(First off,(I'm sorry I should have done this in the beginning but I'll do it now, oh I hope you aren't too angry) I do not Own Azumanga Doih or Alice and Wonderland, or mushrooms, or Eric Idle, or Ann-Haden Jones and her husband Pip. Thank you and don't crucify me.)
A funny feeling coursed through Sakaki's body as she ate her fungal comestible. It was the same feeling that she felt when she ate the cookie, or the drink, or anything that made her grow in the last half hour. She felt the sensation of growing once more and she grew until her head was at the top of the trees that were there above the grass. Of course, that meant that Sakaki was too big and so she took a litter bite from the other bit of mushroom that was still in and had magically grown to her scale, so then she shrank, but her view was that of a very vertically deprived individual, so she took a small bite of the other one, but then she was then too big, but less big then she was before. This "size-changing orgy", shall we say, for lack of a more silly word, went on for a few minutes until she was finally the right height that she wanted: 1.6 meters. Looking in her right perspective, she was in a forest, with cleanly-cut grass on the bottom of it, in the curious shape of checkerboard tiles. It also appeared that she was in a crossroads of some kind: four roads leading to unknown places. Before she could get another thought on that matter, she saw a grey shape appear on the lowest branch of one of the trees. Looking closely, she found the feline features and sharp teeth of the Kamineko, the Biting Cat!
"It's that cat that always bites me on my way to school!" she blurted out.
"What me?" said the cat in a very Eric-Idle (Monty Python)-esque voice "I never bite no one! Okay, I do take nips at people who bait me, but that's it. I surely-"
"You're the Kamineko!" said Sakaki.
"No, I'm not!" said the Kaminecko as if Sakai was accusing him of something. "I'm the Cheshire Cat!"
"Who?"
"You know, The Cheshire Cat! I can do things like this" and he grinned a toothy grin and disappeared, reappearing on another branch.
"Well," said Sakaki, taken aback by this teleporting cat "Do you know where I should go?"
"That depends on where you want to get to. To the right oh here" he pointed to the right of him with his paw. "You will find a house that houses a hatter, who makes hats and is a loony. To the left," He pointed with his paw to the left. "Resides a March Hare. She is a part-time gynecologist and is also a loony."
"But I don't want to be with loonies..."
"Don't want to be with loonies?" The Cheshire Cat laughed a very meow-ing laugh "That's silly. We're all loonies. I mean you must be a loony to come here or to be a part of such a loony anime show."
"What?"
"Oh, never mind. Just go to the Mad Hatter's. She'll probably have the March Hare and the Dormouse over for afternoon tea. They always do." So Sakaki took the path to the right. About five minutes in to this bizarre trek, she heard a few very familiar voices laughing and making a ruckus.
"Hey, Dormie how's the weather down there? are you growing strawberries down there? I just love strawberries, don't you?" said an all-too-familiar voice of Tomo Takino, the wildcat high school girl.
"I'll bet she's hogging them." replied the voice of Kagura, the all-out-competitive-sports-girl. As Sakaki turned the corner she saw the source of the eccentric interaction. It was a table, big enough to hold the entire Geneva Convention and still have room for Ann Hayden-Jones and her husband Pip. On this immense Elevated Place to put Things Thereon were an equally large amount of tea-things, with tea-cakes and giant teapots and assorted pastries and "red things" and the list goes on and on and on and on, rather like this sentence all in various stages of Being Eaten. At a very secluded part of this Teatime Feast were three people. One, looking very hyper and happy and whatever-you-want-to-describe-a-high-school-girl-oh-why-do-I-do-this was Tomo Takino wearing a plaid suit and wearing a hat with a piece of paper attached to the side that said "IN THIS STYLE 10/6". Sitting next to Tomo (or the Mad Hatter, because she was) was Osaka again, but much smaller (about .5 meters) and wearing mouse ears, sitting and sleeping and smiling to herself and drooling slightly. Sitting nest to the slumbering rodent-person was the form of Kagura (Hereafter the March Hare); also wearing a suit but she had long rabbit ears, sticking out of her head on the top, twisted at odd angles. All three, except the Dormouse (Osaka), were making violent hand gestures about and towards each other.
