Disclaimer: I don't own RK. All original characters are mine to claim.

Synopsis: What would you do, when the only thing you want to run away from…it's yourself? I'm weak. I'm my own enemy. I'm in constant battle with my conscience. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, and I'm a hypochondriac. Modern day AU. KK story.

Italics – thoughts

A/N: Re-edited!

On with the story!

Story Of My Life

Chapter Three: Meditation

"Breathe."

Inhale.

Exhale.

I confess meditation wasn't exactly what I had in mind when he said he wanted to show me something. How am I supposed to find my answers in my inner being, if my problem is my inner being to begin with? I mean, I can understand that, for some people, looking inside themselves is the solution for all their problems.

But, for me, my life is a meditation session twenty-four hours a day.

And besides, I don't think I was made to stay still in one place for too long.

Even now, doing something as simple as closing my eyes and relax, trying to find some peace within me, I keep cracking an eye open once in a while, glancing around, feeling absolutely nothing.

If only I could truly explain myself to someone. Even with my psychiatrist, I can't tell her my deepest fears and conflicts. Why? Because I know she'll think I'm crazy. How can you explain that you're afraid to eat some types of food because you think someone crazy put something in it that could kill you, without the person thinking YOU'RE the one crazy?

Right...You don't.

So I keep silent about some of my worst fears. My brain just goes over and over thinking about that and soon enough, I find myself not eating anything, until my best friend notices my sudden weight loss and asks if there's something wrong.

'Not at all, I'm fine. It must be stress or something.'

I'll never say it. I can't tell her. I'm scared.

I'm not insane. I know I'm not.

I just…think too much, I guess. And the longer I am without doing anything, the more I think about impossible things becoming reality. Just like now. I'm sitting in a Buddhist style, with my left eye closed, while my right one scans the room, where about twenty people sit like me, meditating. And I mean really meditating.

I glance to my right and I see him meditating too. The peace in his face is something so…unknown to me. With his eyes closed, I can't help but to admire his features. If you didn't look closely at his face, you'd think he's a woman. I don't mean it as an offense but, seriously, not every man has a face so creamy soft as his, or a perfect shaped nose. His lips hold a soft smile as he meditates quietly.

I wish I could feel what he's feeling.

He's a complete mystery. But he was sweet to give me the snow globe.

Now that I think about it, how did he manage to find something like that in the middle of Nagoya? And with Florence in it? I mean…it wouldn't be strange if he gave me one of Kyoto or something, but Florence?

So strange...

Oh, class is over! And I did everything but meditating. Ah well...

Oh my…

Cramp time! Ouch!

Slowly as a snail, I unfold my poor legs, trying to bring them to life. Not an easy task since I can't feel them.

He, though, stands up as easily as an athlete.

We leave the building and head back to the river after I regain enough strength in my legs to walk at least two steps.

"So, did you like it?" He asks me gently.

I hesitate in my answer. "Well…it's nice." You're the worst actress Kamiya.

"You're a terrible liar." He says, chuckling. See? Even he agrees!

I grimace slightly at him. "Sorry. I didn't want to be rude. It's just…I don't think I was made to meditate."

He laughs softly. "I also had cramps the first time I meditated, you know? Actually, I couldn't get up from my sitting position for fifteen minutes."

"Really? Oh that's great!" I stop. "I mean, not great for you, but at least I know I'm not the only one suffering from it."

He chuckles. "You're not." He pauses for a second. "Do you want to have a cup of coffee or something? I'll pay, of course."

"Oh no, you don't have to. I'm not hungry." I reply, shaking my head. Not that I don't want to eat but…I still don't know him that well.

I don't know him at all.

But, life decides to humiliate me, so my sweet, empty stomach choses to roar precisely in that moment. He titles his head to the side, giving me an amused grin.

I blush. "I guess I am a little hungry." I won't feed you for a week, you betraying stomach.

He smiles and points me to his right. "Come on then. You may eat whatever you like. And I guarantee they have the best quality food around town."

"How do you know so much?"

He stops. "What do you mean?"

I shrug. "I mean…you talk wisely; you walk wisely. Everything about you holds so much…strength and logic and confidence. Your thoughts on things are unique and, somehow, they make more sense than when explained by others. You know the best places around the city; you even know where they sell snow globes with Florence in it!" I exclaim at him. "By the way, how did you find that in the middle of Nagoya?"

"Luck."

I stare at him in disbelief. "Luck? You just walk into a shop and there it was! A Florence snow globe standing in front of you?"

He chuckles loudly and shakes his head. "No. Actually, I know an old lady who's been selling snow globes her entire life. Her shop is where I told to wait for me."

"What if I picked a city she didn't have?"

He shurgs. "I wouldn't buy you any."

"That simple, huh?"

"Life's simple. We're the ones complicating everything."

I sigh. "There you go with your wisdom..."

