Chapter Four - This one is long.

Memories And Tears

Nearly a week had passed since the day he had spent out on the balcony with his captor. Nearly a week since he had taken a breath outside of his room. Nearly a week had passed since he had felt that cool sea breeze. Nearly a fucking week since anything good had happened.

Still he was one of those people who could see the glass half full even when he knew for sure it was half empty. At that moment he was forcing himself to see the good in the bad even though there wasn't any good to look at. He was trying to see that silver lining that reminded him of the rim around an eclipsed sun. There was always that speck of light in a dark room; always that beam of light on a dark night. But… there wasn't nearly enough.

Of course it had also been nearly a week since he'd seen Murdoc at all. He wondered if it had been his fault in some way and he knew that even if it wasn't the bassist would find some way to blame him. So he took it into his own hands to find out what he had done; he came up with asking about the island. It had been an innocent enough question but Stuart knew Murdoc and that meant more than anything really.

Since there had been and probably would not be any more 'Murdoc Visits' Stuart had settled himself into remembering things they had spoken about before. He settled on thinking of past days and times when the two of them had spoken freely albeit oddly. Because in all honesty the two of them did have trouble communicating as easily as two best mates should. It bothered Stuart back when he was first trying to pry open Murdoc's shell but after a year of it he'd grown to think of it as normal; it was what they did.

So on that specific day his mind had decided to jump back to him living alone in his flat in Beirut.

It had been a few months since he'd left his parents in London for the little Beirut flat that served as his home. It had a lovely view of the street from this one window and he would stand there at times for hours just so he could people watch. It had a bed, a small toilet and a small kitchen. It even had a couch and a TV just so he could keep with the world.

Stuart had come to think of the little area as the perfect place for him alone because a bigger space would have made him feel lonelier; like something – someone(s) – was missing.

He had a nice neighbour who cooked for him and nice woman who liked to come and tidy up for him. Neither of them knew who he had been before he had moved and it made him twice as grateful then he already was. They did it for him out of kindness and not because he was some superstar from a band that had suddenly broken up due to tense pressure. They did it because they liked to and they liked him. Stuart often gave them money he barely used anymore because he didn't need it. Only things he bought anyway were his pills and clothes.

A knock on the door and he turned from the TV to face the wooden object blocking him from the hallway. Stuart obviously got up from his seated position and went to the door. "Who is it then?" he obviously asked his hand already on the doorknob like always.

"Mary-Anne. I have lunch for you." It was the nice neighbour who cooked food for him. She'd started doing it a month after he'd moved in when she had noticed all he ever ate was take out. That and from the moment she saw him she had developed some sort of puppy dog crush on him because he was just so gorgeous and odd and just Stuart.

"Oh, awlright." He opened the door and let her in because the smell of the food in her small hands was intoxicating and he could barely keep himself from drooling. "Wot's that then?" Stuart asked as he had shut the door and turned just in time to see Mary-Anne take a seat at his small two person kitchen table.

The woman looked down at the container in her hands and smiled. "Noodles," she stated simply as she set it down on the table.

Stuart's heart jolted in his chest and he held back a pained cough that had tried to fight its way out of his throat. Anytime, anywhere, anyhow; no matter what happened anything that reminded him of those band members from long ago killed him. His mind would fill with dizzying images of times that were no more and he could feel tears prick his eyes and his heart felt like it would explode and he felt like he wanted to die just to end the pain. Stuart missed them more than he let on. He didn't think of them purposely because if he did he'd be swallowed back into a never ending cycle of suicide attempts via drug overdose.

But Mary-Anna didn't see the emotions running across Stuart's face because she had taken to re-heating the noodles for her neighbour. "So Stuart, how have things been going for you?" she asked as she stirred the contents in a silver pot the vocalist had bought on a whim.

"N-Nofing." It was at that moment that the alarm clock that sat next to his bed started to ring out Double Bass. The sound of it haunted his ears but soothed his soul because even though it reminded him of them it did it in a subtle way. Just the smooth rhythms and vibes of the song swept his mind in a cascade of musical fantasy.

"Who's that? Whoever played that is amazing." Mary-Anne smiled over at the blunette. He felt himself smile back because she was just so kind and sweet to him. Still, behind that smile were the ugly feelings whirling in him threatening to overflow his already full glass.

"'Is name is Muhdoc Niccals. 'E's a mate of mine from back 'ome." Saying that man's name made his knees buckle and he wanted to collapse to the floor and curl up and let himself be swallowed by the painful memories.

Mary-Anne caught sight of something in the singer's black eyes and nodded to herself. "I'll come back later. You look like you need some sleep," she had nodded and moved the pot to a cold element. Her steps brought her to the blunette and she touched his shoulder gently. "Call me if you need anything." She said nothing more as she went straight to the door and out of sight; out of mind. He wouldn't call.

The instant the door shut he was on his bed curled in on himself; thighs to his chest and forehead to his knees. He was breaking down inside and there was no one anywhere to help him. Stuart knew this and accepted this and wanted it; he had to push through his internal structure literally collapsing in on itself. He had to grow up.

