Disclaimer: I don't own Scrubs.

Wow!! It sure has been a while since I updated...well...anything. Umm...well, nothing's really changed. I won a writing contest in the paper, though :D. I'm officially published now. Obviously it has nothing to do with the various angstings of JD and the other peoples I heart killing/torturing (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.). Sorry it's been a bajillion years since I got on. I've had severe writer's block to the point where I can't even look at my own writing, it disgusts me so much, lol. But I'm over it now. My next mid-fic crisis will probably be in another month or so, if we're lucky. I'm trying :D :D :D

My Evalution

Chapter Four

Am I dead yet? I wonder to myself hazily. People are yelling. When my eyes finally manage to creak open, everything's blurred and confusing. What I'd give right now for time to just stop…silence, stillness, just a moment of it—I don't even know. Why does everything hurt so bad? Why can't I see right…?

I turn my head over and cough up what tastes like bitter blood. Oh, that's definitely not good, I think to myself. Better go see a doctor about that.

Then for a moment my vision clears. Someone's shining something in my eyes and I recoil.

"John? Can you hear me, John?"

I groan. No one calls me that and gets away with it…I hate that name. Only my mom calls me that, and that's usually only when she's really, really mad.

"His name's JD," says someone with a constricted voice about three hundred decibels higher than everyone else's.

"Dr. Reid, I'm going to have to ask you to leave…"

The pain is unbearable, but for a short moment I'm flooded with relief. I try to lift my hand, searching for something, but it's too heavy. She can't see me, I panic, but then I realize where I am. The hospital. With people swarming all around me and noises and pain and…

All of the chaos in my mind builds until all I can manage to splutter out desperately is, "Elliot."

"I'm here, JD. I'm here…"

I hear her crying. I want to tell her not to cry…it's okay. I'll be fine, it's okay, it's alright, it's fine…it's okay…But it's not really okay, is it? It's not even halfway okay. It hurts—so god damn much. Death seems like relief compared to this.

I focus on what little I can hear of Elliot. They've obviously let her come closer to me, because I can hear her breathing, strained and upset. She grabs my hand.

"You'll be fine," she says shakily, and I can hear her suppressing another sob. "Hang in there, JD, you'll be fine, understand?"

She's asking me a question that I can't answer. That I won't answer. I can't understand much of anything right now…all I want to do is close my eyes and make everything go away. Is that too much to ask?

"Are you listening, JD?" she asks me, her voice practically in my ear now. "You gotta stay awake. Keep on fighting it…you have to…"

I start coughing again. My ribcage flares in agony—something's broken, but I can't tell what. I'm giving these doctors hell right now, I realize, much to my chagrin. Usually I was the one trying to rattle the diagnoses out of ER and ICU patients, being the intern who can't be trusted with anything else, and it just plain sucks. Of course Elliot is here. It would make sense, wouldn't it?

"My God, JD, what the hell did you do?"

We're moving. People are still yapping at each other. Shut up! Just SHUT UP! I want to scream. Just leave me here, I need to think. I need to…I need to sleep or something, and they keep poking me.

Someone pokes at my ribs and I gasp in pain, choking on some vile liquid. What the hell do they think they're doing? It makes me want to reach up and strangle someone. Poking me, waiting for my reaction, yelling some more…disturbing the peace. My peace. How would they like someone screaming in their face? I mean, as if it doesn't hurt enough, now they're piercing my ears and rattling me awake and prodding at me.

"JD…JD…can you hear me?"

Yes. Yes, Elliot, I can hear you. I feel your hand slipping away from mine, I can hear your heart beating faster and faster as I hear the monitor tracking my own beep rapidly.

"JD!" she shrieks.

"He's coding," someone yells, the only distinct words not belonging to Elliot that I have heard in the past hour.

My chest hurts. Oh, god. I can't breathe. Oh, God…

"NO!" I scream as someone pulls me away. "LET ME GO!"

"Elliot—Elliot, please—"

I kick and flail, fighting to get back to JD. He needs me with him! He needs me to hold his hand! Who else will? There's no one else here who knows him all that well. He's completely alone and hurt and…dying, holy shit, he's dying.

"Get the HELL off of me!" I swing my arm around and manage to sock whoever has me pinned in the face. The arms let go of me and I crumble to the ground in a heap, watching JD's gurney and a mayhem of doctors rush down the hallway, out of my sight. I curl into a ball then.

He's gone.

Then I bawl uncontrollably. JD would never speak to me again. He'd never laugh at my klutziness only to reassure me I was fine, he'd never drift off in a middle of a conversation and say something so stupid and funny that it's impossible not to forgive him for it, he'd never let me steal his fries and mess with his hair gel…

I'm going to throw up. But I don't. Instead I cry harder, backed up against the wall, wondering how the hell this could happen. JD's my best friend. Practically my only friend. I'd never known anyone as happy and good-natured and genuine as JD before, and now he's dying, leaving all of us behind. It's not fair. I need him, damn it, I need him more than anything!

