Last Chapter…
"Bella?" I breathed, taking a step forward, my hand wrapping around the handle, my hands shaking.
I pulled the door open.
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Edward's POV.
Please, please, please. I begged, please let it be here. Please.
I opened my eyes to find…
Nothing.
No Bella, none at all. I heard her so clearly, my name so beautiful once spoken from her lips. I could not have imagined the whole thing; this is not something that my mind would create. I picked up a faint scent, familiar yet totally different.
Be logical, Edward. I told myself. Bella is dead. This is just some crazy trick you're playing on yourself. The pain now erupted, like shaking a bottle of pop, it exploded through me, causing me to fall to the ground with a cry of pain.
So close, so, so close. Bella, Bella, Bella. How could you die? Why did you deserve to die? Sobbed raked through me again, as that smell still lingered in the air, I clung to it, as if it is my only hope, and I think it is. I need her; I need to hear that voice again. I had heard it before, I heard it, I really did. Whether it was my mind playing tricks to torture me, or whether it was someone else. I heard it.
I ran down the stairs, desperately trying to find the scent. I found it; it is slowly starting to fade as the wind began to blow. I followed the scent, running and twisting through the forest. My mind only set on the creature that made this scent. Call it crazy, but I just have to follow it. Something is screaming at me, pushing me forward.
I hope it is not a human, if it is, well, I cannot say that I am on the best of behaviour right now. Anger, fury, pain, hatred, all those hideous emotions burning through me. Faster, faster. I told myself, and I sped up, the smell becoming stronger now.
Then I heard I was not the only one running through these trees. I heard the faint pattering of feet, running, running fast. I heard gaps and cries, as if a creature was in immense pain. I ran faster, trying to find the source, suddenly a figure came to view.
A vampire.
A vampire is running, running faster than I could ever attempt. I could only see the silhouette. Only the dark shadow against the background of green trees. I cannot tell whether it is female or male, blond or brunette. Nothing. All I know is that something is there, and it's running, running real fast.
"Wait!" I called after the mysterious figure, but it did not slow. "I mean no harm!"
The figure, just as quickly as it came into view, disappeared along the trees. The smell was gone now, nothing left of its trail. I slowed to a jog, and came to halt. I have gone a long way from Bella's house; I could no longer see it in the distance. My eyes clouded over as I faintly heard one last cry, the cry of pain.
Bella's POV.
Run, run faster. He's getting closer. I yelled at myself. I heard Edward's footsteps echoing behind me, closer and closer. A sob escaped from my mouth as I pushed myself harder, using every last bit of strength I have left.
How ironic this is world is. First, I long for Edward. I want Edward, I need Edward. Now here I am, running away from Edward. Why? Why does the pain so greedily devour over me? Am I not supposed to feel the purest of joys once my love has returned? Isn't it supposed to feel like that? Like a piece of you has finally returned, I feel no such thing. I feel as if every piece of me is being ripped out and fed to the fire. I feel as if though I am being divided into half, one part of me, the angry part, telling me to turn back. That this is Edward. The Edward. But then there's another part of me, urging me forward, pushing me away from him. Telling me that he only brings pain.
"Wait!" He called his voice so painfully beautiful, that if I had a heart, it would have exploded to pieces. The same voice that constantly haunts me, taunting me, reminding me of what was taken from me. "I mean no harm!"
Oh, but he does mean harm. He just doesn't know it yet, he does not know the pains he is unleashing upon me. The wall he knocked down that allows the hurt to devour over me with no regret. Harm, so far beyond the standards that is expected. I ran faster, my strength slowly fading, but I held onto it, using every last bit until he was a good distance away.
I ran into the road, leaving Edward behind me. I stood there, franticly trying to decide where I should go, when suddenly a truck honked its horn, the driver's eyes wide. I stepped out of the road quickly, before I accidently cause a car crash.