Then the phone rang. It only rang three times and usually someone would leave a message; this person didn't. Instead right after it had finished the last ring there was a ten second pause before the next set had started. It forced Stuart to look up at the phone that rested off its base on the floor next to his mattress. He slowly picked it up and hit the answer button before pressing it to his ear.

"'E-'Ello?" he said into the phone quietly to hide the shaking of his voice.

"Hi. Is this Stuart '2D' Pot?" a woman's voice asked.

"Yea."

"Weeeeeeeeell. If it isn't my old pal 'D. How you doin' then mate?"

There was never any thought in Stuart's mind that, that person would ever call him again. Never any thought in his mind that there was the possibility that, that person would call him. Yet he was there, on the phone, speaking and breathing. It kick-started that beating thing in his chest to beat just a little faster; caused his mouth to get a little dryer.

"Who is this?" he'd asked; he needed to make sure.

"What do you mean who is this? It's me Dullard. Murdoc!" the bassist had exclaimed on the other line.

"I-I neva though' you would speak ta me again. Afta all that."

"That was a long time ago mate; too long for you to still remember. I've had a long time to think on it and I can look past that now. Besides; I didn't call to talk about all of that."

Stuart's heart was in full gear and his palms were sweating. Just hearing Murdoc's voice was already lifting him out of the depression that had swallowed him whole.

"Why'd ya call afta all these years Muhdoc?" Stuart had asked because he needed to know.

"You see," Murdoc started, "I was really busy with travel and stuff and I never got grounded enough to make any calls. Who cares why though? I'm calling now and you should be thankful that I'm bothering to waste my time."

He could hear it there in Murdoc's voice; the annoyance at being questioned. He couldn't help it because it had been so long for him. He had to know everything. But Stuart knew he could get all of that later.

"'Ow'd yew find ma number?"

"Took a long time. A lot of strings and people and money and bribes and what not. You were hard to find Stewie but I did it. You should be proud I went so out of my way for you. I'm never doing it again so bask in the glory of this moment."

Were his eyes watering?

"Iz so gewd ta hear ya again."

Was he crying?

"I neva thought..."

Why did it hurt so much?

"Tha' I'd speak ta ya..."

What would he do...?

"Afta that thin' at tha 'otel."

When Murdoc had to go?

"Oh god don't be such a baby Stuart. That was so long ago; besides it's not like I died and went to heaven and came back or anything. I was just too busy to call is all; and it took forever to get this number so obviously it would've been a long time coming anyway. Now grow some balls and listen; I've got some news," Murdoc said with some odd noises coming from the background that obviously weren't dirty but weren't exactly clean either.

"Really? Wha?"

"We're making another album 'D."

There was a pause. Then it became a longer pause. Suddenly it was like the two of them had just hung up.

The vocalist felt as if he hadn't heard right because Murdoc couldn't have said what he'd just said. They weren't making another album because another album would mean they would have to see each other again. They hadn't exactly left each other on good terms either. That and the fact that Stuart didn't know if he really wanted to; but he didn't know if he didn't want to.

It was like a mix of emotions. He wanted to but he didn't. He had to but he couldn't. He felt like he should but he felt like he shouldn't. Stuart had just gotten better with dealing by himself when they were apart; he didn't know if he could deal with getting back together.

"Muhdoc, issat you?" He really had nothing else to say.

"What do you mean? Of course it's me. What, you get hit in the head by an anvil or something. Please tell me you aren't that fucking stupid. Look, if you don't want to believe me whatever but don't go acting like your brain is in your arse."

Stuart really didn't want the voice on the other end to be some kind of joke, because the words he heard next nearly broke his heart in two.

"I need you back mate. I can't do this without you."

There were tears and he was crying and it did hurt. But he wanted to see Murdoc, so badly. He wanted to smell the bassist's cigarettes and hear him muttering things from a distance and see him play that bass like the God he was. Stuart wanted to be there to smoke with the scent of cigarettes and giggle with the mutter and sing to the bass. He wanted it all and he needed it all and he wanted to go and so he said...,

"When should I get there?"

He heard Murdoc chuckled like some war had been won and his heart lifted; it wasn't a joke. "Well mate, I should tell you where I am first don't ya think?" he asked.

Stuart felt his face contort into that confused face he always made when he heard something that didn't quite make sense. "I though' we'd be meetin' at Kong," he muttered into the phone as if it was completely obvious that it was the only place they could go.

When Murdoc didn't reply instantly his throat grew tight and he found it impossible to swallow. "Why aren' you talkin' ta me? Wha 'appened ta Kong?" There were new tears welling in his eyes as the silence continued to drag on. "MUHDOC!" He heard a deep breath on the other line and his own breath hitched in response.

"Stuart look," Murdoc started. The vocalist felt his world collapse the instant he heard his name. Murdoc never called him by his first name unless something was absolutely wrong; unless Murdoc was trying to treat him like an adult human being. Serious times called for serious names and being called by his first meant something huge. "You know how I tried to sell Kong right?" Of course he did; Stuart had gotten a call asking for his confirmation that it was alright. "Well, it didn't work and place was falling apart so quickly I couldn't bother getting a team in there." Was Murdoc going to let him off easy and say Kong merely fell down? "So I burnt it down and blamed some kids," he heard the bassist finish.

