crossed his arms, giving the dripping man a look of complete disbelief. "Thought you saw something? Like what?"

Dandy grinned, hooking a thumb at the image of the soaked man in the mirror. "Oh, it was a-" He quickly glanced back over his shoulder at his reflection, and let himself grin. "It was nothing. Just a figment of the ol' imagination. What do you guys say we take a break, huh? QT, point us towards Boobies."

The Betelgeusian cheered, instantly forgetting the odd behavior. QT eyed the human skeptically, though. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Perfectly Dandy, baby. Now let's get ourselves some Boobies goodness!"

"Yeah, let's go!" Meow echoed, running for the cockpit. "Last one drunk is a rotten sonnavafell!"

Dandy grinned and raced after the cat-alien, leaving QT to grumble at the odd behavior. "Something isn't right, here."

Boobies was, as the chain's motto claimed, bouncing. An enormous spectrum of alien life forms crowded the bar, enjoying the diluted alcohol as much as they enjoyed the perky waitresses.

"Window seats! Score!" Dandy cried, leaping into the booth with glee. "We've got the best view of space with boobs of every..." The man's voice trailed off, prompting QT and Meow to glance over. Dandy stared out the large window for a moment before firmly turning his back on the glass with a shudder.

"What happened to 'the best view of space'? Spot someone we owe money to?" QT quipped, prompting Meow to laugh nervously.

"Why waste your time looking at space when the real stars are in here?"

"Hey, Dandy! Great timing!"

"Just how many of these restaurants does Miss Honey work at?" QT asked no one in particular as the blonde woman approached.

"Thanks for visiting us during our anniversary! Here are your complimentary nebular hurricanes!" With a grin, the blonde placed tall, multicolored frozen drinks in front of the crew before tucking her tray under a nearly-bare arm. "So, can I get you guys something to eat?"

Dandy grinned broadly at the woman, then flinched. The reflective metal surface of her serving tray was angled in his direction. He stared at his mirrored image, fearful and transfixed. His hands reached up, and hesitated as though he was afraid to touch his own face. With a yelp of terror, the dark-haired man sprang to his feet.

A... Aghhhh!"

"Dandy?"

"Dude, what the heck..?"

"Whoa! Dandy! What's wrong!?"

The alien hunter vaulted over the side of their booth, running full-tilt for the crowded restaurant exit. QT bounced onto his wheels and gave chase, leaving Meow to throw back his frosty free drink before joining the pursuit with a complaining yelp.

"Oh man... brainfreeze! Wait up, you guys!"

Honey stared after the retreating trio, baffled. "Um... Come back soon?"

Meow and QT scrambled aboard the Aloha Oe, but saw no sign of their missing companion. The ship's lighting was still set for 'standby', giving the familiar surroundings a shadowy, almost sinister appearance. The robot and Betelgeusian cautiously pulled up the lights and began searching the eerily silent spaceship.

"Dandy?" QT called as he and a reluctant Meow searched the too-quiet vessel. "Where could he be?"

"I dunno, but he's gonna pay for this brainfreeze headache."

The robot displayed a smirky expression on his faceplate. "Isn't that your fault for gulping down that much icy alcohol in one go?"

"Dude, you're suggesting just going off and leaving free booze? Get your priorities straight, QT!"

A soft cry silenced the duo's banter, drawing them to the ship's small bathroom, where they hesitated.

"Dandy? Are you okay?"

"Groan once if you're fine, twice if you'd prefer we didn't come in there!" Meow put in, earning a dirty look from the robot.

"It's too late... It's... It's over, baby!"

QT reached for the door panel, face display set on 'determined'. "Dandy, we're coming in!"

The door swished open, revealing Dandy, slumped over against the bulkhead next to the sink. The man didn't move as they approached.

"Dandy! Dandy, speak to us!" QT cried, rolling over to prod at the shivering, silent figure. "What's the matter? What's over?"

Dandy's voice seemed to come from a place of terrible torment as he spoke. "It's me. I'm over. I'm..." The man raised his face slowly, dark eyes unfocused and haunted as he looked up. "Don't you see? Can't you see it?"

Meow leaned over QT's bulk to squint at the human. "See what? You, acting like a nut job?"

The man's eyes seemed to focus at that, and he opened his mouth to reply. The shiny surface of QT's faceplate caught his attention, however, rendering him into a stuttering, horrified mess all over again. His brown eyes widened, and he pressed himself against the wall as though a Terrala Ultraspider had crawled out from one of the robot's metal seams.

Meow craned his head to stare back and forth between Dandy and QT. "Okay, so are you going to tell us what's going on? Because I'm terrible at guessing games."

Dandy shoved his crew aside, scrambling to his feet and standing in front of the bathroom mirror. The dark-haired man shook in horror, transfixed by something that the robot and Meow could not see. As they watched, Dandy whimpered, hands covering his face as he fought the urge to wail.

"What's wrong? Dandy, please talk to me!" QT cried, grabbing the man by the arm and shaking him lightly.

"Red!" Dandy wailed, "The mirror! The old lady was right!"

Meow ran over to stare into the mirror next to the human, only to shout "I don't see anything!" to be heard over the noise Dandy was making.

At last, the man pulled his hands away from his face, pointing at himself in repulsed terror. "Look! Don't you see it!?"

The Betelgeusian and the robot leaned in close and stared, only to shrug cluelessly.

"I don't see anything unusual," QT announced. Meow nodded in agreement as the human dragged himself back to stare in horror at something only he could see in the reflection of his image in the bathroom mirror. "You can't...? You mean only I can see this?"

Back in Dandy's room, the grinning face of the tiki mirror smirked as the man's voice cried out in anguish. "I HAVE PHANTOM ZITS!?"