Chapter 4: The Plot
As the grand opening of the discotheque was in full throttle, Voldemort was sulking on his throne in Riddle Manor. With him were his two top lieutenants Lucius Malfoy and Peter Pettigrew. They stood stone-faced as their master whined into space, rather than at them, "How the bloody hell did you lot run away from nothing more than music?" The other two glanced at each other and gritted their teeth as Voldemort continued, "I expect my minions to stand and fight against the worst the Order can throw at us! And to watch that witch Bellatrix laugh at me the way she did is intolerable! SHE … SHALL … PAY FOR THAT!"
Pettigrew and Malfoy reflexively bowed their heads as their master turned and glowered at them. Malfoy began, "We are so sorry, My Lord…" Voldemort snapped, "Silence!" as he sprang from his throne. "All of you Death Eaters, especially you two, are the most vile creatures I have ever laid my eyes upon! You are not even worthy to address me as 'My Lord'! Just call me 'Joe' from now on!" His two soldiers turned white as ghosts and gasped audibly. Malfoy continued, "Again, my… uh, Joe, we both humbly apologize," to which Joe retorted, "Again a man named Lucius shows me nothing but cowardice. I'm going to start calling you a short, manly name. From now on you are 'Mick'!" Pettigrew then sheepishly asked, "And what of me…Joe?" Joe smirked and said, "Since you truly appall me, your new name is 'Paul'." Paul, in total shock, could only say, "Ain't that a topper."
Joe crossed his arms and sneered, "Quit your inane babbling and use your new manly brains to figure out how to destroy the Order." Mick noted, "Well, Joe, we first need to destroy the dance club. After all, it is their new fortress. If we can't penetrate it, then we have no chance of inflicting harm on the Order." With that, Joe gave an exaggerated nod and replied sarcastically, "That sounds like a difficult task indeed. I shall leave it in the hands of my now brave lieutenants," and flounced out of the room. Mick and Paul looked at each other with long faces and slowly walked toward the parlor to work on battle plans.
A few days later, Mick and Paul entered the throne room and presented their new attack strategy to Joe. Mick began, "We figure the back of the club is the most vulnerable. That is where you usually find the offices, and the music is blocked off. It will most likely be unguarded. In fact, the only people who might be out there are those who are doing things they shouldn't, so they won't care about our approach." Joe scoffed, "It sounds solid enough…despite the architects of this plan." Mick and Paul replied dully, "Thanks Joe," to which they heard back in the most condescending tone, "Oh, you are most welcome! This plan displays without question your level of brilliance. It even includes what to do with Bellatrix now that she is a regular at the club."
Mick and Paul looked at each other in total shock. Mick then asked Joe, "When did this happen? We hadn't heard about it." Joe hissed, "How could you not? I received the message from Rookwood yesterday." Mick squinted and answered, "Really, Joe? While Paul and I were hunkered down in the war room putting this plan together? It might have helped if you had poked your head in and told us." Joe said plainly, "Just because Joe forgot to slip the note underneath your door doesn't mean you can speak to him that way. Nevertheless, yes, Rookwood has seen that laughing witch going into the disco every afternoon and not leaving until closing time." Paul then commented, "That's a topper! I can't believe she would do something like that." Joe commanded, "You had better believe it…and deal with it!"
Two days later, Mick and Paul walked into the manor with Paul holding a six pack. Joe glanced at it, and then looked at them with a bemused expression. "Welcome back, my friends. What are you carrying, Paul?" Paul answered, "This is something that my cousin from America brought over. It's called Country Bluegrass Brew. It's a topper." Mick then pulled out one of the bottles, opened it, and handed it to Joe. Joe took a swig and barked, "It tastes like peat moss and sheep manure," to which Mick replied, "We knew you'd like it." Joe then smirked and said, "Since you have brought me a present, I'm guessing things did not go as planned at the club.""
The two lieutenants began shuffling their feet and clearing their throats until Mick finally admitted, "Well, Joe, we encountered a couple of unforeseen obstacles," prompting Joe to ask smugly, "Such as?" Mick gulped and continued, "First, there were people hanging out behind the club, but instead of ignoring us, they kept offering us some sort of daydream potion. They swore it would make us feel 'real good'. Once we finally pushed past them, we found the back door. We slipped the lock and began walking down a long hallway. Once all 40 of us were inside, the hallway turned to the right and kept winding in different directions until we came to another door. We figured this was a way into the club, but when we opened that door, we could only go to the right, which led us back to the door outside. I then ordered an about face and had those who were now in front close the second door, which took us along the path we'd started on."
Joe shouted in utter disgust, "Why do you incompetent imbeciles have an aversion to reconnaissance? If you had sent in one of our spies, they would have told you it wouldn't work. Instead, you wasted time and manpower on a fool's errand! Then again, what kind of errand would I ever expect you two to lead?" Paul then said, on the verge of tears, "I guess we should go back to the drawing board." Joe hissed, "Immediately, but leave the rest of that brew with me." Paul placed the remainder of the six pack on a table, and he and Mick ran terrified into the war room.
Four days later, the battalion of Death Eaters tasked with the discotheque's destruction sat around the table in the throne room fuming. Joe was stomping around screaming until he turned to Mick and yelled, "Explain this again!" With his face in his hands Mick reiterated, "We hopped on our broomsticks and tried an aerial assault. We knew that the roof would be completely unguarded. It was, but what we didn't know was that Arthur Weasley had placed a heat spell on it. The brooms of our first wave caught fire, and they had the humiliation of sliding down the slope without them." Theodore Nott hollered at Mick, "It wasn't just humiliating, it was bloody excruciating! I spent a day and a half in hospital having nurses constantly rubbing salve on me arse!" Those who had faced the same fate let out a disgusted "Hear, hear!" Nott continued, "We need to literally fight fire with fire." Paul's eyes suddenly lit up and he said, "Nott, you're right, but not in the way you think. Your point is a topper, so you and Avery come with Mick and me."