Everyone, thank you so so much for your reviews on the last chapter. I was beyond worried at what people would say and/or think about this story but looks like I shouldn't have worried! I just hope I can pull this off!

This can't be happening, it's just… it's just not… how can this be happening?

Syed's mind boggled as everything he'd heard, every piece of horrific information settled in his throbbing head. He walked behind the doctor, down the long corridor, in a daze, a complete world of his own. He didn't register the people walking past him, the rooms filled with patient's. His eyes stayed fixed on the floor, to afraid to raise his head in case someone saw in them his anguish, his sheer desperation to keep himself together but also his need to hurt, to cry and sob at what had happened to Christian.

The doctor kept a steady pace, turning his head sideways occasionally and seeing Syed's reflection in the windows that they passed. He saw the same look, the same frightened and angry face staring into a world he never imagined would ever exist. The lost look of a loved one whose worry was strong but so insignificant in comparison to what lay ahead for him. If he fell apart now then what hope did his partner have? He knew he'd have to be the strong one now, whatever stance he took in their relationship before was eradicated the moment this happened. Now he was the strong one. But my God he'd never know that strength like this ever existed.

Syed wiped his shaking palm across his eyes, drying the tears that seemed to fall automatically. He had no idea if his tears for falling for Christian or for his own fear because that's how he felt. He was scared, beyond scared. He had no idea what would be waiting for him when he got in to that room, nor did he know how he was going to react. What if he couldn't take it, take seeing him laying there. What if he couldn't shake the image of what had happened to him from his mind? If it stayed there constantly? What would he do if everytime he looked at Christian he'd see him going through that? If he destroyed them, this flawless relationship both treasured in the process? He had always been a jealous person, but this...? This just... he couldn't put in to words how this made him feel. Another man had slept with him, not slept with him, raped him. Taken the one thing from Christian that was only ever his to give, the only thing in anyone's life where they had a right to say no, the most intimate thing a person can do to you was just... taken from him... just like that.

Syed..? Syed... here, sit down.

He felt the hands guide him slowly down on to the cold hard chair. Suddenly he realised that, for a moment, he had no idea where he was, who he was even. Nothing about him made sense anymore.

Syed... Syed look at me.

Hands, hands that weren't Christian's were cupping his face, holding him like he held him and he hated it. It... it made him think of that

You've got to keep yourself strong now...

Syed tried to pull his face away, push his hands from his skin, but the energy had gone and the doctor held his hold

Listen to me... He needs you, you've got no idea how much he's going to need you.

He met his eyes and he was back, back in the reality that had hit him so hard just minutes ago. Somehow it already felt like he'd been living this nightmare for weeks.

What... what happened?

I think the realisation hit you, kind of like an aftershock. You almost fell down.

Syed dropped his head in to his hands. He was right, why did it take someone to tell him before he realised it? It had fallen in to his head so slowly, his mind had digested it piece by piece but now there was nothing left to take in. It all clicked together in his head, every last sickening detail slotted together in his head and... he just couldn't take it.

I can't... I can't do this, I can't deal with it!

The tears started falling again, this time thicker and faster than before.

I mean... what if I can't do it! What if I can't help him? What if I can't even look at him?

You can do this, you have to!

It was harsh but he knew he needed to say it. He'd seen to many breakdowns of relationships over the years, to many men walking away from their women, to many women pushing away their men.

You have to do this Syed OK, he needs you to help him. If you don't... what then? He'll slowly fall apart. Do you want that?

Of course not! I love him! I.. I just... I mean why? Why the hell did this have to happen?

His hands shook as his voice grew louder.

I just... I just want it all to... go away!

And it will. Slowly, and together, you both can make this fade. It wont be easy Syed, I'm not even going to pretend and insult you by saying it will. He's not going to wake up one morning and be back to normal, he's going to go through hell first. But if you're there, if you go through that hell beside him, both of you... you can do this.

Syed sat there in the silence, his sniffing breaking it momentarily. The corridor was empty, dim, almost eerie and Syed was suddenly aware of how exposed he was.

You love him?

Syed nodded as he looked in to his eyes.

Then be there for him. For now, that's all you have to do. Just be there. Cry with him, hurt with him, listen to him. Just be by his side.

The silence swallowed his thoughts. Christian, it was all about Christian! How the hell could he think like this when he was the only one that mattered? He was the only one that had ever mattered and now he needed to see him, touch him, hold him in his arms and try his damned hardest to make him whole again.

How long will it be...? Before he wakes up?

We'll starting waking him as soon as we get there.

You can wake him?

The doctor nodded, smiling slightly at Syed's surprise.

Can I see him? Now?

Of course. But… maybe it would be better if you took a moment to yourself, dry your eyes. Clear your head.

Clear my head? Clear my… Can you hear what you're saying? Can you even imagine what is going through my head right now?

He heard his voice rise higher with every word that left his mouth, heard it bounce off the walls that surrounded him, but he couldn't stop himself.

All I can see… in here…

He hit his temple hard

… is him, lying on the ground of some dirty alleyway… afraid… naked. Screaming.

He swallowed hard as the bile rose up again. The acid in his mouth and the salty tears from his eyes combined with the images in his head were to much. Syed was at breaking point again. Every time he felt himself settle slightly his head almost mocked him and showed him that image again, that same image he knew he'd see for the rest of his life.