I want my truck, but I can't go back until he's gone. I can never come back now. I need to get out of here, now. I waved a taxi that was passing, and it stopped eagerly in front of me. The window rolled down and revealed a man in this late 20's. His heartbeat picked up as his eyes raked up and down my body, satisfied.
"Where to, babe?" He asked, as I shut the door behind me.
"Anywhere but here." I muttered, and pulled my seatbelt over my shoulder. He veered onto the road, with quite a bit too much power.
"Sure, thing." He said, smiling at me. I winced and turned my face towards the window, watching the roads flu past me. His breath smelled of alcohol, I just realize it now. An empty bottle of beer lay in his lap, and another in the cup holding, and another under my seat, and another…
Oh shit.
"You can let me down here." I said quickly, my hand on the handle, ready to make a run for it. He did not slow down; he only winked at me through the rear-view mirror and continued to speed along the streets, much too fast to be legal…for a human.
"I said," I repeated, my voice full of authority, "You can put me down here!"
He looked at me through the mirror, his drunk, dazed eyes meeting my frantic ones. "I don't think so, little miss." He slurred, "You said anywhere but here, and I'm taking you to-"
"Stop!" I whispered urgently, as I saw we were approaching a red light, but he was not trying to stop.
"Look, little miss-"
"I said stop!" I faintly heard the cars starting to cross the street, surely to be met by ours. This would be something I cannot walk away from, I have to die, yet I can't. I started to panic and unbuckled my seat-belt, I was about to pull more door open, but it is too late.
"STOP!" I yelled again as he ran the red light, missing a silver car by inches. He stomped on the brakes and we skid to a stop the corner. I took this as my escape. I threw open the door and slapped it behind me with such force it almost shattered.
"ASSHOLE!" I screamed, and fingered him, he stared at me wide eyed, and I began to stomp away, when a musical voice called to me.
"Bella?!" Alice, called, running towards me. Her eyes filled with tears I knew would not shed. The sight of her drove a knife through me, filling me with the pain I have grown use to, but still has the victory of hurting me.
"Oh, Bella!" She hugged her arms around me, sobbing into my chest. Oh, it felt so right. I miss being hugged, I haven't had one in the longest time, and I really needed that. Her touch made all my beautiful, yet painful memories flow back into me.
"Alice." I whispered into her hair, a tiny smile on my lips.
"Oh, I knew it! I just knew it! I saw this coming!" She exclaimed, hugging me tighter.
I laughed softly, "Don't you always?"
She beamed up at me and took a step back, but refused to let go of my hand.
"BELLA!" A childish, high pitched scream came from behind me. I twirled around to find myself locked in Emmett's chokehold of a hug.
"Hey Emmett," I mumbled, and from over his shoulder I saw Jasper step out of the car. Why didn't I see that before? Silver car…Edward's car. Edward.
I pulled away from Emmett, and took a step back, my stance deadly. A snarl working its way up my throat, as I eyed the car suspiciously.
"He's not here." Jasper spoke, reading my mind, and standing next to Alice, taking her shaking hand.
"Where is he then?" I demanded, my anger flaring.
When a car horn sounded, we all flinched, and they returned to their car grumbling, but Alice remained at my side. We walked over to the sidewalk and waited for Emmett to pull up into the nearby parking lot. Alice eyed me warily, my youth obviously bothering her.
"Come on," She told me, taking my hand and walking me over to the silver Volvo, opening the door and sliding in, pulling me along with her.
I shut the door behind me, and stared at the faces of my former family, trying to enjoy it while I can. I will have to leave after this, I cannot ever come back.
"Bella," Jasper spoke, "It wasn't an animal attack that 'killed' you." He stated, his eyes flickering to Alice, who flinched.
"No," I whispered, "Victoria."
A growl came from Emmett, but Jasper sent a wave of peace towards him.
"So you…" Alice murmured,
"Have been moving from place to place. This is my first time back." I told them.
"W-Why?" Alice whimpered, staring at the ground.
"Because I didn't want to stay here. It holds all these painful…"
"No," She interrupted, "Why did Victoria come?"
