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Chapter 4
House once again tip toed around a sleeping Wilson, digging through his suitcase for a stethoscope.
A groggy, "House?" could be heard from the bed nearest the window.
"Go back to sleep Wilson."
"Why are you digging in my suitcase?"
"Where's your stethoscope?"
"Outside pocket, is someone sick?"
"No, just got married to a showgirl and the stethoscope is for kinky sex. Go back to sleep, see you later."
"Right, showgirl, married, kinky se…" Wilson drifted off to sleep.
House silently chuckled, imagining what Wilson would say when he found out; he ran through a dozen possible ways to break the news to him, each more enticing than the next. As he did so, he grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. The more he thought about it, he thought he might not say anything to Wilson, hoping he would be astute enough to note the wedding bands that both he and Cuddy were wearing.
"Stop talking so I can hear your heart."
"You carry a stethoscope everywhere you go?"
"No, what do I look like, a responsible member of the medical profession? It's Wilson's, now shut up." House listened to Cuddy's heart and pulled her shirt up half way to listen to her belly.
"What are you doing?"
"Listening to your bowel sounds, now shhhhh."
Cuddy rolled her eyes, "Honestly, I'm fine. I fell on my butt and bruised my backside. House, it's late and we have to be up early, I'm so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open," she said with a yawn.
"I'm tired too, but I'm going to look you over. Can't have my new wife dying on me now, can I?"
"I'm not dying, and don't call me your wife."
House glanced at her hand, "Where's your ring?"
"You've got to be kidding? This isn't for real House."
"I'm still wearing mine."
"I bet you won't wear it through the night."
"I'll take that bet. I bet two month's clinic hours that I'll wear it until we have this sham of a marriage annulled."
"You're on."
"I wasn't finished yet, you have to wear yours too."
"And what do I get if I do?"
"If I lose, I'll actually do those clinic hours."
"Not much of a prize. You're stubborn enough to wear the damned thing until we do get it annulled, which means the two months I won earlier would be canceled out."
"Fine, what do you want then?"
"If I wear this ring until our marriage is annulled, I want you to conduct a semester length seminar on diagnostics for first year students."
"Oh that's harsh."
"Take it or leave it, I have no problem not wearing that wedding band."
"You'd never wear it the whole time anyway."
"Take the bet and find out."
"Fine, I take that bet."
House placed the stethoscope on the bed and then used his hands to feel her ribs, causing Cuddy to gasp at his sudden touch.
"Before you ask, I'm checking for broken ribs."
"I fell on my butt, not my ribs."
He leaned down and placed his lips on her forehead.
She whispered, "What are you doing?"
"Are you always this annoying? The lips are more sensitive when trying to determine temperature. Unless you have a thermometer, do you?"
"No."
"Then stop talking and let me do my job."
"I'm not your patient."
"Shut up and turn over."
She eyed him suspiciously but did as he asked, so that she was now lying on her stomach, "No funny business." House ignored her and again listened to her heart by placing the stethoscope on her back.
"Lift your shirt up to your shoulders."
"No."
"I'm looking at your back, not your front. Lift it up." She complied.
House ran his hands down her back palpating, pressing and feeling for anything unusual, "You've got a bruise starting at the small of your back," House placed his hands on her pants, pulling them down slightly at the waistband to get a better look.
Cuddy reached around and pulled them back up, "No."
"I need to see your bruise."
"It's a bruise, black and blue. You don't need to look at it."
"Cuddy."
"House."
"Fine," he continued palpating her back, "You've got a little swelling, and it's hot to the touch right here," he kept his hand in one spot, "Does this hurt?"
"Yes,"
"We really need a CT scan or even an MRI. An x-ray would be better than nothing."
"It's a bruise, I'll be fine in a couple of days."
"You are stubborn."
"I take after you."
"Stay put, I'm getting some ice," he said, pulling her shirt down to its proper place.
"House," she whispered.
"Yeah?"
He heard a very sleepy, "Thanks."
House grabbed the ice bucket and the thin plastic liner and limped out to the ice machine, filled both up with ice and returned to her room, where he found her sleeping soundly.
He shook his head, placed the ice bucket on the dresser, tied a knot in the top of the ice filled plastic bag and walked over to her bed. Taking his shoes off, he sat down, swung his legs next to hers, placed the ice pack on her back and leaned back on the extra pillow. He noted the time and set the alarm on his cell phone to wake him up in twenty minutes. He was asleep shortly after his head hit the pillow.
Twenty minutes later, he awoke to the sound of the alarm buzzing in his pocket, picked up the somewhat melted bag of ice and emptied it into the bathroom sink. Again, he set the timer for twenty minutes before falling asleep. Twenty minutes later, he awoke, filled the bag with ice again, placed it on her back and again fell asleep next to his new bride, completely forgetting to reset the alarm.
"House," she shook his shoulder, "House wake up, your speech starts in an hour."
"Hmph?"
"Get up, get back to your own room and get ready."
House turned over to face her and found a perfectly put together Cuddy standing over him, "You're ready?"
"Yes, and you should be." She eyed him, both aware of his presence in her bed.
"I'll just get ready here, my suit's in the closet."
"Hurry up."
Twenty minutes later, House emerged from the bathroom looking just as scruffy as always, though wearing the smart suit and smelling oddly like lavender.
"House! You used my shampoo?"
"Is that a problem?"
She laughed, "You smell like flowers, not your typical scent."
"How would you know about my scent?"
"You normally smell like ruben sandwiches."
This time it was House who laughed, "The hotel shampoo was on the sink. Wet floor, and my leg don't exactly mix, so I used yours," he said, all the while thinking that Wilson would really begin to wonder if he smelled like Cuddy, "Hey, if we hurry, we can get our breakfast for free. It's the newlywed special."
Cuddy rolled her eyes as House grabbed the unofficial proof of marriage from the dresser and the throw away camera from the night prior, tucking both inside his coat pocket.
"How's your back?" he asked nonchalantly, noting she was once again wearing her ring.
"Better, I think you can sleep in your own bed tonight," she said, giving him a warning look.