Dr Harris saw that , finally, he had cracked completely and was slightly relieved. His experience had taught him that to have the loved one break down before seeing the patient was safer for everyone. As thoughtless as it sounded he found, through his experience, that to have him, or her, break down before they saw their other half was the best for both parties. The questions, the tears, the anger… everything flowed in front of him, not them. He knew they couldn't help themselves, it was the most natural reaction of a human being, to get angry when their heart had been broken. But his patient was his concern and they did not need to see the person they needed to rely on break down before them.

Can you imagine what that feels like? I didn't even know my mind could think this sort of shit up! I can hear him… I can hear him begging him to stop.. I can hear his voice!

Syed… Syed! You have to stop this OK, think of Christian.

Syed's head shot up quickly

Wha..? What the hell is that supposed to mean? All I can think about is him! Have you not heard a single word I've just said?

Think of him now, not then. He needs you now but he needs you to be strong for him. He may not realise it and if he does he probably wont admit it but he's going to rely on you so much to get him through this.

Syed shook his head and wiped his eyes. Pull it together Sy, he thought to himself, smiling as he realised his shortened name sounded better coming from Christian, have his voice say it, not his own. He could do this, there was no doubt he could do this. The cloud had been lifted and he realised that, against all the odds, he was going to get him the hell through this. He and Christian, they were in this for the long-haul. No sick fucker was going to rip them apart. Standing up he dried his eyes for the last time and took a deep breath.

Ok… OK I'm ready. Can I see him please?

The doctor turned to Syed, smiled and nodded.

Unless you want a few more minutes peace and quiet?

The joke wasn't taken in bad taste. Syed knew the man was trying to relax him make him smile even. But there was no doubt he knew how he was feeling.

Here we are.

Syed almost crashed in to his back as he stopped in front of him. He blurted out before he could stop himself.

Is he...

Catching himself he stopped. Did he want to know? Or did he just want to see it for himself?

What Syed? Ask me... After I open this door... Well ... Everything's going to change.

His face...

His eyes closed as he asked it, almost ashamed of himself for thinking of his appearance. But he had his reasons, he really did. If there were no bruises it might help him, make him see the old Christian. But what is he was covered in the physical reminder of what had happened? What then? Shaking himself again he stood taller. No more Syed, this isn't about you. Just remember that.

… Is as you remember it. No cuts, no bruises, nothing. His body though... there is some bruising on his chest and back...

Oh God, thought the doctor, here we go, here's where we could go back to the start, have him lose himself again

… and between his legs. I wont lie to you Syed... his groin and it's surrounding area is fairly badly bruised.

Hold it together Syed he kept repeating. Just hold it together.

Ready?

Not really he replied truthfully.

Come on.

The dimly lit room was filled with a bed, a motionless man. But Syed found it impossible to look at him. His eyes darted from the metal bedstead to the light above it to the machine and it's rhythmic beats to the window and the sun struggling to appear through the clouds outside. Why couldn't he look at him? Why were his eyes so desperate to look anywhere but at him? And now he knew what the doctor meant. He needed a minute to piece it all together. He'd done it outside but somehow, in here, in front of him, it all seemed different, even more real. He needed this time to take in what has happened to the man lying before him with him there. But he couldn't hide from this anymore, he couldn't keep thinking of himself. Slowly he told himself, just... Do it slowly. So he forced his eyes and started at the foot of the bed and Christians feet, covered by the light blue blanket. His focus stayed there for a few seconds before his eyes slowly travelled upwards and over his legs. His long strong legs, still and silent. Syed shook the image of the last person that had been between those legs, forced them open and he moved his gaze upwards until he saw his fingertips, peacefully resting above the covers. He held his breath as his eyes stayed fixed on his hands, the small scars and burn marks he'd had from working at MQ suddenly interested him. He'd stared at Christian's hands a thousand times before, could count every mark, every blemish, every hair. So why did they suddenly look so different, so alien to him? They were the same hands, the same loving hands that he had held in his own, the same hands that had cupped his face, run through his hair. Why did he feel like he was looking at them as if for the first time?

Moving upwards once more saw his arms. His strong smooth beautiful arms laying still beside his body. Syed felt a pull inside him to run up to Christian and wrap himself in those arms just like he had done every night since they'd been together. Safe, he always felt safe inside those arms, laying against that chest, the one that was slowly rising and falling, almost in a perfect rhythm to the machine beeping beside him. That was it, there was nowhere else to look, he'd run out of excuses... He had to look at his face. Closing his eyes he took a moment to picture Christian as he remembered him, the Christian that woke him up each morning with a smile and a kiss. The same Christian that he caught looking at him when he thought he couldn't see him, smiling to himself just like Syed did when he was caught gazing at him in the same way. What if, when he opened his eyes, he wasn't that man anymore? What if he couldn't see him The way he used to? For gods sake Syed! He told himself. Can you hear yourself? This is Christian! What the hell is wrong with you? He was getting tired of telling himself the same thing over and over again, this isn't about you! It'll never be about you. It's about him. He was right, of course he was right. This was Christian, his Christian. And no one would ever, could ever, change the way he saw him.

There's only one way he would ever see him and that's the way he always saw him. Nothing had changed, nothing. He took a deep breath, ready to see the beautiful face of the man he loved and, slowly, his eyes fluttered open.

There, before him, he lay just as Syed remembered him. Just as beautiful, just as perfect, just as breathtaking.

Syed?

The doctor called him in from the doorway.

Are you coming in? I'm going to start waking him now.

Syed nodded as he stepped in to the room, closing the door behind him.