"Oh," I whispered pitifully. I breathed in deeply and looked her in the eye, "Mate for Mate."
Her eyes instantly turned back and her expression deadly, just as everyone else's did. Her fists were clenched beside her, and her nostrils flaring.
I chuckled to myself, "I guess she didn't realize Edward didn't want me," How easily I am able to talk about this, how easily I am able to hold back the pain…for now. "She taunted me, told me she knew where you were. She said that she'd kill me, and then send a piece of me to you, one by one, until Edward came. Then she'd kill him."
"H-How did you escape?"
"Jacob saved me, and the pack. They sort of…killed her, I guess." I told them, staring at my hands, which were folding neatly in my lap.
"Werewolves." Jasper breathed in amazement. I only nodded slowly, allowing them to process the information.
"So you've been alone this whole time?" Alice asked again, and I only nodded. "What about your food? Have you ever…"
"I killed a few people." I told them, not able to look at any of them. "I am a killer."
She placed her hand gently on mine, "No, you are a vampire."
I looked up at her now, and her eyes only told me she was speaking the truth. Suddenly her eyes clouded over, and I knew she was having a vision. A shiver involuntarily raked through me, and I shut my eyes.
"Edward is coming." She told me, taking my hand again, "He'll be so glad to see you."
"NO!" I roared and jerked away from her, baring my teeth. Her eyes widened at me outburst, yet was still filled with understanding.
"You should talk to him, Bella." She told me gently, "I'm sure he'd like to talk with you."
"Maybe I don't want to talk to him!" I yelled, my voice shaking the car. "Maybe I'm tired of being used!"
With that, I threw my door open and ran out, leaving their hurt faces behind me.
"Bella!" Emmett called, "Wait!"
No, I thought and ran faster, not at inhuman speed, but fast enough. They did not dare to come after me.
"Bella!" Alice screamed, getting out of the car, "Please!"
"Leave. Me. Alone!" I screamed and ran, yet again into the forest. It seems like the forest if my home, since I always seem to come back to it. I sat against a fallen tree, and let the sobs take over me. I cried into my hands, for God knows how long. But the pain slowly started to ebb.
I looked and slowly pushed myself to my feet. I sighed and tried to shake my head clear of the events of today. The house, Edward, Alice…the Cullens. Amazing how my life can come crashing down in a single moment's notice. All my strength, all my power, all collapses at the sight of him.
Edward.
I just saw Edward. The reality of the moment hit me like a thousand pounds thrown upon me. The love of my life Edward remains so close to me, he's here. I mean, I knew one day I'd probably meet up with him, in the next thousand years or so, but it's so soon, I barely had time to prepare myself. I also expect him to be in pain, or guilt for my presence, of course he was probably hoping I am dead, yet as Alice tells him I'm alive, it will only cause him problems. I am no longer a love to him, just a burden. So I'll leave, for both my own benefit, and his. It will cause us both pain, only mine much stronger than his, because I am staring at the one thing in life I want yet I can't have. And he, he will be staring at the girl who was suppose to be out of his life forever, never to bothering him again, that's why he left, and yet to his horror, he find me alive. What a disappointment for him. You know, me being alive and all.
I do not have much clothes with me, I can always buy more, though I don't have any money…but I can find a job in some other town, I can find a house, in time. My pockets are empty, I have nothing, and I use to think I had my strength, but now I don't even have that. I can't go back for my truck, I just can't. I'll find a new one, maybe I'll steal one, I don't know. I just need to get out of this town before it's too late to leave, before the emotions get to both me and him.
But how? Simply run the whole way? I am not going to call a cab again, that was too close for pleasure. Yes, I'll run, that's the only way. Just stick the forest, and I'm fine right? And so, I start to run, the wind blowing against my face, my body moving in rhythm, it's truly powerful, this running. It feels as if though you are free, free of limitations, of expectations.