It hit him like a freight train going five thousand miles an hour; crushing him yet leaving him alive. His throat tightened and he choked out a single breath before the tears actually fell. Kong was gone. Every good memory he'd ever had was gone with it. Every single little thing that had made each of them what they were was in the dust and scattered among the ashes. Fragments of what they had once been no longer even fragments but particles beneath the rubble.

"D-Don't cry. Be a big boy Stuart. Suck it up."

He couldn't suck it up but why would he when everything that had made him who he was, was gone. That place had been his home for nearly eight years; he'd grown into who he was there. Noodle, Russel, Murdoc, him; they'd all grown together in that home. They'd become a band – a family – in Kong Studios. They'd had good times, bad times, great times, horrible times but thee had, had them all together in that big building overlooking the trash. Their lives had been imprinted into every single atom moving in the structure. And it was gone! He cried harder.

"Stuart come on now. It wouldn't have lasted forever. You need to accept what happened and move on."

Something in him snapped.

"No! NO! I won't accept it an' I won't suck it up an' I won't move on! Kong was ours, it was our home and you destroyed it! You killed everyfing; every last thing we 'ad an' you expect me to suck it up? What the fuck is wrong with you? We grew up there Muhdoc! We became who we are there! 'Ow could you... 'Ow could you just throw it away without tryin' tah save it?" he shouted into the phone between sobs.

"I couldn't Stuart. I just couldn't. By the time I wanted to it was too late. The zombies were taking over and the place was falling down. I had to do what I did. It was for the best." Somehow Murdoc's calming words managed to get some sort of response out of Stuart that wasn't insane crying or yelling.

"S-So where are yew now?"

He heard a laugh not quite normal on the other end of the line. "See, there ya go. Well right now I'm in America getting some shit together but after this I'm officially at our new HQ Point Nemo!"

"P-Point Nemo...?"

"Yes, Point Nemo. Plastic Beach; the farthest place from any landmass on Earth. An island all to us," Murdoc explained.

Stuart instantly shut down and let go of any hope of ever being in a band again. He wouldn't – couldn't – allow himself to go to an island stranded in the middle of the ocean with only his best mate. So he swallowed and took a deep breath.

"I don... I dun wanna do anover album Muhdoc. I jus wanna, jus wanna stay 'ome y'know?" And it was an outright lie but he couldn't stop himself from saying it because as much as he wanted to be part of the Gorillaz again he couldn't let go of his fear. The fear of never seeing his family again, the fear of being alone with no one around; the fear of those monsters they called whales. "M'sorry." There was nothing he wanted more than to say yes and beg and plead Murdoc to get him there to make the music and see the family again.

He heard a deep sigh on the other end of the line. "I was expecting that my dearest Dullard. So guess what? You're going to come anyway because I want you here and you can't say no."

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

And Murdoc hung up.

And Stuart fell back into tears.

And for the first time in a long time he felt his heart break.

Stuart's eyes opened and he felt liquid running down his cheeks. He didn't know if it was because he missed Beirut or because he was happy he wasn't alone. Or maybe he was crying because of how he'd felt that very moment.

Thanks To Those Who Alerted:

Little Dizzy Angel

Puppy with Sharp Teeth

Marlene00891

Jinxie95

MoogleKitty

Thanks To Those Who Reviewed:

LunaManzia- It be you who alerted from the last chapter. 'Ello. I'd just like to say thank you! My narration skills bow to you. Tension? Didn't see it but you're the reader so yay! And here is my next update and I hope you like it and whatnot and whatever.

Marlene00891- Thank you so much. I'm glad that I could help you find a good one. (be it mine or someone elses) I try hard to write well so your noticing is wonderful. Keeping the characters in character though isn't very hard for me really. My friends say I'm like the entire band all rolled up into one so keeping them true isn't hard. Plus I love them and know them like family. ^ ^ I won't burn myself out I promise; this story has been bugging me and every time I think about it a new question or situation pops into my head. I'll update for you.

Jinxie95- The love him like an idol thing was completely on a whim and at first I was going to just put that Stuart loved him but that seemed slashy so I added the idol part. I like being able to read non-slash stories about them too. They aren't meant to be together; ever. Yes; very typical might I say. That was fun for me to add. FOR YOU I SHALL!

Thanks To Those That Favourited:

Little Dizzy Angel

LunaManzia

Marlene00891

Jinxie95

MoogleKitty

There will be a lot of tenseness in the next one so get some teeth protectors and prepare the edge of your seat. Maybe; unless it changes. BUT STILL BE PREPARED! I'm an on a whim kind of person so however long this story is that is what it is. I may have said five to ten but from now on this will be a story that will have as many chapters as I feel like writing. My own personal muse story lets say. Yep. BE READY! (I'm serious. It may make you shit yourself.)