Grinning, he resumes his walk, a comfortable silence falling between us. I keep having this feeling like we're long lost friends reunited once again. It's so easy to talk and laugh with him. Even though we don't know each toher, he listens to me and tries his best to please me, who knows why. But even if I still don't know his reason for sticking up with me, I am thankful. I think I finally found someone who truly understands me.

"We're here." His soft voice breaks my thoughts. Blinking, I follow him inside the petit shop. It is a small coffee shop, all built in light wood, with brown tables and matching chairs. There are not many clients in it and I find it incredibly blessing. I hate those places where you have to scream in order for the other person to listen to you. Plus, the waitress writes your order all wrong and, just like that, you have your meal ruined.

We sit at a table close to the corner of the shop, near the window. I glance at the street and admire life passing by. Cars drive in front of the shop, carrying lives I don't know and never will meet. People who live their lives fully, or not; enjoying it, or not. Happy at the moment, sad at the moment; there're lives starting right now as there're ending. That single thought makes me feel so small in the middle of all this. There are billions of people living on this planet and yet, only a few are world wide known and have the guarantee they'll be remembered in the future.

Who'll remember me after I'm gone?

My friends will; their sons and grand-sons perhaps but, after that, I'll be forgotten. I won't be anything but a single dot in the universe, that once lived, cried, laughed, and then disappeared.

Should we all try to be famous?

Or is that just plain stupid?

I sigh inaudibly. Shaking my head slightly, I turn my attention to the man in front of me. He has taken off his jacket, causally placing it at the back of his chair. He's scanning the place, apparently looking for someone. A gentle smile displays at his lips and I wonder if he's married.

Well, not necessarily married but…emotionally involved with a woman.

Why am I even pondering over this? I am engaged so it doen't matter if he is single or not. Oh no...am I flirting with him? Could he be thinking that?

My brow rises as I silently muse about the matter.

"Is something wrong?"

"Are you married?"

…

You're an idiot Kaoru.

"No." He answers my terrible and so unpolite question, chuckling at me. "I'm single. Don't worry. And," He pauses, rising his finger to call the waitress. "I don't want anything from you but your smile."

I smile lightly at him.

"And a real one. Not those you hide yourself behind." He points out.

Yep, he's definitely the only one understanding me.

"Good Afternoon. May I take your order?" The female waitress asks politely.

He orders two green teas, bread-toast and some honey muffins. "Is that okay with you?" He asks me, before completing the order. I nod, and the waitress leaves in a quick pace.

"Did you want to order something else? Or maybe you'd rather go to a restaurant. It's already lunch time. Maa, I'm so thoughtless." He replies, shaking his head, disapproving himself.

I smile at him. "Not at all. I'm not a lunch person. I usually eat something at a nearby coffee shop, or pack a sandwich from home. I don't like to work with a full stomach. Makes me sleepy and I can't focus at all."

He nods. "I agree with that. That's why I brought you here and not to a restaurant."

"See? I told you seem to know everything."

"Maa, I'm just a terrible observer." He replies.

Our food arrives fifteen minutes later and we eat it delightfully. He's right. The food is great, and so is the service. It's funny how life is unpredictable. You wake up in the morning, thinking you have your day planned. But then, seconds later, the so well planned day becomes something you've never imagined.

Like having lunch with someone you don't even know.

Well, maybe my case is a little…drastic but still, I didn't imagine this was going to happen when I first woke up this morning. I thought I was going to have the same routine I always have.

Don't we all live in routines?

Unconsciously, we humans create routines that, most of times, we don't even like, just to spend the rest of our lives trying to break the routine you yourself created! We're so complicated…no wonder aliens come study us once in a while.

But today, I'm not living a routine.

For the first time in many, many years, I'm able to feel a small amount of…

Freedom.

Even if it's just a little, it's the best feeling I've felt in a while. I now realize I don't need to run away from the country just to escape from the things I can't stand anymore. All I have to do is call a day off and just…breathe. Destiny will take care of the rest.

Yes, I believe in Destiny.

It's the only thing I truly believe.

And truly fear.

Fear of not knowing my destiny. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the moment I'll stop breathing and just…be…forgotten.

Oh please…

Will you thoughts ever go away? Someone...distract me from myself...

"Do you like the food?"

Thank you savior.

I nod at him. "Very much. You were right about the food being great. It's really delicious."

"I'm glad you like it."

"I'm sorry if I got quiet all of a sudden. I just…have too much on my mind. I'm sorry if I was rude. I really am enjoying your company."

He smiles. "Don't. We all have our problems. I'm no different."

"But you look so peaceful all the time..."

He looks at me softly. "I'll help you find this peace."

Slowly, I feel my lips twirling up. Without a word, we resume our eating.

He may be a stranger, but he reads me like an open book.

To be continued…

A/N: After re-editing this chapter, I realized I was really corny at some points…man…I even got sick while reading some lines…

Well, all that is gone now!

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Hugs and Kisses.

Nes.