Sometimes when the world, or someone has so much expectations for you, for example, I myself, expect myself to be strong, that when you cannot fulfill those expectations, you must live knowing you caused them great disappointment. There is a difference between expectations and expectancy. Expectancy, it holds no standards for you, it is not telling you to be anything more than you are. Expectations is more of a demand, certain things you must live up to, by expectancy just means someone is out there, expecting something from you, but it does not hold a boundary. If you ask me, expectations versus expectancy, I have to say I like expectancy better. You are free to do what you feel, but still with the knowledge that someone is still looking up to you, expecting something from you, even if it's the smallest thing, it keeps you moving forward, rather than backwards.
And so, I continued to run, when suddenly a thought caught up with me. Something I would have never considered before, but at the moment it seems appealing. Before I go…I need to visit the one place that held my true happiness, so maybe for a short time I can live in that memory, then I'll go and face reality. So I started to run to the one place that held my best memories, the meadow.
Edward's POV.
I sat on the couch alone, the faces of my family staring at me in expectancy; they were waiting for me to break down. They all waited for the pain to catch up with me, and instantly control over my life. But I did not, and will not. I mean why would I? Bella is dead, my innocent Bella is dead. I have no reason to live anymore, I already have broken down, and I am just remaining that way. I am already went through the process of breaking down, I heard Bella voice, that soft sweet illusion, I'm already going insane, right now, I'm simply in the after-math. Something was odd though, Alice was reciting the dictionary…in German, Emmett, was singing the ABC's in his head, and then he moved on to Mary Had A Little Lamb. Jasper on the other hand, thought nothing, it was simply…blank. Rosalie, being her, was wondering what shade of pink her next manicure would be. Carlisle was worried about me, along with Esme of course. They were hiding something, I lived with them long enough to tell when their hiding something from me. How gullible do I look?
"Just tell me," I told them, not bothering to look any of them in the eyes. Alice opened her mouth to object but I cut her off. "I can tell you're hiding something, might as well tell me. It can't get worse than this."
"Oh, you have no idea, Edward" Jasper thought for the first time.
"Please," I whispered, my voice filled with sadness. "I might as well know."
"Well…" Alice mumbled, "I don't think it's our choice whether we can tell you or not."
I looked at Carlisle, wondering what he was keeping from me. He simply stared back at me, telling me it was not his choice. It was not him.
"Then whose choice is it?" I asked, my curiosity growing.
"Not ours. That's all I can say." Alice said, and with that she stood up, and I did too.
"Please, I am a part of this family too. I think I should know." I told her, Esme's eyes saddening.
"I am sorry, Edward." Alice said her voice cracking. "But right now, it is not my secret to tell."
Jasper stood too, and followed Alice upstairs. Emmett sat there uncomfortably, playing with his hands, still singing songs in his head.
"Emmett," I urged, and he looked up hesitantly. He met my eyes, and swallowed slowly.
"Edward." Emmett warned, "You know I'm not good with secrets." He mumbled nervously.
"Then tell me, and it won't have to be this burden lying on your shoulders forever." I told him gently, and Rosalie snorted and shook her head.
"Well…uhh…we…" Emmett mumbled, gulping. His breathing was fast, and he sent Rose a pleading look, but she only smirked. He laughed nervously, and cleared his throat.
"JASPER YOU IDIOT!" I heard Alice yelling from upstairs, "We left Emmett alone with him!"
Alice came flying down the stairs, and stopped in front of me. "Don't even try it, Edward."
"He's not alone." Jasper said as he stopped next to Alice. "Rosalie is here."
"Like she's any good." Alice mumbled, rolling her eyes.
Rosalie cleared her throat and waved her hands at them, "Hello! Vampire with feelings over here." Rosalie hissed, and went back to inspecting her nails.
"Come on, Emmett. Let's go hunting." Alice said, taking Jasper's hand.
"Why can't I know?" I yelled, almost too childishly. "I think I have the rights."