Someone's hands are on my shoulders, firm and strong even when I try to shake them off. I open my eyes, trying to reorient. Where was I? What was I doing…?

"Doug," I say softly, my voice raw from yelling.

He's sitting next to me on the wall, shaking hard. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, looking down. "She told me to." He looks over at Nurse Roberts, whose tears are falling freely, staring at me with the worst expression of pity I've ever seen anyone make.

I touch my own face and feel the coolness of my tears against the warmth of the blood on my palms. The red streaks on my face and I let out a sharp breath in shame. It's not my blood, it's JD's…and now my face is painted with it.

"Doug…" I repeat, turning to look at him. His scrubs are bloody too, tainted with the same blood. I remember hitting him, ramming him, forcing all of my strength to tear back at JD. I was an animal. How had he held me back?

He's breathing hard, looking ashamed. "That was JD," he says pathetically, unable to voice anything else aloud.

"Yeah," I respond. Then it all becomes surreal. Was it JD? How could I even be sure?

Then I shake my head slowly. I'm not stupid. I know it was him. He said my name, frantic and terrified and pained.

"I'm sorry I hit you," I whisper. He nods. I can barely see his outline through the blur of my tears. I let out another sob, a chill running up my spine.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

That's the problem. I'm fine. Somehow I don't think I should feel fine when JD is in agony.

"Are you okay, Elliot?" he asks again, breathless with fear.

I blink, looking up at Doug. He's pale and quivering beside me, waiting for my reaction. He purses his lips, looking down at that silly waist pack he always keeps tied around his scrubs bottoms. His watery eyes dart towards me for a moment, then look away ashamedly.

"No," I finally croak, leaning into him. "No, I'm not okay."

He doesn't move. If anything, he freezes completely, awkwardly putting his arm around my shoulder. "I, uh…" he struggles.

When I look up again the hallway is empty. It's just us. Nurse Roberts has clearly pulled everyone who could leave out of the area, and for that I'm thankful. I don't think I could handle everyone seeing me like this…they just wouldn't understand.

It seems to me like JD would be the least likely of us to die. It's a horrible thought to think that one of your friends will die before the other, but it's true—even now, as I know JD's either hovering between life and death or…has already passed, I believe that someone else would be more fit in his place. Tragedy. JD just doesn't…didn't…do tragedy. He's funny. He's silly. Life's a playground to JD.

Why does it have to be him? Why couldn't it be someone else?

My body wracks once more in a silent sob, causing Doug to flinch. His face. JD's face as he lay there on that gurney. He couldn't see me. His eyes were open and clouded, but he couldn't see me at all. His expression was the very epitome of fear. It looked as though all the fun, all the laughter, that playground he'd made for us, had all been stripped away. I'm right in thinking it couldn't have been JD in that accident. It isn't JD. Not our JD.

Doug's pager goes off.

"Go on," I bid him.

He reluctantly checks the page. "Just Ted," he says shakily, ignoring it.

I don't ask. Instead I bolt up from the floor like a rocket, receiving a squeak from my terrified companion. "C'mon, Doug," I choke defiantly. "We can't let them push us around. We're going to see JD, dammit."

"He-he's in the OR," Doug stutters, clambering up to follow me. "We can't—"

"You don't have to come with me," I tell him, not meanly. I hurry out of the hall.

I hear Doug's uncertain clomps trailing my stride. "But—" He cuts himself off, unable to think of anything to say. He wordlessly runs up to follow me as I walk with the littlest amount of visibility I've ever walked in my life, my eyes bleeding tears like a fountain.

We finally stop outside the OR, looking in on JD's surgery. The heart monitor's beeping again, though erratically. He's alive. He's not dead. Oh, thank God…

Wait. Everyone's moving so quickly. Dr. Wen, he's there, scowling violently as he works. Why…?

I press my hand to the glass. "Hold on, JD," I mutter, wishing he could hear me.

Doug swallows hard. I'd almost forgotten his presence.

"It'll…be okay," he says tentatively, putting a quaking hand on my shoulder.

I bite my lip. "Thanks, Doug."

Don't worry, there will be no DougxElliot. Ewwww. I just used him to restrain her because Sean and Keith weren't there yet, Dr. Cox was AWOL and probably wouldn't care, Turk was angstily driving to the hospital, The Todd was...well, 'nuff said, Dr. Kelso doesn't have a heart, and JD was...well...let's hope you know if you're actually reading this fic, morons. Doug was the only male figure left besides Ted, and that could be awkward. :D

So, uhh...review:D Thanks for the nagging, people, it truly inspired me. And I mean that seriously, not sarcastically!! Lol:D Lots-o-love,

running in circles

See? Changed my sn. I decided since I'm fifteen and a half I should have a name that actually, you know, suited me. -is not twelve anymore- :D