"Disgusting, isn't it?" said a voice near Sakaki's shoulder that quite took her out of her observative mood of the tea party. Looking over her shoulder and all other compass directions she could not find the perpetrator. Luckily for her, the Cheshire Cat found (who was the one who said something) her first, continuing. "But let's go anyway; it'll most likely be bally funny." And they did. As they got closer to the table, the three loonies sitting (well, actually now the Mad Hatter and the March Hare were standing on it and were swinging the dormouse around and singing "Auntie's Wooden Leg" but they were at the table so there!) realized they were there, froze for a little, swiftly flung the Dormouse into one of the chairs and ran in front Sakaki and the Cheshire Cat with their hands out and yelling "NO ROOM! THERE'S NO ROOM! LEAVE!"
"There's plenty of room, ya tits!" said the Cheshire Cat severely. the Hare and the Hatter stopped and the Hare said to the Hatter "It is? Why didn't you report this sooner Hattie?"
"I think I was too busy swinging Dormie and singing My hit song "Auntie's Wooden Leg" with you."
"Oh yeah, that was awesome!" said Hare.
"Let's do it again, then." said Hatter. But Hare suddenly remembered that two people were trying to attend their Tea Party said so to Hatter and Hatter agreed so eventually they sat down at the same side of the table; Sakaki (With the Cheshire Cat on her shoulder), the Mad Hatter, the Dormouse, and the March Hare respectively at one side of the outsized table. After they had sat down the Hatter said in her annoying way "Have some wine!"
"Really! There's wine!" asked the Cheshire Cat excitedly.
"No there isn't!" said the Hare
"There's treacle though, and melon bread." murmured the Dormouse in her sleep.
"Why do you say things are there when their not, you long-haired fairy!" said the Cheshire Cat in huff, looking very disappointed.
"I don't know, I thought we did..." said the Hatter looking very sheepish (though anyone would if they were called a long-haired fairy by a cat) "didn't we?"
"No we didn't!" said the Hare.
"But," stammered the hatter thinking of something "I thought that we had red stuff..." seeing that there was no way to explain the problem at hand, she decided to change the subject to a riddle. "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"
"Hmm," said Sakaki thinking of the possible ways "raven" could be like "writing desk" "I could possibly figure this out." she accidentally said aloud.
"You mean you know the answer?" asked the Hatter very obnoxiously.
"Uh, no." said Sakaki, a little taken aback.
"Then you should say what you mean."
"Um, I do." Thinking a little, Sakaki added "At least, I mean what I say, which is the same thing. Isn't it?"
"Wrong!" yelled the Hatter, making a pose in such a way as to force the Dormouse's head come into contact with a plate full of tomatoes. "You might as well say 'I see what I eat' is the same thing as 'I eat what I see'."
"Or you might as well say 'I like what I get' is same thing as 'I get what I like'." added Kagura, making another pose that made the Dormouse fall back into the plate of tomatoes again.
"Well you might as well say," said the Dormouse, sleepily wiping off the tomato pulp off her face. "'I breathe while I sleep' is the same thing as 'I sleep while I breathe." and then she dozed off.
"It is the same with you, anyway." said the Mad Hatter to the sleeping form of the Dormouse, then adding to Sakaki. "You should get your hair cut." Sakaki was deeply surprised and was about say something but the Cheshire Cat said. "Oh, shut up. Personal remarks are very rude."
"Really? I should write down a note, then." said the Mad Hatter obnoxiously.
"How are you doing on that riddle?" asked the March Hare in such a way as to avoid a possible fight.
"I...don't know." said Sakaki. "what is the answer?"
"No Idea." said the Mad Hatter bluntly. "What about you?" She asked the March Hare.
"I forgot." replied the March Hare.
"Well, how about you spend your time doing something important rather than wasting it making silly riddles that you don't know!" said the Cheshire Cat irritable, but more angry than irritable.
"Well," said the Mad Hatter, not very fazed by the Cheshire's snub. "If you knew time like I did, you wouldn't call time 'it'. Time is a 'him'. We met during the Great War and were friends, until something happened and Time stopped working for us and that's why we are always having tea. Oh, and that reminds me." She raised her voice very loud. "CLEAN CUPS!"