Alice looked me in the eye, "You may have the rights to hear it, but I do not have the rights to speak it. Therefore, it will never be spoken."
"Emmett?" I asked, begging him.
He shifted his weight from side to side, staring at the ground. "I think he should know."
Alice hissed, "Well it's not your choice now is it?"
"It's not your choice either." He grumbled, looking down at her. "I think we should let her decide."
"Her who?" I asked, nothing made sense. "Esme?"
Alice sent Emmett such a deadly look, it caused him to flinch.
"Emmett, stop it, now." She told him, her eyes piercing. He nodded, mutely, and sauntered up the stairs.
"If this is concerning my family, our family, and seeming how I am a part of this family. I think I should know." I persisted, fighting my anger down.
"Edward, as much as I would love to tell you. I cannot, and will not." She told me, looking up at me.
"It is not like it could make this situation any worst!" I yelled, taking a step forward. "If you are trying to save me from the pain, Alice. Be assured it has already come."
She flinched slightly, "Edward." She said gently, "We are all hurting. But what I know, will only cause conflict, and that's the last that she- we- would want."
"Alice!" I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose, "My Bella is gone. Dead. No pain can compare to what I am already dealing with! Please! The suspense is horrible!"
"Edward, I said no!" She yelled, her hands in fists. Jasper looked irritated and sat down on the coach next to Rosalie, who paid no attention to us.
"I thought there are no secrets in this family!" I yelled throwing my hands into the air. "Last time I checked I was a part of this family. But I guess you all think otherwise."
"No, no, no. Edward, we are all a family that much we know. You are my brother, but as your sister, I must have my secrets."
"Alice!" I yelled but was cut off.
"Oh, will you both just shut up!" Rosalie yelled standing up. She turned towards Alice, "Alice, I don't even understand why you are keeping this from him! It does not concern you! Nor any of us! It is all that bitch, it's all her fault. She is the one choosing to run away, she is the one who does not want to tell him. Not you! Just let it go!"
Alice opened her mouth, but shut it again, her eyes filled with sadness. Rosalie placed her hand on her shoulder, and spoke in a gentle tone.
"It is her problem, not ours. She did not give us direct directions not to tell him.
"But she ran." Alice whispered softly, so soft I barely caught it. Who ran? What problem! Oh this is all so annoying! I pinched the bridge of my nose again and sighed.
"Edward." Rosalie said, glaring at me. "I know I will be hated after this, but truly, I couldn't care less." I nodded, urging her to continue. She stared at the floor momentarily, then held my gaze once again.
"Bella is a vampire, Edward." She told me, her voice ringing with truth.
My world seemed to cloud over, and my body instantly tensed. First, Bella is dead. Now, Bella is a vampire. It's almost the same as if she was dead. I feel as if I should be sad, but yet, I can't be. Bella is still alive. Maybe not in the way I wanted, but still, she walks to this very day.
"H-How can you be sure?" I asked, my voice cracking. I shut my eyes as I waited for their response.
"We…we sort of, saw her on the road, she talked to us for a while." Alice spoke, her voice afraid. As if I was a firecracker, just waiting to explode.
"And, w-where is she now?" The most important questions, where is my Bella?
"She…" Alice faded off, and sent a pleading glance at Jasper, who now stood next to her. He patted her and spoke for her.
"She ran away." He stated simply.
I body went rigid, why had she chosen to run? Run away from me? Of course, I am the cause. I am always the one to blame. My Bella is out there somewhere alone, rather than here with me.
"Where did she go? Can you see her?" I asked Alice, my hope slightly fading.
"I can still have visions of Bella, just not well. It's blurry. That's why I wanted to c-come here, I had a vision that we'd see her, but I didn't know we'd see her as a…as a vampire."
"So where is she now?" I asked, please, please, please.
"I don't know." She whispered, and began to sob into Jasper's chest. "I can't find her!"
I resisted the urge to sob as well, and sat down on the coach, burying my head in my hands.
"I knew you'd be angry!" Alice wailed, "I knew it!"
I sighed, "I am not angry, Alice. Just…shocked that's all." Shocked is an understatement.
Jasper raised his eyebrow at me, as if to say 'lair'. Which I am, I am hurting more than I'll admit.
"I just need to think." I told them, mostly speaking to Jasper, who nodded and wrapped his arms around Alice. I walked to the front door, trying to hold down the pain that threatened to overpower me. I pulled it open, and shut it slowly. I breathed deeply, stared at the road in front of me, then. I began to run.
I ran to the place I had found all those years ago. The place where I brought Bella, and exposed myself to her. A place where I am free, a place where Bella loved me. She's here, somewhere in Forks. She's alive. I cannot express how happy I am, yet the pain still comes. Why is that? How I can be so happy, yet hurt so badly at the same time. I guess it's because the reason I left is for Bella to choose the healthy life, the other life besides a vampire one. Yet here we are, fate brought us together yet again, only with quite a twist.
Never again will I see her blush, hear her heartbeat in my ear. Never will I get to hear her talk in her sleep, her words of love. I can never be there to wipe her tears when she cries. But all those things I am willing to look past, just so I can be with her again. Just to hold her is enough. I need Bella, and I need her now.
I ran towards the meadow, when I faintly heard sobs. Sobs of pain, and cries of fury. Someone is in the meadow. Then it hit me
The smell.
The smell is back, I smell it so clearly now. Then I knew who it was.
Bella's killer.
This here, in my very meadow, sits the person who took the chance of life away from my innocent Bella. Victoria, I told myself. I never realized it till now, how foolish I am! Victoria went after Bella, and she has the nerve to come here? That is why her blood smells so much like Bella's, because Bella's blood probably runs through her vein maybe that is why. I ran faster, my anger flaring. A vicious growl escaped from my throat. And I lunged at the figure without a second thought.
I pushed the figure over face first, and she instantly began to struggle against my grip, and a wave of brown hair flashed across my vision. Brown? As I recall, Victoria has a redish color to her hair. That does not matter, the vampire who now lies under my grasp killed my Bella, and I don't care who did it.
I snapped at the vampire's neck, which made her scream in surprise, a high pitch, tinkling, scream. The vampire rolled around, onto its back, and I was caught off guard. My snarl instantly quieted, and my rage bubbled down. The pain started back up, along with happiness.
There, in my arms. Was my Bella, starring up at me with pained eyes.
My hands were holding her arms tightly, and I loosened my grip, my eyes burned into hers. My breathing stopped, and I began to sob joyously.
"Oh, Bella." I cried, and buried my head in her chest, my arms wrapping around her as I continued to cry, not like I had before, now I did it in love. She tensed as I hugged her close to me. I sat up slowly, bringing her with me, and settled her on my lap, she stared at me, wide eyed, and pained.
Suddenly she flung herself at me, her lips attacking my own, not that I mind. She kissed me with such passion that it would have broken her jaw if she were human. And I kissed her back with just as much force, because I no longer have to be gentle with her. Her breath was my own, and my breath, hers. Our lips moved as one, before she pulled away, all too quickly.
She leaned back away from me, her eyes filled with pain. Her body was stiff, and tensed, her breathing also had stopped, and her jaw clenched. She stared at me, and I stared at her, I don't know for how long. But her eyes searched mine, hunting for something. I hesitantly stroked her cheek gently, her skin so warm under my touch. Not like before, but still, warm. My insides were screaming in joy, and I smiled at her widely.
"Bella." I breathed, shutting my eyes. When I opened them, she had not moved, still tense. "Bella, say something please." I begged, desperately wanting to her hear beautiful voice again. She stared at me, her eyes a beautiful shade of topaz. Though, I longed to see her deep brown eyes, I settled for this, because she is beautiful, both then and now.
Suddenly, as much time as it took me to blink, she stood a few feet away from me, hands in fists, her nostrils flaring. She was across the meadow in an instant, leaving me there on the ground.
I stood up quickly, and reached my hand out to her, begging.
"Bella," I whispered, "Bella, I'm sorry if I'm late, but I am so glad I found you."
Her face fell, and it seemed as if though something clicked inside her head, yet like always I am unable to find what she is thinking.
"Your…glad?" She whispered, her voice filling me up. Like a drug, filling me up, I am intoxicated on her voice.
"Of course." I told her, taking a step towards her. "Come here, I'll take you back home."
"I don't have a home." She told me, her eyes telling me that she hasn't had one in a very long time. I felt the pain pointing its finger at me.
"Yes you do." I told her, taking one more step. "You always have a home with me."
She shook her head and repeated, "I do not have a home."
"Bella, please. We will work this out later, just come with me, please." I begged her, my eyes filled with love, but she seems to think otherwise.
Her face twisted in pain, and a sob escaped from her throat, but she fought it down. How strong she is, I admire her for that.
She breathed in deeply, "No."
No.
No. No. No. No. The word seemed to echo in my head before I fully understood.
"Why Bella?" I asked, taking another step before her, so I now stood directing in front of her.
"It's because you feel guilty isn't it?" She asked, her voice filled with ancient sadness. "I disappoint you don't I? You wish I were dead, so I'd never have to bother you again. That's why you left, you probably want me to come back with you so you can kill me." She stared at me as her face was filled with pain.
"But that's okay, Edward." She whispered, "I can leave. I don't need to complicate your life anymore. I'm sorry for intruding. I had no right to come here. Just…just tell Alice that… that I'm sorry. I guess I'll just…leave now." She turned and began to run off into the trees.
I stood there for a moment, her words catching up with me. Oh, Bella. She did not understand at all, how I am feeling. But whose fault is that? It is my own, I filled her up with this false belief that has been eating her up. I ran after her, catching up to her easily, I grabbed her shoulder and pulled her towards me.
She stumbled forward, her hands falling on my chest. She looked up at me slowly, her eyes afraid. As if I am the hunter, and she was the prey, I felt her body shaking in expectation.
"I guess…" She whispered, her voice shaking. "I-If you really want to kill me. You can do that now. Just please…make it quick, that is all I ask."
I opened my mouth to object but she cut me off. "I'm sorry, Edward. That I didn't…that I didn't die. I wanted to, if that helps. But…she came, Edward. She came for me, but…before she could finish the job, Jake saved me. I didn't want to die…at the time. But, I wanted to afterwards. I'm sorry that I disappoint you. I'm sorry, I would have never have come if I knew you were here. I'm sorry, it's just that I thought. I thought maybe you wouldn't be here, and that I could stay where I use to live.
"That for once in my life I could have a bed to rest in. B-But I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry, Edward. Please, I'm sorry! I don't want to burden you anymore, please, just let me go. I'll leave, I promise! I-I didn't mean to go to the meadow, I know you found it and all, and it is yours, it's just, I wanted to be there, before I left. I wanted to take a memory with me. I never considered you'd be there. And…and I didn't mean to kiss you…really. I just…I wasn't thinking, and I've just missed you so…I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear it." She was ranting now, her voice shaking along with her body. As she spoke my pain deepened.
"Bella," I whispered, turning her head upwards, to meet my gaze. "I…"
"Edward, please!" She cried out, sobs escaping from her lips. "I'm sorry! Just let me go, please. I won't even come back! You can stay here! You can stay in Forks! I promise I won't ever come back! Please! I'm sorry, Edward. The kiss, it meant nothing! Please, just please, let me go."
As if on command my arms let go of her, though my dead heart screamed in protest.
"B-Bella," I whimpered, "Listen…"
"No," She whispered, "It is alright, Edward. It was foolish of me to consider at the moment, when I kissed you that you felt the same way. You obviously made the clear all those years ago, it was stupid of me to think that time would have changed your mind. I'm sorry, you probably have someone waiting for you at home. Someone who loves you, someone who loves you the way I can't. I'm sorry I'm keeping you from that. Please, let's just pretend this never happened." She shook her head, "I didn't mean it, Edward. Just go back to your life."
"Bella, no!" I protested, taking her face in my hands, and she shut her eyes in pain. "I love you."
She smiled softly, her eyes still closed. "I love you too, Edward." She whispered, and I felt my insides soar. Those words, spoken from the lips of an angel, words I never thought I would hear. I slowly bent my face down to hers, out lips barely touching. I heard her swallow before reaching on her toes, and I gently kissed her.
She smiled sadly as I pulled away, my hand against her cheek.
"Thank you." She whispered, and stroked my cheek. "I needed that."
Then she was gone.
My hand held nothing, the leaves around my feet fluttered from her exit.
"Bella!" I yelled, running after her. But she was fast, really fast. She was the mysterious figure who I had chased earlier today, it's impossible to catch her. I stopped dead in my tracts, and fell to the ground sobbing.
How can she believe such lies? That I wanted her dead. That she's some pain in my life, but really, she's the joy. She is my life. The way she kissed me…it meant nothing. She said it meant nothing. And our meadow, it does not belong to me! It belongs to her. Does she not realize that I have given it to her! All those years ago! How can she believe that there's someone else? That I would…
How could she believe that I wanted to kill her! How in the world could that ever occur to her. Then it hit me, the answer was flung into my face. It is because she believes I don't love her anymore.
But I told her, I told her I love her, and yet she still thought it false?
I pulled myself off the ground, my thoughts whirling around Bella. And then, I ran back home. Without my Bella in my arms.
Bella's POV. (Just wanted to give you a glimpse of why she did, what she did)
I thought he was going to kill me, I mean, if I were him. I would kill me too. He wanted me to come home with him, so I could die. But…I don't want to die. As many times when I thought I was suicidal, I am not. I want to live, I want to learn. I still love Edward, that part is obvious, but if he does not want me, then why shall I stay? I thought it was a good idea to come to the meadow, then he was there, he attacked me, then I kissed him. How stupid I am! How could I kiss him when he doesn't feel the same? I know that!
Still, I kissed him, I let myself go weak, and let my love for him overcome all the sense. I threw myself at him, but he seemed to kiss me back with just as much love. The guilt, that's what it was. He was always a noble person, he probably felt bad for what he was about to do.
I wonder who's waiting for him back home. I wonder what lucky vampire took my place, filled the gap that I just didn't seem to fit in to. I'm happy for him I guess. That he found the missing piece to the puzzle, I guess I'll just forever remain that piece that doesn't fit into anything, a misfit.
So I ran away from him, hearing him yell out my name, but I fought the urge to turn back.
He kissed me, he told me he loved me, all lies. Lies that I know vampires can make, I know that we can lie easily. I just thought maybe that it would be harder to lie to me well because…you know. But I guess I was wrong, yet again. It took every inch of energy I had to run away from Edward. But I do this because I know he is better off without me, after all, he doesn't want me. I love him too much to put that through him.
The pain- the winning emotion- caught up with me and I fell to the ground crying. My hands sunk into the ground and I sobbed desperately. Slowly I traced my hand along the dark, spelling out the one thing that my heart needs to survive.
Edward.
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Well, I don't know about you, but that totally depressed me. Gah! That hurt so much to write it! But hey, it's a part of the story. Love it? Hate it? Tell me why! Oh, and if you like the Host, just out my other story. Review please!
Book Recommended: The Sword of Truth Series by Terry Goodkind, the first book is called "The Wizards First Rule." It is AMAZING. I swear, it's so beautifully written, there are about eight books in the series, but totally worth it. It's sort of Science Fiction, but that's how I like them!
Review!!!!
OH I remembered something. To all you smarty pants out there! Try to find that one key thing in each of my chapters. Something that has to do with Edward, I am not revealing anything, but if you notice it. Then, congrats to you, you have a good eye.